GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Firefly: The Pants Job

POSTED BY: RELFEXIVE
UPDATED: Friday, September 30, 2005 21:31
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 6681
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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 3:57 AM

RELFEXIVE




Everyone's heard of this: the thing were people changed lines of dialogue from the Star Wars movies to use or include the word pants for maximum comedic effect.

So I had the idea of doing the same for Firefly dialogue, and Serenity dialogue too, for that matter. Non-spoiler Serenity dialogue, obviously, limited to the trailers to begin with, I'd say.

Anyways, I stuck a few in the taglog here, and others added their own ideas. Wackiness ensued.



So now, here's the thread for it. To record the funniest 'pants' quotes we can muster for posterity.

Here's a few from the taglog right now:


SAFFRON "Have you heard the myth of Earth That Was? At first she had no pants..."

MAL "Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches pants, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you."

Or... "I swear by my pretty floral pants I will end you."

SAFFRON "If you're done with supper... would you like me to wash your pants?"

INARA "What did I say to you about barging into my pants?"
MAL "That it was manly and impulsive?"
INARA "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'."

JAYNE "They are my very favourite pants."

BOOK "Oh, I've got pants aplenty, right here."

KAYLEE "I like to meet new people. They've all got pants..."

WASH "Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable pants!"


And the classic:

RIVER "Two by two... pants of blue..."


Feel free to add your own!


"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."
"Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all..."
I know the secret.
http://www.theshadowdepository.co.uk/index.htm

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 4:01 AM

PSYCHICRIVER


Well, two more River classics...

"No pants in the verse can stop me"

And

"Also, I can kill you with my pants."



PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."
"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"
"I swallowed a bug."

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 4:14 AM

INEVITABLEBETRAYAL


Quote:
Originally posted by RelFexive:


Everyone's heard of this: the thing were people changed lines of dialogue from the Star Wars movies to use or include the word pants for maximum comedic effect.


Wash: "Mmm...wife pants..."

[Bad paraphrase due to faulty memory]:
Crull: "It doesn't matter where you hide or how far you fly; I will hunt you down. And the last thing you will see will be my pants."


_______________________________________________
I wish I had a magical wish-granting plank.

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 4:16 AM

CALLMESERENITY


WASH: And we shall call it...This Land.
I think we should call it your Pants!

INARA: I wish you hundreds of fat pants.

River: My pants are problematic.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 4:22 AM

JADEHAND


I don't remember all the ones I posted yesterday, I'll try to update as I do.

WASH "You're out of your pants."
JUBAL " that's between me and my pants."

This is why we lost you know: Superior pants.


Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 4:26 AM

CITIZEN


Saffron: But Sir, I am betrothed to you, I am your pants...

Jayne: You know what the pants of command is? It's the pants I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin' command here.

Mal: This is why we lost you know, superior Pants.

Mal: These pants I would pull for free.

Mal: Can't get pants if you're dead.
Jayne: Can't get pants if you crawl away like a bitty little bug neither.

Mal: You know, they tell ya to never hit a man with pants but it is, on occasion, hilarious.

Mal: Let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job, and then I get pants.

Zoë: Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller.
Wash: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black market pants.

Wash: Could you please tell my wife the fun she's missing out on?
Inara: Ariel's a nice place, actually. There are some beautiful museums, not to mention some of the finest pants in the Core.

River: He looks better in pants.


More insane ramblings by the people who brought you Beeeer Milkshakes!
Zen Buddhist to the Hotdog Vendor:
"Make me one with everything."

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 4:35 AM

CALLMESERENITY


RIVER: I tore these out of your symbol and they turned into pants.

OR

I tore these out of your pants and they turned into paper.

ZOE: Then can I have your pants?
MAL: No.
Zoe: If you die, can I have your pants?

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 4:56 AM

RELFEXIVE


MAL "No, I'm not sly. I lean towards pants."


