Male and Female Imponderables, the Third by Tristan

Okay, can I break in this thread with a rather riske question? Tell me if I ever go too far! (Okay, here's the line, and there waaaaaay over in the distance is you!!)

I've been wondering about differing attitudes towards ... um... adult material (I'm trying to be tactful and delicate here. Doesn't suit me!)

From what I understand a lot of men seem to get a lot out of still images of women (or men if they like em) whereas I personally can appreciate a beautiful unclad form in the aesthetic sense but much prefer the moving image or the written word. Is this typical?

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Monday, May 15, 2006 11:07 AM

I do not think anything would be too far over the line...excepting deliberatly distasteful statements, so no worries there.

When you are speaking of the artistic unclad forms, I usually prefer stills. I can also appreciate moving pictures, which brings into play the delicate motions of the human body...sort of a mobile work of art. That is for the aesthetic portion of my mind. The "other" part of my mind doesn't really care, but prefers pictures to the written word.

(EmmaRigby, if that doesn't answer your question properly, let me know...I, too, am trying to be delicate here. PM'ing me would work.)

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Monday, May 15, 2006 11:15 AM

I personaly really enjoy good pornography. As long as it's not ummmmmm don't know exactly how to say it but dirty?

An I carried such a torch

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Monday, May 15, 2006 11:20 AM

Ah! Somebody said the P word! Whew! I can stop being all tactful!

Yep, I've sampled a range of porn and what I noticed was that a lot of it seemed to fake and staged. My partner didn't seem to notice/ care but if I couldn't believge the woman was having a really good time I found it did nothing for me. I think this goes back to something someone (I can't remember who) said in the last threat about women liking to empathise with the subject rather than just watch.

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Monday, May 15, 2006 11:38 AM

Hi -

I jumped in way late on the last thread, sorry I missed so much, you guys have talked about fun stuff!

So here's one that I'm sure is going too far, but I swear, I just saw this discussed somewhere else with regards to fanfic...

Someone was saying that men are all into f/f, but women don't get into m/m, and there was discussion about whether this is true or just women are trained to not talk about it. Where did I read this? Recent thread, I swear!

But then someone else said that most m/m slash fic is written by women. This surprised me! Any opinions?

Myself, well-written erotica is well-written, no written the m or the f of it. And not dirty is good (I know what you're saying, CoPilot!) and both parties must enjoy themselves.

EmmaRigby: Fake, staged = no good!! I don't understand how anyone gets into that!

m4p

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Monday, May 15, 2006 11:42 AM

Mal4Prez, yes, that was a discussion in the last thread...I am not entirely sure we "solved" that one. Males like the concept of f/f, and generally dislike the m/m idea. I will have to re-read the last thread, and those that were there please correct me if I am wrong.
Not all men are into the f/f thing. I like the idea, and like to dwell on it every now and then, but it is not something that I will die if I never see again. My comment was along the lines of I only like one other person in bed with me at one time...it's better to focus your entire being on one other.
That was kinda rambly, but it is one viewpoint...hope that helps.

And seeing as someone broke the "porn" barrier...I prefer the "amateur" to the professionally staged stuff...seems like the amateurs are enjoying themselves more.

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Monday, May 15, 2006 11:44 AM

Thanks Tristan - I will need to catch up more, there was so much discussion in that last thread!

wee fun!

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Monday, May 15, 2006 11:46 AM

Glad you have decided to join us! I look forward to answering questions and gaining further insight into the perfection of the female mind!

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Monday, May 15, 2006 12:10 PM

I to have read some fantastic erotic fanfic, both m/m, f/f and m/f. Of course the effect it has is directly linked to the quality of the writing but a steamy novel is more guaranteed to turn me on than any other type of porn.

M/M scenarios can be fun to watch/ imagine but I guess that I personally feel that the average woman is just built to be more pleasing to the eye than the average man (no offense guys, I'm sure you're all way above average!)

PS/ I agree wholeheartedly with the Amateur issue. You tend to avoid all the horribly false breasts that I find deeply off-putting!

