Red Dwarf by Whoops

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Red Dwarf

POSTED BY: WHOOPS
UPDATED: Monday, July 3, 2006 03:07
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Thursday, June 29, 2006 3:28 AM

TODHUNTER: Rimmer, Lister.
RIMMER: (Standing to attention and saluting) Yes, sir.
LISTER: Yo, Todhunter, get down!
TODHUNTER: Indeed. Now, Rimmer, I'm just going through MacIntyre's
artifacts, and I see that you've filed 247 complaints ... against
Lister.
RIMMER: (Looking proud of himself) Yes, sir!
TODHUNTER: That's 123 counts of insulting a superior technician, 39
counts of dereliction of duty, 84 counts of general insubordination,
and one count of mutiny.
RIMMER: Yes, sir!
TODHUNTER: Mutiny, Lister?
LISTER: I stood on his toe.
RIMMER: Maliciously, and with intent to wound.
LISTER: It was an accident!
RIMMER: Lister, I put it to you, how is it possible to stand on one small
toe by accident? You didn't stand on my toe at all, you stood on my
entire foot, thereby obstructing a superior technician in pursuit of
vital duty.
LISTER: But the vital duty was him going to snap my guitar in half!
RIMMER: Whereupon you leapt from the top bunk onto the whole of my right
foot.
TODHUNTER: All right, that's enough.
RIMMER: (Ignoring him) Had there been a crisis situation, Lister, I would
have had to perform my duties hopping, clearly putting the ship at
risk, clearly therefore mutiny.
TODHUNTER: Finished?
RIMMER: (Still ignoring him) However, I'm not a vindictive man, so I
don't intend to apply for the death penalty.
TODHUNTER: There are 169 people on this ship. You, Rimmer, are over one
man. Why can't you two get on?

LISTER has his cigarette sticking out of his right while he is idly
munching on some food while he speaks.

LISTER: You see, I try, sir. I'm not an insubordinate man by nature. I
try and respect Rimmer and everything, but it's not easy, 'cause he's
such a smeghead.
RIMMER: (To TODHUNTER) Did you hear that, sir? (To LISTER) Lister, do
you have any conception of the penalty for describing a superior
technician as a smeghead?
TODHUNTER: (Chuckling) Oh, Rimmer. (Clapping him on the shoulder) You
*are* a smeghead.

Thought id do a Red Dwarf one hope its as good as the Monty Python thread

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Love. You can do all the math in the 'Verse, but you take a boat in the air you
don't love, she'll shake you off sure as a turnin' of worlds. Love keeps her in
the air when she oughtta fall down. Tells you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens.
Makes her a home." Mal

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 5:15 AM

DAVESHAYNE

Holly: Jean Paul Sartre once said, "Hell is being locked in a room with your friends for eternity."

Lister: Yeah, but all his mates were French.

David

"Not completely as well as the series of Firefly..." - From a review of Serenity at amazon.de

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 10:46 AM

DESKTOPHIPPIE

Rimmer: Why did no-one mention this before? If I had been told about this at the start, that the object was to lead a worthwhile life, I could have done something about it. All those charity telethons when I used ring in and pledge donations -- if I had known all this, I would have given them /my/ credit card number.
Kryton: Sir, sir, you don't have to be a great philanthropist or a missionary worker -- you simply have to seize the gift of life...
Rimmer: Oh God!
Kryton: ...make a contribution...
Rimmer: Oh God!
Kryton: ...no matter how small.
Rimmer: Oh God!
Kryton: You simply have to have led a life that wasn't totally egocentric, vain and self serving.
Rimmer: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you!
Kryton: I'm just trying to make you feel better, sir.
Rimmer: Well, shut up, then!

Desktop Hippie

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 10:51 AM

DESKTOPHIPPIE

Lister: "The Greeks have been camped outside of Troy, kapowin', zappin' and kersplattin' the Trojans for the best part of a decade, yeah. Then they wake up one mornin' and the Greeks have gone. And there outside the city walls they've left this gift, this tribute to their valiant foes, a huge wooden horse.
Just large enough to happily contain five hundred Greeks in full battle dress, and still have adequate room for toilet facilities! Are you telling me not one Trojan goes, 'Hang on a minute, that's a bit of a funny prezzie. What's wrong with a couple of hundred pairs of socks and some aftershave? No, they don't, they just wheel it in, and all decide to go for an early night. People that stupid deserve to be kapowed, zapped and kersplatted in their beds!
And do you know what the funny thing is? From this particular phase in history derived the phrase - Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. When it'd be much more logical to derive the phrase - Beware of Trojans, they're complete SMEGHEADS! "

Desktop Hippie

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 11:17 AM

RMMC

Cat: I slept six times. I ate six times and made lots of things mine.

*******
RMMC

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Thursday, June 29, 2006 12:39 PM

CITIZEN

Cat: How am I lookin'?
Pulls out mirror

Cat: I'm looking nice, my hairs nice, my suit is nice, I'm looking nice.
Walks for a bit

Cat: I wonder how I'm looking now?

Cat: I'm looking nice, my hairs nice, my suits nice, hey I'm just nice period.

Or

KRYTEN: Aren't you mad too, ma'am?

KOCHANSKI shakes her head and smiles sweetly

KRYTEN: You're not, are you.

She shakes her head

KRYTEN: I think I understand: For you, the trek through the ducts was far from pointless. It was an emotional journey where you gleaned invaluable
insights into your crewmates. This was your 'rites of passage'; you feel enriched, wiser, and somehow bonded by this in a way that... you never
thought possible. Am I right?

KOCHANSKI: Say - 'nurieek'.

KRYTEN: 'Nurieek'.

KOCHANSKI whips out a spanner and raps KRYTEN smartly over the head

KRYTE: Oof.
KOCHANSKI: Say 'rotut'.
KRYTEN: 'Rotut'.

More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
And as you know, these are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say.

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Friday, June 30, 2006 8:11 AM

SAB39

I can't do any entire scenes (and I didn't see the earlier thread so I don't know if there's any other reason why a post full of oneliners wouldn't fit) but...

"I have a medium sized fire-axe wedged in my spinal column".

or

"Mister Flibble says: Game over guys..."

or

"Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas"

or

"You're a shmeeee...!
You're a shmeeee...!
You're a shmeeee... heee!"

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Friday, June 30, 2006 8:44 AM

CHOO1701

(after kneeing DEATH in the balls) "Only the good die young!"

"its cold outside..."

-----------------------------
"Remember, always be yourself. Unless you suck."-Joss Whedon

ITES RULE!!!!

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Monday, July 3, 2006 3:07 AM

ANDMAN

Holly: Those little wotsits!
Kochanski: Nanobots?
Holly: Yeah. They remol... remolick... remoly...
anyway, that word I cannot say to the entire ship!

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