"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."
"Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all..."
I know the secret.
http://www.theshadowdepository.co.uk/index.htm

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 4:59 AM

CALLMESERENITY


Nandi: I've been waiting for you to kiss me since I showed you my pants!

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 5:48 AM

DAELUS


Mal: "Whoa... good pants."

Mal: "You turn on any of my pants, you turn on ME!"

Jayne: "Damn yokels don't even know a transport ship ain't got no pants on it."



"My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 6:11 AM

KAREL

Flying on duct tape and a damaged registry.


RelFexive,

OH! So you're the one that started this! Pants for the explanation. *snort*

*must think of more Firefly dialogue to destroy*

Twodaystwodays!

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 6:22 AM

CALLMESERENITY


Zoe: Sir, I think there's a problem with your pants being missing.

Saffron: This isn't what it looks like!
Mal: Unless it looks like we're stealing your pants, 'cuz that's what it is. Don't ask me about the gun, though. That's new.


Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 6:23 AM

RELFEXIVE


Hee hee!! Yes, twas I.

I'm sure I've said it already, but I'm very proud


JAYNE "Pants wasn't good enough."


P.S. Yay CMS!!


"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."
"Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all..."
I know the secret.
http://www.theshadowdepository.co.uk/index.htm

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 6:27 AM

DAELUS


Jayne: "Long as we got the pants, I call this a win."

Jayne: "Pants is scary."

Mal: "Howcome you didn't turn on me Jayne?"
Jayne: "Pants wasn't good enough."

Harken: "'Pants did it'? You don't know how many times men in my position have heard that excuse."

Atherton: "Pants changed hands. Makes her mine
tonight."


"My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 6:40 AM

NEEDY

The road to Hel is paved with good intentions


I haven't heard of this thread before,but I'll give it a shot:

River: Jayne is a girl's name
Jayne: Well, Jayne ain't a girl! If she starts in on that girl's name thing, I'll show her good and all I got man pants.

Mal: Well look at this. 'Pears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoë: Big damn pants, sir.
Mal: Ain't we just.

The Hero of Canton alternate lyrics: Now Jayne saw the Mudder's pants breaking...

Opening theme lyrics: Take my top, take my pants, take me where I cannot dance...
(I had to cahnge a bit more to make it rhyme)

Book (from the openining): After the Earth was used up, we found a new solar system and hundreds of new pants were terraformed and colonized.

Zoë: Where's River now?
Mal: In her pants, which I'm thinking we bolt from the outside from now on.

Jayne: Hey, you know, we'd have been back first, except there's somethin' wrong with Inara's pants.

Zoe: If they board the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our pants and sew our skin to their clothes. And if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order.

or

Zoe: If they board the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh and sew our pants to their clothes. And if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order.

Zoë: Shepard, isn't the Bible kind of specific about killing?
Book: Very specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzy around the area of pants.

Wash: How did your pants even learn human speech?

and a couple I'm sure writers of Simon/Mal slasher fic will just love:

Simon: Captain, why did you come back for us?
Mal: You're on my pants.
Simon: Yeah, but you don't even like me. Why'd you come back?
Mal: You're on my pants. Why are we still talking about this?

Simon: Are you out of your pants?
Mal: Just about.


Ok, I admit it, I got a litlle help from IMDB, but the first few I thought up all on my own



Needy. Male Companion a.k.a. First Boy Whore of Destiny

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 6:55 AM

DAELUS


Wash: "Pants, though? That sounds like something out of science-fiction."

"My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 7:16 AM

DONCOAT


JAYNE: "I'll be in my pants."

(Me? Long time lurker, etc. Have purchased my tickets for Friday 1:10PM showing! Woohoo!)