Hmmm, it there a way of rating a thread?! I'm afrain of corrupting innocent minds. Or should I be proud to be enlightening them?

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Monday, May 15, 2006 12:19 PM

We should be proud to be enlightening them! I think one major question in the back of most male minds has been the female reaction to pornography. We realize there are the harlequin novels, and that may have put in our minds "your" idea of romance and sex. I know this is a generalization, and it probably does not apply to any of you, I am just putting this out there for discussion. It is nice to know there are some females out there that do enjoy pornography in some of it's many guises.

I, unfortunately, have to be away from the computer until tomorrow, but I can't wait to get back into this!
Y'all have fun!

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Monday, May 15, 2006 12:30 PM

Erotica is a lot of fun. Although I read a book called the best of lesbian erotica and it was scarey!

An I carried such a torch

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Monday, May 15, 2006 12:33 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by copilot:
Erotica is a lot of fun. Although I read a book called the best of lesbian erotica and it was scarey!

An I carried such a torch

I have read a book of the same title (not sure if there is more than one) and found it very varied, from great short stories to ones that were ... odd!

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Monday, May 15, 2006 12:39 PM

I have an irrational fear of knives! I don't even like it if my grandmother chops vegetables near me. The book I read had a lot of knife play. Very very scarey!

An I carried such a torch

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Monday, May 15, 2006 12:50 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by copilot:
I have an irrational fear of knives! I don't even like it if my grandmother chops vegetables near me. The book I read had a lot of knife play. Very very scarey!

An I carried such a torch

Hmmm, I think it was a different book. I think a fear of knives is a rational and sane thing to have. as they are danergous things and not to be played with in my bedroom!

(sorry, seemed appropriate!)

I too must retire to bed now, (with a Black Lace book is anyone cares to know!) but will be very interested in catching up in the morning!

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Monday, May 15, 2006 2:07 PM

DAYVE

Hello everyone. I was just reading the thread and wanted to add the works of Anaïs Nin to the discussion. Very erotic and well written. There are many others, including of course, Henry Miller, but Nin is always a great read.

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Monday, May 15, 2006 2:08 PM

DTUCK

I'd have to say that a novel with romantic and/or sexual overtones is more of a thrill for me than a movie with the same theme.

However, and this is kind of odd (or at least, I've been told it is), if I'm watching a movie where a woman is scantily clad, it is much more of a turn on than when, erm... nothing is left to the imagination, so to speak.

Anyhoo, one thing I've been wondering about is, (and I apologize if this has been asked before, as the other threads have already been pushed so far down that I can't search them) do women always like it when guys make the first move?

I know I liked it when my last girlfriend laid claim to me. It didn't end well, but still, I liked how it started, and I'm wondering if the opposite is true, or wether constantly being flirted with and hit on wears on women, so when someone who is genuinely interested comes along, they'll get lost in the white noise of "Ignore him, he's probably just another jerk".

__________________________________

The best way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.

- Oscar Wilde

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Monday, May 15, 2006 2:09 PM

DAYVE

... then again...some folks get their reading material from truck stops...

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Monday, May 15, 2006 2:19 PM

RHYIANAN

I prefer the guy to make the first move, although I can't exactly pinpoint why.

As for the constantly getting hit on, I can't help you there. I've never really been hit on before.

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Monday, May 15, 2006 2:31 PM

I like when the guy makes the first move. Kinda makes me feel special. Funny thing is with girls I make the first move, open doors and pay for everything. I can be quite the gentleman.

An I carried such a torch

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Monday, May 15, 2006 4:41 PM

JAYNESBUNKWOMAN

MY first quetion is how the heck did I missed this thread???? AND it's predecessors??? Now I'm gonna have to go through the archives to find out all the stuff I missed out on!! gotta get edumucated!

In answer to your question, I too like the guy to make the first move. I'm usually so oblivious to the whole who's making a play and who is just chatting thing that unless it's an overt move, Verbal or otherwise, I'd just assume he was being nice/chatty, whatever, but not "interested".

Maybe that's the (my) problemn - I'm always assuming the guys isn't interested...and here's a reciprical question for you - How do I know? What "signs" should I look for that a guy is interested?
JBW

Whatd'ja all go an' order a dead guy for?

