ANGELUS ARCANUM

So, who would win in a fight?

POSTED BY: WHISPER
UPDATED: Sunday, January 22, 2006 18:21
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Sunday, November 13, 2005 5:47 PM

WHISPER


So if a caveman and an astronaut got into a fight, who would win?

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Sunday, November 13, 2005 5:49 PM

STAKETHELURK


Does the astronaut have any weapons?

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Sunday, November 13, 2005 5:49 PM

WHISPER


NO!

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Sunday, November 13, 2005 5:52 PM

GIANTEVILHEAD


I will win because I'm going to be accepting bets and I'll rig the fight so that they both lose so I can keep all the money.

"I swallowed a bug." -River Tam

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Sunday, November 13, 2005 5:57 PM

URSULA


Hmmm, I'd have to go with Dark Ages Man who is waiting in the wings to give them both the Black Plague.

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Sunday, November 13, 2005 6:10 PM

GUNRUNNER


Most of the old school astronauts (Like Jim Lovell, Buzz Aldrin, Gus Grissom, John Glenn etc) were military pilots trained to escape and evade enemy forces and engage in armed and unarmed combat. Many also had combat experience over Korea etc so they are so stranger to danger. I would go with the Astronaut.

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Sunday, November 13, 2005 6:44 PM

WORKEROFEVIL


I totally agree with Gunrunner. Astronauts (especially the original ones) are generally in very good physical condition. Heck, Buzz Aldrin took down a conspiracy nut with one punch and he's old. Also, people today are generally larger than people of old because of better nutrition. Cavemen didn't have super strength or anything. So, a group of astronauts would be in better physical shape and could devise better strategies for group fighting. The cavemen would lose. As much as it pains me to admit it, Spike is wrong.

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Sunday, November 13, 2005 7:19 PM

STAKETHELURK


Quote:

As much as it pains me to admit it, Spike is wrong.
Well, that depends, actually. Although cavemen are not superstrong, they actually are harder to kill than modern people (physically, they're more robust--it's hella difficult to bash in a caveman's skull!). I don't know about the nutrition bit. Cavepeople actually ate a very balanced diet; when humans learned agriculture and settled down, they actually grew smaller from malnutrition--because they were eating too much grain and not enough other stuff. It was actually a physical step down for humans to learn agriculture; the cavemen were healthier. So, I suspect the astronauts would be larger than Sumerians, but cavemen? I don't know. I wouldn't count out the cavemen so quickly. Astronauts might have survival training, but cavemen spend their whole lives surviving, and it makes a difference.

My God. I just participated in the endless cavemen vs. astronauts debate. How could that happen?

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Sunday, November 13, 2005 7:40 PM

GUNRUNNER


Quote:

Originally posted by StakeTheLurk:
I wouldn't count out the cavemen so quickly. Astronauts might have survival training, but cavemen spend their whole lives surviving, and it makes a difference.

The thing is the Astronauts don’t just have survival training they have the best parts of several thousand years of human warfare knowledge they learned at Basic Training, Air Force/Naval Academy, and Flight School. Plus John Glenn was a US Marine (Every Marine a rifleman, Hoo-Yah and all that crap) he was trained to storm enemy beaches and stuff long before flight school while a Caveman never really learned much beyond hunting local deer (or whatever). They are trained killers in top physical shape.

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Sunday, November 13, 2005 7:49 PM

SUPERDUCKYWHO


Would the astronaut be in a space suit? Because that would make him a bit more vulnerable. But then... if the astronaut is in a space suit... would the caveman have to be in a space suit? I suppose if one is they both would have to...

Well in that case, I'mma go with the astronaut, because the cavemans just strong and the astronaut is an undercover ninja that was accidentally sent back into time in a space program experiment of course. ^ ^

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Sunday, November 13, 2005 7:55 PM

RUBBERDUCKY


I would have to go with the cave man his shear fighting power and primitiv tool knolage would let him come up with weard and wonderfull wepons that a highly advansed person would miss

"yes this is a fertal land and we shal call this land.... this land" Wash

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Sunday, November 13, 2005 11:41 PM

FREDIKAYLLOW


do cavemen have fire or clubs???
without the club, i think the astronaut would win. but if they both had clubs i think the cavemen would win. they have to learn t live rough on the land, more so than astronauts.
also, where are they fighting? anywhere with anything that could be used as a weapon.

No Power In The 'Verse Can Stop Me

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Monday, November 14, 2005 5:37 AM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!


The astronaught. Why? Knowledge

Quote:


Should I go for the sweet spot?
Left of the spine, fourth lumbar down,....

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Chronicles of Riddick.





