REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

Multi Cultural Marriages

POSTED BY: GINOBIFFARONI
UPDATED: Tuesday, December 22, 2009 16:31
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 3320
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Thursday, December 17, 2009 11:49 AM

STORYMARK


Quote:

Originally posted by Bytemite:
if someone tells me I have poor table manners, I'ma just glare and chew louder.



Well, gender roles aside, there is something to be said for common courtesy.

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 11:52 AM

WULFENSTAR

http://youtu.be/VUnGTXRxGHg


"Well, gender roles aside, there is something to be said for common courtesy."

True.

As my wife says "I wouldn't cook for you if you demanded it. But because I love you, I do."

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 11:52 AM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


The first time the gender role thing REALLY took me aback in a visceral way - was oddly enough where I work now.

We have some extremely talented (foreign born female) chemists, who, nevertheless, would worry about getting home and cooking and doing the laundry and cleaning ... and basically taking care of their kids who couldn't do for themselves ... except that one of those children was an adult male.

It just struck me - why should a perfectly capable adult male expect to shift all the work to the female, and get catered to AS IF HE WAS A HELPLESS CHILD for the rest of his life, just because they got married ? It suddenly seemed so crazy.

***************************************************************

Silence is consent.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 11:53 AM

AGENTROUKA


Quote:

Originally posted by Storymark:
Quote:

Originally posted by AgentRouka:
To me, the joke is in poor taste. Actually racist, too. Not my idea of funny.



Sometimes the best jokes are in poor taste (I may be a lib, but I'm not a PC zealot). And yeah, I could see it being taken as somewhat racist - the nationalities are unessential to the joke (obviously this variation came from a canuk), but the notion behind it is still funny.

Should just be 3 (generic) women. As folks in the discussion have pointed out - some women are perfectly willing/happy to take the subservient role. And others will kick the ass of anyone who demands they do. I'd rather hang with that one, myself.

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."



Sure, sometimes a joke's crassness is what makes it great. I just don't see it in this example.

It sets itself up too obviously and the pay-off only works if you think violence is funny. It's this sort of bullshit violence=strength equation that I find thoroughly boring and distasteful in much of supposedly feminist television that turns female characters into female machos and sells this as feminism, as if respect is somehow not supposed to be mutual.

I'm too weary of this prevalant crap to find a joke in the same vein funny.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 11:58 AM

STORYMARK


Quote:

Originally posted by AgentRouka:
Quote:

Originally posted by Storymark:
Quote:

Originally posted by AgentRouka:
To me, the joke is in poor taste. Actually racist, too. Not my idea of funny.



Sometimes the best jokes are in poor taste (I may be a lib, but I'm not a PC zealot). And yeah, I could see it being taken as somewhat racist - the nationalities are unessential to the joke (obviously this variation came from a canuk), but the notion behind it is still funny.

Should just be 3 (generic) women. As folks in the discussion have pointed out - some women are perfectly willing/happy to take the subservient role. And others will kick the ass of anyone who demands they do. I'd rather hang with that one, myself.

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."



Sure, sometimes a joke's crassness is what makes it great. I just don't see it in this example.

It sets itself up too obviously and the pay-off only works if you think violence is funny. It's this sort of bullshit violence=strength equation that I find thoroughly boring and distasteful in much of supposedly feminist television that turns female characters into female machos and sells this as feminism, as if respect is somehow not supposed to be mutual.

I'm too weary of this prevalant crap to find a joke in the same vein funny.



Well, for one, violence can be damned funny, under the correct context (by which I mean fictional((er... mostly)), amongst other criteria).

Two, I don't see it as "violence=strength". I see it more as "being an asshole=punishment". And I'm totally down with that.

Respect should be mutual, but in this example, the man was not offering any, and he deservedly got the same in kind. Viola, equality.

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 11:58 AM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


To me, the thing that you have to have to make a joke funny is an unexpected ending. There are other things, of course, but if you can see it coming from a mile away it just doesn't work.

***************************************************************

Silence is consent.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 12:01 PM

AGENTROUKA


Quote:

Originally posted by Storymark:

Well, for one, violence can be damned funny, under the correct context (by which I mean fictional, amongst other criteria).

Two, I don't see it as "violence=strength". I see it more as "being an asshole=punishment". And I'm totally down with that.

Respect should be mutual, but in this example, the man was not offering any, and he deservedly got the same in kind. Viola, equality.



Guess we'll agree to disagree then.


I just wanted to offer up an opinion that went against the overwhelming support in here.


ETA: You say something I don't like, so I'll bash your face in... hardly "viola, equality". I know it's supposed to be "funny", but.. not. To me.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 12:04 PM

STORYMARK


Uh, okay. I guess some like to be the contrarian.

