sex addiction myth by canttakesky

Both. Anything that stimulates the limbic system and releases endorphins can become addictive. But people also probably use the term for socially unacceptable behaviour.

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Wednesday, February 6, 2013 5:54 PM

Quote:
Epidemic or hype?

I don't understand why both of those options have to be mutually exclusive.

Quote:
Both. Anything that stimulates the limbic system and releases endorphins can become addictive. But people also probably use the term for socially unacceptable behaviour.

Again, I don't understand why both of those options have to be mutually exclusive.

I'll let you get back to your pondering now.....

Several jobs I've had required my ability to multi-task, and I was no stranger to working two mice at a time, flipping quick from keyboard to keyboard, and looking at two different computer screens. I've become quite ambidextrous over the years, and even though I still throw a ball "like a girl" with my left hand, that same hand can make anyone, including myself, rapturously exclaim "aye Poppi!" while making myself a sandwich at the same time with my right hand.

I haven't yet mastered the skill of getting myself off with my feet yet, so all this "thinking" and two handed typing is harshing my endorphin buzz.

As you were.....

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Wednesday, February 6, 2013 6:30 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)

Prob'ly wanna be extra careful with the mayo on that sammich.

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Wednesday, February 6, 2013 6:40 PM

KWICKO

Some people can like sex, enjoy it, and have it now and again, and never get obsessed or addicted. Some people are like that with coke or booze, too.

Others, once is too much and a thousand's not enough. The mechanics of addiction aren't that different, but not everybody is susceptible to the same degree, or to the same substances. One guy gets hooked on coke, one on heroin, another on gambling, and another on whacking it to online porn. But they're all chasing that chemical release. (the one in the brain, that is)

"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero

"I was wrong" - Hero, 2012

Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"

Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."

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Wednesday, February 6, 2013 7:37 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

As someone with an addictive personality I try to go with "moderation in all things". I'm not always perfect at it, but I get better at achieving that balance as I get older.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Wednesday, February 6, 2013 7:49 PM

Quote:
(the one in the brain, that is)

Nail on the head....

When I gave up nearly all drugs (booze, weed, coffee) for about 4 years, I supplemented that with about 30 hours a week of working out....

Sure, if you're only looking at "longevity", that was the right choice, but in the end, the reality was that I was only replacing multiple sources of potential endorphin release with one fixed daily source of them.

In the mean time, I didn't stop finding somebody to bed or find that pleasure on my own...

If anything, being free of all of those restraints made me seek that particular pleasure out even more.

"Sex addiction" is just a part of a large "ball" of addictions. Usually, a sex addiction will not be found alone without other addictions, because a "sex addict" is likely prone to becoming addicted to nearly anything thrown at him or her.

Sadly, after peeling away the layers, the addiction to sex is likely the least worrisome, destructive or embarrassing problem the subject has.

At least the "desire for sex" is inherent, and a biological imperative. The rest of the cocoon they've encased themselves in have little more merit than passing the time enjoyably, to their tolerance-built standards.....

I can guarantee you that whatever vanilla fluff "makes your day" that I wouldn't even be phased by it Kwick. It's not bragging on my part. I wish I was more like that.

Love, to me, is very hard on the knees...

I'll never be happy, because, I'll never be happy with a girl that is happy with me... even if she is beautiful inside and out. I've dated mostly "awesome" looking girls in my past, but something in my mind snaps when that happens.

Where I saw "perfection" before, I start noticing every flaw..... What's wrong with her, if she wants anything to do with me?

I've never dated a super-model before, but I'm sure I'd find a way to ruin that too if I felt for a second she actually cared about me.

I've dated a few Kohl's and JCPenny models before. The problem is, after dating them for a while and after getting comfortable, I start to hate them for treating me as an equal. I always make those relationships explode.

I'm old... 33... grey hair in my temples and overall crumpled....

I just don't care about that anymore.....

I'm tired of hurting girls who can't control me....

I'm tired of girls who can control me hurting me......

I think I'll just keep my sex addiction, and any other addictions I have at this point to myself...

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Thursday, February 7, 2013 7:10 AM

Interesting. This thread had a potential before, but it has dived into the deep end of "things I don't need to know."

But suffice to say, an addiction is something that impedes regular functioning in daily life - therefore all addictions are bad. Justifications for it, like "this is how I cope with how crappy my life is" are just happy lies, because the addictions actually contribute to the misery.

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Thursday, February 7, 2013 8:56 AM

KWICKO

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Interesting. This thread had a potential before, but it has dived into the deep end of "things I don't need to know."

But suffice to say, an addiction is something that impedes regular functioning in daily life - therefore all addictions are bad. Justifications for it, like "this is how I cope with how crappy my life is" are just happy lies, because the addictions actually contribute to the misery.

Or, as Lewis Black says, if you masturbate twenty times a day, you'll never get out of the house. You might make it to the front door, but when you grab the doorknob and try to open the door, you'll pass out.

"I supported Bush in 2000 and 2004 and intellegence [sic] had very little to do with that decision." - Hero

"I was wrong" - Hero, 2012

Mitt Romney, introducing his running mate: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States, Paul Ryan!"

Rappy's response? "You're lying, gullible ( believing in some BS you heard on msnbc ) or hard of hearing."

