Hunt for the Secret Hidey Place of Nice Boys by mai

I don't know what a cusper is either.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 4:40 AM

I imagine TWG means "on the cusp". She states that she's 29, therefore, within a year ...30. On the cusp....cusper.

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 4:51 AM

Oh, I don't like that word. I just turned 28. I don't want to be on the cusp of anything.

*runs away from cusp.*

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 5:56 AM

THESOMNAMBULIST

Jadehand wrote:

Quote:
I imagine TWG means "on the cusp". She states that she's 29, therefore, within a year ...30. On the cusp....cusper.

Thanks that would make sense...Crazy youngsters and their crazy language.... ahhhh well :)....I obviously missed my chance of being a cusper - I'll bare it in mind for when I'm 40 though.

I knew I'd look an arse.

The
Somnambulist

www.cirqus.com

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 8:32 AM

Mai, et al:

This is a fascinating thread and one which I've only begun to read; but since the answer to your query immediately came to me, I decided to preemptively reply. I hope I'm not repeating someone else's response that I haven't read yet...

All the 'nice boys', 'good guys', et cetera are hiding out in the homes of their wives. In other words, if you want a good man without having to build one yourself from scratch, you're gonna have to try to steal one from another woman. It's a bit tricky though, since if you can steal him, he's not likely to be a truly good man, n'est-ce pas?

As for the old saw related by a (male?) poster way back at the top of the thread, "Good guys finish last": it's illogical. A race is properly run from the starting gate to the finish line. In contradiction, 'nice guys' get pulled out of the 'race' by their trainer/handler before the first furlong is run, and immediately put out to stud for the rest of their lives.

Regarding the 'bad guys' who presumably finish first -- and how can that be a good thing, ladies? -- if they're still available for whatever combination of excuses, then they're still single for a reason. That reason is this: They're not suitable mates. If they were suitable mates, some woman would have snapped them up in a heartbeat.

But here's some consolation... Just because all the men/boys you are currently encountering are not suitable mates at this moment in time, that does not mean those same boys/men won't be magically transformed into suitable mates sometime in the (very near?) future. Men -- like women -- do mature emotionally over time (albeit, very slowly when compared to women... or redwoods, for that matter.

).

Hardship and trauma -- emotional or otherwise -- are the most frequent maturing agents for males. A guy splits with his long-time girlfriend... His father/mother/SigOther passes away... He's involved in an accident/hospitalization that forces him to reexamine his intentions in life...

I'm not advising you to hit on a guy who's in turmoil or pain (that would be counterproductive in the long run, imo); but rather, monitor his emotional progress as he recovers from the traumatic event. You might find he's more thoughtful, caring and genuinely appreciative of Life's gifts (meaning, your beautiful self).

Show me a guy who's been force-fed a heapin' helpin' of his own pride by way of Life's random hard knocks and emotionally survived the meal, and I'll show you a guy who's ready for real love.

Smart women (or just intuitive ones) know that scars make a man attractive, not six-pack abs, large bank books or an abundance of intelligence, and they don't need a transdimensional portal to find one...

Confidentially,

zoid
_________________________________________________

"I aim to misbehave." -Capt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 8:44 AM

I disagree with the statement that all the nice guys got snatched up first and got married already. That has not been my observation. Married men don't seem to be any nicer than unmarried, in my opinion.

Also, I know many wonderful men that aren't married, or who got married at a later age simply becuase they didn't meet the right woman right away.

And then, am I supposed to look at every unmarried man I meet and think "What's wrong with him. There must be something wrong with him or else he'd be married already?" That's not a healthy way to live.

And then, using the opposite argument, you're saying that there must be something wrong with US women because we aren't married yet. As if there's some Hierarchy of Nice and the further down you are on the pyramid, the longer you have to wait to get married.

Other than that, I agree with what you wrote. Scars do make us more interesting. Suffering develops character.

I have lots of scars.

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 9:45 AM

Zoid,
Welcome back. It's been too long since I've seen you post. Or maybe I've just not been reading everything lately. I've missed your deep thoughts and could have used them a few times, But it seems you went a bit shallow on this one. Maybe oversimplified. Not everyone who reached 25 without getting hitched is terminally broken. Though I imagine some of us are. Yes 25 was a while back for me, and I'm still single, never married, but to assume that means "not a nice guy", seems wrong, I mean in general. With me specifically, well you're probably right. I'm a bastard. But years (and years) of being nice and not getting snatched up, may have something to do with that. But I don't want to get all finger pointy and blame shifty. I did make the choices that brought me here.
I hope it's only I who've misinterpreted what you wrote. If so, my appologies. Perhaps you could clarify? Anyway, It is truly good to see you back. And I hope this isn't seen as an attack. It's not.
Cheers,
JadeHand

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 11:09 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Jadehand:
. I'm a bastard.

You are NOT!

Take that back.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 12:06 PM

MAI

Quote:
Oh, and Mai-if the line for the nice boys starts at your door-I'm moving in with you!!

Oh! Wouldn't that be fun!

*Looks out front door* Nope. Not there.

Apparently the nice boys got lost (and though nice, still not smart enough to stop and ask for directions).

*Puts up signs everywhere*
NICE BOY LINE OVER HERE!

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 12:15 PM

IAMZOE

nice guys... always have a bunch of over-protective female friends looking out for him and making sure no unsuitable women show up.

what an entertaining thread...

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 12:35 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL

I would like to point out that at no point in this thread (and yes Ric that's what i meant by cusper) have I said I am in the market for a nice guy...that position is taken (I’m no longer sharing those kind of details with the general public so you'll just have to trust me on that).

I agree with IAMZOE, the nice guys have a guard around them, they may not always be aware of the guard but it is there guarding. I can relate. I hover around my male friends and screen out the bad women too. Lordy, I hope I'm not one of the bad women. Sometimes I think I am. And sometimes I think I'm not. I want the best for him and I worry that’s not me, I want it to be me cause he’s not just nice he’s so much more, ya know? Ack! Rambling.

*hopes over protective female friends think she deserves a shot*

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 12:53 PM

IAMZOE

yeah, those poor nice boys, they're so trusting, they think all girls are nice. Good thing there's evil folks lookin' out for them...

still, I heard that the right nice person can bring out the niceness in you too, so things can always work out no matter how weird they seem at first.