ETA: You might want to calm down Cap'n Literal....

(of course I don't see a direct corelation between "Husband treating wife like servant" and "saying something I don't like" but whatevah.)

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 12:21 PM

AGENTROUKA


Quote:

Originally posted by Storymark:
(of course I don't see a direct corelation between "Husband treating wife like servant" and "saying something I don't like" but whatevah.)



The guy tells his wife what he expects. That's not treating someone as a servant. That's honesty. Even if that honest expectation is... extremely unfair and questionable. Can't find a fault in honesty.


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Thursday, December 17, 2009 12:22 PM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.


Quote:

It's this sort of bullshit violence=strength equation that I find thoroughly boring and distasteful in much of supposedly feminist television that turns female characters into female machos and sells this as feminism, as if respect is somehow not supposed to be mutual.
But it's OK in the video clips that Wulfie posts? 'Cause Wulfie is the biggest proponent of violence= strength in this forum, and you dont' seem to have a problem with that? Or do you have a double standard?

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 12:25 PM

AGENTROUKA


Quote:

Originally posted by SignyM:
Quote:

It's this sort of bullshit violence=strength equation that I find thoroughly boring and distasteful in much of supposedly feminist television that turns female characters into female machos and sells this as feminism, as if respect is somehow not supposed to be mutual.
But it's OK in the video clips that Wulfie posts? 'Cause Wulfie is the biggest proponent of violence= strength in this forum, and you dont' seem to have a problem with that? Or do you have a double standard?



Did I say such a thing? I was commenting on the joke, where I happened to agree with Wulf.

Need I post a disclaimer that I don't agree with every single other thing Wulf has posted in this thread? Need I post a similar disclaimer for everyone else I haven't explicitly disagreed with? Seriously?

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 12:25 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

Originally posted by Wulfenstar:
"Whatever you have to tell yourself so you can get it up, I guess .."

Now Rue, thats just rude.

I understand that you have had to say that to the men you've had sex with before.

Especially when those unfortunate souls had to mutter to themselves... "Oh God, the alcohol isn't working! It isn't enough!" Or, "I don't care how much she paid me... nothing is worth this!"

Then they all prepositioned it with "... must think of Angelina Jolie... or anyone else but THIS!!"

So, Rue, or should I say T-Rex? Please leave your issues at the door...







Damn, Wulfie - is that your WIFE?! You sure she's going to be cool with you posting her video here? It looks like she meant it more for your personal enjoyment...

By the way, nice job shoring up your "libertarian-slash-independent" credentials by posting articles about how Republicans have bigger cocks. I guess I'll have to defer to your expertise on that matter; I'm sure you've seen many more Republican cocks up close than I ever have, or will.

'Course, it doesn't make you look very "libertarian" to brag about how big the cocks are of the people you claim to hate... But whatever works for ya.

Mike

Work is the curse of the Drinking Class.
- Oscar Wilde

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 12:27 PM

BYTEMITE


It's not like I'm spraying people with my food. Actually, if there's a lot of lip smacking, and someone points it out to me, I'll try to tone it down and I do eat with my mouth closed. But a dainty eater, I ain't. Don't have time for it and I don't much care for it. If someone tells me to get my elbows off the table, I WILL give them the death glare.

You have to remember, table manners are a custom of whatever region you're in. In Japan, you're expected to slurp soup, it's rude not to, means you think the chef is a bad cook if you don't.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 1:02 PM

WULFENSTAR

http://youtu.be/VUnGTXRxGHg


So, Kwick, one is ok, but not the other, right?

Its ok to post a joke about a woman beating on a man, but not a man beating on a woman?

Just admit the hypocrisy of all of this and we can move on.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 1:19 PM

WULFENSTAR

http://youtu.be/VUnGTXRxGHg


"Damn, Wulfie - is that your WIFE?! You sure she's going to be cool with you posting her video here? It looks like she meant it more for your personal enjoyment..."

Actually Kwick, (and I know you were being an assclown with this... but hey its, cool. I understand the usefulness of snark.."

My wife is a beautiful, dark-skinned, Dominican. Weighing in at under 120, with a mouth and an attitude to match.

And I wouldn't have it any other way. An alpha female should always drive her male to strength. Even if its coming from his own pack.

So maybe, just maybe, you can see why Story ALWAYS makes me laugh.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 1:19 PM

BYTEMITE


In Elizabethan times, the joke would have been "funny" because the woman would have been considered a shrew for attacking her husband.

Now it's considered "funny" because the husband supposedly "deserved it."

I didn't really think it was funny because it could be taken either way, as support for a quiet demure housewife OR for a militant form of feminine empowerment. And there is a bit of something like racism in the joke, though maybe racism isn't the right word because it's nationalities.

