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REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

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POSTED BY: 6IXSTRINGJACK
UPDATED: Tuesday, September 4, 2012 07:40
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Sunday, August 19, 2012 6:15 PM

Here's me.... begging........

My brother is in the ICU right now. 2 days ago he swallowed 18,000mg of Serequel XR. His normal daily dosage was 600mg.

After two days in the ICU it seems that he's largely out of the woods. If he didn't become comatose or have a heart attack by now, he should expect a full recovery.

Unfortunately, the events leading up to that decision were deal breakers with my dad and step-mom. Without going into detail, he is not welcome in their house after the events that happened on Friday night. Let's just say that fortunately there was no bloodshed that night.

My dad won't let him live on the streets now though and will be shouldering the burden of finding an apartment in a small town that might cost 4-500 a month rent. This is money he can afford at the moment, but since he's retired and his wife doesn't work, he might be leaving his wife with very little if this goes on for too long.

Please read my page on gofundme.com

I'm not asking anybody for any money here.... I'm just wondering how I could get this out to the most people. I'm sure somebody has an idea.

My bro should be one of the first people on SSID, but they make it impossible for him while people much less worthy all around me are getting the benefits.

I'm just looking to make a safety net for him while my dad finally gets him the government help he TRULY deserves.

Mentally Ill.... A bum knee.... too depressed to work.....

They're all on benefits......

None of them can say they had a vein blow up in their head and nearly kill them when they were six.... and yet, getting my bro on SSID is like pulling teeth.

Please....

if you can.... help

if not.... please pass this along to your friends and family and let me know how to make more people see this plea

Thanks RWED,
Mark

http://www.gofundme.com/12gjt8

http://community.ovationtv.com/_SouthernCross-jpg/photo/7563315/16878.
html?enlarge=true

"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." ~Shepherd Book

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Sunday, August 19, 2012 8:57 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

Crap Jack, I thought things were going better with him lately, a little more stable etc.

In OR we have a few groups that help people get SS that have been denied. They might know of counterpart groups in IL that could help your family out with this, because it will get spendy for your dad to pay for a place for him for long. SS has a housing allowance that comes with it. In order to get housing though you have to get on waiting lists though, so that would be a longterm solution. What does he need? Does he need an apartment or a household with others and some staff, either to help just a little or a lot. Your local NAMI chapter should be able to get you started finding agencies with waitlisted housing to apply for. By the time his name comes up hopefully the SS situation will be under control.

Here are some numbers for Portland SS help services, they can maybe help you find equivelents in his area.

Disability Representatives 503-278-3200.
Bill Tom (individual that we know, NAMi sends people to him) 503-235-2426.
Action Advocates 503-855-3067.

Hope this helps.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Monday, August 20, 2012 6:42 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

Jack? How are things today?

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Tuesday, August 21, 2012 8:20 AM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)

Jack, do you mind if I share your links around via some friends?

I can't promise anything will come of it, but I number among my friends some well-to-do bleeding hearts who might be able to help, especially if there's a personal or semi-personal connection.

"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero

Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"

Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."

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Tuesday, August 21, 2012 6:01 PM

6IXSTRINGJACK

Hi Riona,

Thanks for all the advice and for checking up on us. :)

I thought things were going a lot better too, but when things blow up in this fashion you find out some things you wish hadn't been happening. I knew that things weren't ideal with my brother at my Dad's, but it seems that this moment of insanity was a time bomb just waiting to explode. The thing that sucks the worst is that I always knew it would happen.... I was just fooling myself to believe otherwise. I'm just surprised that my Dad was able to keep the lid on the Kettle for almost a full year before it boiled over.

My brother in so many ways is a truly great and brilliant man, but he carries this darkness around with him that just seems to infect anyone who is around him too long. He's proven himself completely able to do some extraordinary things I'd never imagine doing, yet at the same time he didn't even realize his unemployment benefits had been cut off 3 months earlier until his 6k nest egg was gone and he was denied a purchase of alcohol one night because of insufficient funds. When my dad moved him into his house, he found 5 letters from the Unemployment offices requesting he contact them for a review that were unopened, and they just cut him off because I wasn't there anymore to force him to do what he needed to do.

As for what does he need? I wish I could answer the question. I don't think anybody knows. I'd love to just say he needs a safety net of a roof over his head and some spending money.... but that would just be me and the rest of the family talking.... yanno, so we didn't have to worry about his necessities and we wouldn't feel guilty if he actually succeeded in killing himself next time. If he were to have an apartment and sustenance with no need for work, he'd probably just drink himself stupid everyday without anyone telling him otherwise.

Honestly, what I think he needed was my Dad, and he ruined that. I think he needs a personal life coach 24/7, which I know from experience and what has happened in the last week, is impossible. Hell... I'm his own brother and the thought of him moving into my house which is more than large enough for two normal adults is nightmarish to me.