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Thursday, February 7, 2013 9:19 AM

JONGSSTRAW

I had only gone out with a few girls before I met a girl in college who I fell in love with and asked to marry. That's the way I grew up believing how it was supposed to be. And I was right. Next year we'll be celebrating our 40th anniversary.

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Thursday, February 7, 2013 10:05 AM

CANTTAKESKY

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
...This thread had a potential before, but it has dived into the deep end of "things I don't need to know."

LOL. That is 90% of RWED.

-----

Disobedience is not an issue if obedience is not the goal.

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Thursday, February 7, 2013 12:22 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

Anything that produces physical pleasure can become addictive. I don't know why there's even a question here, seems like logical deduction.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Thursday, February 7, 2013 8:32 PM

I think the issue has been that the 'sex addiction' label can be applied to what is simply a choice behaviour. It can be used as another way to not take responsibility for the choices you have made.

The other issue, as raised in the article, is how do you define normal sexual behaviour. Most of us, at one stage or another in our lives, would have had lots of sex. New relationship? Teens/twenties when the hormones are raging? Is that addiction, because you have lots of sex or lots of partners?

It's kind of dubious labelling that is likely to pathologise behaviour that doesn't need to be pathologied (as well as being a lame excuse. Tiger Woods, I'm looking at you).

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Tuesday, February 12, 2013 9:42 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Interesting. This thread had a potential before, but it has dived into the deep end of "things I don't need to know."

But suffice to say, an addiction is something that impedes regular functioning in daily life - therefore all addictions are bad. Justifications for it, like "this is how I cope with how crappy my life is" are just happy lies, because the addictions actually contribute to the misery.

I submit that this is an unfair observation on your part, Byte....

Not looking for an argument... just stating what seems to be obvious to me.

There are one of two truths here....

The first, you are The Holy Mary, and as unfulfilled as your life has been to this point you have still managed to be as wholesome as White Bread and everything you say and do is worthy of holy scripture and you will go down as a saint.

The second, and more likely outcome, is that many of the things that you do when you're sure nobody is watching are much more dark like the things I talk about openly... and to get even 1" deep into that would be TMI...

We know better, the answer to that question....

No judgements here.... :)

In the mean time......

We are, we are we ooooooooohhhhhh!

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Wednesday, February 13, 2013 5:08 AM

Quote:
The second, and more likely outcome, is that many of the things that you do when you're sure nobody is watching are much more dark like the things I talk about openly... and to get even 1" deep into that would be TMI...

Yeah, video games, webcomics, and fanfic are sure a dark and horrible secret. Too much information, perhaps, in that it's so boring and no one's even interested.

I was chemically sterilized by the psychiatric pharmaceuticals industry, Jack. So no, I don't have any TMI along the lines of what you do. You're obsessed with sex and talk about it in more detail than anyone wants to hear, because you think it makes you sound edgy. You're getting all this sex, but you're too cool for all those women gold diggers out there, so wham, bam, thank you ma'am, all you need is your hand.

The difference between you and me, is I don't tell myself my addictions make my life better. I know they waste my time, and I resent them for the moments I won't get back. I resent the lack of real connection with people, rather like how you resent your one night stands.

And I also know, if it were necessary, that I have the willpower and I can cut myself off from anything cold turkey - same thing I did with eating meat and dairy.

Can you?

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Wednesday, February 13, 2013 11:20 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:

I'm tired of hurting girls who can't control me....

I'm tired of girls who can control me hurting me......

I think I'll just keep my sex addiction, and any other addictions I have at this point to myself...

A therapist friend of mine who worked a lot with angry men told me he sometimes had advised men to never, ever have a relationship with a woman again, to use prostitutes, sex aids or whatever they needed to get them off, but to leave women who required more than a buck and a bang well alone.

I suspect he might have said something similar to you.

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Wednesday, February 13, 2013 11:35 AM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!

Quote:
Originally posted by Kwicko:
Prob'ly wanna be extra careful with the mayo on that sammich.

Or glazed donuts, for that matter.

Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen

Resident USA Freedom Fundie

" AU, that was great, LOL!! " - Chrisisall

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Wednesday, February 13, 2013 11:36 AM

That sounds... pretty hopeless Magons. Also kinda darwin award? Plus it dehumanizes prostitutes.

I mean I know that's the choice Jack's made, but maybe he can still try for an epiphany.

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Wednesday, February 13, 2013 4:08 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

I wish my medicine dampened my ... appetite. It sure doesn't. Honestly Byte I don't know anyone else who took medicine as a child that as a result has no physicality to them, I think you might have a unique case there. I wonder though if you had physicality if it would gross you out, since you think the whole thing is kind of nasty anyways.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Wednesday, February 13, 2013 5:32 PM

Quote:
SSRIs can cause various types of sexual dysfunction such as anorgasmia, erectile dysfunction, and diminished libido.[22] Initial studies found sexual side effects not significantly different from placebo, but since these studies relied on unprompted reporting, the frequency was probably underestimated. In more recent studies, doctors have specifically asked about sexual difficulties, and found that they are present in between 17% and 41%[23][24] of patients, although the lack of placebo control in these studies means they are likely overestimates. This is because release of extracellular concentrations of serotonin in the brain decreases dopamine and norepinephrine leading to erectile and/or sexual dysfunction.

....

A small number of case reports have appeared in the literature suggesting that in rare cases, sexual dysfunction may persist after discontinuing treatment.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SSRIs#Sexual_dysfunction

I was taking the medicine during puberty, logical conclusions must be reached.