Romance, that's the thing: http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=4&t=10218

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 2:16 PM

LIGHTMEDARK

We're trusting, and we're not...the not usually comes about when someone figures out that we are trusting (she-devils abound ;D). Because of past experiences I will probably always have some issue with trust.

I don't think I have a guard, as it were ;D, but then again maybe that's why no one ever gets through. All my chick friends seem to think I'm some sort of gift that no woman is worthy of. I really don't think they're involved in it, though. I think it comes from my inability to understand any but the most excruciatingly obvious hints from women coupled with my "morals" or ethical code and plain old good fashioned shyness with women.

---
inch towards daylight

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 2:44 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:
Quote:
Originally posted by Jadehand:
. I'm a bastard.

You are NOT!

Take that back.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

Ok, you're right. My parents were married, and remained so. I just didn't want it to sound like, "Hey, I'm offended. I'm a nice, single, not young person." Cause that wasn't the point. The broad generalization that I "heard" whilst reading, was what concerned me. I'm like most people. I can be very nice, I can give the

a run for his money. I'm a product of my environment most of the time. Chameleon. When I'm surrounded by Browncoats, I tend to be kind and fun and generous. At work, well not so much. Must change jobs. I was at work when I wrote that, so I was feeling a little less than kind. Sorry if I ruffled feathers.
I retract the statement that I'm a bastard.
Cheers,
JadeHand

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 4:20 PM

CYBERSNARK

Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:
Men -- like women -- do mature emotionally over time (albeit, very slowly when compared to women... or redwoods, for that matter. ).

Hey now! I resent that! I've got all the emotional maturity of a redwood!

What?

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 4:26 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL

This. The reason I've stayed at FFF for so long. The little gems our members spout.

Quote:
Originally posted by Cybersnark:
Hey now! I resent that! I've got all the emotional maturity of a redwood!

*hugs Cybersnark*

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 11:40 PM

Jadehand and CallMeSerenity:

CMS wrote, in part:

Quote:
I disagree with the statement that all the nice guys got snatched up first and got married already. That has not been my observation. Married men don't seem to be any nicer than unmarried, in my opinion. ...And then, using the opposite argument, you're saying that there must be something wrong with US women because we aren't married yet. As if there's some Hierarchy of Nice and the further down you are on the pyramid, the longer you have to wait to get married...

You and Jadehand both took me to task on my post, so I'll elucidate a little more...

But as to your specific assertions, as quoted:

1. All the good men are married. By 'good men', which I believe everyone will agree are preferable to 'nice guys', I mean suitable mates. I agree that being married does not insure that a man is good. But sure as God made little green apples, a 'good man' will get "snatched up" (as you yourself put it, heh-heh) by a woman who knows what's what, and lickety split. But I also believe good men -- and women -- are forged, not born. Being a former bad boy myself, I can attest that people can and do change for the better. I am reminded of the last scene of "Saving Private Ryan", in which Ryan begs his wife to tell him he is a good man, and that he has led a good life. His uncertainty, his humility in asking his wife to validate his 'goodness' (she appears surprised that he would even have to ask), is the defining quality of a good man. It made me cry just having to remember that scene in order to write about it. If you want to know if you've got a good man, show him "Private Ryan" and watch his reaction on that scene. If it gets to him, drag his ass to a preacher, post haste... (NB: In fact, SPR is chock full of 'good man' characters; I'd bet that even Reiben grew up to be a good man.)

2. Nope. Women are generally all about the heart, in a way men are generally not. At least not ab initio. I personally think this is more about biological imperatives than anything else. In much the same way that I think a male welterweight will virtually always beat a female welterweight because men are genetically predisposed to be more heavily boned and densely muscled, I think women will always have a naturally sweeter heart than men.

Why? Males are naturally (meaning: 'born to be') more aggressive/competitive and seek advantages in their mating environments, often making outrageous physical, mental or social gambits in an attempt to establish dominance over their competitors. They swagger. They feel they are invincible. They become egotistical and convinced of their mastery of the universe (even in the utter absence of evidence to support this stance). This is the lesson of the Greek myth of Icarus: At some point, Life takes notice of this vanity and lays them low with some well-placed sucker punches. One of two things happen: 1) They blame it on something other than their own shortcomings; 2) They reassess their presupposed mastery of the universe.

In scenario 1, they find excuses for why they have failed; as a result, they will fail again. This can be a one-time-only mistake, or they may continue to refuse to accept their culpability for the rest of their lives. In scenario 2, coming to grips with their own 'ordinariness' -- in both the good and bad aspects of their character -- leads to a sense of commonality with their fellow human beings, and a deeper empathy for the feelings of others (as opposed to, for instance, snickering at others for their lack of strength, prosperity or beauty, etc.).

As I said, the un-nice guys y'all are encountering may in very short fashion be transformed into nice guys, because Life will keep slapping them in the face until they wake up. Being a narcissistic pretty boy -- or a doormat in hopes that a crumb may eventually fall from the Mistress' lap -- is an unbalanced state. Nature ('Life') likes to break things that are unbalanced and bring them into equilibrium.

The problem -- as I see it -- is that so many people are unwilling to admit that they were in the wrong, i.e. that the bad thing that happened to them did so as a result of their own mistakes. I know quite a few people who are absolutely unable to admit they've made a mistake, to see themselves as anything less than perfect. It's kinda funny, really, if a bit saddening.

I guess what I'm saying is, in a roundabout way, if things aren't going our way in life and/or love, perhaps we should stop blaming it on others and reexamine the assumptions we are making about ourselves. "I'm a nice guy, but all the girls ignore/take advantage of me." Are you really a 'nice guy'? Have you performed an in-depth reassessment of that assumption lately? Sometimes, genuinely nice people can get pretty smug about it, and that's not very attractive. "I want to meet a nice guy, but there are none around/they don't notice me." Reevaluating, are you sure you're looking for a nice guy? As stated throughout the thread, there are tons of guys who at least think of themselves as nice; so why are they so hard for you to find? Maybe what you really want is a hunky guy -- or at least one who is as attractive as you have deemed yourself to be -- with a ton of cash who treats you like a literal princess. (NB: I call this the Cinderella Effect. I blame Disney for this particular brand of unrealistic expectation, and the fashion and movie industries have led both sexes down the primrose path as far as body image is concerned). So, if you're unhappy with how things are going, reevaluate yourself honestly...