His entire existence is a conundrum. He seems to do whatever he can in the end to make nobody want to have anything to do with him, yet he is also constantly starved for attention and a need to interact with other people at the same time. If he lived here, I'd be trapped in my locked bedroom because he'd always want to be wherever I was to talk endlessly about negative things or in-depth conversations about movies and songs I couldn't care less about.

I've been checking up on his status everyday and spending hours on the phone with my Dad and Grams (the two people who were directly impacted by the last week), and with other people in the family. I feel really guilty, but I haven't yet gone to see him. I haven't seen him since a Christmas party, and that didn't go so well between us. I just assume he'd be 10 times as unhappy to see me as I would to see him right now.

It kills me thinking about the aftermath of the bridges he's managed to burn since 22 years ago when the incident happened. When he was 6 years old, on the night of the brain surgery, there must have been 50+ people in the waiting room for hours hoping to hear some good news..... Since he tried to off himself 4 days ago, the only visitors he's had were my Dad and Grams.

It makes you wonder what the point of all of this really is. If he was going to be stripped of any chance of a decent life at 6 years old, why couldn't his intelligence have been erased as well? Why allow him the will and strength to live through an ordeal that nobody else has ever lived through, at at a great physical price, and then leave him with the intellect to realize as he got older, every second of every day what a shitty hand he got dealt?

As far as where he is now... It looks like there is no noticeable damage. He's talking coherent again and seems just as he was before, for better or for worse. The only negative now is that he managed to contract Pneumonia in one lung in his 3 day stay. He'll have to wait that out now that he's in his own room. From there, he's being shipped to the local psych ward. I'm sure they'll just keep him for 10 days again and send him on his way since our state is just as bankrupt as the nation is.

4 days in the ICU, a CAT scan, X Days until the Pneumonia fades, and a visit to the psych ward when it's all over. I can't imagine that will be any cheaper than my house was. Even if he gets his shit together someday, that is a debt that will always be looming over him, as if he didn't have enough on his plate....

On the bright side, he has always been an idiot when it comes to money, so maybe he won't even notice it. Better for him that way, since he'll never be able to pay it off.

I'll pass those numbers along to my Dad, Riona. Thanks for that. I leave all of this in his very capable hands. I know that once the "lawyer stage" saw its course, he'd have the support he needs. Unfortunately, after this ordeal, time is of the essence, and it may take 12-24 months for his case to be processed before benefits kick in.

I just wish I was making what I made back in 2009. I'll kick in whatever meaningless amount I can now, but I would have been able to bear half the costs back then easy.

Here's hoping for a quick trial or for some other good news...... Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Thanks,
~6

Hey Kwick,

I don't mind, man. I appreciate you even asking.

No pressure. I don't expect anything. If I can even get just a few of my own struggling family to shell out a few bucks in support I'd be surprised.

Thanks for that :)
~6

"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." ~Shepherd Book

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Tuesday, August 21, 2012 6:52 PM

6IXSTRINGJACK

I just wanted to add a few photos that Matt's made on his Ovation page. His favorite of mine isn't up there, but he's got over 400 pictures that he's edited and uploaded for the world to see.

I might scan my favorite "Dead End" for the world to see if he isn't around to tell me not to one day....

I implore you to check his page out. Some of these pics were takin in NY and D.C. and California. He actually hopped on a train and took a coast to coast venture on his own last year. He spent some nights in hostels and even got woken up by a cop in Central Park while he took a nap on a bench who thought he was a vagrant to take them.

No worries about his camera being stolen though..... He had it handcuffed to his Pelican breifcase....

Scary, I know... but when you're sleeping on a bench in a bad neighborhood at night, and you're a stranger in a strange land, who's the bigger asshole...? The terrorist with a bomb in a breifcase, or my brother who is 1,200 miles away from home sleeping on a park bench for 3 hours between pics?

Hindsight:

Fortress of Solitude:

Declaration of War:

Southern Cross:

Eternal Blue:

Dearly Departed:

One of my absolute favorites......

Dreamscape:

And a few pictures of the man himself...

"Soul Edge"

"Of Two Minds"

Is it just me, or is it pretty awesome (scary) how he got the half-smile/half-frown in there? This pic reminds me of the one-eyed-Jack in a poker deck.....

"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." ~Shepherd Book

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Tuesday, August 21, 2012 7:36 PM

BYTEMITE

Jack, I'm posting here only to say: Just link your PAYPAL ACCOUNT INFO. If you don't have a paypal account, get one.

That site you linked to is a horror fest of unsecured and blatantly obvious financial information phishing. Your brother needs help, so get yourself on a trustworthy site people can wire you money but which won't screw them over when they try to help you.

I have 30 dollars in my paypal account, but I'm wiring thirty more in, so hurry yer ass up already yeah?

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Thursday, August 23, 2012 5:09 AM

6IXSTRINGJACK

Hey Byte,

Seriously, thanks for the thought.