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 7:17 AM

HERO


BARKER
Forget what you think you know.
Forget what your mother told you when
she tucked you in at night, forget
the lies of our oppressive,
cabalistic Allied governments!
Behind this curtain lies the very
secret they don't want you to see --
the most astounding scientific find
in the history of humanity. PANTS!
Of Alien life. Yes, go ahead and
laugh, sir, but what you see inside
this room will change your life
forever! It will haunt your dreams
and harrow -- YES -- your very soul.
For six bits you can unlock -- this
lady wants to go, I cannot allow her
to be near such wonder, such
thrilling horror, unescorted. Who
will go with her? Who will see the
unholy truth, the only captured
proof -- in existence -- of Alien
pants!

INT. BARKER'S BOOTH - CONTINUING

Hold a still frame on Simon and Kaylee, staring intently at something in a big jar that we can't see very well. Wait a beat.


SIMON
Yep. That's a cow's pants.
KAYLEE
Guess so... Does seem to have an
awful lot of legs...

SIMON
It's mutated. Most of the breeding
on the outer planets was done by
shipping DNA scrip. The first pants were grown
in labs, then set loose. Every now
and then...

KAYLEE
But cow? How do you figure?

SIMON
They're upside down.

She cranes her head upside down, looks. Nods, sagely...


KAYLEE
Okay, then. Cow.
SIMON
And I'm out twelve bits. I really
know how to show a girl a...
disgusting pair of pants.

H

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 7:32 AM

JADEHAND


CAPTAIN
Not even the coil? pants are nothing
part, Captain.

MAL
It's nothing 'til you don't got 'em. Then
it appears to be everything.



Take us out of the pants,
Got us some crime to be done.


Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 10:28 AM

RELFEXIVE


MAL "A captain's goal was simple: find a crew, find a job, keep pants."

MAL "Oh... I'm a pants man."

ZOE "I know something ain't right."
WASH "Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in pants."


"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."
"Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all..."
I know the secret.
http://www.theshadowdepository.co.uk/index.htm

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 11:23 AM

THEREAVER


You can't take the pants from me.

-----------------------
I'll rape you to death.
I'll eat your flesh.
I'll sew your skin into my clothes.
If you're very very lucky, I'll do it in that order - TheReaver

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 12:34 PM

RELFEXIVE


"The central planets formed the Alliance and decided all the planets had to join in under their pants."


"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."
"Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all..."
I know the secret.
http://www.theshadowdepository.co.uk/index.htm

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 12:56 PM

RELFEXIVE


MAL "...what there is is pretty standard fare, I guess, pants in all the colors of the rainbow..."


"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."
"Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all..."
I know the secret.
http://www.theshadowdepository.co.uk/index.htm

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 1:12 PM

RIVERNOT


I don't remember the line, and again my DVD set is out (guess I better buy another), so this is probably way off.

Wash: Some people like to juggle pants.

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 2:21 PM

FFFAN1


You're like a trained ape... Without the pants!

*************************************************
It is, however, somewhat fuzzy on the subject of kneecaps.

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 3:02 PM

CYBERSNARK


"They come out of the pants. . . They come when you call." --River

"I can be terse. Once, in pants, I was laconic." --Wash

"Five men came to pants me one time. . ." --Jayne

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 3:21 PM

KAREL

Flying on duct tape and a damaged registry.


I just pants keep up with this. I'll just read and groan. Hi-larious!

Twodaystwodays

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 4:21 PM

BARCLAY


Wash: Some people juggle pants!

Jayne: I dropped that pants just like the song says...

Kaylee: You like pants. And mine's the nicest.

Niska: You do the pants job for me, then your reputation is solid



"You are on the Global Frequency."
http://www.frequencysite.com
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 5:19 PM

MNEMOSYNE


Mal: "Miss Nandi, I have a confession to make..."
Nandi: "Maybe I should get the pants."

"Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 5:29 PM

KAREL

Flying on duct tape and a damaged registry.


Quote:
Originally posted by PsychicRiver:
Well, two more River classics...

"No pants in the verse can stop me"

And

"Also, I can kill you with my pants."


PsychicRiver



PR,

At the risk of it already been said, and perhaps disturbing, or not:

"No power in the pants can stop me."