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Monday, November 14, 2005 8:11 PM

ANGELCRUSHERD


Cavemen aren't going to be fighting astronauts anytime soon but hypothetically- the caveman would be startled by the modern appearance of the astronaut, which, in turn, would gain the advantage and probably try to punch the caveman, damaging his fist on the primeval bone structure of the neanderthal. The caveman would conclude it to be an enemy and probably manhandle the astronaut like a ragdoll.

There's nothing like hunting dinosaurs and ancient mammals daily to make you strong beyond today's standards.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 6:51 AM

STAKETHELURK


Quote:

There's nothing like hunting dinosaurs and ancient mammals daily to make you strong beyond today's standards.
Although I seem to have come down on the caveman side & I agree that they would be physically more robust than the astronauts, let's make one thing clear:

Cavemen did not hunt dinosaurs.

Now, go repeat that a hundred times to make up for your egregious error.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 10:33 AM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!


Quote:

Originally posted by StakeTheLurk:
Quote:

There's nothing like hunting dinosaurs and ancient mammals daily to make you strong beyond today's standards.
Although I seem to have come down on the caveman side & I agree that they would be physically more robust than the astronauts, let's make one thing clear:

Cavemen did not hunt dinosaurs.

Now, go repeat that a hundred times to make up for your egregious error.



Yeah, a 100 times for THIS infraction. The next time it doubles.

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 11:48 AM

QUEENOFTHENORTH


Totally the caveman. Killing primitive animals is a lot more difficult than killing people. Also, since the astronaut doesn't have weapons, rifle training wouldn't do him a hell of a lot of good, would it?

I give to you the Seeker of Serenity, the Valkyrie Warrior, the Gourmet Cook and the Truth Scoper.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 11:49 AM

STORYMARK


I don't know about nutirtion, but humans, as a race have gotten substantially larger/taller over time. I know that every ancient skeleton I've seen in museums come to about my sternum - but then, I'm fairly tall.

Streangth is another matter, but I think astronauts generally are in pretty good shape.

I think in order to choose a winner, I would need a situation. Context would determin everything.

While true that a caveman may be stunned and/or confused by the sight of an astronaut, I imagine that an astronaut would be equally surprised to see a cro-magnon standing there.

If it was just 2 guys come around a corner, and a fight ensues, I'd go with the caveman. The caveman probably has a stronger survival instinct, and is more accustomed to fighting for his life at the drop of a hat. That, and the astronaught might think he was facing a severely retarded/handicapped person, and may hesitate.

If there was time to plan, however, even if only for a minute or so, I'd go with the spaceman. Intellegence and strategy would go a long way here, and it couldn't be too hard to out-think a caveman, particularly if one has military training.

"Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 12:56 PM

GUNRUNNER


Quote:

Originally posted by queenofthenorth:
Totally the caveman. Killing primitive animals is a lot more difficult than killing people. Also, since the astronaut doesn't have weapons, rifle training wouldn't do him a hell of a lot of good, would it?

I give to you the Seeker of Serenity, the Valkyrie Warrior, the Gourmet Cook and the Truth Scoper.

They are trained to use their Rifles as melee weapons, like clubbing the other guy with the butt or stabbing them with the bayonet. A cave man may know how to club an animal after he has speared it but a military trained Astronaut would know how to fight a man armed with a club like weapon. Ever seen solders in boot fighting it out with foam tipped staffs ala ‘American Gladiators’?

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 1:20 PM

EMBERS


Quote:

Originally posted by Storymark:
I don't know about nutirtion, but humans, as a race have gotten substantially larger/taller over time. I know that every ancient skeleton I've seen in museums come to about my sternum - but then, I'm fairly tall.


but I understand that astronauts are picked to be small, to fit in small spaces,
and when I saw the recent show at the Air & Space Museum about the current work done in space, they were all little tiny men (and women)
who lift weightless stuff all day, and are not muscle bound (fitting into tiny places...)

Plus cavemen fight dirty, and to the death,
I'm not sure civilized educated people are really up for that kind of all out rough and brutal battle....

nope, my dough is on those cavemen


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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 1:21 PM

COWOFPAIN


Do the astronauts have any muscle atrophy from living in space without gravity...?

This is an omen. No,no,no,it's an omen! It's a higher power trying to tell me through bunnies that we're all gonna die. Oh,God.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 1:25 PM

STORYMARK


Quote:

but I understand that astronauts are picked to be small, to fit in small spaces,



Damn, shoulda remembered that. Especially since I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid (original, huh?), but had my dreams dashed when I passed the maximum height in the 5th grade.

"Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 1:47 PM

ANGELCRUSHERD


It would be a good fight most likely. The caveman is a brute, he'll go for close combat. The astronaut most likely has training in various fields and he's a hell of a lot smarter. The caveman would kick ass while the astronaut would go MacGuyver on him.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 1:58 PM

SICKDUDE


Quote:

Originally posted by StakeTheLurk:
Although I seem to have come down on the caveman side & I agree that they would be physically more robust than the astronauts, let's make one thing clear:

Cavemen did not hunt dinosaurs.



That's right! The dinosaurs hunted the cavemen!

Alas, this is purely hypothetical, since we never saw Mal and Jayne fight. Much.

"Don't say 'ka' until you've tried it." Daniel Jackson

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 2:20 PM

CHRISISALL


If a caveman and a astronaut were in a fight, who would win?
The caveman, 'cause if the caveman was in space with the astronaut, then the caveman could throw the spear and then the astronaut's suit would have a hole in it, and then all the air would come out. Then the astronaut would not be able to breathe, and then the astronaut would die 'cause he could not breathe.

(The above answer to this very difficult question was put forth by my six-year old Sonisall)

Chrisisall

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 3:13 PM

GUNRUNNER


Quote:

Originally posted by embers:
but I understand that astronauts are picked to be small, to fit in small spaces,
and when I saw the recent show at the Air & Space Museum about the current work done in space, they were all little tiny men (and women)
who lift weightless stuff all day, and are not muscle bound (fitting into tiny places...)

Plus cavemen fight dirty, and to the death,
I'm not sure civilized educated people are really up for that kind of all out rough and brutal battle....

Maybe the new astronauts are weaklings but the old ones had to fly aircraft with no fly-by-wire controls, which meant they had to have lots of strength to manipulate the controls. As for fighting dirty guys like Ilan Ramon, Buzz Aldrin, John Glenn etc would probably have no problem with it, these were men who bombed and strafed people and dueled to the death with enemy pilots. Some of the first Russian Cosmonauts lived thought WWII, they were some tuff mofos and have no problem with fighting “uncivilized”.

Also someone said they wouldn’t win since they couldn’t react fast enough to a threat; again these guys were battle hardened fighter pilots, trained to realize and react to danger in a split second.


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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 5:11 PM

EMBERS


Quote:

Originally posted by GunRunner:
Maybe the new astronauts are weaklings but the old ones had to fly aircraft with no fly-by-wire controls, which meant they had to have lots of strength to manipulate the controls. As for fighting dirty guys like Ilan Ramon, Buzz Aldrin, John Glenn etc would probably have no problem with it, these were men who bombed and strafed people and dueled to the death with enemy pilots. Some of the first Russian Cosmonauts lived thought WWII, they were some tuff mofos and have no problem with fighting “uncivilized”


but if you're talking about the guys (the Astronauts) who lived through WWII then you would be talking about some REALLY old guys (like in their 80s and 90s now)
while cavemen all died before they were 30 so would, by definition, be young and strong....

okay okay...I know if we are talking about fighting TODAY then we couldn't even find any cavemen at all...

so I guess it is fair to have the cavemen at their peak, and to pick the strongest astronauts who ever lived....

but still, no weapons (that was specified on Angel) ...
so I'm still taking the cavemen to rip out their throats with their bare teath and beat them to death with their own arms....

just sayin'

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 5:54 PM

WORKEROFEVIL


Another thing: The argument was actually who'd win cavemen or astronauts. This implies it's multiples of each. I think that decidedly gives the advantage to the astronauts because in a multiple person battle strategy is essential. I know cavemen could work together (and did when hunting mammoths or mastodons or whatever), but strategy for killing a single, large, dumb animal is different than planning a battle against other thinking creatures. So, as many people have said, it would really depend on what the exact situation is. It could go either way depending on what the exact parameters of the combat are.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 6:37 PM

URSULA


Quote:

Maybe the new astronauts are weaklings but the old ones had to fly aircraft with no fly-by-wire controls, which meant they had to have lots of strength to manipulate the controls.


Not to disagree about the strength of the original astronauts, but they were small men. A few years ago I saw the Liberty Bell capsule that was orbited by Gus Grissom. The space they gave him was teeny-tiny. How they ever fit him in there, I don't know. I couldn't have fitted one of my thighs in that space.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 7:09 PM

GUNRUNNER


Quote:

Originally posted by Ursula:
Quote:

Maybe the new astronauts are weaklings but the old ones had to fly aircraft with no fly-by-wire controls, which meant they had to have lots of strength to manipulate the controls.