I already removed my post from the site before reading your post. I spoke with my Dad and he doesn't want help outside of the family. That's going to make that tough for him because I don't think the family is in much of a position to help. I'm going to do what I can, and hopefully I can get a better job soon and kick in more.

I kind of see where he's coming from. He's a lot more old school than I am and I've got my own reservations about doing that. Of course, I wouldn't feel right about taking any money without showing where every cent was going. If I felt that there was a silver lining at the end of this I'd be more enthused about it, but I don't have high hopes for the outcome and I'd rather not involve good people in something that could implode at any time.

Dad and I might change our minds about this in the future, but it wouldn't be until a game plan has been set and we have some sort of idea of when he'd be on SSID and that this might all work out.

Everything's kind of in limbo now. I'll let you know when I find out more and hopefully some of it is good news. At least all he got out of this was Pneumonia and a hospital bill he'll never be able to pay off. Things could have been a lot worse.

Best Wishes,
~6

"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." ~Shepherd Book

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Thursday, August 23, 2012 7:51 AM

KWICKO

SSID is notoriously hard to get approved for. There seems to be a mentality of "make 'em really WORK FOR IT, that way we'll weed out the weak and lazy."

My sis-in-law just got approved for SSID. She's got MS, and has had for years now. It took another sis-in-law, a diagnostician who fills out government paperwork every day as part of her job, to get her through all the morass of red tape to finally get approved.

Keep us posted, set up a PayPal account (it's so easy even I did it!), and let us help when we can. There's no shame in letting people help who want to, and can.

You and I do not get along, but this is your brother, and he's important to you, and he's a human who is hurting and in need. That transcends politics or any other BS.

"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero

Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"

Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."

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Thursday, August 23, 2012 11:24 AM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

It sounds like you guys feel he'll be okay in an apartment by himself. I'm really hoping you can get help from someone getting the SS because I know you've already been denied once, when denied one has to appeal within 60 days or else one has to start all over again, this is to weed people out. Its typical to get denied the first time so your situation is not unusual.

Where will he stay from getting out of the hospital until getting an appt.? In Portland we have a couple of low income appt options. We have the kind you get when you're on section 8, the kind you get when you're on social security and the low rent kind, which are a bit cheaper than regular appts. Its fairly easy to get into a low rent appt. here as long as you jump through a few hoops and don't have bad credit. But getting into section 8 and other appts like that is notoriously difficult, the waiting list is only opened a couple of times a year.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Friday, August 24, 2012 2:42 AM

6IXSTRINGJACK

Hey Kwick,

I kind of appreciate how hard it is to get on SSID, or a LOT more people would be on it. I think it's sad though that the process has to be so unbiasedly difficult for every case that somebody who suffered multiple strokes from blood pushing up against his brain and his skull when he was only 6 has such a difficult time. The same could be said for your in-law and the MS. I just get angry because I personally know people my own age who are perfectly capable of working but they're "too depressed" and they take pills.

Your sis-in-law was lucky she had somebody to do all that work for her. If anybody can do it for my brother, it's my dad. Unfortunately, since he didn't get the first round, he probably won't get the second round. My Dad and I are pretty confident that when it goes to court there's no way he could be denied, and he'd even get paid retroactively minus lawyer fees at that point, but that could be more than 2 years from now.

I really do appreciate the offers for help. I'm not turning them down, but I have to see how this plays out and what my Dad plans on doing next. With everything blowing in the wind as it is now, I don't even want to be accepting any money from anybody just yet.

Thanks as well for looking past our differences here. I'm quite confident that we're both much better people in real life then we might come off as when we're arguing online.

Hey Riona,

I'd love to say that he would be okay in an apartment by himself, but after I left his apartment and he was alone last spring, he drank a pot of extra caffeinated coffee the moment he woke up and the rest of the day/night before he went to sleep the second the coffee ran out he was drinking a fifth of vodka or more before he passed out and started the cycle the next day. At least this time my dad would be a part of his life and check up on him regularly.

It's not ideal, but there's no other option at this point. He burned so many people in the family, and even physically abused some of them, myself included. The few people who really would take him in are just afraid that it might be the worst mistake they've ever made. I'm just sad that my Dad had to find that lesson out the hard way. Things seemed to be going pretty good until the last few weeks.

If there's a cheap housing option that's doable, my Dad will find it. Right now he's talking about putting him in a remote area where rent would be cheaper. Again, this is not ideal because the further away he is from my Dad the less interaction they will have.

I'm sure that when it goes to court he will get on SSID. He'll have now spent two times in barely over a year in a psych ward (forced), and this time there was actually a suicide attempt. Regardless of his history, the government has taken the stand that since he's physically capable of working an assembly line, he is not eligible for SSID. I think it's getting harder for them to deny that he is not only a danger to himself, but potentially a danger to anyone he works with/for.