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Monday, May 15, 2006 8:23 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Yay, new thread!
Mmmm, ok, I discussed porn a little in the last one. Like anything, it depends how it's done. I do tend to be more turned on by a sexy story or a sexy voice than sexy pictures, but they can get a reaction sometimes. And of course a story has to be written well; I've read some godawful stories that I couldn't even finish.
Mmmmmm, knives. I have to talk about this because I am somewhat of a fetishist, and I think knives are very, very sexy. You have to be careful, of course (unless you're into blood, which some people are) and I would say just not pressing down at all is the best bet. But really, the edge of a knife can hit individual nerve endings like nothing else and it can be very erotic. Most of my relationships have *cough* involved knife play in some way, but most of them weren't very skilled at it, so I stopped it in fear of being cut. My last boy was pretty good at it, but didn't do it very often.
In terms of making the first move, I used to be incapable of making a first move; I wanted to know the other person was interested. I stopped minding as much because I got tired of waiting to be noticed. Yes, I get tired of being "hit on" when I'm not giving any reciprocation; some men are totally clueless and just keep at it after I've made it clear I'm not interested. That is annoying. But being flirted with I enjoy, and after a bit of flirtation, I'll just be direct. My last relationship, we'd been flirting for awhile last time we saw each other, so when I saw him again I just said "Hey, you kinda like me, huh?" I just hate dancing around, you know? So as long as someone is being direct with me and getting the hint (one way or the other) I'm happy. I don't insist on making the first move, nor do I insist the other person makes the first move. I am still working out how to talk to girls. I've had a few sorta relationships, but they seem more skittish than men, in a weird way, and I don't know how best to aproach it. It's fairly easy to tell if a man is interested in me, not so much with women.
Whew! Did I miss anything?

*************************************************
One summer.
One mission.
One legion of Browncoats.

Starting June 23rd, we aim to misbehave.

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Monday, May 15, 2006 10:05 PM

SASSALICIOUS

I've found that visual pornography doesn't really do it for me, but books are nice. I think it's because I get to make up the visuals in my head instead of watching a sketchy movie. Maybe that's the other problem . . . the only pornos I've seen were really cheap ones that my friend bought off of ebay or really bad ones playing at this restaurant I ate at.

I tend to prefer if a guy makes the first move, but I've occasionally done it. However, I get really put off if the guy is creepy about it or sloppy drunk when he tries to pick me up. For instance, there was this guy on the street one morning that would not leave me alone. He just kept saying "I'm interested in getting to know you better" and I'm responding with "I'm not interested". Then when I said bye he definitely tried to make out with me in the street at 10 am. I had "known" this guy for approximately 5 minutes. I was highly flattered at my bday party this weekend when a girl AND her boyfriend were trying to pick me up because that doesn't happen that often.

Question: What do guys/girls really think about a girl's weight? People always SAY they like more, but you only ever see people dating thinnish people and it's annoying!

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 3:25 AM

DEEPGIRL187

Quote:
Originally posted by jaynesbunkwoman:
MY first quetion is how the heck did I missed this thread???? AND it's predecessors??? Now I'm gonna have to go through the archives to find out all the stuff I missed out on!! gotta get edumucated!

By all means, check out the other threads, they were very interesting. I will warn you however, that the first thread was hijacked by a scary troll. Thus the creation of the second thread. But no worries, the trolliness has been non-existent since then.

*************************************************

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 4:50 AM

Whew - back to work, and more fun to catch up with on the MF thread!

First - copilot, you kill me with your sudden discussion of knives, I'm with Emma about the initial reaction of WTF!!! Are you really saying erotica knife play? (You're wrecking my naivete!)

Re first move - I admit to occasionally having that annoying chick habit of wanting men to read my mind. I was on a date once, talking about something that I thought was fascinating, and the guy was staring at my lips and replied that he hadn't heard a thing I said because he wanted to kiss me. That's sweet and I guess should be flattering, but I was talking for chrissake. Save it for later!