Niki's probably right, though, a guy said this to me would probably get decked. It's not right, maybe, but I'm not taking that kind of crap from someone.

And maybe a question has to be asked about the kind of guy who would make this demand. Men are bigger than women, there is a potential physical threat involved in this kind of demand. Also an economic threat, since such a man is clearly expecting for themselves to be the breadwinner, there's an unspoken element here of "do what I say or get out of my house," which means cut off from the source of income.

I'm undecided whether this might imply actual violence from the man, it certainly might constitute an abusive relationship (especially in the first case). Getting punched back might be a retaliation.

Just some thoughts. I'm looking WAY too deep in this, I know.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 1:29 PM

WULFENSTAR

http://youtu.be/VUnGTXRxGHg


"Just some thoughts. I'm looking WAY too deep in this, I know."

Or, you could be seeing how racist this post actually IS. Cus, OF course a woman from a different country would be SOOO subservient to a man here. Right?

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 1:30 PM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


I had to post a quick one - no, you're not looking too deep.

Perhaps Wulfie has never seen an abusive marriage between a first world-man and a desperate third-world woman. The man gets away with treating the woman abusively (as in this joke) b/c there is always the underlying threat of greater harm. Put up with it and do as I say - or something worse will happen.

If it were made explicit in the joke - it would only take a couple of lines of text - the reversed symmetry would be more clear. (And AgenttR would probably not have a problem with it.)

But as we have seen, Wulfie, like the little boy he is, only has a problem when violence is directed at someone like HIM. And then he pouts and cries about how unFAIR ! it all is. Otherwise, he's all for it.

But then, like any bully, he's a coward.

***************************************************************

Silence is consent.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 1:31 PM

GEEZER

Keep the Shiny side up


Gino.

So the oppression of Filipino and South American women by patriarcial cultures is funny to you?

"Keep the Shiny side up"

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 1:37 PM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


He's not keeping up, poor baby. Not that he can; the crack to mike was just tooo pitiful an attempt and just tried to reach toooo far. Given all the conversation between his last and this one, you'd think he could have done better. He's just going Tsk.

As for the discussion that actually makes SENSE: I agree the joke could be funny with generic women, and that it's too obvious with women of other cultures, but it's also TRUER with women of other cultures; and men marry them all the time to do exactly what the joke portrays. American women used as an example wouldn't be as susceptible.

I fully agree that the roles are interchangeable, and there's always been a lot of that with my husband and I, as well. The JOKE works best because it's the time-honored tradition of men telling women what to do. Reverse it, it's not as funny when the demanding person gets his comeuppance. It's only a joke, it's not a social commentary. Well, yes, it is, and can be discussed as such, but it's obviously INTENDED as a joke, and works best with male demander, culture-of-women-as-servants female. Simple as that.

I don't find it offensive...as I said in my very first response, "Tho' sad, because #1 and #2 happen all too frequently". It still DOES, to this day, and cultures change slowly. Just because the US culture (and Canadian, and I would bet by now Australian, British, and others) has become one where gender roles are less defined, that doesn't change the fact that it still happens all over the world...AND with those living in the US/Canada/Britain who follow their own culture.

Tho' yes, I'm not crazy about the violence part; as I said, I would have just left. But it wouldn't be a JOKE otherwise...imagine the ending, without all those double entendres, saying just "she walked out"? Duh?

The joke can be considered racist if you want...but to me it's making a statement that women in some cultures are treated like that (and yes, with the force of violence and cultural pressure behind it) and encouraging that women should stand up for themselves.

And I'm curious why so many are saying 'So you find such-and-such FUNNY, eh?" I don't see that the joke is putting forward anything bad; the violence is minimal, in some ways the guy could be seen as deserving it (tho' it would have been more warranted if the second guy, coming home nad not finding it done, hit his wife, and the third guy the same...then the third day violence in return would have been doubly funny).

Any way I look at it, I don't see it as a put-down toward other cultures (more likely, OURS), as condoning violence (the violence wasn't exactly life-threatening, and there wouldn't be a joke if it weren't there) or anything else worthy of debate. I just think it's a joke, and as a woman who's ridden a motorcycle since 16 and never taken shit from any man, I DID find it funny to imagine a woman getting some of her own back. Doesn't mean I want to see women beat up on men, vice versa, look down on women of other cultures (exactly the opposite!), etc., etc. That's all. And that's what made it work.

I see waaaay lot of people finding others' reactions a reason to pick on them, is what I see. Bit of a case of PC going to far, seems to me.




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Thursday, December 17, 2009 1:42 PM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


"So the oppression of Filipino and South American women by patriarcial cultures is funny to you?"