...Or not. Rather than considering the possibility that we need to revisit our own shortcomings, we could simply refuse to believe that there's anything amiss with ourselves. It's the rest of the world that's screwed up. Life will keep beating us about the head and shoulders with our own hearts, but that's just because Life's unfair and doesn't realize how perfectly suited to rule the world we truly are.

Am I saying to lower your expectations or goals? Certainly not. But I am suggesting that perhaps our self-evaluations may be over-inflated. In love, war, or any other form of competition, an accurate assessment of the situation is imperative to the attainment of goals; false assumptions will generally lead to catastrophic failure, sooner or later. (NB: This is also related to the moral of Icarus.) So, reach your goals by being honest with yourself first and then working to overcome your shortcomings, rather than just denying that you have any.

And who knows? If we can assess ourselves more fairly -- warts and all -- perhaps we will suddenly see those 'nice' guys and girls magically appear before our very eyes, in the guise of the same tragically flawed persons we formerly saw, when we still thought of ourselves as "beautiful, unique snowflakes". All of us ordinary, all of us as fatally flawed as a character in a classical Greek fable. All of us human.

...and beautiful.

Respectfully,

zoid

P.S.
Please know that I intended this as no attack of anyone's pain. Please also read the male and female example complaints as being from either gender, since there are many people of both sexes striving to meet suitable mates and to be noticed by/not abused by them.

"All generalisms are false." Each person does have unique pain and joy in their lives; but that's just detail. All humans experience joy and pain in their lives; as a result, we are more alike than we are different or isolated. There's comfort in that thought, if you'll admit to your own fallibility, and allow your own common humanity into your heart.
_________________________________________________

"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off." -Tyler Durden, Fight Club

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 1:35 PM

LIGHTMEDARK

I'm honest with myself...I know my "shortcomings," but it seems I'm completely and utterly unable to remedy them. Of course that's fallacy, I can surely change, yet trying all these years has gained me nothing. I try to inch towards daylight, but the sun pulls farther ahead with every step. Really, I think it comes down to my personal code of ethics. For any progress to occur I need to abolish that code, but in doing so I destroy myself as that code defines me. Perhaps that is an abyss I will attempt to cross. To quote some lyrics of a song that helped me through one of the worst periods of my life "We'll burn this mother*er down, Tomorrow we start again." Should I tear it all down to see what rises in my place?

---
inch towards daylight

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 2:33 PM

LightMeDark,
I don't know how old you are, doesn't really matter. I used to be where you are. The whole destroy who you are and see what grows in it's place thing...... I don't recomend it. I tried that. Guess what grew back? nothing. Being the walking dead ain't as much fun as it looks. Making changes can be hard. Think of it like trying to make repairs on something. Say you need to change the hinges on a door. trying that without a proper screwdiver can be frustrating, but destoying the door (temping as it may be) will not help overall. You need a different tool. Want to make changes (repairs) to yourself and not having luck? Change the tools you're using, don't kick in the door. Chasing daylight whilst walking? not going to happen. you can try running, then a bike, then a car, might do ok when you get a plane, but jump on board Serenity and well you get the picture. Some tools don't work. Some do. Some excel. Now I don't know what tools you've tried, so I can't really make a recomendation. But, don't change your ethics. Not the way to go. Maybe you dislike who you are now. That's ok, it inspires change. Change your ethics, and you'll end up loathing yourself. That only leads to self-destruction. I hope this adds some perspective, If you want further input, let me know. Maybe that Psych degree will finally get some use.
Sorry for the long windedness.
Cheers,
JadeHand

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."
"Say you understand me, And I will leave myself completely.
Forgive me if I stare, But I can see the island behind your tired, troubled eyes." -Fantastic Place (Marbles) -Marillion

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 3:13 PM

MALICIOUS

Ahhhhhhh! Convolution, thy name is Zoid.....

I've missed you greatly, my friend.

Mal-licious

I'm going to add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 7:25 PM

KAYLEEWANNABEE

Cool...a Firefly hookup thread! ;) Kidding...

If I knew where the nice guys are, I'd be dating one. The last guy I dated turned out to be "nice" in the sense of opening doors, etc., but not nice in the sense of being a total pothead and stealing from me. Hrrmph. THAT was character-building!

I find, as a smart, non-average woman who doesn't look like a supermodel, that 98.97% of men will not look at you twice if you're not "hot" enough to appear on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

A close male friend (straight) told me once that in the first 10 seconds after a man sees you, he's asking himself, "would I do her?" And if the immediate answer isn't "HELL YEAH" then he puts you into a "sexless friend" silo, from which you will never emerge as far as he's concerned.

So it's possible that I am surrounded by "nice guys," but they'd never consider dating me because I failed the 10-second test with them. And I'm not a troll, seriously. I'm a size 14, take care of myself, am well-groomed, etc.

Hrrrmph. Admittedly, I'm bitter. I signed up for eHarmony last week. Out of 8 MILLION members, I have been matched with SIX men. The only one I was even vaguely interested in closed me out immediately.

But I have my Mal fantasies to keep me warm.... :D

Holy crap....this post is sad and pathetic. Somebody tell a joke!

-----
It's my job to incite powerful yearning in the hearts and loins of my clients. No, silly, I'm not a Companion...I work at an advertising agency.

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 8:54 PM

Good to be back(ish), Mal! And if any of youse guys are looking for a good girl, Our Goddess of Love, Mmmm-Ahhh-Licious is the lady for you. Okay, so replace 'good girl' with 'the right kind of bad girl', and 'Goddess of Love' with 'Goddess of Unbridled Lust'... Truth in advertising, and all that...

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
And when she was good
She was very, very good,
But when she was bad she was terrific!

That's our 'Lishy!

Badly,

zoid

P.S.
What's that whirring and thumping noise? Oh... It must be Longfellow doing about 1000 RPM.
_________________________________________________

"I aim to misbehave." -Capt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 9:39 PM

GAMESTALKER25

KayleeWannabee-

Holy crap....this post is sad and pathetic. Somebody tell a joke!

Knock Knock...

Who's There?

The interupting cow.

The Interupting co...

MOO!

Hope that brightens your day, one of my fav jokes...that is not horrible dirty...and inappropriate in most conversations.

You can't take the sky from me...