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Wednesday, February 13, 2013 7:09 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
That sounds... pretty hopeless Magons. Also kinda darwin award? Plus it dehumanizes prostitutes.

I mean I know that's the choice Jack's made, but maybe he can still try for an epiphany.

It doesn't dehumanise prostitutes, it recognises that there is a clear contract that involves sex for money, without there being any pretence about relationships or intimacy.

The men he said it to had long histories of damaging behaviour to women that they had been in relationships with, and despite being in therapy, continued to do damage. It was his advice. Admittedly extreme, but I gotta say I too have come across a few that I think should take that advise.

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Wednesday, February 13, 2013 7:11 PM

Just because there's a contract doesn't mean it's okay to tell a guy he can go to town on a prostitute though.

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Thursday, February 14, 2013 9:29 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Quote:
The second, and more likely outcome, is that many of the things that you do when you're sure nobody is watching are much more dark like the things I talk about openly... and to get even 1" deep into that would be TMI...

Yeah, video games, webcomics, and fanfic are sure a dark and horrible secret. Too much information, perhaps, in that it's so boring and no one's even interested.

I was chemically sterilized by the psychiatric pharmaceuticals industry, Jack. So no, I don't have any TMI along the lines of what you do. You're obsessed with sex and talk about it in more detail than anyone wants to hear, because you think it makes you sound edgy. You're getting all this sex, but you're too cool for all those women gold diggers out there, so wham, bam, thank you ma'am, all you need is your hand.

The difference between you and me, is I don't tell myself my addictions make my life better. I know they waste my time, and I resent them for the moments I won't get back. I resent the lack of real connection with people, rather like how you resent your one night stands.

And I also know, if it were necessary, that I have the willpower and I can cut myself off from anything cold turkey - same thing I did with eating meat and dairy.

Can you?

Well... I did once...... just once.....

April 14th will be the second anniversary of my "Weed Independence Day".....

Isn't it silly that out of all of my vices, the only one there is a federal government mandate on that would preclude me from getting a semi-decent job, even in this economy, is by far the least destructive of all of my vices.

In fact... I do believe that if these questions were part of A Morresset's song, they would be the only correct usage of the word Ironic.....

Yes, Lone-Wolf Cold-Turky can be done...... I can even be at parties with old friends now and be around weed without partaking today, although I had to completely cut off conversation with my regular using friends for 6 months before I found that I could "Just Say No!"

If you've really made it to the stage that you truly resent your addictions and the time and relationships you have missed out on, that's progress, especially if that's what you want. I'd NEVER begrudge you those notions. I think they're rather noble.

Sure.... My life is lacking of real connections 95% or more of the time, but at the same time, my life is completely lacking of outside drama 95% of the time. 9 months out of the year, I hardly think about it. 9 months out of the year, I don't long for body-heat from another human when I'm sleeping in 55% tepms in my cold house. (Then again, I'm grateful for not being entangled with another body for those 10 day stretches of 100 degree July days when I have no A/C and the thermostat reads 98degrees in my house).

I don't talk about anything because I "feel it makes me sound edgy".

If it sounds edgy, it's because you perceive it that way. If you feel that I'm putting up an "eminence front" with my volumes of TMI that I'd rather talk to you about than actual friends or family then... wow.... With all of that TMI I'm so willing to share with my RWED friends, if it's fake, what am I really hiding from all of you????

Yes, I've probably spent more money on high priced 19 year old prostitutes in my life than most people make in 1-5 years....

That's not a badge of honor to sound edgy..... It's just the facts. But make no mistake, it's not an admission of shame either....

Like everything else, it is what it is....

And, for me, the sad truth is I can barely pay my bills now. And just like all the hundreds of friends I thought I used to have when I came to the party with an ounce of weed, aside from blood and my few true friends......

without money.... I'm otherwise alone.....

And cheap beer and roll-your-own shitty L-Class tobacco smokes just barely make me forget those wonderful nights with wonderful, classy girls that as beautiful as they were could never hold a candle to the one who got away....

Sorry if I judged you to make you respond that way...

I didn't think you'd even care....

I'd thought it obvious that I'm far enough beyond my prime that if I want to continue living the life I lived 10 years ago I have to make a LOT more money than I do today....

That was the original plan anyway.....

The Obama-Post-GWB economy got in the way of that.....

Trust me... if gas were still 98 cents a gallon, I'd still be 33 and partying like a rock star, even though I work a part time minimum wage job....

Life in the 21st century sucks.....

Welcome to the 99%

Welcome to the Human Race....

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Thursday, February 14, 2013 10:02 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Magonsdaughter:
Quote:
Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:

I'm tired of hurting girls who can't control me....

I'm tired of girls who can control me hurting me......

I think I'll just keep my sex addiction, and any other addictions I have at this point to myself...

A therapist friend of mine who worked a lot with angry men told me he sometimes had advised men to never, ever have a relationship with a woman again, to use prostitutes, sex aids or whatever they needed to get them off, but to leave women who required more than a buck and a bang well alone.

I suspect he might have said something similar to you.

Please don't confuse me with others MD....

I'm not angry at women.

I'm angry at myself. There were dozens of times I could have married a beautiful girl near my age and started a family with her.

Only because of the foresight my father's failed marriage brought to my brothers and I do I realize the catastrophic damage that can do to their children.