I don't know about Gino, but it was cringe-worthy to me. It's also one of the things that made the joke work.

That's another element of what makes a joke funny, btw - besides surprise - is that it invokes a level of discomfort. There are a few more necessary elements of humor, one is that people have to go along with the premise. And so on.

***************************************************************

Silence is consent.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 2:21 PM

STORYMARK


Quote:

Originally posted by rue:

I don't know abut Gino, but it was cringe-worthy to me. It's also one of the things that made the joke work.




Exactly!

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 2:27 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

Originally posted by Wulfenstar:
So, Kwick, one is ok, but not the other, right?

Its ok to post a joke about a woman beating on a man, but not a man beating on a woman?

Just admit the hypocrisy of all of this and we can move on.




Actually, where did you see me say ANYTHING about the joke itself? I haven't said whether it was okay or not, have I?

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 2:29 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

Originally posted by Geezer:


So the oppression of Filipino and South American women by patriarcial cultures is funny to you?

"Keep the Shiny side up"



I guess that depends on whether they're socialist or capitalist patriarchal cultures, doesn't it? ;)

Mike

Work is the curse of the Drinking Class.
- Oscar Wilde

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 3:03 PM

GINOBIFFARONI


Quote:

Originally posted by rue:
"So the oppression of Filipino and South American women by patriarcial cultures is funny to you?"

I don't know abut Gino, but it was cringe-worthy to me. It's also one of the things that made the joke work.

That's another element of what makes a joke funny, btw - besides surprise - is that it invokes a level of discomfort. There are a few more necessary elements of humor, one is that people have to go along with the premise. And so on.

***************************************************************

Silence is consent.




I'm with Rue,

humor is something often used to illustrate the differences in cultures good and bad,


This one has a double role reversal, I found it funny, I posted in the form it was sent to me, it could have been made generic, or the people from the Philippines could have been from Afghanistan, etc, I don't think that matters much. It still raises questions as good jokes sometimes do.


Its not like I published a bad cartoon about Muhammad or something



Either your with the terrorists, or ... your with the terrorists


Lets party like its 1939

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 5:27 PM

GEEZER

Keep the Shiny side up


Quote:

Originally posted by rue:
I don't know about Gino, but it was cringe-worthy to me. It's also one of the things that made the joke work.

That's another element of what makes a joke funny, btw - besides surprise - is that it invokes a level of discomfort. There are a few more necessary elements of humor, one is that people have to go along with the premise. And so on.



But the joke could be just a funny without stereotyping whole classes of people. Not only the Filipina and South American for being pushed around, but the Canadian, for being dumb enough to marry a lout, and immediately resorting to violence as a solution.

Try this...

"Three of my friends from college married their high-school sweethearts last year.

Bill married Susie.
He told her that on top of her one fulltime and two part-time jobs, she was to cook, do the dishes and keep the house clean.

The next day, he came home to see a clean house, dishes washed and put away, and a home cooked meal.


Chuck married Amelia.
He gave her orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.

The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.

By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

Lee married Brenda.
He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry done, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything. The second day he didn't see anything either.

But by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load
the dishwasher.

He still has some difficulty when he pees."

You lose the multi-cultural, but also the cultural stereotyping. And you still feel uncomfortable for the women who don't stand up for themselves and understand the problem the joke highlights.




"Keep the Shiny side up"

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 6:00 PM

FREMDFIRMA



Bah, the joke *was* mildly offensive to begin with, which is why it was prettymuch ignored till some dolt decided to use it as a misogynistic soapbox.

Mikey, no almost about it.

-F

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 6:01 PM

FREMDFIRMA


Quote:

Originally posted by Bytemite:
Ah yes, the much hated gender roles. Never fit into them properly since I was TWO. Not that people didn't try, but square peg, round hole.

Definitely think it's important for people to know how to cook, clean, and care for themselves. I like cooking not because I wanna be a housewife, it's because I want to EAT. Big difference. Mostly I just heat stuff out of cans, though I can make some mean desserts, cookies, and candy. They're cheap and I can give them to people as gifts.

The thing about gender roles, though, they're more than just what you DO. There's more double standards than just male nurse/female breadwinner. People expect you to "act like a lady." What does that even MEAN? Screw that. I like climbing in trees and stomping in puddles, and if someone tells me I have poor table manners, I'ma just glare and chew louder. I don't care about their pointless customs and rules. And dammit, I'm gonna swear if I want to, too!


*blink*
..
...
....

Will you marry me ?


-F

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 6:17 PM

BYTEMITE


Oppression!