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 11:13 PM

LightMeDark (a stagecraft reference?) wrote:

Quote:
I'm honest with myself...I know my "shortcomings," but it seems I'm completely and utterly unable to remedy them. Of course that's fallacy, I can surely change, yet trying all these years has gained me nothing. I try to inch towards daylight, but the sun pulls farther ahead with every step. Really, I think it comes down to my personal code of ethics. For any progress to occur I need to abolish that code, but in doing so I destroy myself as that code defines me. Perhaps that is an abyss I will attempt to cross. To quote some lyrics of a song that helped me through one of the worst periods of my life "We'll burn this mother*er down, Tomorrow we start again." Should I tear it all down to see what rises in my place?

Well, this is a Firefly website, so...

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the Courage to change the things I can;
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

There are things we cannot change about ourselves. I'm not talking about genetically determined factors like our race or gender, either, but parts of our fundamental personality. Just as a f'rinstance: It really burns me up when people talk about 'converting' gays into heteros, because being gay is only a lifestyle choice. One of the "tools" Jadehand was alluding to that I've found indispensable in my life is the old Amerind adage that if you want to understand a fellow human, you must first walk a mile in his/her moccasins. Suppose the societal norms were reversed and I -- a hopelessly heterosexual male -- was forced to hide my overwhelming attraction to females? Would trying to make myself normal in this fashion make me feel any less distracted or disoriented around an attractive female? I don't think so. The only change would be purely cosmetic, an external image that wouldn't reflect the internal me.

My problem is that I'm an a$$hole. (No, really!

) I don't mean the kind that abuses people intentionally, but rather the kind that dominates every conversation and stifles other people's need to express themselves. Many on this board will attest to this fact. But, the written word at least allows an opportunity for others to respond -- "to get a word in edgewise" as my father used to say -- before I go gallivanting off on another tangent. Now, just imagine being in a room with me... (NB: My wife is truly a saint. Any other woman would've strangled me in my sleep, years ago.)

The good news is that I can also be totally withdrawn and uncommunicative, to the point that it hurts other people's feelings. Basically, I go through periods in which I'm intensely examining some idea or train of thought in my head, and can't be bothered with outside distractions (meaning my loved ones, friends and coworkers attempts to communicate with me).

Realizing how this behavior affects others -- by visualizing myself in their position -- I learned to leave room for others to speak, to consider how my choice of words might affect them, and to make myself available to them during my periods of introspection. Have I perfected this methodology? No. But, I am striving every day toward that perfection, even though I know I can never fully succeed because my personality -- my nature -- is what it is.

Which brings up the last invaluable tool. I forgive myself for being fallible. I know I'm trying my best -- on most days -- so I don't beat myself up for being an a$$hole. But forgiveness is a two-way street. If we want it for ourselves, we must be willing to give it to everyone else we meet, too. Slip into their moccassins and see if they're not just like you: lost and confused, and simply trying to find their way in the darkness.

Everyone needs forgiveness. We are all flawed. We all have that in common. No one is alone in being imperfect. If you can see that, you're on your way to inner peace and self-acceptance.
(NB: There'll still be bills to pay and toilets to unstop, so don't get too happy about your prospects.)

So, take heart brother. You don't have to tear yourself down in hopes of becoming perfect. Attaining perfection is a fool's goal, anyway; even the orbit of the planets isn't perfect and the Earth wobbles on its axis. Striving for perfection makes us 'good men' and 'good women'. Remember: You are sufficient for the world from the day you are born, and it for you.

And for those who are having trouble finding someone to love and in return be loved, try focusing on finding a beautiful soul and paying less attention to the meat package it comes in. Should God decide to make me walk this earth until I'm a hundred-and-five, then my hundred-and-two year old wife will still be the most desirable woman on the planet to me. Even though her physical appeal will be only a distant memory, she will be the one who makes my heart skip a beat, whose eyes hold Paradise, and whose embrace is my only true repose in life...

Earnestly,

zoid
_________________________________________________

"I aim to misbehave." -Capt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 11:20 PM

DAISYCUTTER

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:
I started my own thread! YAY ME!
So here's the thing, we know there are nice men out there somewhere.
Our goal: To find them and capture... umm ask them nicely to come out and play.
The question remains where is said hidey hole and how do we get to it.

Portals?
Planes?
Time Travel?

If this thread makes sense to you... yay! If not, then all shall be revealed, so stick around.

Mai-Mai
Newest Offical Randomn Girl!

THREAD CLOSED....

Only joking, its just my time spent on other forums where we couldn't make threads like these.
I'm a guy, question still lingers as to whether I am nice

-------------------------------------
Q: Why don't we just raise the defensive shields?
A: A superb suggestion with just two major drawbacks. One, we don't have any defensive shields. And two, we don't have any defensive shields. Technically speaking thats only one flaw, but it was such a big one I thought I mention it twice.

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 11:37 PM

MAI

Quote:
The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the Courage to change the things I can;
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Words to live by. I believe it with all my heart, I just have a difficult time putting it into practice.

Quote:
I can also be totally withdrawn and uncommunicative, to the point that it hurts other people's feelings. Basically, I go through periods in which I'm intensely examining some idea or train of thought in my head, and can't be bothered with outside distractions (meaning my loved ones, friends and coworkers attempts to communicate with me).

Holy

! Are we twins? I've always thought that this was one of my major flaws. The trick is to explain to those that care that it's not personal. If they love you and they are very, very, very...etc. patient then it's not always a bad thing.

Quote:
And for those who are having trouble finding someone to love and in return be loved, try focusing on finding a beautiful soul and paying less attention to the meat package it comes in.

Whether, you admit it or not you are a nice guy. Anyone who can give this advice and follow it for themselves is well ... SHINY. Or at the very least, as someone mentioned earlier, have learned enough through experience, that the "not nice" edges have become worn down. And that is one hell of a head start!

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Friday, November 18, 2005 1:31 AM

TOTALLYFRYED

MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!!!!! If you're looking for the key to the whole 'why are there no nice guys' mystery, it's all contained in the section below:

Select to view spoiler:

I remember hearing Adam Corolla say once (paraphrasing here), "The problem isn't that there are no nice guys out there. You meet nice guys every day. You meet them at work, you meet them at school, you meet them at church, at the supermarket; in fact you probably know nice guys pretty much everywhere you go. There's only one thing wrong with all these nice guys: you're not romantically interested in any of them whatsoever."