Anyway, so first move by man can be great, but only when I'm in the mood too... and that comes after some successsful meeting of the minds.

As I get older, I'm more into making the first move myself. It could be a mid-thirties empowerment thing, but I find myself more into being in control than I ever was in my twenties.

Most guys here have said they like making the first move - really? I have to say, I almost pity the next guy I'm really attracted too, [warning - too much information ahead!] because it's been a while and I'll probably attack him. Often.

Would that bother you manly-take-charge types? And honestly here. Like - public groping, things that might get a man sued if he did it to a woman. Would you be freaked if a woman you were dating did that to you?

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 6:03 AM

What? No opinions? Have I freaked out the men?

Dang, and now I'm taking the afternoon off so I'll have to catch up with things again tomorrow. Bummer!

m4p

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 6:56 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by jaynesbunkwoman:
How do I know? What "signs" should I look for that a guy is interested?
JBW

Thats what I want to know!

As for Porn. Book, movie its all good as long as they don't use REALLY cheesey lines. Then its just over!

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:15 AM

I've got no idea! I was talking to a guy just you know being friendly and the like and then my friend told me he was hitting on me! Me-huh? Friend-He was hitting on you Me-really? Friend-Yes a lot! Aparently if someone's even talking to you they're hitting on you. News to me but then again I suck at that whole human relationship thing.

An I carried such a torch

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:18 AM

The only time I can tell that they are interested is when they are "taken". WTF - single guys - I got no clue. They all flirt with me and I can never tell. But if he is married - its like the radar goes off or something.

Maybe because to me that is a big NO NO. I dunno. Men should just tell us. Then again, we are the reason they don't. Hoisted on our own petard.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:24 AM

A PAX ON THIS COMPUTER AND ALL THINGS RELATED TO IT.

sorry double post

I am better now

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:25 AM

Greetings, all! I am glad to see this thread is as popular as the last few.
I just got back from a meeting, so I am a bit behind on work...I will try to post answers if I get a chance.

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:25 AM

SIMONWHO

The most common way of telling is by touch. You touch them on the arm or the hand or the shoulder or however and see how they react.

Haven't you ever seen someone you wanted and just been desperate for them to touch you? Likewise, hasn't the touch of someone you didn't feel that way about unnerved you and made you withdraw? (Side note: I once nearly had to break the fingers of a girl who would not let go of my hand. Not that this was a regular happening but still... let go, let go! She was also the only person I ever fell asleep whilst talking to them.)

So, touch them and see.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:27 AM

You know it is easier to tell if someone's hitting on me if they're involved with someone else. Maybe it's just that if they go out of their way to talk to you without their better half around you know something's up.

An I carried such a torch

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:29 AM

The unnerved part - yeah- but I am divorcing him so that's solved :)

OK HERE is a question my wise male comrades -

There is this man. We "work" together at partner companies. We have never met. We talk on the phone constantly, we email, he picks on me AND he sends me emails on the weekends asking me to call him when he has the weekend shift. BUT he is MARRIED! WTF?

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:30 AM

RHYIANAN

I'm with the rest of the clueless people. How do you tell when a guy is interested? I too have had the experience of having a nice conversation and later being told that the guy was hitting on me.

Even more pitiful, I have actually gone on a date without realizing that it was a date because I had no clue the guy was into me.

Please someone, give us some insight.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:34 AM

hahahaha I know the feeling! I've aparently been oh a bunch of dates that I had no idea were dates! My first date with my current significant other being a great example. As far as I knew it was just hanging out with a new person. He on the other hand went to great lenghts to make it special. I was clueless untill he asked to kiss me.

An I carried such a torch

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:38 AM

I haven't been on a date since August of 1987.

I have been separated since July of this year. I sit, all alone, meditating on me belly button.

Sniff Sniff.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:43 AM

Awwwww

sorry kiddo! Boys are stupid anyway! And they've got coodies!

An I carried such a torch

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:44 AM

DEEPGIRL187

*big hug*

Try not to feel too bad. I've never even been on a date.

**************************************************

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:50 AM

And lets keep it that way young lady! No dates for you until you have completed college, made the world a better place and have a cool million in the bank.