I wish I could be the one to step up and take him in. I'd just have to know for a fact that he'd get on benefits in a certain time frame and it would be over someday. My guilt would never allow me to kick him to the curb, but in his state of mind I don't want to spend more than a few hours with him at any given time let alone months or years, or.... forever...

I don't know if you ever watch Warehouse 13, but my other bro turned me on to it. One of my favorite things about that show is something a lot of people might not notice. They have an Excellent soundtrack. I just finished the 2 part episode of the 3rd season yesterday. I've never heard of the band Placebo before, but their song "Running up that Hill" is amazing. The way that they used it at the end of the first of two parts, which is the first time there was any sense of real loss on the show, was one of the more powerful moments in TV History in my opinion.

It's just so funny, the timing of things like this. I'm sure that that scene was even more dramatic for me because of the lyrics to this great song and how, while half of me was paying attention to what was happening on the show, the other half of me was imagining my own relationship with my brother. I must have watched that 4-5 minute segment about 3 times....

Thanks to everyone who has posted warm and supportive thoughts. I hope that things are generally looking up in your little corner of the world. Here's looking for bluer skies for all of us in the near future.

~6

"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." ~Shepherd Book

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Sunday, August 26, 2012 7:30 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

It sounds like you guys have tried having him live with you and it doesn't work, he's tried with multiple family members and it sounds like everyone gave it a good effort but it just isn't an option at this point. Maybe an apartment where he's checked on regularly would be enough, but if it isn't then you need to look at a group home situation or an apartment-with-staff situation. Those are hard to get into so the sooner you guys start trying the sooner you'll find something. Its hard though right now since you aren't quite sure what he needs. I'd say try an apartment, but look into more supported options in case the apartment doesn't work out for him.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Monday, August 27, 2012 4:57 AM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.

AFA your bro and SSI is concerned, I had no problems at all getting my dd on SSI. What I DID have in my back pocket was a raft of neuropsych evaluations all the way back to babyhood, plus early admission into a Federally-funded support service for "at-risk" children, plus a hx of seizures and medical admissions. ALL info along those line to prove his case will help.

What might have done it was the last out-of-pocket neuropsych eval done at a large university-affiliated institution which says flat-out that my dd will never be independent. I asked them ahead of time to specifically address that point when I plunked my money down. It was hard to read, but useful for her in all kinds of ways aside from SSI. What I really appreciate is eligibility for Medicaid and (ultimately) useful for Medicare (as a dependent of a person who has paid into Social Security). It may be useful for your bro, since your dad is prolly on Social Security now.

I know how hard it is. You have my warm support; and if you decide you need some $$, that too.

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Monday, August 27, 2012 8:42 AM

1KIKI

Goodbye, kind world (George Monbiot) - In common with all those generations which have contemplated catastrophe, we appear to be incapable of understanding what confronts us.

Just wondering - is your brother a ward of someone else who has medical/ legal proxy over his affairs? It will be much easier to get an evaluation and shepherd him through the process if that is the case. However, if he is legally considered capable of managing his own affairs, you will have to wheedle/ cajole/ bribe/ bully/ whatever it takes to get him to participate in the process.

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Wednesday, August 29, 2012 7:16 PM

6IXSTRINGJACK

Hey Riona,

Group living is a nice suggestion, but unless they hid the belts and shoestrings from him I don't think he'd last there long. I'm sure he feels that he's above group/assisted living and when he couldn't end it on his own terms, he'd do something to get himself kicked out. He can't even keep it together around people who love him, under a roof where the only rules are no drinking and smoking. Take those two rules and multiply them by 10 in a group living situation with people he doesn't know and things are bound to get ugly.

I don't know the answer because, really, I don't think there is an answer. If he could make the money he needed to live doing what he loved (photography), I think he'd be okay no matter where he lived, but short of that I don't think he'll ever be manageable or able to manage himself.

Hey ikki,

Becoming a legal guardian is also a great suggestion, but I don't think it's going to happen.

The lawyer we saw when we got him committed last year highly recommended securing legal "guardianship" over him, but especially since he'd never willingly go for that, she said that it can be a very lengthy and expensive process. At the moment, time seems to be an issue, and if we had money to pay lawyers to do their lawyerly things, we'd be paying for his welfare instead.

He's "legally" considered capable of managing his own affairs, sure, but in practice he's completely unable to do so. I managed to get him on unemployment when he quit (as far as I know, he's the only person who quit a job that got unemployment).... 7 months later, he didn't even open his mail or check his email. All he had to do to keep the unemployment coming in was call and confirm the original story. Hell... at that point we were still talking and he could have asked me to be on the phone with him again, like when we got him on the benefits.

Four months after that, not only had his benefits stopped being paid, but he went through the last 6k he had in the bank, not realizing that he had no income. He had absolutely no idea of his "status" in life because he never bothered to look at his bank account online one single time between April when I left and the end of August when his debit card was maxed out. The state is also going to garnish his wages for an unemployment overpayment of 1700 bucks when he gets a job as well. Had he any idea how to manage himself, his benefits would have just run out about a month ago, assuming he wasn't working, and he wouldn't have dipped much into that 6k that used to be in the bank.