Kidding. Actually, most of my friends in school were guys. I got to know a few girls in high school, and we're still good friends, but I don't understand them at all. o.0 They're weird.

Marriage is even weirder. >_> I plan to stay well clear of that craziness.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 7:01 PM

FREMDFIRMA



<_<
My little joke - you really do kinda freak me out sometimes cause stuff comes outta your mouth that mighta come outta mine damn near verbatim - yeah, sometimes it is a bit scary, but in all honesty that was kinda knee jerk reflex, and funny enough that I went ahead and typed it anyway, lol.

-F

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 8:34 PM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


Quote:

I like climbing in trees and stomping in puddles, and if someone tells me I have poor table manners, I'ma just glare and chew louder. I don't care about their pointless customs and rules. And dammit, I'm gonna swear if I want to, too!
Me too Byte! Well, I wouldn't chew louder, I'd just smile and go on. But the other stuff, you betcha!

Jim makes his own meals now, but that's partly 'cuz he wants to--arteriosclerosis made him decide to go on low-fat stuff, and he went poultry-and-fish-only "veggie" years ago. Me, I don't eat much red meat but it's not a stringent thing for me. So he makes his own food; when I make something with chicken we share, and Choey cooks red-meat stuff for us. We all share chores, irregardless of whether men or women "normally" do them, and I've never been bothered by either fashion or stereotypes.

Maybe I've always gotten away with it partly because I'm six feet, but in my youth I dressed real sexy sometimes (only to learn at 48 that some of those "times" were actually hypomania, which makes us hypersexual) and like flirting, while at the same time absolutely refuse to be part of any sexual stereotype. Nobody's ever pushed me to be anything else or even hinted at it, except my mother--but she had little influence in that regard, and had me at 41 so died while I was in my 40s.

My old saying used to be "women on the FRONT!", meaning more women should ride their OWN motorcycles...it's irrelevant now, wonderfully, 'cuz so many DO! I like how things have changed, and I'm incredibly sad for women in those societies which are still shackled.

And I agree; this was a little joke that got made big by ultra-PCism, in my view.




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Friday, December 18, 2009 1:52 AM

FREMDFIRMA



Ha! - Me and the ex-Fremgirl are way too much control freaks to ever sit on the back, it's bad *enough* having to listen to each other in a car, especially with her being Kentucky-fried and me being appalachian hills, in a state where everyone seems to think they're at Talledega...


Anyhows, you wanna talk about tough women, listen to some of the RAWA girls at them orphanages, it wasn't like they be-bopped down to the local womens shelter, and that's some seriously badass desert out there, makes my rescue run through tecate look like a walk in the park, and it ain't like they just let em go neither, more than one slit throat among them stories, lemme tellya.

But there's many types of courage - it's one thing to be fearless when you're quick, tough, and skilled enough to apparently *still* be quite threatening from a damn wheelchair...
(And that WAS funny - "He wheeled towards me in a threatening manner!")

And yet there's also the courage to stay your hand when every ounce of you cries out to strike, and sometimes that's the hardest courage of all.
Watch Pans Labyrinth - Mercedes tremendous courage struck even my black heart, I could not have done that, and when she *did* strike damn she made it count.

But it's a whole nother ballgame entire when you're weak, helpless, unskilled, even ignorant of your options, or even that you have any.

And so, lemme explain about Wendy, a former DeVee who's insinuated herself somewhere between would-be paramour and self-adopted bratty daughter and shows no intent to budge.

Given what we know of early development, she had to have known love, once, probably before the development of linear coherent memory, but as a product of the Foster Care System she certainly has no memory of any - by all rights she should be a wolf-child, the usual result of what I call Closet Kid Syndrome, and damn us all that I even need a term for something so awful it shouldn't even exist.

All she knew for so very long was darkness, silence, hunger, it was ALL she knew, you understand - hell even a beating shows someone cares, cares enough to hate, but there's times that ain't nothing worse.. than nothing.

Who knows what started it, a memory, a sound, probably a scent of spring, since the girl has an amazing sense of smell, but at some point she up and decided she was gonna pick her time and go for it - completely unknowing of the fact that we had recently been called in by a concerned relative who was fearful that the girl was prolly buried in the back yard, who came to us after two years of trying to get someone, anyone, to investigate...

That's not a bash on the system, though I've got the right - so much as they didn't go about it well, had nothing to offer in the way of reason or evidence, and were very tenative for fear of bringing that system down upon their own heads, and finally in desperation went to the darker side and thankfully drew our attention before getting in over their heads with something unpleasant.