Take it from someone who's done years of personal research on the subject: any guy who's nothing but nice, polite and accomodating to women will always find himself in the friend zone, a place none of us guys want to live.

"C'mon, Kaylee. We all know I'm the funny one."

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Friday, November 18, 2005 6:22 AM

KAYLEEWANNABEE

Quote:
Originally posted by TotallyFryed: Take it from someone who's done years of personal research on the subject: any guy who's nothing but nice, polite and accomodating to women will always find himself in the friend zone, a place none of us guys want to live.

I disagree! I had an acquaintance in another fandom who I got to know through various fanclub activities, etc. Had a huge amount in common, had a great sense of humor, was always very NICE, etc. I totally fell for him...which was a shame, because he was busy with his own unrequited love deal.

-----
It's my job to incite powerful yearning in the hearts and loins of my clients. No, silly, I'm not a Companion...I work at an advertising agency.

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Friday, November 18, 2005 9:29 AM

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Don't forget, the 'friend zone' works both ways buddie. This is of course coming from what I call a 'buddy-chick' which is the chick that gets to hang with the boys, and occasionally gets to have sex with one of them, but whom none of them would ever seriously date (because they say things like 'i don't want to be in a relationship' and then WHAM! they end up in one, right after crushing 'buddy-chick's' hopes and dreams, no I'm not bitter).

As someone who's recently been crushed by the gigantic arm of 'friendship' I've gotta say, I still believe that you should only date people who you would be friends with, cos if you wouldn't be their friend outside of yoru relationship what in the hell kind of person are you dating??

Any and all intersted men-folk in the greater Wisconsin area are encouraged to gimme a shout, cos I'm willing to try anything at this point, and hell, I already know we both like Firefly! That's a good starting point right?? PM me or check out my blog for more info and peering into my deranged mind. (there's also photos there)

My god I just pimped myself! I feel kinda dirt-er okay about it though....

-BEG out...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluralofapocalypse.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

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Friday, November 18, 2005 9:50 AM

Oye this thread has taken some crazy and unforseen turns!

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

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Friday, November 18, 2005 10:10 AM

The opposite sex (in addition to proving itself inferior again and again) is insanely annoying.

Think that probably qualifies as a very unisex statement. Genderless. True.

I resort to my previous argument. Honesty. Blunt, brutal, ruthless truth at all times under all circumstances regarding all subjects.

XG

or else (divorce, financial complications, years of precious lifespan wasted, children w/out parental control, stigma of having children and being someone's "ex", etc.)

No such thing as gravity. The "Earth-that-was" just sucks.

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Friday, November 18, 2005 10:13 AM

and PS...

if that kind of honesty would doom the relationship, then it's doomed already. You're just buying time.

XG

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Friday, November 18, 2005 10:17 AM

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Is it wrong that I think you're right XG??

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluralofapocalypse.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

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Friday, November 18, 2005 10:22 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by XeroGravity:
and PS...

if that kind of honesty would doom the relationship, then it's doomed already. You're just buying time.

XG

There's a difference between being honest and being just plain mean.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

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Friday, November 18, 2005 11:24 AM

BRUISERSMOM

I wondered if anyone else is getting a lot of questions about why they aren't married from coworkers, friends and family? Also, are they running into a lot of assumptions that they must be desperate to marry anybody who will ask from these sources?

Since turning thirty eleven months ago, I am suddenly dealing with both of these questions a lot and they both drive me crazy because they lead to assumptions like there is something wrong with you if you are not married and if you are not married after the age of twenty-nine you must be so desperate that you would marry anyone.

In my case, I could've been married twice, to two different men, both of whom weren't compatible with me and were hoping that I would change in some significant way after marriage, which is why I turned them down. One thought that I would convert to his religion and the other thought that I would decide to have the dozen kids that he wanted. If they showed up again, still single and willing to marry me and still expecting me to change, I would turn them down again for the same reasons that I did previously. Kind of blows holes in the whole woman who isn't married, therefore must have something wrong with her and be desperate enough to marry anyone who asks theory. That inevitably follows on the heels of the aforementioned questions from coworkers, friends and family.

Honestly, if Mr. Right never shows up, I am going to be happier living single with my beloved pets, teaching the kids at school and volunteering on weekends at the ASPCA.

"You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals."--George Mikes

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Friday, November 18, 2005 11:29 AM

BRUISERSMOM

One of my seventh graders at school told me a very cute joke.

Q: If you're American when you're in the bathroom and American when you're out, what are you when you're inside the bathroom?

Select to view spoiler:

A: European. (You're a peein'.)

Har, har, har.

For you KayleeWannabe and everyone else who needs a joke!

"You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals."--George Mikes

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Friday, November 18, 2005 11:36 AM

A difference between being honest and being mean. It's all relative. Two examples of this as I've seen it play out in the lives of people I know...

Example 1:

I wrapped my legs around my husband's best friend and best man at his wedding because he made me feel neglected, didn't satisfy my emotional needs, was bad in bed, etc.

Example 2:

I slept with my wife's little sister because she was getting older and uglier, the sex was routine and the thrill was just gone, and I needed a little variety.

2 very real excuses I've heard. I also heard it justified by the offenders with the argument that to tell them their spouse the truth would have been mean. It would have been cruel to be so blunt and upfront. Doesn't have to be wives and husbands. Can be boyfriends, girlfriends, significant others, etc.

What's more mean? Telling them "your" truth upfront and avoiding a future of humiliating misery, or sparing their feelings and visiting cruelty like that on them later? All because you couldn't tell them how you feel and deal with it (or break the deal).

They will find out. They always find out. They sense it. Later, they get it confirmed for sure.

Blunt, brutal honesty. Like I said before, being happy in a relationship has nothing to do with being "nice". Nice guys always finish last.

Be honest. Be mean. Only thing that works.

XG

No such thing as gravity. The "Earth-that-was" just sucks.

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Friday, November 18, 2005 12:24 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL

Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:
I'm an a$$hole.

Maybe you are, but you're our a$$hole and we love you for it.

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"

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Friday, November 18, 2005 1:36 PM

LIGHTMEDARK

Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:
LightMeDark (a stagecraft reference?)