I suggested that to my Dad before things went south. He wasn't interested in it at the time. He may be reconsidering that now, but it is what it is.

Hey Signy,

dd = "dear daughter"?

In my case, it would be "Designated Downer" :)

Had my Dad been able to be more a part of Matt's life, he would have been taken care of now. My Mom got custody rights though and really didn't do anything he needed for his future. She just relied on a BS school system to get him where he needed to go. To add insult to injury, somewhere between his Jr. High and High School, they "lost" everything that was documented in his past, and the fact that he went to a "special" school for 4 years before going to a normal Jr. High.

POOF!!!!!!!

Without any copies, it's as if it never happened. Just one of the things my Dad would have had copies of.

If you saw my bro back when it happened and for many years afterward, you would have said hands down he needed financial support. Somewhere along the way though, that stubborn SOB managed to "fix" himself just enough where he is considered capable enough of work. It's just too bad that those same years robbed him of his humanity. A Sociopath and Narcissistic to a tee... if he didn't honestly believe himself to be 100 times as smart as anyone around him and at least had a foothold in reality, he'd probably be one of the best con-men of our day.

As it is, one day he "hates" God, and the next day he "IS" God. I've said before that I think he has multiple personalities, but nobody has figured that out yet because they all have the same name.

He's currently undergoing his second forced stay at a mental health hospital in 2 years, this time because he tried to kill himself. Hopefully they keep him longer this time and don't just OD him on anti-psychotics and anti-depressants and let him back into the wild.

Unfortunately, there is no money at all in the family to do an out of pocket exam from a respected Doctor. We're forced to have, yet a second one done by the Doctors that barely passed med school and are funded on the State's dime. Maybe they're better at this hospital, but after what they did to him a year ago at the other hospital I have no respect for them. Quite frankly, if that's the "help" they're giving out to people who really need it, they have not an inch more respect for themselves anyhow.

Thanks for the support Signy. :)

"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." ~Shepherd Book

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Wednesday, August 29, 2012 7:31 PM

1KIKI

Goodbye, kind world (George Monbiot) - In common with all those generations which have contemplated catastrophe, we appear to be incapable of understanding what confronts us.

Is he gullible enough to get him to participate in a neuropsych evaluation by telling him you think he's too dumb to pass the test?

If you think you can get him to participate, arranging the evaluation should be easier.

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Thursday, August 30, 2012 8:34 AM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

Its highly highly highly unlikely that he has disociative identity disorder (multiple personalities), his mood swings and changes sound like they cycle which is more bipolar perhaps. Yeah guardianship is difficult to obtain, it takes money and time, for some people it really is the best option, especially for ones who behave in a difficult fashion like your brother, but again its hard to obtain because we live in a country that is very pro individual rights.

I need help managing my affairs and my mother helps me, there's no need for her to seek guardianship over me though because I'm keenly aware that I need asistance and am very willing to get help when I need it. Your mom sounds like a dork, keeping copies of stuff is pretty important in these situations.

Is he still in hospital? The thing about hospitals is that they only keep you a short time, their goal is to get you out. Getting a second opinion might be worth while, but I don't know that a private opinion is inherrantly any better, but try anyways. Insist to the hospital also that they do everything, MRIs etc. Especially since this was injury induced.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Friday, August 31, 2012 3:05 AM

6IXSTRINGJACK

Quote:
Originally posted by 1kiki:
Is he gullible enough to get him to participate in a neuropsych evaluation by telling him you think he's too dumb to pass the test?

If you think you can get him to participate, arranging the evaluation should be easier.

Years ago this tactic might have worked, but we're barely on speaking terms at the moment. If I said anything to him like that at this stage, he'd put me back on the top of his "list".

He knows that I believe him to be one of the smartest people I know anyways. In some ways he does a lot of dumb things and it's pretty apparent he's always going to need a life coach to do some of the basic stuff, but things he takes an interest in he can memorize every little detail and bore you with them.

There is also the question of who would pay for it? For all I know, that's what he's getting right now, but the doctors won't talk to anyone about it since he's an adult. Maybe when it's done this time my Dad can get the information through him after he gets out and we can go from there.

Quote:
Originally posted by RionaEire:
Its highly highly highly unlikely that he has disociative identity disorder (multiple personalities), his mood swings and changes sound like they cycle which is more bipolar perhaps. Yeah guardianship is difficult to obtain, it takes money and time, for some people it really is the best option, especially for ones who behave in a difficult fashion like your brother, but again its hard to obtain because we live in a country that is very pro individual rights.

I need help managing my affairs and my mother helps me, there's no need for her to seek guardianship over me though because I'm keenly aware that I need asistance and am very willing to get help when I need it. Your mom sounds like a dork, keeping copies of stuff is pretty important in these situations.