Now that I'm older, sure, ideally, I would marry a woman my age and settle down. Unfortunately, my acknowledgement of these circumstances has left me with a "black book" of girls who are largely married now, and even if they weren't are about 5-8 years older than most women I'm attracted to.

It's kind of sad really.... Even the most "gorgeous" looking male friends I hung out with growing up are now losing their hair and gaining weight. At the same time, the girls they married aren't doing much better. All that extra baby weight is only believable when the baby is inside of you....

Somehow, even after a kid, my best friend and his wife look today the way they both did when they got married.

Good for them.....

For me? Why bother with all of that.....

Best case scenario, I move in on a sexy young 20 something with an infant and make sure he and any kids we have get free rides to Ivy League schools like my Dad did for his kids the second time around....

My previously incapacitated OCD half-brother is now going to be teaching your kids at an Ivy League school if they can afford it.

He never paid a dime....

They're lucky to have him....

I don't begrudge him at all..... He's living the life I might have in a different universe....

In the mean time....

Deflation is soon to occur... especially at the prostitute level...

In fact, it already has....

Forget about oil.....

The TRUE tell tale about the current economy is how young and sweet a girl you can get for your buck....

Like everything else, it has gone up for years........

Until now....

Oil is, by far, only the second most coveted economy........

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Thursday, February 14, 2013 10:14 AM

Quote:
Well... I did once...... just once.....

April 14th will be the second anniversary of my "Weed Independence Day".....

Pretty sure you replaced it with alcohol.

Have you ever been ALL-addiction free since puberty?

Quote:
Sure.... My life is lacking of real connections 95% or more of the time, but at the same time, my life is completely lacking of outside drama 95% of the time.

No, it's really not. Just on this board you create a lot of drama, while you tell yourself your life has no drama.

Meanwhile, the people around you are in trouble and dying, while you're lost in your addictions.

It happened to me too.

Quote:
With all of that TMI I'm so willing to share with my RWED friends, if it's fake, what am I really hiding from all of you????

It's more a question of "why are you trying to impress us?"

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Thursday, February 14, 2013 11:39 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Just because there's a contract doesn't mean it's okay to tell a guy he can go to town on a prostitute though.

There was never a suggestion of abusing prostitutes, only that some men should not have relationships because of the emotional and psychological damage that they do to women with whom they formed relationships. The idea being, get your sexual needs met through a service provider, but don't have a relationship again, ever.....

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Thursday, February 14, 2013 11:45 AM

jack, I just scroll quickly through your posts. Life is really too short to do anything else.

I find you a shallow person, who is obsessed with looks over substance. Believe it or not, you'll grow old and ugly too one day, and the 20 year olds, if they have an interest in you now, which I doubt, will find you too old and ugly to have any thing to do with.

Most people find youth attractive. I'm pushing 50 and I still find 20 something males attractive, despite the fact I could be their mother. But I'm not stupid enough to think that a relationship with them would be anything more than fantasy, and not actually all that desirable past the sex. We'd have nothing in common.

I wonder if you can imagine growing old with someone who is your companion and your lover, who takes care of you, and is there for you.

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Thursday, February 14, 2013 1:07 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Magonsdaughter:
Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Just because there's a contract doesn't mean it's okay to tell a guy he can go to town on a prostitute though.

There was never a suggestion of abusing prostitutes, only that some men should not have relationships because of the emotional and psychological damage that they do to women with whom they formed relationships. The idea being, get your sexual needs met through a service provider, but don't have a relationship again, ever.....

I'm not sure what else besides abuse to call emotional and psychological damage like what you seem to be implicating. And just saying "don't be in a relationship with normal women" wouldn't necessarily stop these problem guys from, say, stalking the prostitutes or something. I dunno. It just seems like a bad idea to me, I'm not sure that's really a good solution.

Unless the thinking is that if the guy messes with the prostitute the pimp will go after them or something, but in western society I'm not sure that all prostitutes have pimps.

And if the problem is a guy being possessive towards women he's sleeping with, I think paying for a prostitute raises even more issues with that, because there's common misconceptions about ownership there.

I guess I'm just concerned because I'm seeing this from the Firefly point of view, where we had some sympathetic prostitutes that didn't deserve abusive behaviour. It seems to me that if these guys have problems with regular women, prostitutes would be in even more danger.

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Thursday, February 14, 2013 5:22 PM

Don't know how else to explain it to you Byte, the difference between being in a relationship and purchasing the services of a sex worker.

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Thursday, February 14, 2013 6:03 PM

...None, because no one deserves to be mistreated?

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Thursday, February 14, 2013 7:11 PM

I am not advocating mistreatment of sex workers, and neither was my friend. Please stop suggesting that is what I have said when it is not.

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Saturday, February 16, 2013 6:06 AM

I totally replaced it with alcohol, dear Watson....

(Sherlock Holmes, BTW, loved Coke...... So do I for that matter, although I've only done it 5 times and am deathly afraid of it).

I haven't been addiction free well before puberty, actually..... which is probably one of my biggest pit-falls today. My first orgasm was before I was 8. Although I had always enjoyed "riding the carpet" before that while watching pretty women on TV, I guess I was "physically" old enough to have my first orgasm watching a scene from "TARO the Dragon Boy" where sexy oriental "ghosts" drained the hero of all of his will to complete his quest and laughed as they left him in the snow for dead....

