Non-Firefly original fiction by Aramina

TALK STORY

Non-Firefly original fiction

POSTED BY: ARAMINA
UPDATED: Tuesday, February 8, 2005 08:58
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VIEWED: 4153
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Saturday, January 29, 2005 1:26 PM

Hi there, I'm kinda new here so I want to test the waters with regards to what we're allowed to talk about because I know some boards that like discussions to stay focused on what the board is about to save band width or whatever the technical term is (I really have no idea).

I'm currently involved in the long and private project of writing a book, something that at the moment is a hobby but would like to take up seriously if I had the money to not work.

Anyway, since I'm too embarrassed to let my friends read it as I'm fairly certain they won't like it because of its genre (fantasy) I'd like to get some feedback from strangers who I hope wont hold back with the critisism.

If no one minds (and I'll take it that if I don't get any replies that no one minds, afterall, no news is good news) then I'll post a couple of paragraphs and if anyone want to read more then I will e-mail a chapter (the first chapter is 8,000 words long so it would take up lots and lots of space here).

Anyway, if no one minds then I look forward to receiving your feedback.

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Saturday, February 5, 2005 8:31 PM

JAK

I'm a long time fantasy fan, and a published author. I am working on my own novel (or a collection of novels). I'll be your Huckleberry.

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Sunday, February 6, 2005 4:22 AM

ARAMINA

Cool, thanks.

I'm away from my home computer, and therefore my files, at the moment but as soon as I'm back I'll mail you a chapter. It's a work in progress at the moment, seven chapters and counting (damn work and a part-time degree course don't make for much spare time!) but I think it would be more helpful to get feedback early on in the process.

So, now my nosyness comes out: have you had a novel published, or articles etc? How long have you been writing for? Do you do it full time (or as full time as these things can be)?

When I think of an interesting signature you'll be the first to know.

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Sunday, February 6, 2005 4:51 AM

JAK

Other than newspaper and magazine articles I have only had a short story and two poems published. The poems were one (or two?) time things that I only did for extra credit back in school. They were good enough for my professor to enter them into a contest and the both won. You wouldn't have heard of the magazine they were published in (them and the short story in the same one). It was just a local magazine called "Local Artists" or something in Houston. I don't even have a copy of them.

How long have I been writing? A while, I guess. I am a full time student and I have a a full time job, but luckily I have some time at work to do writing. There are some days when I am booked solid and can't write in my free time because I don't have any free time, but there is always a little time at work to write.

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Sunday, February 6, 2005 7:49 PM

EBONEZER

Oh, I'd be really interested in reading it to, if you don't mind.

And no worries about talking about random things. Thats basicaly all we do around here

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

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Sunday, February 6, 2005 8:53 PM

JAK

Reading what?

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Monday, February 7, 2005 9:10 AM

ARAMINA

What is posted below is completely owned by me, please don't post it anywhere else, or link to it. If you would like to read more then let me know your e-mail address and I'll send it that way. Enjoy!

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Monday, February 7, 2005 9:11 AM

ARAMINA

Posted above...

When I think of an interesting signature you'll be the first to know.

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Monday, February 7, 2005 9:38 AM

KESSIE

Hun be careful with publishing stuff on the Internet .. cause here in Germany it counts as published when you post it somewhere and you cant sell it afterwards. Maybe you should make a writing journal like me?

They say it’s the last song
They don’t know us, you see
Its only the last song
If we let it be

http://www.darknessenemyinc.de.vu/

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Monday, February 7, 2005 10:00 AM

JAK

I read it straight through once, and I am not reading and commenting as I go (and forgive me any typos because I have been awake for a good 24 hours straight).

Quote:
What is posted below is completely owned by me, please don't post it anywhere else, or link to it. If you would like to read more then let me know your e-mail address and I'll send it that way. Enjoy![

Don't do this. It is like sending in a manuscript with a copyright on them. It is not only unprofessional, but it makes you sound paranoid. If you own it, then nobody can steal it from you because then they'd have a lawsuit on their hands.

Quote:
Another was perfect in every way, save for the delicate bird peeking out of a hollow at its base.

Don't say something is perfect and then say that it is perfect but for something...

Also, you describe the chest with beautiful adjectives, but it reads like a list in that you use too many words. If you feel that you need every detail you used then don't put it all in one chunk right at the beginning. Make your metaphors and similies less poetic and more obvious because the best poetic metaphors are the most obvious.

Also, don't use phrases such as "a bunch of".

Quote:
the excitement was almost tangible

Keep well away from cliches such as this...

Quote:
Dark, cold, narrow corridors

and this.

Okay... You are very much into detail, so I would suggest doing something that I always make myself do, and it is to go back and re-write the entire thing with only detail that is absolutely central to the overall plot of this part of the story, and use adjectives that stand out (get a thesaurus if you have to). Trust me. I do this with everything I write, and it really helps you cut back on words that aren't needed, and when you are a writer (unless you are Stephen King or someone that has already made a name for themselves and can publish anything they want) you want to have as few words as possible.

Other than that, I can't comment on anything like plot or characters because... well... nothing has happened yet.

Also, this line is a little much:

Quote:
slender figure and long neck coupled with the long summer dress she wore elongated her

This is what I was talking about when I said to choose your adjectives carefully.

PS - As for what Kessie said, I have never heard of something like that in the states. I posted the short story I had published on the net before it being published and I didn't run into any problems, but you might want to look into that.

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Monday, February 7, 2005 11:06 AM

OLDFAN45

from JAK's post: "PS - As for what Kessie said, I have never heard of something like that in the states. I posted the short story I had published on the net before it being published and I didn't run into any problems, but you might want to look into that."

I once was a literary agent, and am the author of 5 published romance novels (no I won't tell which ones), and have negotiated publishing contracts with every major house in the US.

Everywhere in the world that subscribes to the Bern Convention uses the same rule: "You made it, you own it." Your assertion of ownership is implicit in your claim of authorship, and anyone who wants to disprove your claim has to do so legally.

PUBLISHING something is different from owning it. You are publishing this material by posting it on this website. Nowhere does that give anyone any right to use or reproduce your work wirhout your written permission.

BTW I agree with every single critique JAK gave. I hope you receive them as helpful!

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Tuesday, February 8, 2005 8:53 AM

ARAMINA

Quote:
Originally posted by Kessie:
Hun be careful with publishing stuff on the Internet ..

Thanks for the concern sweetie. I think I may delete the post now that some people have read it.

When I think of an interesting signature you'll be the first to know.

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Tuesday, February 8, 2005 8:56 AM

ARAMINA

Quote:
Originally posted by Jak:
I read it straight through once, and I am not reading and commenting as I go (and forgive me any typos because I have been awake for a good 24 hours straight).

Ooh thanks, hope I didn't keep you up.

Thanks for your comments, useful stuff you got there. If you'd like to read more then I can email you the whole chapter, no pressure though if you aren't interested. Just let me know.

Thanks again.

When I think of an interesting signature you'll be the first to know.

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Tuesday, February 8, 2005 8:58 AM

ARAMINA

Quote:
Originally posted by oldfan45:
BTW I agree with every single critique JAK gave. I hope you receive them as helpful!

Yes, very helpful. Thanks.

When I think of an interesting signature you'll be the first to know.

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