Then well, we will talk!

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 9:07 AM

LYSANDER

I'm no expert, but I have done the whole I'm interested talk many times. I think two of the things that you need to look at are the eyes and the mouth. Watch for the intensity in the other persons eyes when they talk to you. If they don't wander and they have that enlightened look, there is something a little more than conversation going on in his head. Where are his eyes during conversation? If they are looking you over, this is a good thing. If their eyes move down to your lips, there is either definite interest or you have something on your lip. Check your lip first to see if anything is on them, if there is nothing, he is interested. Also, look at the mouth. Do they smile a lot? Even when things are not that funny? Dead give away. Watch if they are constantly wetting their lips. Nervous habit that a lot of guys do. But, make sure that it only happens when he's talking to you. I don't know if this is going to be of any use, but this is how things work for me. If all else fails, just ask. Better to feel stupid or just out right asking then to feel stupid for trying to act on something that was never there. I forgot the other topics so I will be back with more of my input.

Simon: What if he(Mal) tells you to kill me?
Zoe: (without hesitation) I kill you.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 9:08 AM

I'm with FutureMrsFillion on this one! No dating! You're destined for sainthood you know.

An I carried such a torch

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 9:15 AM

Anybody else ever read How to make anyone fall in love with you? I read it and realized how much I didn't need it afterwards. Natural flirt be I. I keep forgeting what I learned when I'm talking to people and damn it if they arn't always falling all over themselfs! WTF I'm not even that attractive. Aparently the mind fills in the missing spots in a persons charchter if you really like them.

An I carried such a torch

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 9:19 AM

Not to sound crude, but usually the easiest way to find out if someone likes you is to ask them. I can state for a fact that if I am flirting with someone, and I am insterested in a relationship with that person, and they ask me straight out what my deal is, I would tell them. (Sorry, the grammar monster in my head is having a problem with that many commas in a sentence) I think that one of the major reasons relationships never start is because hints and clues are either overlooked or misinterpreted.
Case in point (or, story time!): My wife. She and I have been friends for a long time. We have always flirted, always joked, and almost always been there for each other. There was a time she was having problems with her boyfriend, and I had already been divorced, I tried cheering her up during online chats. One of my statements was "We should have a passionate love affair"...now, I have always had feelings for her, even while I was married to the first wife, but never told anyone nor acted on them beyond flirting. I had no idea how she felt about me. Her repsonse was along the lines of "Are you serious?" with no sarcasm. My response was "...", in that moment, I realized she, too was interested in me. We have been happily married for almost two years now. Had she not asked, I never would have known she was interested.
Anecdote; if in doubt, ask!

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 9:19 AM

LYSANDER

Mal4prez, about the whole public groping thing and the take charge woman, I like a take charge woman but I'm not really big on the whole open thing in public. Certain things are okay, but most stuff is better left for home.

Copilot, we may be stupid and have coodies, but it seems that most of you ladies don't mind. I would also like to add that I may have coodies but I don't really think I'm stupid.

FMF, nice to see you back! In answer to your question, it does not seem like a good thing. If he were not married it would be completely different. Just my opinion, but I only see bad things coming from this.

Simon: What if he(Mal) tells you to kill me?
Zoe: (without hesitation) I kill you.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 9:25 AM

LYSANDER

I just wanted to respond to Copilots statement about not being that attractive. It is not always about the looks on the outside. I'm more attracted to who the person is and what they are about. Yes, the mind does fill in the spaces both physically and internally. I'm sure you are not giving yourself as much credit as you deserve.

Simon: What if he(Mal) tells you to kill me?
Zoe: (without hesitation) I kill you.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 9:36 AM

CoPilot, I have to disagree with you. From what I have seen, you are attractive. Physically as well as "other"...by that, I mean as far as the content of your posts. Believe it or not, a lot of males are attracted to what's on the inside, mind-wise; I think Lysander pointed that out.
You have nothing to worry about in the attractive department!

Holding until you get back, Captain.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 9:42 AM

Awww I feel special thank you guys

An I carried such a torch

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 9:51 AM