I always knew that i liked "riding the carpet" while watching TV when a sexy woman was on TV, but I never realized why until that fateful day in 1988. When it happened, the fact that it felt so good was trumped by "what the F just happened????" and "I'll never do that again for the rest of my life"....

Like any junkie, that lasted for only a few days.....

Looking back, it's actually kind of laughable when we were in 6th grade and getting "sex-ed" advice from teachers who obviously were forced to do it and weren't comfortable with the role because it was their first year.

I actually spelled "erexion" in my notebook while taking notes on a "phenomenon" that not only had I experienced before, but had likely had experienced 100 times or more before they talked to us about it.

To this day I wonder how many of my friends and classmates had never experienced an orgasm before those "classes". If there's any reason above any others that I'm messed up, it's because during the days where we're supposed to still be innocent and just "riding bikes" and doing other kid things, I was already making myself "feel good" years before I was even able to physically "do anything about it".

LOL....

Both my mom and dad (divorced) tried talking about how when you find "the one" you'll love them more than you love your parents, but I didn't understand it. Of course I didn't because I was only 7 when I, in all actuality "raped" myself years before that conversation.

Really, I think the "Dems" here should gather around me on this one....

Love, really, is only just your own body's drugs self medicating, right?

There's no mystery in my mind why I'm not "in love" and why I'm not married with children now.

"Love" is just a drug. Nothing more.... nothing less.

Nearly 10 years before I had the "REAL" thing, I experienced it almost every single day of my life. At the same time, this "LOVE" was nearly drama free....

Girlfriends are a lot of work, and I suppose that wives are even more work and married with children is more than I'd ever care to burden myself with.....

Sometimes I think I should find a woman who needs a place to rest her head on my shoulder to make the bills easy, but why do that to myself? If I wanted outside burdens and drama, I'd already have my less fortunate brother living here.

Sure Byte....

I'm probably full of drama.

I've likely posted tons of things here I don't burden my own family or friends with.

In the mean time, I'm thankful I don't have to listen to some gash putting all of her bullshit on top of mine everyday.

How could I tell friends or family any of this and have a real conversation about it with them? I don't understand it myself really.... How could I expect my mom to understand that THIS is why she'll have no grandchildren from me?

How could anybody understand it? If I were hideous and/or seriously old, maybe I'd get a bye.....

I'm not ugly though. I'm not even mildly bad looking. I'm only 33. I have a paid for house. I have zero credit card debt and an 800 credit card score... yet... here I am. Even my boss doesn't understand why I don't find a desperate older woman or two looking for love to help pay the bills.

Honestly, I have no interest in them... And as bad as I know that my future is for it and the implications of being alone, I have no sexual desire for them.

There honestly isn't a single thing that a single woman here, there or anywhere that could do for me sexually that I couldn't do better.

The only reason that I occasionally splurge on relations with a beautiful (and clean) young prostitute is because she can fulfill the fantasy in my head for that night.

Many times we don't even have sex. Sex is superfluous and even boring most of the time....

I just want to experience a connection outside of the emotional disconnect I feel otherwise without her.

Sexually, there is nothing that even an 18 year old prostitute can do for me that I couldn't do 100 times better for myself. If we all have a "niche", that's mine. I know how to get myself off... and I suspect that given the right turn of direction I could be the next Hugh for it....

I couldn't tell you how many girls I've "called to service", but I can tell you how many of them I've "bedded"....

Only two...

I'd marry either one of them if they'd have me, but I know that until I make myself better I'm not good enough for them.

The rest were fun, for sure.....

Look in pity if you will... but I won't accept it.

What I may lack in Quality of orgasms to only the youngest of us here, I more than make up for in Quantity.

I'm quite convinced that even the quality of that quantity is better than most.... I have a WILD imagination, and the scientists say our Brain is our largest sexual organ, after all..., right?

Probably the "coolest" side-effect of all of this is being with girls who refereed to me as "Master" when nobody else was around after experimenting with this fun.

When I was younger, I felt guilty about this.

Now I feel that it is destiny...

As much as I enjoy being a sub, I enjoy being a domme.....

As much as I have dreamed about being "stabled" by the "perfect woman", I have found that I enjoy having a stable of my own....

I've cast aside women in the past that it's too late to get back.....

That was my bad...

I may not be the Master of my own Domain, but that title is BS....

Sub is fun

Domme is fun......

One night in Bangcock....

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Sunday, February 17, 2013 1:06 PM

i find it rather sad that your posts are full of finding some desperate woman who would be needy enough to put up with you. Your self image sucks.

I think you sound rather screwed up about relationships, and the only thing you really state you need from them is lots of sex. You definitely don't sound ready to settle down, and I hope to hell you have enough compassion/and or sense to stay well away from any young needy single mother who is looking for someone to pay the bills. There lies the path to perdition.

It's not so hard these days to find sex on a casual basis, while you are young enough at least. I'd stick to the casual sex and paying for it until you can think of enough good reasons why a relationship might be a good idea.

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Sunday, February 17, 2013 1:06 PM

grrrrrrr

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Sunday, February 17, 2013 2:35 PM

Quote:
Love, really, is only just your own body's drugs self medicating, right?

There's no mystery in my mind why I'm not "in love" and why I'm not married with children now.

"Love" is just a drug. Nothing more.... nothing less.