Nope, actually a reference to Me being caught between the light and the dark in all things (i could assert that I am in fact two people, both equally extreme...one conservative and one liberal. I often find myself with two completely opposite views on the same subject, like say abortion or assisted suicide, or drugs/alcohol and sex. each half is obviously irrevocably at odds with the other. At least one side wins out more than the other in the struggle for control) I also assert that light or dark is a matter of perspective. What is seen as good could someday be seen in a negative light, then again seen as an act of sainthood at another time.

Quote:
There are things we cannot change about ourselves. I'm not talking about genetically determined factors like our race or gender

Ah, but the things I speak of are things that I can change as they are only matters of how I perceive. My biggest hurdles (aside from the obvious things out of my control (and some in my control but will be saved for later conversation)) are my views on relationships/sex and drugs/alcohol, which, admittedly, I take more than one side on.

Quote:
The good news is that I can also be totally withdrawn and uncommunicative, to the point that it hurts other people's feelings.

Haha, this reminds me of the other night. I don't really care to go out to the bars, but my cousin who I consider a brother and is one of the most important people in my life loves to, so I humor him and occasionally enjoy it. This night I wasn't really liking it whatsoever, so I was in bad spirits. One of his female friends from work kept yelling at me and calling me unsociable because I hadn't said a single word to her (or almost anyone there). Towards the end of the evening she demanded to know why I was silent to which I almost replied that it was because I didn't like her, but I figure it would annoy her more for me to just remain silent...so I did. I'm rarely if ever mean, but I definitely was then. I could only take so much abuse.

My dad has a hard time with this. I can be incredibly talkative, but often I'm silent. When I go to my parents house for dinner and TV my dad's temper flares sometimes because I won't say much of anything. He just doesn't understand silence. I always tell him that it's a mark of how comfortable I am around him that I don't need to fill the gaps with useless words.

Quote:
Which brings up the last invaluable tool. I forgive myself for being fallible. I know I'm trying my best -- on most days -- so I don't beat myself up for being an a$$hole. But forgiveness is a two-way street. If we want it for ourselves, we must be willing to give it to everyone else we meet, too. Slip into their moccassins and see if they're not just like you: lost and confused, and simply trying to find their way in the darkness.

I find it hard to forgive my own shortcomings. I'm rather ruthless about it. I'm tormented by not being "good enough" at anything I'm doing. I've never really been a competitive person, but I think deep down I am. Even when I do "well" at something I am often disappointed in myself for not being better.

However, I find it very easy to forgive others and their shortcomings. That whole you must love yourself first bit annoys me. I have little love for myself, but I have an overwhelming amount of love for others. Self love doesn't get in the way for me.

Quote:
So, take heart brother. You don't have to tear yourself down in hopes of becoming perfect. Attaining perfection is a fool's goal, anyway; even the orbit of the planets isn't perfect and the Earth wobbles on its axis. Striving for perfection makes us 'good men' and 'good women'. Remember: You are sufficient for the world from the day you are born, and it for you.

One of the things that has gotten me through is the idea of perfect imperfection. Without it I may have gone completely nuts striving for plain old perfection. On the idea of sufficiency...maybe, but who wants to be merely sufficient? And the world may be sufficient for me, but I have some problems with "humanity."

Quote:
And for those who are having trouble finding someone to love and in return be loved, try focusing on finding a beautiful soul and paying less attention to the meat package it comes in.

That is my focus. Of course one can't be with someone they find repulsive...there has to be some physical attraction and I believe chemistry is very important (which is bad because girls I have chemistry with are usually the ones I'm least compatible with in other areas). I am the guy that looks to no other when he as a girlfriend. To me my past gf's were the most beautiful things walking this earth while I was with them.

Quote:
Earnestly,

zoid

Thanks for your post, zoid. It was rather enjoyable.

---------

Quote:
Originally posted by TotallyFryed:
MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!!!!! If you're looking for the key to the whole 'why are there no nice guys' mystery, it's all contained in the section below:

Select to view spoiler:
I remember hearing Adam Corolla say once (paraphrasing here), "The problem isn't that there are no nice guys out there. You meet nice guys every day. You meet them at work, you meet them at school, you meet them at church, at the supermarket; in fact you probably know nice guys pretty much everywhere you go. There's only one thing wrong with all these nice guys: you're not romantically interested in any of them whatsoever."

Take it from someone who's done years of personal research on the subject: any guy who's nothing but nice, polite and accomodating to women will always find himself in the friend zone, a place none of us guys want to live.

"C'mon, Kaylee. We all know I'm the funny one."

Yes, that sums it up nicely. Someone said it earlier, nice guys are often "boring," another matter of perspective. I always end up in the friend zone, unless the girl is forward enough to make the moves. If I'm not boring I'm simply too restrained by my code and my own ignorance of the hints that women drop. Fun, fun ;D

---
inch towards daylight

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Friday, November 18, 2005 4:40 PM

KAYLEEWANNABEE

BlackEyedGirl...

Are we twins, separated at birth??? I read your post and did the fist-pumping "right ON!!!!" thing!

You expressed yourself SO eloquently. RIGHT ON.

Several guys have told me that I'm frightening/intimidating because I'm too independent, opinionated, non-wallflowery, I know how to use power tools, etc. Well, screw 'em, they're not right for me, then, are they? (And I mean that in the nicest possible way.)

However, I do believe that men and women ARE different, and the difference are what make things fun. I'd love to find a guy who gets off on taking care of me, because he KNOWS he doesn't have to, and allowing myself to be taken care of is a gift that I give to him. I love that male/female give and take in a relationship. (That's the only kind of game-playing I'm up for.) Everybody needs strokes; I think it's perfectly okay to engage in a "relationship dance" that makes the man feel more manly and the woman feel more womanly.

Women nearing 30 and unmarried are looked at as strange? Honey, I'm 40!!!! I've had long-term relationships (and short-term ones) but I've never lived with anyone (the cats don't count). I have a successful life, I own my own business, I'm generally well-liked and respected in my field, and, as I said before, I own power tools and I know how to use them. I could stand to lose some weight, but I'm not obese. I'm actually very happy, have very little baggage (carry-on size at most) and I don't go for the "simpering female" crap that a lot of women use to manipulate men. I think my biggest deal-killer is that I don't want kids, and guys my age tend to already be on their first or second set of kids and many of them want more! YIKES!

