The Special Hellfire Club: 'When debauching old ladies put a bag on their heads' by piratenews

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The Special Hellfire Club: 'When debauching old ladies put a bag on their heads'

POSTED BY: PIRATENEWS
UPDATED: Sunday, November 13, 2011 20:45
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Wednesday, November 9, 2011 7:32 PM

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entring into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Œconomy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin’d to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!

signed Benjamin Franklin
June 25, 1745

http://www.bibliomania.com/2/9/77/124/21473/1/frameset.html

Kid: "What's a Gina?"
Sheriff Nathan Fillion: "It's a country, where Chinese people come from."
-Slither

"You can't put a price on good pussy."
-Pam, Archer, The Rock

"Rigor mortis -- the new Viagra."
-Dollhouse, Topher Brink, Epitaph 2: Return

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Wednesday, November 9, 2011 8:01 PM

FREMDFIRMA

Ok, show of hands - who here did NOT already know ole Ben was a lecherous old bastard ?

..
...

*crickets*

Yeah, thought so.

-F

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Wednesday, November 9, 2011 8:40 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

Definitely sounds like Franklin, the man _loved women, particularly the ones with whom relations could be handled in a low maintainance yet still satisfying and relational way.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Friday, November 11, 2011 8:59 PM

PIRATENEWS

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

My email was suspended for emailing this story to a friend.

The email host is infowars.net by Alex Jones based in the UK, black heart of the Rothchild's Jew World Odor, formerly known as the British Empire.

Old Ben's Satanic Hellfire Club was in England.

But I still think Old Ben was a cool cat....er, tom cat.

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Saturday, November 12, 2011 2:38 AM

OLDENGLANDDRY

Quote:
Originally posted by piratenews:

formerly known as the British Empire.

There is no "formerly" about it Old Boy.

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Saturday, November 12, 2011 3:08 AM

CANTTAKESKY

Quote:
Originally posted by RionaEire:
Definitely sounds like Franklin, the man _loved women, particularly the ones with whom relations could be handled in a low maintainance yet still satisfying and relational way.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

You just summarized his letter in one sentence. Good for you.

I think we kid ourselves if we believe not all men think like this from time to time.

-----
Never be deceived that the rich will allow you to vote away their wealth. -- Lucy Parsons (1853-1942, labor activist and anarcho-communist)

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Sunday, November 13, 2011 8:45 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

I hope your email is working again PN.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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