Ehhh, okay, true. But it's very rare people who can do without that completely. We are talking about a common biological function that's even tied in with genetic survival like breathing and eating.

The fact that you're actually attracted to people suggests maybe you are one of the people that does feel this drive, but you don't acknowledge it. You also seem to be carrying around emotional baggage from your parents divorce that's tainting the relationships you could have.

Your chosen path means genetic death and loneliness. If you are willing to accept that, then I suppose that's your choice. But if either of those prospects scare you even a little, then you need to confront your preconceptions and reclaim that part of your life. Specifically, I mean reclaiming your ability to trust women, trust yourself, and maybe have a relationship of equals.

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Sunday, February 17, 2013 4:04 PM

We all need love, but it doesn't have to come from a love relationship. I have single friends who are long term single and no longer interested for one reason and another, and they have good lives. They also have lots of good friends, and family relationships.

I believe we are pack animals, on the whole we shouldn't live alone, or live unconnected from others.

I think life is easier if you have a companion to share it with, so long as its not a destructive relationship and both of you are willing to go along with some ups and downs. It changes and you do lose that passion that you first have, except for some occasional sparks if you are lucky. Some people can't cope with that not being there all the time, and they move on. And that can cause significant upheavel in your life, chasing something that can only be temporary. It's an illusion

I also think the parent/child love is intoxicating. Thankfully, coz if you weigh up the factual pros and cons, no one would have children ever, but its pretty amazing (to me), and worth any financial hardship and other strains.

Nice ppost, ByteBTW

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Sunday, February 17, 2013 9:49 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

I could tell you stories Jack. But I won't, because I'm a secretive woman and its none of your business when I had my first orgasm, but sufficed to say ... anyways.

I'm glad you've come to the conclusion that you enjoy both ends of that coin, the dom and the sub, because I've known that about you for quite some time just watching you post. How a person's physicality gets wired is not as mysterious as people often think, often its completely accidental really, just a fluke of circumstance, but those flukes stay with you, for better or worse, throughout your life. They aren't your choice generally, or at least not completely your choice. The choice that you have is what you will do with others regarding them. I think if you did find someone you'd probably want a woman who likes going both ways, likes to be dom and sub and trade off depending on her and your fancy. Just don't beat anyone up or let them beat you up. It may feel good but it can backfire. I reckon the best way is to make the drama of it what you guys enjoy, maybe a little physical roughness but nothing notable, a lot can be achieved through setting the situation mood so to speak. And you can both have lots of fun and enjoy each other. If you want someone that is. As you said there's a lot one can do on one's own.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Wednesday, February 27, 2013 6:13 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Magonsdaughter:
i find it rather sad that your posts are full of finding some desperate woman who would be needy enough to put up with you. Your self image sucks.

I think you sound rather screwed up about relationships, and the only thing you really state you need from them is lots of sex. You definitely don't sound ready to settle down, and I hope to hell you have enough compassion/and or sense to stay well away from any young needy single mother who is looking for someone to pay the bills. There lies the path to perdition.

It's not so hard these days to find sex on a casual basis, while you are young enough at least. I'd stick to the casual sex and paying for it until you can think of enough good reasons why a relationship might be a good idea.

You misread me MD...

I don't have to post here to find "some desperate woman needy enough", etc.....

That is my life now.....

Like the fly in the jar that was conditioned since birth to never try to fly high enough to escape it even with the lid off, here I am.....

Even when I had GREAT jobs with lots of money, I lived the life of a monk to save. Living that same life now is not very nice, since I have to scrape into the savings to make ends meet.

At the same time, I have no illusion that I couldn't bring a girl/woman back to my house on any Karaoke night. My whole point, and what I believe the point of the thread is "sexual addiction".....

Honestly, I'd have no desire to "sleep" with her, in the traditional sense. We'd be drunk, we'd get high, and i would hypnotize her to * herself that first night. From there, she'd be more and more addicted and just have to call me for more.

For women especially, this works, because I would never actually touch her...... By the third date, I would wiggle my fingers and move them less than 1/8th of an inch from her face, all the way up and down her body, but contact would never be made.

I think I've mentioned before why I have voluntarily removed myself from the dating pool....

I am toxic to any female who comes in contact with me.

Short or long term they'll never be the same.....

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Wednesday, February 27, 2013 6:17 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by RionaEire:
I could tell you stories Jack. But I won't, because I'm a secretive woman and its none of your business when I had my first orgasm, but sufficed to say ... anyways.

I'm glad you've come to the conclusion that you enjoy both ends of that coin, the dom and the sub, because I've known that about you for quite some time just watching you post. How a person's physicality gets wired is not as mysterious as people often think, often its completely accidental really, just a fluke of circumstance, but those flukes stay with you, for better or worse, throughout your life. They aren't your choice generally, or at least not completely your choice. The choice that you have is what you will do with others regarding them. I think if you did find someone you'd probably want a woman who likes going both ways, likes to be dom and sub and trade off depending on her and your fancy. Just don't beat anyone up or let them beat you up. It may feel good but it can backfire. I reckon the best way is to make the drama of it what you guys enjoy, maybe a little physical roughness but nothing notable, a lot can be achieved through setting the situation mood so to speak. And you can both have lots of fun and enjoy each other. If you want someone that is. As you said there's a lot one can do on one's own.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

Hehe......

Who'd have thunk it...... ?

Riona with the win?

I would have thought for sure that Byte posted this message R....

