Some recent pain, by thinking. by jameron4eva

TALK STORY

Some recent pain, by thinking.

POSTED BY: JAMERON4EVA
UPDATED: Tuesday, December 8, 2009 11:05
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VIEWED: 3537
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Friday, December 4, 2009 3:45 PM

Okay, this is my last year in high school, and i am digging being a senior. But i started thinking a few days ago that, this is my finall year. I will, probably, never see these same people ever again, and i will never make the same kind of friends that i did my last four years. It just chockes me up that the constant that's been in my life for so long, the one thing for the last TWELVE+ years of my life that i've kind of looked forward too, is going to be gone in the next two and a half+ nine weeks. And i've NEVER had a girlfriend, i've never gone to a party, i've never even thought about those things untill now. And i makes me want to hit something, or cry, or do SOMETHING, and i'm feeling that it's a result of my weight. I'm 6 foot, 3" and i weigh 289. I just feel like i'm an oddity in the society, i mean i'll probably never go to a prom, or any of the last dances of my high school carrer, and i've delt with so much crap over the last four years that i'm literally about to well up, you know. I mean i've never had a girlfriend, how bad is that? Sure i have seen plenty of girls, who are actually good looking, and nice, and they all have boyfriends. The only ones that talk to me, have boyfriends, all my friends have another, and i'm left out. Like i don't want to stay at the school, who does, but i don't want to leave either, it's become like a second home to me. I mean i hate that place, but i love it at the same time, and i don't know what to do, screw up my grades and stay, move on, do nothing, or what. I'm sorry that this post is all about myself, but i just need to get this off my chest man, it really does suck being a senior. But then i have things to look forward to, like the rest of my life, finding a nice girl, who can be completely self-sufficient, but still needs me, getting married, having kids, college, and not in that specific order. But i thank you for taking your time to read this, and any posts will be appreciated, good or bad, but please very, very little bad.

"Mom, he has her chip. He has her."
John Connor,"Born To Run", TSCC EP 2x22

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Friday, December 4, 2009 4:03 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)

Don't sweat it. The girlfriend thing will happen when it happens. No need to push it. And believe it or not, there IS life after high school. There's college, there's jobs and work, there's friends, going out, life, family, hobbies... it all has a way of filling in the gaps.

You've got no worries. Even when it seems like the weight of the world is on you, you can always just shrug. :)

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Friday, December 4, 2009 4:17 PM

JAMERON4EVA

Quote:
Originally posted by Kwicko:
Don't sweat it. The girlfriend thing will happen when it happens. No need to push it. And believe it or not, there IS life after high school. There's college, there's jobs and work, there's friends, going out, life, family, hobbies... it all has a way of filling in the gaps.

You've got no worries. Even when it seems like the weight of the world is on you, you can always just shrug. :)

Well i thank you, and i thank you. Now i've just checked, and the cap, gown, and tassel, (with fee) combo, the prices are outrageous, but i will pay them for Graduation when the time comes.

"Mom, he has her chip. He has her."
John Connor,"Born To Run", TSCC EP 2x22

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Friday, December 4, 2009 5:57 PM

IREMISST

Wow, I coulda posted the same thing 12 years ago, well, 'cept I'm guessin you're a dude?(post not toooo clear and I don't keep up!) I'm a 5'11 gal and the day I graduated high school had never had a date, a party, a kiss, was not allowed to go to dances, prom included- lived all four years in the art department.(skipped lunch every year just so I could be there for one more period!) Anyway, now I'm gonna be 30 soon and will have been married 10 years and have a beautiful little girl. I have been around enough to see the "perfect little prom queens" fail several marriages. I too never got to do anything stupid, but at the same time knew that I didn't need or want the drama that comes with it. Now I barely remember high school, so if I had done something dumb I would just look back at it like "boy, was I really childish" If you still decide to do something dumb please plan it well enough to not be caught or have any legal repercussions...Oh, and make it something with real class and style! Also, don't forget to bring 20 small deflated! beach balls to graduation night and pass 'em out to the girls just before the end, they don't let ya throw hats anymore, bummer.