Is he still in hospital? The thing about hospitals is that they only keep you a short time, their goal is to get you out. Getting a second opinion might be worth while, but I don't know that a private opinion is inherrantly any better, but try anyways. Insist to the hospital also that they do everything, MRIs etc. Especially since this was injury induced.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

I know I shouldn't joke about things like this but I don't really think he's got multiple personalities. He's just so far off the map every single day that you can never predict what he's going to do next. They definitely think he's bipolar.

I could spend the next 5 years being pissed at my mom for failing him as the custodial parent, but she's only human. She's made a lot of mistakes over the years, and just like my bro, she's burned a lot of bridges. She also recently got diagnosed as bi-polar and between the meds, her not being a slave to her job anymore, and her new found church going activities she's mellowed out substantially and for the first time in far more than a decade I can say I actually enjoy her company when we all get together.

The fallout from that marriage had been done many years ago and there's no undoing any of that now. I could let it continue to fester and dominate my every thought and end up just like my bro or I can just forgive other people for being self-absorbed a-holes in the past and hope that others forgive me for doing the same thing when I do it. My goal in life now is to live the most stress free existence possible, so you can guess which way I'm going there...

He's still in the hospital. He'll probably be released sometime next week. I have no idea what will come of the situation at that point. I'd love to play a larger role in this, but I just can't. I haven't slept well since the incident took place, and I've been having very bizarre dreams when I do actually sleep. There's just nothing that I can do for him now. I'm not financially in a position to help somebody who doesn't seem to give two craps about helping himself. If he was at least able to mellow out and get a job and pay 400 bucks a month and do some chores, I'd love to have him around, but I refuse to take care of two people here with no assistance, even if I was 100% sure he'd not murder me in my sleep or burn the house down if I said something he didn't like.

You seem very capable to me Riona. You should work with your mom to teach you how to do whatever it is you now feel the need for her to assist you with. After I left my bro's apartment (and virtually his life), he didn't take a single moment to verify any of his bottom line and he went from being in a semi-decent unemployment scenario to a "I'm getting evicted, I have zero dollars in the bank, and I didn't even realize that I had no income the last 4 months" situation. That was going on the whole 4 months, but it hit him like a ton of bricks that night when the decision to walk out of the liquor store with either the smokes or the booze was the only option left for him.

He's delusional and belligerant. You're obviously not. Don't let this time slip away for you or you could end up one day in the same position when your Mom isn't around to help out anymore.

Give a man a fish and he won't go hungry for the day. Teach a man how to fish and he won't go hungry for the rest of his life.

"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." ~Shepherd Book

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Friday, August 31, 2012 3:08 PM

MAGONSDAUGHTER

Is he not eligible for some sort of pension or social security?

Can he stay with you for awhile? I remember you saying you had your own house. Sounds like he needs monitoring and some medication to lift him out of the darkness that he is in right now.

Hope all works out okay.

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Friday, August 31, 2012 4:58 PM

BYTEMITE

My grandma who had all the issues, in the worst stage of her alcoholism and just after a heartattack and drugged up, butted against paranoid, delusional, and psychotic. We had to deal with her pulling knives on us and breaking down the bathroom door because she was about to electrocute herself in the bathtub. We still don't know if it was just an act. She tended to be WAAAAY overdramatic and a little histrionic.

It doesn't sound like she was as bad as your brother, but, I do know it's pretty hard to deal with, and you have enough problems of your own. Being around someone who drinks as much as it sounds like your brother does probably is even dangerous for you, because you're trying to get a handle on things yourself. At the same time, you know you have to do something... So maybe you've kind of already decided.

And who knows? Maybe he'll be wanting to get out of that hospital now so badly that he'll be glad to see you. If not, since fear about getting kicked out of your dad's house prompted this incident, he might not be suicidal anymore once he's got a place to stay. So maybe if you take him home then give him some space at first he'll come around.

I also think that it's important to recognize what a person's tendencies are. If your brother gets into fights but has never killed anyone or started fires, he may not have that tendency. But hopefully you have home owners insurance.

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Sunday, September 2, 2012 4:51 PM

6IXSTRINGJACK

Quote:
Originally posted by Magonsdaughter:
Is he not eligible for some sort of pension or social security?

Can he stay with you for awhile? I remember you saying you had your own house. Sounds like he needs monitoring and some medication to lift him out of the darkness that he is in right now.

Hope all works out okay.

Hey MD, Thanks :)

No pension... he's only just turned 29 yesterday. (Two years in a row now he's spent his birthday in the hospital for a psych eval). We're trying to get him on Social Security, but just like getting a union job there's no cutting corners if you don't have connections and you have to fight to the bitter end to get it done.

He's on meds, and actually, after my dad got him off the massive overdose the first hospital gave him and worked with a personally funded psychiatrist to get a more leveled out dosage, things seemed to be going well for nearly a year. All it took was one night of mild drinking without my dad's supervision and he went batshit crazy again.