But I'm not a Settler, so I'm still hangin' out on a Firefly board on a Friday night instead of out on a date. I don't want to say it's hard to keep "fighting," because I don't want to frame this as an adversarial exercise. But I get your point.

It's difficult to do what you know to be right, and it's difficult to stand up for what you want and know you deserve. Especially when it seems like every other person you know is in a relationship. If your self-esteem is kind of shaky, or you get your feelings of self-worth from outside instead of inside, then it's far more likely that you'll cave and settle and spend a lot of money on romance novels.

But if there is one thing I've learned, BlackEyedGirl, it's that it's vastly better to be alone than to be with a guy who's not right for you.

Quote:
Originally posted by BlackEyedGirl:
Here's how it is: I am a ballsy, brazen, pretty, loud mouthed girl. The way I see it is this, if you don't have the guts to ask me out, or even just talk to me (just talking to me is mostly enough, cos you had the guts to take the risk, to take the chance), then you probably don't have the guts/balls to deal with me....Well, generally I don't need a man. I can take care of myself, I don't want your money, or to boss you around, or for you to fix stuff or buy me things or so any of that stupid demanding crap, I don't really need you for that, what I need is a partner in crime, a confidant someone who will be there to laugh with me and who will be there when I need them and who I can be there for too. I need a friend who I can't live without, who the sight of makes me die a little inside, who I want to take care of and to take care of me, someone who makes me quiver with anger (sometimes) and who can melt me with a word. Someone who can teach me something and who is willing to learn. I want someone with the self confidence to let me be the smart girl that I am and not feel intimidated.

There are 2 kinds of woman in this world: Settlers and Fighters. Settlers will give up and just marry whoever comes along that is sort of good enough, someone they can mold. They give up the dream, they settle. Then there are fighters, and we aren't going to take less than we want, less than we deserve. There aren't a lot of us, and everyday we lose a couple cos they just can't take it any more. We still live in a society where it's okay to be a single man, but if you are nearing 30 and unmarried, you are looked at as strange. This isn't so true in places like New York, or Chicago or LA, but 95% of this country aren't those places. It's hard to keep fighting.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluraplofapocalypse.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

-----
It's my job to incite powerful yearning in the hearts and loins of my clients. No, silly, I'm not a Companion...I work at an advertising agency.

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Friday, November 18, 2005 5:56 PM

Quote:
(i could assert that I am in fact two people, both equally extreme..I often find myself with two completely opposite views on the same subject.What is seen as good could someday be seen in a negative light, then again seen as an act of sainthood at another time.
...

Yes, I very much identify with that. Often depends on the target of the subject.

Quote:
.Ah, but the things I speak of are things that I can change as they are only matters of how I perceive. My biggest hurdles (aside from the obvious things out of my control (and some in my control but will be saved for later conversation)) are my views on relationships/sex and drugs/alcohol, which, admittedly, I take more than one side on...

Perception of self is often the key to making changes. Convincing yourself to believe what you may consider a lie about yourself now, may make it true if you believe it long enough. (so was it a lie? if only it brought out the truth that you couldn't see?) Rambling (or not). Moving on....

Quote:
.I find it hard to forgive my own shortcomings. I'm rather ruthless about it. I'm tormented by not being "good enough" at anything I'm doing. I've never really been a competitive person, but I think deep down I am. Even when I do "well" at something I am often disappointed in myself for not being better.

However, I find it very easy to forgive others and their shortcomings. That whole you must love yourself first bit annoys me. I have little love for myself, but I have an overwhelming amount of love for others. Self love doesn't get in the way for me.
..

Sucks when you percieve yourself as not good enough, yet better than most others at the same time, doesn't it? See above conflicting simutainous views. The love yourself bit. Hard to do when you can't find anything inside worthy of it....yet so many people around you do. What are they seeing that you don't? I'm there. My love battery is running low, I gave a lot out without getting recharged.

Quote:
.That is my focus. Of course one can't be with someone they find repulsive...their has to be some physical attraction and I believe chemistry is very important (which is bad because girls I have chemistry with are usually the ones I'm least compatible with in other areas). I am the guy that looks to no other when he as a girlfriend. To me my past gf's were the most beautiful things walking this earth while I was with them.

..

True. I didn't even notice others when I was involved.

on a final note: The whole nice guys finish last thing. Well yeah. They always make sure she finishes first.

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."
"Say you understand me, And I will leave myself completely.
Forgive me if I stare, But I can see the island behind your tired, troubled eyes." -Fantastic Place (Marbles) -Marillion

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Friday, November 18, 2005 11:11 PM

For cryin out loud... stop already with the whining.

Women are whores, men are users. Ok ok ok ya ya ya. We all get it.

If you are a man and you whine about how women broke your heart, guess what. You are in the process of growing a spine. Buck up, show some backbone (the one you're now growing). I'm 100 percent Yank but a likeminded Brit would tell you to do the whole stiff upperlip thing. Ya vampire women gravitate to weak-willed men with brokenspirits. Conquest is all-important. Wrack up the numbers, plant a flag, and announce you came and conquered. Stop whining. Be strong.

Vice-a-versa.

Ladies... we just wanna get laid. Slide inside with no complications. We're cold, emotionless, and after one thing. There ain't no complexity to man versus woman stuff. It is what it is. But you're allpowerful because we plant the seed, and you make it grow. If you think a man is using you then he very likely is. It's OK. You can avenge yourself on him because you are allpowerful. Just don't whine about it while you usurp his mojo. If you do whine, make sure you cry some alligator tears. The allimony judge will dry them up with his checkbook. Luckily for you, you figured out we men are just singleminded monsters who want to own you.

Those children will always want to know who the planter of the seed was. Are they acorns, or mighty oaks? Or just weeds?

XG

Thank the powers that be we have hollywood. They can make movies and set our minds right again. Shakin' a tree boss.

No such thing as gravity. The "Earth-that-was" just sucks.

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Friday, November 18, 2005 11:28 PM

RACOONBOY

I just gotta say in response to whoever said the geeks were the nice ones, not all geeks are nice, and not all popular people are cruel.

A guy at my school, let's call him "Dan", now Dan is the biggest tool you will ever meet, he thinks he is popular and cool, but everyone hates him and thinks hes a turd, except for a few people, he is a nerd/geek who is ugly and a piece of shit, the worst kind of guy you can get, same as my brother.

And don't go figuring I'm an ass because of what I said then, I just hate Dan.