Now, I don't believe what other folks believe, but the situation as it unfolded simply defies any logical, rational explaination, longshots like that only happen in bad hollywood B-flicks, and it kinda offends my sense of a sensible reality to have that dropped on my head like an Acme Anvil from a merry melodies cartoon, mind you, call it fate, destiny, whatever, for the kid to pick THAT moment, to make her break, defies all sensibility, especially since she's never been able to explain or articulate why herself.

Hell, maybe it's a bright version of the dark wind that seemed to follow Jelly Brice, causing hardcore mobsters to instantly surrender when he showed up despite having no manner of knowing it... sorry, digressing...

Anyhows, so this tiny, quiet, badly malnourished and neglected girl picked her time and glory-rushed the door for all she was worth, and it was worth a LOT since she had just recently tipped into the age bracket where the berserkerang usually first manifests itself - I swear, the place looked like a bomb hit when they came to take evidence pictures, she went full bore zerk on the whole bloody place since she couldn't see to hit anything in particular.

Yeah, she has permanent vision damage, mind you, another aspect of Closet Kid Syndrome, but there's a real whiz optometrist here and we've been working with various lenses and filters, she's been real patient since this might help others down the road, though obviously it'd be better if there WEREN'T any others, but still, she can see ok only after sunset, and will never be able to drive a car, but she can SEE - which at that time, she could not, it was all one big, bright, loud blur to her, you see.

But using memory of footstep sounds from above, remembered layout, scent, hell, for all I know it was the friggin force, she made it to, and through, the front door, leaving it hanging on one badly bent top hinge, and hightailed it as fast as possible, somewhere, anywhere, just, AWAY - not even thinking to howl at the top of her lungs cause it never occured to her, all she knew, all she hoped, was that people weren't evil and SOMEONE would be there to rescue her if she could only get loose long enough for it to happen, the sheer STRENGTH of that belief, that courage, that she put her entire extistence on the line, so far as she knew, betting everything she had, little that it was, on simple human decency, despite never having known it in her own memory - what do you SAY to that ?

Even more bizarre, what do you say to that absolute surety, that certainty, when you happen to be the one who WAS there, and it makes utterly no sense to YOU ?

And so there's me, with nothin but a vague description to work with, doing a slow cruise-by and mentally marking out spots to place a couple observers to see who comes and goes, too cursed early and not completely mentally "with it" all that well quite yet - and WHAM, out that door comes this teensy girl who matches the vague description and has no other reason to be there, with one of the Fosters in hot, injured, angry pursuit...

One of my edges is being so quick on the uptake some folk take it for prescience, and before my brain caught up enough to sputter WTF? my reflexes were already in gear and active, snapped the wheel hard and heel stomped the brakes to swing the back end loose and cut the angle, reaching out and flicking the door latch as I locked the brakes up again to stop and fling the door wide - and yelled TAKE MY HAND! - she flailed for it, caught a grip like a set of visegrips and I hauled her into the car and took off so fast apparently they never even got a plate number, not that it woulda mattered so much later, but it did forestall any immediate problems that I was long and away GONE before the Fosters even thought to notify anyone - them bein reluctant for some damned obvious reasons.

I hadn't connected it cause imma dolt sometimes, and for me a certain degree of kindness is so automatic I don't even notice - but en route to a safe place, I thought to give her some food since she was so obviously malnourished, and woulda gone with somethin like a small set of chicken nuggets or something equally tiny and bland (I have far more experience than I ever wanted in dealing with really damaged people) but that she couldn't see complicated that, so I bought her a strawberry milkshake.
The girl has a thing for strawberries now that borders on a junkies need for a fix, cause apparently it's wired in as what freedom tastes like.

So we wound up getting her emancipated, via some rather unpleasant legal wrangling that left me with a bad taste in my mouth cause it didn't blacklist those evil gits from the list of potential Fosters, but at least it cut her loose of them, and she went through the usual recovery process as well as some stuff tailored to her specific problems - and incidentaly kinda speeded my retirement cause when I gave her the final exam for personal self defense she handed me my ass so bad she thought she'd killed me and started freakin out about it - I *did* mention she can zerk, right ?
And she's younger, faster and more agile - after ascertaining that I was ok and only mostly stunned and roughed up, that bastard Justin was laughing so hard he was in tears... prick.

Well, due to my physical condition and the recent ass-handing there, I was kinda desperate for someone to help cover site three, and after another girl didn't work out cause she was totally unsuited to the work, I asked Wendy if she would be willing to assist me even if it meant facing her greatest fears a little earlier than expected, and she said ok.

Not sure if I went into detail about this bit or not, but the ones who are not "ok" yet, they wear cat ears as a visible tell of this so that everyone we deal with knows to treat them with kid gloves, especially as part of the therapy needfully involves teaching them self-defense before they're safe to be around most folk cause it's an integral part of the recovery - the ears coming off is like a seriously big deal and usually at the end of a graduated reintro to "normal" society with little party and everything, see...
And that decision usually falls to the folk most involved in their recovery process - it's part of an old joke that caught on as a way to set a visible flag without makin em feel like lepers, is all.

