Generalizations and things you have learned from reading/watching the news... by Wishimay

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Generalizations and things you have learned from reading/watching the news...

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POSTED BY: WISHIMAY
UPDATED: Thursday, March 14, 2013 17:04
SHORT URL: http://bit.ly/Yx8BZW
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Tuesday, March 5, 2013 6:56 PM

1. For every one "dog is great and helps" story there are five "Dog eats person" stories. From this I have decided the wisest course of action is small dogs only until a kid is big enough to at least have a fighting chance. I personally know a girl who had to have her face pieced back together, so I'm a little biased.

2. Following the latest planking/shaking/parkouring/ craze has a one in about 100 chance of killing/maining or at least getting you fired. You have been warned...

3. No matter what the article is about, someone will find a way to blame it on Obama.

4. There will always be one person comment when a child dies that "there are so many people who cannot have a child who would have taken better care of it" and are usually referring to themselves...

5. The things they tell you to worry about are never the things you should worry about. Just like bullets, you will never see the thing that actually gets you...

6. The people that leave guns laying around there house are always suprised when their kids find them and die.

7. Most despots think our goverment can infect them with something horrible just by thinking it. Truth is they are waaaay too busy infecting US with horrible things...

8. 4 out of every 5 male child molesters will have a beard.

9. Auto accidents in Russia are waaay more interesting than ours...

10. 75% of all health studies are biased or easily disproved by ANY grandma.

11. About half the money you donate to anything will never get used for anything good.

12. Little old women have a better defence record using brooms and handbags then they ever would with guns.

That's all I got for now...
What have you noticed? Where do the worst news stories come from, or the best?

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Tuesday, March 5, 2013 7:46 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

I concur with 9, I saw an expose on how the top passtime in Russia these days is looking at car accident videos filmed by dashcams that everyone posts on youtube. Incidentally this is a good thing because it meant lots of first rate videos of that meteor exploding a few weeks ago.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Wednesday, March 6, 2013 4:30 AM

BYTEMITE

Quote:
2. Following the latest planking/shaking/parkouring/ craze has a one in about 100 chance of killing/maining or at least getting you fired. You have been warned...

Actually I'd really love to learn parkour.

Great at climbing stuff. Not so good at jumping down.

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Wednesday, March 6, 2013 10:26 AM

WISHIMAY

I forgot one ...

13. Things never die in Hollywood, they just botox them and shoot from the neck up

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2288871/The-princess-stri
kes-Carrie-Fisher-reveals-return-Leia-Star-Wars-Episode-VII.html

They're going to need a bigger scarf o.O

One of those Padme dresses, maybe...

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Wednesday, March 6, 2013 12:21 PM

BYTEMITE

Maybe they'll put her in that Jabba's Palace outfit again. I'm not about to tell someone her age - with her history - what she can and can't wear.

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Wednesday, March 6, 2013 1:07 PM

WHOZIT

I'll go with 3, I blame everything on Obama. Example; Herpes, all Obama's fault.

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Wednesday, March 6, 2013 1:34 PM

WISHIMAY

Is this speaking from personal experience??

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Wednesday, March 6, 2013 1:44 PM

WHOZIT

Quote:
Originally posted by Wishimay:
Is this speaking from personal experience??

My doctor sez that I don't have to tell you anything.

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Thursday, March 7, 2013 6:12 AM

BYTEMITE

It's the other way around. The doctor can't talk about you with other people. You're free to talk yourself, and we could use some horrifically inappropriate conversations around here, liven the place up a little bit.

I recommend the words "burning" "itchy" "gross" "discharge" and "discharge what feels like fire shooting out of tendermost places."

Then you may tell us tales about using said disease-ridden flamethrower to rout Nazis in the last great war. And go.

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Sunday, March 10, 2013 12:26 PM

WISHIMAY

here's two more...

14. Every week in this country one female bimbo teacher sees nothing wrong in sleeping witha 14 yr old. Literally, we average 50 a year, and that's just the ones that get caught! Where does that even sound like fun? Even if it weren't wrong, you know it would only last thirty seconds anyway, so why bother? I just don't even GET that one. WHY have sex with it if it ain't even LEGAL?? Someone ALWAYS finds out, and then there's jail and registrys and losing your job FOREVER...

15. I think the worst news from the east half of the U.S. comes from lower Florida and Northern Indiana (there's a particularly horrible one from there just today). I blame that on extremes in temp. fostering psychotic personalities. Also, It seems like we just don't get too much news here from the western half of the country unless you go looking for it, specifically. I get more news from the U.K. than I do west U.S.???

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Thursday, March 14, 2013 5:04 PM

WISHIMAY

16. Boyfriendacide.
Your boyfriend, in spite of his playacting, prolly does not love your kids when you leave the room. They stomp beat burn and abuse them when you ain't lookin'. There's a reason lions kill the old dominant lion's cubs, and it's because they don't wanna pay for another DNA. You really expect male of this species to be so different??? Sure there's exceptions, but you better make damn sure you are one of 'em for you ask for free babysitting...
I've seen it waaaaaaaay too many times......

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