Anyway, as far as feeling like an oddity, congrats, you're different, not a bad thing! I still occaisionally (my hubby too and he's only 6 ft)feel like a giraffe in a sea of swans. And high school girls can often be intimidated by a "normal" guy, let alone a "Lurch" but don't worry, that will soon change when girls realize mommy and daddums won't be there to lift this or that and they will soon learn to look for the guy with an easy reach. You might wanna try looking for taller girls after high school, alot of us like bigger guys 'cause we don't wanna feel like we would crush a smaller guy...

As far as college goes, from the way you sound, I would not suggest a lot of college. You sound really burned out and would prob. set yourself up for failure if you went for long... But don't kid yourself- in this economy you need to have SOME education if you wanna be able to afford the big and tall section (which ain't cheap!!!). If your parents/relatives don't have a family business or such I would reccomend a trade school where sometimes a big guy can be a real asset and with little time invested if it turns out not to be for you then you ain't wasted much. My hubby went to ITT for years and had the bad fortune to graduate when the whole dot-com thang went south and now is a coal miner and likes it 'cause he can get jobs done most other guys can't.

Anyhow, I wish you much luck as the next few years will be a... whirlwind. Just hang on hon!

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Friday, December 4, 2009 8:09 PM

JAMERON4EVA

Thanks, and some news on the beachballs, THEY WILL THROW US OUT! Yes according to the rules, if we have anything other than the required uniform, (movie quote), then we will be kicked out of our own graduation.

"Mom, he has her chip. He has her."
John Connor,"Born To Run", TSCC EP 2x22

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Friday, December 4, 2009 9:21 PM

BYTEMITE

I got asked out a few times in highschool, but mostly I tried to make clear to everyone that I have no interest getting involved in the mess of a relationship, or even casual dating or any of the other stuff. So no, never been on a date, or kissed anyone, or had a boyfriend/girlfriend. Heck, I don't even know what my preferences are, if any, nor do I care.

I have a job, hopefully through the end of the year, and I graduated college, I've already paid off most my loans, and tomorrow I'm going to be looking at some apartments. If I had to worry about things like dating or getting married or having kids, my life wouldn't be nearly as stable as it is.

So, as others have said, you don't have to worry about it, it's not that big a deal. If you really want to be with someone and settle down, well, you still have a good portion of your life left. And as for highschool friends, I still see a lot of them around. You'll be okay.

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Sunday, December 6, 2009 8:38 PM

IREMISST

On the beachballs, I say Purple-bellied bastards! Dumbstick suckin' fascists! Anti-applepie a$$holes!!!

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Monday, December 7, 2009 12:39 AM

NEWOLDBROWNCOAT

Sounds like my high-school life, except that I wasn't physically big. I found something I wanted to do, went to college and got a degree to do it, then didn't do it. In the meantime, a girl picked me. Been married 30+ years, 2 kids, a long and steady if not spectacular career. Pick out something, start taking baby steps toward it, be prepared to change your goal if you see something else you like better.
Just keep marchin', one foot in front of the other... and remember," How you get there is the worthier part."

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Monday, December 7, 2009 4:21 AM

IREMISST

Hey what about getting some parents to throw beachballs? What are they gonna do, kick the parents out of high school? Yea, I'm a rulebreaker, and I LOVE it!!

Every problem is just an opportunity in disguise...

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Monday, December 7, 2009 4:58 AM

BYTEMITE

Oh yeah, you wouldn't BELIEVE. Some of our graduating class brought in beachballs, and they bitched out the entire class and threatened to not give any of us our diplomas.

The next day people flooded the newspaper with editorials about the incident, some pro-beachball, and some talking about how disrespectful it is to our peers and teachers.

I didn't bring a beachball, but you know what's disrespectful? Expecting a large class to sit for FOUR GODDAMN HOURS with no way out, nowhere to go, and nothing to do but listen to these people drone on and on, then chew us out if we act up. Captive audience. Yeah, didn't they get enough of their fill of that torture during school? Apparently not.