Always thought you were far too sweet to even understand what I was talking about.

As my momma said, it's the shy ones you have to look out for.....

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Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:28 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

The only thing you've written regarding women and sex that scares me is the hypnotizing them part, that sounds like a certain lack of mutual concent going on there and I will not touch that with a nine and a half foot pole, because if there's one thing I'm not okay with it is non mutual concent in relationships. Now if she wanted you to do that and asked you to then I might be willing to step back and leave you guys alone, but even then I feel like there's a lack of mutuality here. Of course they say someone can't get hypnotized unless they're willing, so perhaps willingness is implied? I'm still wary, I'd need more info (which I really don't want) in order to come to a conclusion, but it sounds unsavory and problematic from the onset.

The bottom line is that sometimes your body reacts to things you know are wrong, it really isn't your fault because it got wired when you were young, but the power you have is to choose what you do with that regarding your relations with other people. And mutual concent MUST be present for me to even look at you straight without saying you're trash of the highest order. Note that I'm referring to actual actions with others, not physicality wiring, because again your actions with others are what you can control whereas your nethers do what they do, for better or worse.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Thursday, February 28, 2013 4:21 AM

HERO

Quote:
Originally posted by RionaEire:
The only thing you've written regarding women and sex that scares me is the hypnotizing them part, that sounds like a certain lack of mutual concent going on there and I will not touch that with a nine and a half foot pole, because if there's one thing I'm not okay with it is non mutual concent in relationships.

Hmm...does she have to consent before or after the hypnosis. Cause they're usually all for it after its been done (at least if you did it correctly).

I've always found asking a girl to 'look at this shiny object' is less effective then 'look at this free margarita'.

H

Hero...must be right on all of this. ALL of the rest of us are wrong. Chrisisall, 2012

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Thursday, February 28, 2013 4:24 AM

I'm pretty sure hypnosis isn't real anyway. Like psychic powers.

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Friday, March 1, 2013 4:45 AM

A little of what you and Hero and Byte said are all true.

Hypnosis isn't real, and yet Hypnosis is very real....

How silly of me to grow up thinking that I was the only one that felt "that way" when I'd see some sexy angel hypnotizing a man and/or boy to do her bidding on TV. From what I've seen on youtube, that has also happened tons of times to sexy heriones on many favorite TV shows to women, by some of the sexiest guys known to man.

Hypnosis is only as real as the two of you want it to be.

Once you cross that initial threshold though, and you both are willing, it's likely much more real than you ever expected it to be if you're on the "sub" end of the equation. Most of the girls I ever hypnotized were girlfriends for several months, and I did it while we were making love.

"Obedience is Slavery" ~1984

It's not just some BS words thrown out there by some hack author.....

It's what to a greater or lesser degree ALL of us who buy and sell objects with "cash" live with.

It's a stereotype for sure, and some can rise against, but most people just like following orders and being told what to do and following a rigid schedule.

For a while, and only a short while, I get a huge endorphin rush when a new beautiful girl calls me Master for the first time. Usually, after that first time, unless she's especially exquisite, it's the last time we see each other.

It just so happens that outside of mundane-slavery life, the Domme-Sub relationship becomes euphoric for both parties involved. The rush of truly coming to Own a person's Mind is only equaled by the rush of being Owned by another person's Mind.

I've been on both ends of that particular spectrum Riona, and all I can say is that they both have their merits.

At the same time, you should trust the person you're getting into that type of relationship with if you're going to be the submissive, and even then you should have an exit plan. (As a helpful guideline because I really like you, if you ever got that far with me your only exit strategy would be pain and withdrawl, because I'm a bad person).

If you choose, however, to be the Domme, you should also make sure that you don't let that type of power get to your head and become your own personal God Complex.

It's really hard to walk away and give somebody control of their own life again when you've been able to train them better than you could a dog or cat.

And to address the rest of what you said, usually this is entirely non-physical. I've only physically taken "advantage" of just a few of the women who have wanted it at this point. Not that they'd know, since all of them had orgasmed multiple times either at my hand or at their own hand by my word with no sex-on-sex penetration.

As I said before, conventional sex is so boring.....

That's not only speaking of me with "ladies of the night"......

Whatever vibrator you have working for you will work 10 fold, full-throttle when your mind is into it.

I'm so glad I skipped the whole first marriage and I'm 33 with no obligations.....

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Friday, March 1, 2013 5:48 AM

Well... At least you aren't telling yourself you're a sub anymore, because you aren't really and you never were.

That's actually a good first step. Know yourself and all that - and not THAT way.

Also Hypnosis is so fake. :P But I suppose you have to be right about the "willingness". Both parties would have to be pretending pretty hard.

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Friday, March 1, 2013 7:08 AM

I've been described as a "sub on top"...... sure...

Good for you, Watson, to figure that out :)

Hypnosis isn't fake though. As long as you are as hard headed as you are, you'll never feel the sub of it, and as long as you cling to whatever.... "whatever" you cling to you'll never feel the domininat side to it.....

Hypnosis, however, between two consenting adults, is one of the most erotic experiences you'll ever feel.

The sad thing is, that you automatically think that a teen and older relationship would consist of the older hypntizing the teen....

It's a sad thing for 40 something ladies, but the teen girls are learning how to do this to men, and keeping them "there" until they're 18 now.

Lucky for me, I've been in that "game" since I was 19.....