So, I start training her to do security rounds, which she has natural talent for, and since she can walk to work, and can actually see, is something she can DO instead of feeling helpless - but there it is, the quiet, silent darkness she fears the worst, you see ?

And she was a bit skittish at first, but thing was, in that environment, it's HER world, where others are blind, she can see, where others are weak, she is strong, other people will look up to HER for protection and assistance in the cold, quiet darkness...

And she stops - I worry that she might be losing it, but she just has this perplexed look on her face, and finally she says in this itty bitty stunned voice.. "I don't have to be afraid anymore.", and then, again, bold and confident...

And she reaches up, pulls those ears off and hands em to me.
"And I will NEVER be afraid again."

I can be brave, I can be fearless, but I know it's a sham when more than half that courage is cause I happen to be slightly mad by any definition, and most of it has been mostly cause at the time I had nothin to lose, but yeah, I got some sand down there at the bottom of it all.

But I ain't even in the same class as that girl, not by a longshot - she took her own nightmare and conquered it, made herself it's ruler, instead of it's victim, and she took that last step, as she took the first one, of her own will and unassisted.

Kid's got more guts in her pinky than I got in my whole being, seriously.

I've heard and seen worse, but I figured I would relate hers cause she gave me permission and it has a happy ending and all - you cannot imagine how it made me feel to watch her take that final step, to watch it happen right in front of me.

Machismo means jack shit to someone who's seen real courage, often enough when folks paid for it with their life or worse, and frankly, for straight flat out and out courage in all of the more important non-physical ways ?
I'm betting on XX over XY - based on how many of each actually pull through.

-Frem

You summoned me...

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Friday, December 18, 2009 4:01 AM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

And I agree; this was a little joke that got made big by ultra-PCism, in my view.



Agreed - it was a little joke. A *JOKE*.

Funny that Wulfie is all about people rising up against "tyranny" and striking back at their oppressors - unless the tyrant happens to be a man, and the person striking back happens to be a woman.

I supposed he'd have liked the joke better if wife #3 had been a "libertarian" (allegedly) and the husband a federal agent. :)

Mike

Work is the curse of the Drinking Class.
- Oscar Wilde

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Friday, December 18, 2009 5:58 AM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


"You lose the multi-cultural, but also the cultural stereotyping. And you still feel uncomfortable for the women who don't stand up for themselves and understand the problem the joke highlights."

You also lose the information that makes the joke work: that it is an ABUSIVE relationship based on power versus desperation. While it may be possible with quite a long narrative to get that across, Filipina and South American are handy shorthand to set up the scenario.


***************************************************************

Silence is consent.

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Friday, December 18, 2009 10:32 AM

GEEZER

Keep the Shiny side up


Quote:

Originally posted by rue:
You also lose the information that makes the joke work: that it is an ABUSIVE relationship based on power versus desperation. While it may be possible with quite a long narrative to get that across, Filipina and South American are handy shorthand to set up the scenario.



Hmm. So this would also allow you to tell the "...throwin' away a perfectly good Nigger." joke without offense, since including blacks is shorthand to set up the scenario of dumb rednecks? Not sure the African-Americans I know would agree. Not sure Filipinas and South American women would laugh at Gino's joke.

I'm also kind'a wondering if the joke would have gotten the same reception here if Wulf, or 'Rap, or Hero (or myself) had posted it instead of Gino.

"Keep the Shiny side up"

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Friday, December 18, 2009 10:48 AM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


" "...throwin' away a perfectly good Nigger.""

I have NO idea what this is.

***************************************************************

Silence is consent.

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Friday, December 18, 2009 12:27 PM

WULFENSTAR

http://youtu.be/VUnGTXRxGHg


How about this as a joke?

"A hispanic man married a beautiful, but loud and stubborn woman.

They lived on something of a rural farm.

On the first day of their marriage, the man went out-side. He stood next to the cow they owned, and immediately shouted, "Where is my dinner?!!" The cow stood and looked blankly at the man.

The man then shot the cow in the brain-pan.

The next day, the man sat on the couch, as the prized, and much loved, cat came up to him and started purring.

The man then shouted, "Why did you not do the dishes?!!!" The cat, startled by the noise, froze in place.

The man then blew its brains out.

On the third day, the man came home after working all day.

And politely, asked his new wife, loud and as mouthy as she may be, where his dinner was.

As politely as his question was, she answered.

"It is here on the table. Ready for you. The dishes will be done as soon as you are finished."