I don't think they even allowed bathroom breaks. Just one more way they show how little trust and respect they have for today's youth.

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Monday, December 7, 2009 6:28 AM

NEWOLDBROWNCOAT

Quote:
Originally posted by Bytemite:
Oh yeah, you wouldn't BELIEVE. Some of our graduating class brought in beachballs, and they bitched out the entire class and threatened to not give any of us our diplomas.

I remember crystal-clear my Senior Week, some 30+ years ago. They made it absolutely explicit that nobody had officially graduated until after the Ceremony-- what they gave us onstage was an empty envelope. If you didn't turn in your cap and gown, no diploma. Any unapproved behavior, no diploma. There were planned and scheduled days of rebellion- Ditch Day, Senior Picnic, the official all night Senior Party, but it was their last chance to opress us, and they were about as subtle as a Nazi SS Division.

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Monday, December 7, 2009 8:35 AM

IREMISST

Guess I should be glad we got to beachball when we did, felt great too, one last hurrah and all that...

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Monday, December 7, 2009 9:33 AM

STORYMARK

Don't worry about it. High School is just one of many phases of your life. An important one, no doubt, but no the be-all-end-all of it.

And don't concern yourself with what you have or haven't done there. It's just High School. Sure, to some folks that's everything - but the LAST thing you want to be is one of those people who peak in HS. The people for whom those really were the best days of their lives.... don't really have much to brag about.

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

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Monday, December 7, 2009 1:16 PM

NCBROWNCOAT

Heck, I won't even go to the darn HS reunions. I kept my nose in a book or I was in the library (pre internet).

Went to college, was still adrift so I went into the peacetime Army of the 1980's. Got a hubby, got out of the Army, had a beautiful daughter, got divorced and 31 years after graduating I could careless about high school.

Some advice, if you don't want to go to college, try the community college system. My daughter is there now. She found her niche and is close to getting a Web Design certificate and has started the Cisco Networking course.

It's half the price of regular college and you can work and go to school at the same time. The best bargain in higher educations out there.

http://fireflyfaninnc.livejournal.com/

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Tuesday, December 8, 2009 11:05 AM

JAMERON4EVA

Quote:
Originally posted by ncbrowncoat:
Heck, I won't even go to the darn HS reunions. I kept my nose in a book or I was in the library (pre internet).

Went to college, was still adrift so I went into the peacetime Army of the 1980's. Got a hubby, got out of the Army, had a beautiful daughter, got divorced and 31 years after graduating I could careless about high school.

Some advice, if you don't want to go to college, try the community college system. My daughter is there now. She found her niche and is close to getting a Web Design certificate and has started the Cisco Networking course.

It's half the price of regular college and you can work and go to school at the same time. The best bargain in higher educations out there.

http://fireflyfaninnc.livejournal.com/

See that's what i plan to do, go to community college, then when the two years is over, wither go to a four year, or a speciality college. Or to a specialty college, which will get all of the remedial shit out of the way, then i can focus on the job i'll have. But one thing i really wish i could have done during school was have a girlfriend. I mean even if it ended horrably, i'd still have taht experience to draw back on. But like someone here said earlier, those who are in the backround usually end up better in life then those ythat hit their peak in HS. Plus i'd love to get a real good job, and go to the HS reunions, and find all of the "Popular" kids living like slobs, and all the "Pretty girls" Looking like boluggah wailes. And all the sports stars with beer bellies. And i, i am now the good looking guy, with a good looking girl, and lots of money, and lots of friends. But still, that's speculation, life is life, and that's it. But there is one girl i'd have liked to go out with, man is she hot, and not the "Beautiful, end al be all" hot either, nice personality, and great stares. But she has a boyfriend, and i'm not a dick like that, i won't drive a wedge in between them, that's just wrong.

"Mom, he has her chip. He has her."
John Connor,"Born To Run", TSCC EP 2x22

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