I'm really a nice guy.

Really.

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Saturday, November 19, 2005 6:12 AM

What was it that Joss said? I think it was:

Just be yourself. Unless you suck.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

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Saturday, November 19, 2005 10:41 AM

BRUISERSMOM

KayleeWannabe, I don't want kids either. It's been a relationship stopper on many occassions for me too when the guy that I'm dating wants them.

The last guy that I dated was a computer programmer who worked from 9-9 or 9-11 o'clock Monday-Friday and on a couple of weekends a month would go in on a Saturday or Sunday all day too. One day he told me that he wanted kid. I chuckled at him and said, "Even if we got married and had a kid, when are you ever going to see her? She'll be at school by the time that you get up in the morning, in bed by the time that you get home. That leaves just the weekened to see her and even then, you often work one day." He just looked at me silently and went back to watching TV.

Onto another topic, sometimes, those guys who already have a passel of kids with multiple women and want more. I have theory. They're still searching for that perfect Leave It to Beaver family. It didn't work out with those other women, so they're trying again, with you or me.

"You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals."--George Mikes

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Saturday, November 19, 2005 5:12 PM

BLACKEYEDGIRL

KayleeWannabee, Bruisersmom,

Thank You! Thank You So Much! Seriously.

I have high self-esteem, but even so it's hard to convince myself to keep fighting. I look at women in their 30's, 40's hell 50's on up, who are successful, happy and alone and I am so proud of them. Why? Because they didn't give up the fight, they didn't give up the dream. They found what they wanted in life and they went after it, they took it and they took no prisoners along the way. I hope I can remain that strong if the right guy never comes along.

Also, I totally Agree with you KayleeWannaBe about the whole 'man who wants to take care of me, because he knows he doesn't have to.' I just recently got dumped (well, not really dumped, downgraded I guess) and what had me convinced that this was right was that I wanted to let him take care of me. This never happens, ever. Cos I hate the idea of some guy taking care of me because he thinks he has to. This time around he took care of me and I didn't hate it cos I knew I was still held in high regard, it was more like 'no let me make you dinner, you had a long drive' which was nice and not manipulative. It was genuine and it didn't diminish who I am but made me feel really girly. I loved it, and now I miss it desperately.

One of my biggest issues is people (not just men) who di things because they think they are supposed to, not because they want to, but because they think this is the way it works. It feel manipulated and ridiculous.

A while back one of my friends was shocked to hear that I had never cohabitated with a man. I didn't think this was that strange, I've never even considered moving in with a man (then again I've dated like 2, maybe 3 men in the last 5 years so it's more likely a numberss issue). My theory is I see a lot of people who date, move in with each other, and that's it. I have 2 male friends who've lived with their girlfriends going on 3+ years and don't want to marry them, they still think there might be someone else out there for them. Which to me is a huge OMG! Break the fuck up, cos you are just stringing each other along. I don't get that. Get married or break up don't stay cos it's easy and convienent while you wait for the next best thing!

The whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

BTW: If either of you can find it, I highly recommend the book 'Quirkyalone' it's all about this sort of movement of people who refuse to settle.

It's a Saturday night and here I am, on the Firefly board, reading blogs, and pretty damn satisfied. I'd love a partner in crime, but right now I'm feeling pretty okay just with me.

Also, there are lots of guys out there who don't want kids. My best friend married one, neither of them want a passel of ankle biters, they have 2 dogs and 3 cats and that's a big enough menagerie for them. Just keep your hopes up and keep your eyes peeled. I currently live in an area where if you are single at 25+ and not already through your first divorce with at least 2 kids you are a freak of nature (they are breeders up here in Wausau, BREEDERS I say!), and every guy I have met has kids, and I don't really want someone elses baggage. I don't want to deal with offspring that didn't come out of me (and even so I only want one, and it will be well behaved and very much loved and attented upon as opposed to these people with a herd of kids with ADD), and that fact alone can't get me a date.

BTW: I'm not whining, I'm bitching, which is totally different! ;)

Also BTW: Nice guys beware of the soul sucking harpies they are out there and circling like sharks to destroy you. Be very careful. They can't all be evil but a lot of them are looking for a victim and if you can't be strong enough to stand up to them they will eat you alive, and remove your spine. I may be loudmouthed and opinionated but I have never ever destroyed a man because I could, nor have I ever castrated or soul sucked anyone. So don't necessarily be afeared of the ballsy intellectual fantastical girls, cos they are usually not the ones who are out to destroy you.

This thread has been such an interesting insight into the male/female dynamic. We all want the same thing (when it comes down to it) but our approaches are so radically different. If we could ever accept that I think things would go so much smoother, that and removing the common assumptions we all make about what each other wants and needs. Wow. So eye opening.

BEG -Out

BTW: I finally fixed my blog link (Sorry LightMeDark, I was retarded), I was retarded and misspelled it. There is currently a chibi army on my blog which I think is way cool. Also a rant about the hotness of comedians and geeking out about comic books. Cos yeah, I am that girl, and I am whoring my blog to everyone.

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http://pluralofapocalypse.blogspot.com
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Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

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Saturday, November 19, 2005 6:32 PM

VISITINGMYINTENTIONS

Quote:
Originally posted by BlackEyedGirl:
A while back one of my friends was shocked to hear that I had never cohabitated with a man. I didn't think this was that strange, I've never even considered moving in with a man (then again I've dated like 2, maybe 3 men in the last 5 years so it's more likely a numberss issue). My theory is I see a lot of people who date, move in with each other, and that's it. I have 2 male friends who've lived with their girlfriends going on 3+ years and don't want to marry them, they still think there might be someone else out there for them. Which to me is a huge OMG! Break the fuck up, cos you are just stringing each other along. I don't get that. Get married or break up don't stay cos it's easy and convienent while you wait for the next best thing!

Curious...we're not supposed to date anyone we aren't sure we're going to marry? My boyfriend and I aren't married, because we know that we're young, and we might find other people. I don't think that means we should break up. We're happy together. Knowing it may not be permanent makes us no less happy now.

And what's the significant difference between cohabitating and just dating? Either way we need to live with roommates, and it's much less awkward for everyone if we choose each other to be those roommates.

"it has some sweet character deaths -- I mean moments!" - Joss Whedon

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Sunday, November 20, 2005 10:37 AM