Mitch Hedberg by Caite

TALK STORY

Mitch Hedberg

POSTED BY: CAITE
UPDATED: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 03:46
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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 5:13 AM

I noticed some people mentioning Mitch Hedberg in the SNL thread, and I just wanted to start a thread...kind of in memorium. He was an amazing comedian, and he left life too young. A heart attack at 37 took his life a couple weeks ago, and he will be missed. Here are some of my favorite quotes from dear Mitch:

"If you want to talk to me after the show, I'll be f&%$king....surprised."

"Don't bother ringing it up, it's for a DUCK! There are SIX very hungry ducks outside, and they all want Sun Chips!"

"I think people should only be able to use their car horns three times a month. Then, if you go to use it a fourth time, you'd think, 's&%t, I wish I wouldn't have seen Ricky on the sidewalk!'."

"You know what keeps me from acting? F&$%king, auditions."

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 5:29 AM

SOULOFSERENITY

The Man They Call Soul...

98 Rock here in Baltimore has been airing some of his comedy segments over the past several weeks, and the man was a machine-gunning comic genius. He will be missed.

______________________

But if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 5:54 AM

STATIC

More from the "Hed". . .

This jacket is 'Dry Clean Only'. That means it's dirty.

I wish they made Cinnamon Bun Incense. That way, in the mornings, I could just light up a stick. And then my roommates would wake up with false hopes.

I love baked potatoes, but they take so long to make. Sometimes, I'll just throw one in the oven, even if I don't want one. Because by the time it's done. . .who knows?

I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...

This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to hard.

==================================================
http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com/

Evil, Lecherous Hump

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 6:03 AM

STEVETHEPIRATE

I wanted to burn a candle, but I couldn't find a candle holder, so I bought a cake.

----------------------------------------------
An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never seen an "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
- Mitch Hedberg, 1968-2005

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 6:18 AM

WILDHEAVENFARM

I don't remember giving him permission to die.

Mary
Always a beast, never a burden.

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 6:51 AM

MOHRSTOUTBEARD

The part that annoys me is that when Mitch died, everyone was too busy paying attention to a vegetable and an old guy.

I mean, who cares about the Pope? You can always get a new one. You can't elect a new Mitch Hedberg.

"I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said 'Fuck it. Cut 'em up.'"

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 7:12 AM

EMBERS

at the official site:
http://www.mitchellhedberg.com/
you can leave condolences to his family

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 10:02 AM

LISSA

"my friend asked me if i wanted a frozen banana, and i said no. but i want a regular banana later, so...yeah."

"i haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long."

"last week i helped my friend stay put. it's a lot easier than helping someone move. i just went over his house and made sure he did not start to load sh*t into a truck."

"my apartment is infested with koala bears. it is the cutest infestation ever. way better than cockroaches. when i turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. and i don't want 'em to, ya know. i'm like hey, hold on there fellas, let me hold one of you...and feed you a leaf. why do koala bears, they're so f*cking cute, why do they have to be so far away from me? we need to ship a few over, and i will apprehend one, and hold him, alright, and pet him on the back of his head."

~lissa, spwhore

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 10:59 AM

SLAYER730

When I first heard about Mitch Hedberg's death, it was April Fool's Day, so I thought "Yeah right...ha ha Mitch." Much to my sadness, I found out it was all too true. I first stumbled upon Mitch Hedberg's comedy on Comedy Central and proceeded to go out and get 2 of his cd's. (They're good for making you laugh out loud on the bus or in other public places where you appear to be insane). His brand of humor was the kind that made you laugh hysterically whether you were alone or with friends, and whether it was the first time seeing him or the millionth. He will be sorely missed. I guess maybe now he's with the Dufrenes. I hope he has a pet koala.

***Never judge a book by its movie***

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 1:32 PM

CAITE

I am listening to "Mitch All Together" right now...again, in memorium.

He was gone too soon from our world. He will be missed, am I right?

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 1:43 PM

CAITE

Here are some more quotes!!!

"I went to a pizzeria ordered a slice of pizza, and the F*&ker gave me the smallest piece possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the f&$ker gave me the 'donate it to charity' slice. I would like to exchange this for the 'keep it'."

"My manager said, "Don't use liquor as a crutch!" I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk."

"You know crazy straws go all over the place? These straws are SANE."

"Xylophone is spelled with an X. That's wrong. It should be a Z up front. Next time you spell Xylophone, use a Z. If someone says, "That's wrong!", you say, "No, it ain't." If you think that's wrong, then you need to have your head Z-rayed."

"Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! I need to buy a safe that looks like a Spray 'N Wash can. "Hey, Mitch, can I use the Spray 'N Wash?" "Yeah, if you want to spray your shirt with documents!"

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 3:08 PM

BATMARLOWE

Yeah, I was a big fan of his too. He was one of the comedians I would tell friends about whenever they would say something along the lines of "there's no great new comedians coming up". This reminds me all too much of Bill Hicks' early death. I miss him too.

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Tuesday, May 17, 2005 3:46 AM

THATFROG

I don't know if anyone posted Mitch's homepage yet, but there's a memorial message board there and a great Mitch crowd ... not trying to hijack this board or anything ... just wanted y'all to pop over and say hi! We'd love to meet ya! ... www.mitchhedberg.net

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