things kids say by boris

TALK STORY

things kids say

POSTED BY: BORIS
UPDATED: Monday, February 1, 2010 22:29
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Saturday, January 16, 2010 12:39 AM

yesterday at work (vacation care for 5-12 year olds):
little girl aged 7 says to me: "Rose, do you have a husband?"
me: "God No!"
Her: "oooohh" (in sad disapointed voice) "Why not? you look nice".
my collegue and I and the older kids were in fits. Her facial expressions and deep sincerity added to the humour.

kids make me laugh every day with some of their off cuff statements. I am gonna write down every funny thing they say next week so I don't forget them.

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Saturday, January 16, 2010 5:47 AM

STEAMER

My girlfriend's 22-month-old daughter is now thoroughly obsessed with Finding Nemo (we seriously do not get through a day without watching it at least once). So we're all sitting at the computer this morning getting ready to put Nemo on, my GF is quickly paying a couple of bills online prior to rolling the flick, announces that she has paid up, and I respond, Sweeeeeeet! (/Squirt)

And doesn't the 22-month-old look up at me with a huge go-se-eating grin and respond, Totally! (/Crush)

And don't my GF and I dissolve into hysterical laughter and have to be hauled off to the funny farm posthaste (okay, we weren't, but it might not have gone amiss).

I blow my nose at you and towel your bottom! I fart in your general direction!

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Tuesday, January 19, 2010 6:01 PM

IREMISST

Some cutsy things that will forever live in our family's storytelling future...

Me: Driving in car, stopped but light is green..
Mei-mei: 4 years old and in a teensy tiny little girl voice "The light's not gonna get any greener!!!"

Me:Irritated as hell, One year later. ...Well, TOO BAD! 'cause that's how things are done on this planet!
Mei-Mei: Well, I donwanna live on your planet anymore, the water makes me stupid!
Me: HUH?

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Wednesday, January 20, 2010 6:18 AM

LWAVES

After work on a Friday I would ocassionally stay over at a mate's house and sometimes it would be his turn to look after his (then) 5-year old daughter, Chloe. If I was staying it usually meant I read a story to her before her bedtime.
This one Friday as soon as I got through the door she asked if I was staying. I aplogized saying that I didn't have a change of clothes with me (I was still in my slightly mucky work clothes) and that I promised that I would stay next time. She said "Oh" in that downcast way that kids do and walked off.
A bit later we noticed her standing next to the patio door peering out into the night through the curtains. Her dad asked her what she was doing to which she replied "It's too dark outside for anyway to go home now." She turned to me and said "That means that you have to stay and read a story to me. And in the morning you can have breakfast with us as well."
It was so cute I was almost tempted but settled for reading her story and then quietly sneaking out.

"I don't believe in suicide, but if you'd like to try it it might cheer me up to watch."

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Wednesday, January 20, 2010 7:09 AM

UNABASHEDVIXEN

Many years ago my cousin (she was about three at the time, I was eighteen or so) asked me very directly if I was a "mommy." I said "No, I'm not a mommy. Why do you ask? You've never seen me with a baby." She replied, in a serious voice that suggested she had been thinking about this for a while "No, but you have big boobs like a mommy."

*
People before profits

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Thursday, January 21, 2010 2:20 AM

BORIS

god they're all so funny...even funnier because they don't mean to be.
My god daughter is 3. the other day on the phone I asked her if she'd had a good day.her reply:
"mmm don't think so"
"okay why not?'
" it got really badder when I hit mummy"
"whoa Jazzy you know we use words not hurting"
"I did do words and then hitting" she then repeated the scene for me so I would get the full impact of the situation as if I had been there: "I want rice cakes, mummy say we not have any more, so I do waaaa I want some and she say no, so I smack her, then she get mad and say no hurting and send me to my room but I not care coz I want some.(this is all i understood she said a whole lot of other stuff but It was unintelligible
"well are you going to be good to make up for it?
"ummmm no don't think so...it not funny you know"
I was trying to keep the laughter in but she was killing me.

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Thursday, January 21, 2010 2:56 AM

FREELANCERTEX

That's hilarious, Boris. And you're right, the fact that they're being totally serious makes it funnier and infinitely cuter. Aaaaaaaah, I love the things little kids say.