"I can pants you with my brain."

VBR,
Karel.


Edited: Oops.

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 6:18 PM

JADEHAND


"I'm thinking you weren't burdened with an overabundance of pants."

"shouldn't you be off bringing pants to the fuzzy wuzzies or some such?"

"As with other situations, the key seems to be giving Jayne pants and standing back."

"forgive my rudeness, I can not abide pants."

That there.....Exactly the kind of pants we could've used."

"Pants is the mark of a great man, guess I'm just a good one, well, I'm ok."

"you didn't have to pants that man."
"I know, it was just funny."

"mighty fine pants."


Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 6:34 PM

KIZYR


Here's a few from Train Job, a bit of which I used on the tagboard.

CROW: Keep the money. Use it to buy a funeral. It doesn't matter where you go, or how far you fly. I will hunt you down, and the last thing you see will be my pants.

Alternative question... Mal proposing a refund.

MAL: Now, this is all the money Niska gave us in advance. You bring it back to him. Tell him the pants didn't work out. KF

~Kaiser Farooque

ZOE: Preacher, don’t the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
BOOK: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps...

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 10:39 PM

RELFEXIVE


The return to the top list!


BOOK "If you take sexual advantage of her pants, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."

MAL "Pants?"
ZOE "Always."

RIVER "The human pants can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems."


"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."
"Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all..."
I know the secret.
http://www.theshadowdepository.co.uk/index.htm

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 11:07 PM

RELFEXIVE


CABOTT "It's not as good as last year."
KAYLEE "Oh really? What'd they have last year?"
CABOTT "Pants."


"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."
"Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all..."
I know the secret.
http://www.theshadowdepository.co.uk/index.htm

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Thursday, September 29, 2005 2:16 AM

CALLMESERENITY


Mal: Was it space pants? Some terrifying space pants maybe got loose?



Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

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Friday, September 30, 2005 12:09 AM

RELFEXIVE


ZOE "Sir? I'd like you to take the pants, please. I need this man to tear all my clothes off."

JAYNE "I think that fellow we ran into did everyone on board, killed them all, then decided to take a swim through space, see how fast his blood would boil out of his pants."

ZOE "Knew a man who had a hole clean through his whole shoulder, once. Used to keep spare pants in there."


"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."
"Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all..."
I know the secret.
http://www.theshadowdepository.co.uk/index.htm

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Friday, September 30, 2005 1:23 AM

CHRISTOPHERROBIN


Jayne: I dont leave my pants laying around Mal and i don't leave em loaded.

Wash: Mine is an Evil pants, NOW DIE!

Monty: I SHAVED MY PANTS FOR YOU DEVIL WOMAN!!!

Saffron: What are you doing here?
Inara: Oh just my part of the job,
Saffron: What part of the job?
Inara: You know, i put on the big act, strum away in a huff, then i fly off, wait for you to double cross Mal, beat you to the rendez-vous spot and grab the pants before you can get to it... what? You didnt see it coming?

Kaylee: yessir Captain Tightpants... oh wait

You mean sex? Oh hell with this i'm going to live!

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Friday, September 30, 2005 1:12 PM

RELFEXIVE


WASH: "I am pants on the wind. Watch how I soar."


"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."
"Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all..."
I know the secret.
http://www.theshadowdepository.co.uk/index.htm

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Friday, September 30, 2005 9:03 PM

KAREL

Flying on duct tape and a damaged registry.


You can't pants the signal.

What was that?

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Friday, September 30, 2005 9:20 PM

KAREL

Flying on duct tape and a damaged registry.


You can't pants the signal.

What was that?

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Friday, September 30, 2005 9:23 PM

KAREL

Flying on duct tape and a damaged registry.


You can't pants the signal.

What was that?

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Friday, September 30, 2005 9:31 PM

KAREL

Flying on duct tape and a damaged registry.


You can't pants the signal.

What was that?

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