The end.


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Friday, December 18, 2009 12:33 PM

STORYMARK


God, you are amazingly stupid. just....jaw droppingly dumb.

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

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Friday, December 18, 2009 12:36 PM

WULFENSTAR

http://youtu.be/VUnGTXRxGHg


Story...

lol aww. Its ok for a woman to break a man, but not the other way? Thats how you feel? Ok.

I, however, feel the whole thing is stupid.


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Friday, December 18, 2009 12:43 PM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


"I, however, feel the whole thing is stupid."

Which is why you posted this, third from the top:

"Yeah, violence is funny so long as its a woman doing it to a man, right Niki?"


YOU really are stupid.

***************************************************************

Silence is consent.

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Friday, December 18, 2009 12:44 PM

BYTEMITE


I'm offended on behalf of the animals, and the woman, and... You just joked. About shooting. A KITTY. :(

What exactly was the point you were trying to make there? Obey violent people?

Actually, maybe I'm just offended in general, and the joke at the beginning of the thread was just the tip of the iceberg.

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Friday, December 18, 2009 12:48 PM

WULFENSTAR

http://youtu.be/VUnGTXRxGHg


The point is that domestic violence can happen both ways. A man beating on a woman, or a woman beating on a man.

But, for some reason its only considered funny, if its a woman doing it to a man.

Yeah, marriage is a war. Like everything else. But resorting to beating on those you care about is the LAST resort.

It just makes me sick how feminists sit and try and say they are any different from those they claim to hate.

Same shit, just change the sex.


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Friday, December 18, 2009 12:57 PM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


Wait - NOW you're claiming to be against VIOLENCE ???!!!

Are you nuts ? Do you REALLY think we'd believe that ?

Oh that's right, I forgot. It's only baaaaddd if it's done to a white guy.

Never mind - go back to your little kingdom between your ears. Everything will be just fine.

***************************************************************

Silence is consent.

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Friday, December 18, 2009 1:01 PM

WULFENSTAR

http://youtu.be/VUnGTXRxGHg


Rue/Rex... never said I was against violence.

In fact I AM. If its in defense of self, family or innocent. Or, to protect God-given rights we should all share.

Where have you been?

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Friday, December 18, 2009 1:04 PM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


" If its in defense of self, family or innocent."

Except, a woman has no right to protect herself from abuse ? Is THAT what you're saying ? Jeeeze man, if you can't get a brain, get a clue. Or some really good drugs. They have drugs you know that help insanity.

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Silence is consent.

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Friday, December 18, 2009 1:06 PM

WULFENSTAR

http://youtu.be/VUnGTXRxGHg


Um, you stupid cow.... I've always advocated the defense of the weak against the strong. That includes women in abusive relationships.

You silly, alliterate, chala.... PAY ATTENTION.

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Friday, December 18, 2009 1:13 PM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


Then you would be in FAVOR of a woman doing violence to an abusive man !

So you're DOWN with the joke !

Good jooooob - you've learned SOMETHING after all !

***************************************************************

Oh, and for the stupid cow comment - how about if I call you pinkie dick ?

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Friday, December 18, 2009 1:16 PM

WULFENSTAR

http://youtu.be/VUnGTXRxGHg


Um except, asking a woman to do the dishes, or to cook a meal, doesn't deserve violence on the scale described.

Especially if the chick doesn't have a job.

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Friday, December 18, 2009 1:26 PM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!


Do you KNOW how to read ? Really ? I'm thinking not because this is what the joke ACTUALLY said

"He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed,

laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal."

And said nothing either way about a job.

Please, stop emBARE-ASSing your self.


***************************************************************

Silence is consent.

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Friday, December 18, 2009 1:29 PM

CITIZEN


Quote:

Originally posted by Wulfenstar:
How about this as a joke?

"A hispanic man married a beautiful, but loud and stubborn woman.

They lived on something of a rural farm.

On the first day of their marriage, the man went out-side. He stood next to the cow they owned, and immediately shouted, "Where is my dinner?!!" The cow stood and looked blankly at the man.

The man then shot the cow in the brain-pan.

The next day, the man sat on the couch, as the prized, and much loved, cat came up to him and started purring.

The man then shouted, "Why did you not do the dishes?!!!" The cat, startled by the noise, froze in place.

The man then blew its brains out.

On the third day, the man came home after working all day.

And politely, asked his new wife, loud and as mouthy as she may be, where his dinner was.

As politely as his question was, she answered.

"It is here on the table. Ready for you. The dishes will be done as soon as you are finished."

The end.



I'm not even sure this makes sense, as a joke or anything else. It could be funny in a sad way. Like a clown suffocating in elephant dung.

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