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
My grandma who had all the issues, in the worst stage of her alcoholism and just after a heartattack and drugged up, butted against paranoid, delusional, and psychotic. We had to deal with her pulling knives on us and breaking down the bathroom door because she was about to electrocute herself in the bathtub. We still don't know if it was just an act. She tended to be WAAAAY overdramatic and a little histrionic.

It doesn't sound like she was as bad as your brother, but, I do know it's pretty hard to deal with, and you have enough problems of your own. Being around someone who drinks as much as it sounds like your brother does probably is even dangerous for you, because you're trying to get a handle on things yourself. At the same time, you know you have to do something... So maybe you've kind of already decided.

And who knows? Maybe he'll be wanting to get out of that hospital now so badly that he'll be glad to see you. If not, since fear about getting kicked out of your dad's house prompted this incident, he might not be suicidal anymore once he's got a place to stay. So maybe if you take him home then give him some space at first he'll come around.

I also think that it's important to recognize what a person's tendencies are. If your brother gets into fights but has never killed anyone or started fires, he may not have that tendency. But hopefully you have home owners insurance.

Hey Byte,

Wow... I'm sorry that you can even relate to the craziness of a loved one going off the map. It was probably a little bit of both.... just looking for attention, but also deep down really wanting to do it. My brother has been flat out telling me he wanted to kill himself for nearly 2 years now, but I think if he really wanted to do it and it wasn't just a tool of manipulation, he would have just silently did it like my Uncle did. Even this overdose doesn't prove he wanted to truly end his life. My Dad said that one of the first things he said when he was awake was "did you talk to [stepmom]", as if he thought that waking up on the other side of this action would "buy" his way back into the house after what he said and did earlier that night.

Fortunately for me, I have a large support group of people who would beat me over the head before I took him back in. I do have a house, I'm unmarried with children and I have very little responsibility besides working a crap job to pay the remaining bills. Looking at it from one angle, it would seem that I'm the ideal candidate for taking him in. There's just a few problems with that though.

As you've mentioned, I have my own problems with alcohol. On my own, they're "under control" as in, I don't hurt anybody but myself. I never drink before going to work, and I never show up late or miss a day at work. I'm not worried that my own problems would be exacerbated with him here because the house is so big, but I can't give my brother what my Dad could.... That is, a role model. If he managed to find any means of getting money, he'd buy booze with it and if I told him he couldn't drink it, he'd throw my own drinking in my face and it would cause another fight.

I'm quite certain, given his current situation, he'd be more than happy to see me again at first. He was definately a much different person around my Dad's house when he took him in at the last moment just over a year ago. Eventually though, after he got comfortable, my Dad and Stepmom's house became "HIS" house and he started yelling at her when she had the nerve to wake him up after 10AM to vacuum the floor in the room outside his bedroom. That's what I'm afraid of... the long term...

I don't think even my Dad would allow it. He's come up with a temporary plan until adequate housing can be found until the court date, and I offered a reprieve of a few days here and there where I could take him in, but my Dad said no.

His tenancies.....???? Your guess is as good as mine about them. How do you classify somebody who does "whatever feels right" at any given time? One week he's drinking 10 gallons of vodka and writing insults and death threats to everyone in the family. The very next week he hops on a train and spends two weeks sleeping in hostiles and on park benches with his photography equipment handcuffed to his wrist in NYC, L.A. and Washington D.C.

When I first moved in with him in Dec of 2010 he told me about recurring dreams he had where everybody in the family was throwing shit (actual human crap) at him and that I was the only one telling everyone to stop. When I finally bailed I had life-long bite marks on my wrist and stomach, my nose had been broken and the wolverine cat scratches on my face had thankfully healed with no lasting scars. I was also "this" close to having a record for domestic abuse one night. If the rest of my family hadn't stepped up to defend my position, I'd have that on my otherwise spotless legal record. (save a few speeding violations).

He's an enigma. He can't live alone without people to talk to, but he can't live with anyone unless they eventually kneel before his desires 24/7.

The sad thing is, I actually understand it a bit. I can be just a manipulative of people around me at work and in my personal life as he's capable of. The only two differences are that I feel guilty about using people when I do and that I'm not so blinded by an idiotic belief that I'm superior to everyone that I get sloppy about it and piss everyone off while I'm doing it.

That's why, I believe, he goes to these verbal and physical abuse extremes. When things don't work out like his "Lex Luthor" mind predicted, and the "puppets don't dance" for him like he expected, he backs himself into a corner and then he lashes out like a wild animal.

It's so messed up.....

Even after his "ordeal" as a child, for many years, he was so upbeat and did hundreds of things nobody thought he'd ever be able to do. The first 10 or so years afterward he could have just hated the world and gave up, but he always tried to work harder and always had a smile on his face.