I've heard some of the damnedest things come out of my little cousins' mouths, but the only one I can call to mind right now is a story my aunt told me when I went to visit her a few days ago.
I was told by Auntie Beene that shortly before I had arrived at her house, she had been feeding Dez (her granddaughter, just turned 2) lunch and her cat had jumped up on the table.
Beene: Poody (cat's nickname, I don't remember his real name) get off the table!! I'm gonna send you to the moon!
Dez: I wanna go to the moon!!
Beene: (chuckling) You can't, sweetheart.
Dez: Why?
Beene: Because it's too far away.
Dez: Why?
Beene: Because it's up in the sky.
Dez: Why?
Beene: Because it's too cold for you up there.
Dez: (completely matter of fact) I'll bring my jacket.
Beene: *speechless* --come on, Nana, why didn't *you* think of that? XD

I really want to know this child's thought process, because when she and her mother (my cousin Kate) were coming to my parents' house for brunch a few months ago, Kate asked her if she wanted to wear her 'princess boots.' she exclaimed, COMPLETELY out of the blue, "NO!! Uncle Frank (my father) will STEAL them!!!"

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Thursday, January 21, 2010 3:39 AM

THESOMNAMBULIST

Jeepers Boris! My girlfriend works in vacation/after school care too! Wow.

Ok kids and what they say:
(My girlfriends niece Emmi (9years old) and Ava 4years old.

Emmi "Uncle Ricci do you like MacDonalds?"
Me "Er no I can't stand the stuff. I haven't been to Maccy Dee's since I was ten."
Emmi "Ten! Oh my gosh! Ava! Did you hear that, Uncle Ricci hasn't been to a Macdonald's since he was ten!"
Ava (turning to me with concern):Did you get a toy!?

But perhaps the best was one I overheard with my two nephews who were 6 & 4 years old at the time. Kai the older one had a remote controlled car that Rio the 4 year old was playing with. This is the dialogue that I overheard:

Kai "Rio! Leave my remote car alone, you'll break it"
Rio "No I won't..."
Kai "Yes you will... and you don't know how to drive it, and your too small, and I didn't say you could play with it and....and...
Rio "...and Your willy is on your face!"

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Friday, January 22, 2010 4:17 PM

BORIS

ha ha ha ...Your willy is on your face? thats too funny. In my 20 or so years of working with kids I have never heard anyone say that.
on another note. I think everyone should do a stint at afters or vacation care. you learn so much about people, sharpen your social skills, and you become an expert at reading faces,body language and picking lies.... you also meet a variety of amazing people, make lifelong friendships, and learn about your own strenghts and short comings and I'm talking about the parents as well as the kids. Oh yeah and the best part is the regular stream of unintended funnies.
the kids I've known who are now adults also tend to remember my funnier moments e.g. the time I was sharing my ongoing irritation at constantly finding glue and paint containers without their lids replaced or put on properly. when I finnished ranting, I put the glue bottle I was holding firmly on the bench, causing the untightened lid to fly off and a lot of white glue to splatter my face and glasses. I'd forgotten to screw the lid on before nagging. being the ultimate professional I finnished with " see guys thats just one of the things that can happen when you don't close containers. I hope you've all learned something".

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Friday, January 22, 2010 4:22 PM

BORIS

Hey Freelancertex, I'm intrigued to know if you ever found out why your cousin thought your dad wou;d steal her boots? was it because of something someone said about your dad? something he set up? or perhaps in her imagination she had built your dad up as a particular character. It would be interesting to untangle the mystery...who knows what kind of explanation you'll get if you delve.

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Friday, January 22, 2010 4:22 PM

BORIS

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Friday, January 22, 2010 4:46 PM

FREELANCERTEX

double posty alert :P

Kate has no idea what prompted the idea that my dad would steal Dezarae's boots; I'm thinking it was Dezi's imagination. However, my dad does love to tease kids, so he may have made a cute remark and she locked it away for future reference. Upon discovering that she was terrified of him stealing said boots, though, dad teased her even more about it. :P she was a good sport about it, though.

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Monday, February 1, 2010 1:33 AM

THESOMNAMBULIST

Originally posted by boris:

Quote:
e.g. the time I was sharing my ongoing irritation at constantly finding glue and paint containers without their lids replaced or put on properly. when I finnished ranting, I put the glue bottle I was holding firmly on the bench, causing the untightened lid to fly off and a lot of white glue to splatter my face and glasses. I'd forgotten to screw the lid on before nagging. being the ultimate professional I finnished with " see guys thats just one of the things that can happen when you don't close containers. I hope you've all learned something".

Did they buy your save? :D

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Monday, February 1, 2010 10:29 PM

BORIS

Nope...they didn't buy it but they closed the paint and glue pots for weeks afterwards. It meant I had to hear comments like: "ha ha and then Rose got glue all over her face coz she didn't close the container properly and she tried to make it sound like she'd done it on purpose ha ha ha" or "er gross! close it properly I don't want glue on my face ever!" etc etc

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