Quote:

---

U.S. — CNN announced a shift in its reporting of the US-Israel war with Iran on Monday, declaring the conflict resolved. In light of this major update, CNN officially called the war for Iran.

"We can now make it official: Iran has won the war," CNN anchor Sara Sidner reported. "With over 70% of battlefields reporting, we are officially calling this war for Iran. Iran has now defeated the U.S. in what is sure to be a major upset for geopolitics going forward."

According to sources, Iran had been decimated by joint American and Israeli attacks, which had taken out much of their capacity for ballistic missile strikes, air defense, and naval assets. Experts surmised that it was unlikely that Iran could launch a major offensive any time soon and that their economy had been shattered by ongoing sanctions and the destruction of much of its gas and oil infrastructure. However, CNN's analysts remained confident that the war would ultimately be won by Iran.

"The American dream is dead, and it's all thanks to Trump," said CNN anchor Anderson Cooper. "There was simply no chance of us ever standing up to the glorious might of the Iranian regime."

President Donald Trump called CNN's reporting on the war "fake news," arguing that they are even worse than Tucker Carlson.

At publishing time, CNN was forced to retract its statement after another Iranian supreme leader was eliminated.

---