Somewhere between when I was kicked out of the house at 19 (for being caught smoking in my bedroom) and I came back into his life when I was 27 he turned into an unpredictable "monster" for lack of a better word. I think it probably happened after my other bro went into the Army and he was left alone for years.

The entire time I lived with him between Nov '10 and April of 2011, the music and movies and video games he wanted me to "experience" were creeping me out. Most everything media-wise was so dark and depressing and hateful and self-hating at the same time.

Once I shut myself off from his onslaught of these horrible things is when we started having the fights.

Don't get me wrong... I know about depression and I'm far from being the "happy whistler", but I can't even imagine a world where every single thought I ever had and obsessed over were so negative that the only way to get out of one frame of mind is to dive deeper into a worse frame of mind.

I don't blame him or hate him for his thoughts, actions or feelings. He suffered at only 6 years old more than anyone ever should, and unless there's a true reason why he's still here today, God should have just let him die 23 years ago on that operating table.

Why would he be allowed by a greater power to be reconstructed to 80% of what he was in a civilization that can't even afford to pay for itself, let alone help those TRULY in need?

I can't even imagine what goes through his head from day to day, let alone second to second. I'm mildly stressed out that my shitty part time minimum wage job barely pays the bills. He lives in a life now that has a nearly 100k hospital bill that will be a raincloud over him for the rest of his life, let alone that he'd be lucky to have and keep my job.

Not only do I think that it would be wise to allow him SS immediately, but I think that whoever denies him on this second attempt before it goes to court and might take up to 48 months, should be personally held accountable for whatever he does to himself or anybody else before the trial.

I don't know about you, but I know I wouldn't sleep well at night knowing that a month after I denied somebody for SS they went out and murdered people. He'd likely only kill himself in the end and it wouldn't come to that, but who knows? What vile video game did he play that day or what vile song did he listen to on loop for 8 hours before he went out that night?

I love him, like a brother should, but even my other brother wrote him off a while ago. My own demons are afraid of him, and what he's allowed himself to become.

"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." ~Shepherd Book

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Sunday, September 2, 2012 5:07 PM

1KIKI

Goodbye, kind world (George Monbiot) - In common with all those generations which have contemplated catastrophe, we appear to be incapable of understanding what confronts us.

Damn that's tough. Too bad we don't know how to fix people, or even figure out what's really wrong.

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Sunday, September 2, 2012 6:54 PM

BYTEMITE

Well, what I can say to that is that is you get him on SSID,that hospital bill goes away. But if he doesn't get on SSID, the collectors that the hospital might kick the bill to can't actually do anything if you don't have any money, except harass you over the phone a little bit.

I know you probably don't like that, because you don't like having debts, but that's the way it is. In fairness, it's pretty stupid backwards ass that a hospital will charge someone 100K just for STAYING there and taking up a bed for a couple weeks.

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Monday, September 3, 2012 6:34 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

Hi Jack, I understand why you can't have him live with you at this time. Maybe there will be a time in future when that is a possibility but it sounds like this isn't that time, he's very volitile at present and that could be dangerous to you, sounds like it already has been in the not so distant past.

I may "sound" capable but I've got some pretty significant mental illness under my belt unfortunately. It is what it is.

I'm glad your dad thought of a plan for now, that's good. If he gets SS soon enough it will be good. Also try to get him on whatever IL's public insurance is, here its OHP, = medicaid.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Tuesday, September 4, 2012 7:40 AM

PIRATENEWS

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

Quote:
Originally posted by 6ixStringJack:

My bro should be one of the first people on SSID, but they make it impossible for him while people much less worthy all around me are getting the benefits.

I'm just looking to make a safety net for him while my dad finally gets him the government help he TRULY deserves.

The suicide attempt will actually make it "easier" to win a Disability case. Silver lining...glass half full. While on a disability pension, he can get paid by a govt Pell Grant to go back to college to study photography "for fun" without stress, and can even work almost full time without losing SSI or other benefits.

SSI is not enough money to live on, but with food stamps and local free housing it would be enough. But that requires living in a govt-owned crack neighborhood with teen hookers selling sex for a cut of that disability check. Local social workers can help with applying for welfare.

If you have any questions on winning an appeal for SSI, and speeding up the process by YEARS, PM me. There is a Top Secret form that's REQUIRED to win in SSA court, that SSA will NEVER tell you to use, and that Top Secret form is not available on any SSA website or office. No lawyer can win a Disability case without this Top Secret form. No lawyer will take an SSI case, sicne they cannot get paid in advance by SSA.

The name of this Top Secret form is "Residual Functional Capacity Questionaire". It must be drafted specific for the medical condition of the disabled person, and can only be filled out by their disabled person's own doctor(s). It let's the doctor estimate how much the disease(s) degrade the patient's ABILITY TO WORK. I paid my doctor $100 to fill it out, when her normal fee to testify for a lawyer in a Social Security Disability case is $600/hour.

This Top Secret document trumps ALL opinions by SSA doctors, who are paid by the govt to steal your money and benefits.

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