You'll still be playing with your vibrator and toys when I'm done with you, but you'll be doing it in mindless bliss when i'm done with you. :)

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Friday, March 1, 2013 7:30 AM

SWV "Weak in the Knees".....

Just about says it all, from both sides....

or this...

Sometimes.... rare times.... it devolved into something like this.....

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Saturday, March 2, 2013 12:47 PM

...

I just mentally replaced all the yous in that random come-on in the middle of a trolling contest with a more generalized pronoun, but it's not really working, so I think I'll see if I can give myself brain damage by holding my breath.

I guess you win. Enjoy this victory while it lasts - I claim a vendetta! So many vendettas!

It's a fun word to say.

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Sunday, March 3, 2013 6:51 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

Jack.

I would never get together with you for many reasons, not the least of which being that you spread your secrets all over the Internet and speak in ways that are most unflattering about other women you've been with. There are ways to make your physicality known without being quite so obnoxious about it.

If I were to do dom/sub and reversal with a man it would be something that was compartmentalized, it would be just for us by ourselves and it wouldn't stretch into other arenas of our lives, I would never want to really have him as a slave and I wouldn't want him to have me that way either, because that isn't rounded and isn't moderate and you know I'm into moderation in life. We'd play some fun pretends though I reckon. :) But it would never get to a really hard core place of control, because that's not my style. And anyone who wants to be utterly controlled without reservations has either been severely misused in their youth or needs to branch out and find out more about themselves. A little of that in the bedroom is one thing, but completeness of it is too much and is unhealthy. People need things in their life besides their partner, work, friends, hobbies, personal goals etc.

Other reasons I wouldn't be with you: You're not a Christian and I am. You live in Indiana. You smoke (smoking wastes my time) and get hammered drunk on too regular of a basis. Its just not going to happen.

But maybe you can find the right person, at least you say your actions have all been mutually wanted/concentual, that does make me feel better.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Monday, March 4, 2013 9:18 AM

Hehe...

That's okay Riona. I like you too much to try to get you to like me that way.

At the same time, I'd like to try to defend (what's left of) my honor somewhat, if you'll allow me.

As far as "secrets" spread over the internet, I don't ever mention any names. In fact, when I talk about my job, I don't even mention the name of the company. If you really read about the girls I've actually cared about, you'll find that any "bad-mouthing" is laid squarely at my knees. I think I've mentioned more than once that I've been so lucky as to have dated 5 really awesome girls in my life out of so many failures, and that I've also blamed myself for the implosion of those relationships (I don't blame you for not knowing that since I post novels for posts and I couldn't expect anyone but myself to actually read them over to spellcheck).

Unfortunately... they're all either married and/or won't talk to me now.

I can't blame them. I dropped them over the phone like an asshole. The few that still talk to me would be great friends if their husbands weren't so possessive. I can't blame them though. I was a dick like that. It's hard to share something so great with outsiders....

About dom/sub... I appreciate your viewpoints on it. Unfortunately, even if you think you grasp the concept, you have no idea about a true relationship of that nature.

Allowing a true D/S scenario into your relationship, even in fun, will forever change the dynamic over time, just like introducing a "3rd party". This is really a friendly warning to somebody I've grown fond of....

Just like you would be singing a song of sorrow when you're the outsider about "3 cigarettes in the ashtray" after sex, one of you are going to end up perpetually on the bottom.

As far as what you "would or wouldn't do", I don't take any offense to that assessment to your persona.

This wasn't something I magically came up with overnight.

If anything, I've been 100% honest with ONLY my own past, and you are one of the few people who I "shouldn't" have done that in front of if anything really mattered.

All I'm saying is that the Brain is anyone's largest sexual organ. In fact, I'm pretty sure that as we evolve that our sexual organs will shrivel to nothing and it will all be mental.

I'm actually jealous of the girls I've experienced these pleasures with...

When they were stressed, even to the point of crying about things while talking to me on the phone, I could speak a few words and sooth them and (put them in the proper state) and they'd smile. I even had a friend of one of my gf's grab the phone and ask "are you an angel?" after she was there during a huge family fight.....

I've probably never actually been hypnotized....

My need for 100% control in every situation makes me miserable all of the time....

That's why I'm single....

When things go bad, nobody to bitch at me except for me.

I'm still hoping that I'm just ironing out the "bad parts" that my dad had at this point. I'm much older than his divorce now, but I don't have 3 kids to worry about and I've still got 7 years until he married a 20 year old with a kid....

Still though.... the glimpses into being a "slave" seems so tempting.

All I do is "think", all of the time......

To the point that "being in control" of somebody who is mindlessly enjoying the feelings is a vicarious bliss I wish I had every day of the week.

Personally, Riona, I don't see anything wrong with either side of the coin, if you actually believe you can trust your partner.

It's all about trust.

If you thrust yourself into that blissful depth with somebody you don't know/trust, you don't know what you're getting yourself into...

And that's the beauty and allure of it......

Nothing to gain, everything to lose.....

EDITED TO ADD:

Just more info for you Riona.... I heard this song once. ONLY ONCE on the radio....

I was about 22-23 and coming home from dropping my GF after a bar night.

Being the D/S junkie I grew up to be, i'm sure she would never have given it a second thought like I did. To this day, it's one of my favorite songs ever.

So sensual......

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Monday, March 4, 2013 9:35 AM