Not to disagree about the strength of the original astronauts, but they were small men. A few years ago I saw the Liberty Bell capsule that was orbited by Gus Grissom. The space they gave him was teeny-tiny. How they ever fit him in there, I don't know. I couldn't have fitted one of my thighs in that space.

Yes they were small, but small size doesn’t necessarily mean that they are at a disadvantage. Being smaller means they are harder to hit and are faster. They can simply out run the cavemen and attack when they are ready.

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 8:18 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

when I saw the recent show at the Air & Space Museum about the current work done in space, they were all little tiny men (and women)
who lift weightless stuff all day, and are not muscle bound (fitting into tiny places...)



They may be small, but are by no means *weak*... unless they've just come from a long stint off-planet and have suffered severe muscular atrophy.

As for lifting "weightless stuff all day"... well... no. Just because a thing in space doesn't technically have *weight*, that doesn't mean it doesn't have MASS. Something that weighs 1000 pounds on Earth still has 1000 pounds of mass in space. In other words, if you're moving it, you're moving essentially what is 1000 pounds. You gotta get it moving, and then you've got to figure out what to do with the 1000 pounds of inertia you've just put in motion! :)

As for the caveman throwing a spear through the astronaut's space suit (if they're in space): well.... again, I say "no". You're assuming the astronaut's extra-vulnerable in space; wouldn't the caveman already be dead in space, him not having a space suit or knowledge of how one works if he did have it? Put a caveman in a space suit and drop him into a close Earth orbit, and he'd be so busy just freaking out about where he was and what he was trapped in (the suit), that he'd be easy pickings for the astronaut. Just swoop down and kick him into a re-entry trajectory, and it's game over.

Besides, didn't James Tiberius Kirk already have to fight a caveman before? I know he had to fight some sort of dinosaur-man once. Neither had any weapons, but Kirk (of course) won.

I'll put my money on the evolutionary winner. Astronaut takes caveman. Superior intelligence and problem-solving skills trump brute force and animal cunning. It's why we hunt deer, and not vice-versa.

Mike

Grrrrr. Arrrgghh.

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005 8:22 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Shoot, forgot one other minor point:

Quote:

while cavemen all died before they were 30 so would, by definition, be young and strong....


You'd think, huh? Truth of it is, though, that the caveman was "old" and worn out by age 30 or so. Most of 'em died of simple things like bad teeth, leading to infection, inability to eat or hunt, etc.

Grrrrr. Arrrgghh.

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 1:40 PM

QUEENOFTHENORTH


Assuming that it was a fair fight where neither had the upper hand (in limbo, no weapons, not Star Trek 'verse where Kirk never loses to ANYONE, etc.), I think it would be a very even match. Caveman still wins though.

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 1:47 PM

SHINYTALENT


I think that caveman would win, he has a big club. Besides he used to have to hunt big wild beasties, all spacemen have to hunt are moon rocks.

Or alternatively Jayne would use Vera and create a fusion of caveman and astronaut soup

The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 3:20 PM

URSULA


I threw this little jewel out at work today. To quote my friend Amber, perky little blonde former cheerleader, "Caveman, because you don't have to be smart to kick someone's ass!"

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 6:59 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Ah, but the astronaut could use guile and subterfuge to his advantage. Heck, if he's got some time to kill, he could just hand the caveman a blanket to keep him warm. The blanket, of course, is full of smallpox. ;)

Grrrrr. Arrrgghh.

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Thursday, November 17, 2005 7:11 PM

SEVEREN


I think the caveman would win because the astrounauts would be so surprised that they would stand there in shock but cavemen would get scared and just start killing people cause they are like animals.

http://www.constitutionparty.com

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Wednesday, December 28, 2005 12:43 PM

CAT1620RD


CAVEMEN CAVEMEN CAVEMEN... SPIKE IS NEVER WRONG!!!
besides c'mon astronauts suck! cavemen are pure brawn. I mean it's kinda like Beer Bad, caveman Buffy VS anyone who is not a caveman. Buffy won... of course cave-woman Buffy is also cave-Buffy with superpowers, but the other cave-guys did not do so bad either...also the whole SPIKE IS NEVER WRONG thing just out and out proves my point! Now accept my conclusion or prepare to argue for the next 45 minutes!

It's a real burden being right so often.

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Friday, December 30, 2005 8:25 AM

CYBERSNARK


Just a minor clarification:

Cavemen are not stupid. They're uncivilized, true, but not stupid. Stupid cavemen tend to quickly become dead cavemen.

The cavemen are humans, and humans, I have found, are nothing if not adaptable.

Also, as someone commented about the Mal/Operative fight in Serenity, dealing with pain is a factor. Astronauts might be able to do a lot of damage, but cavemen, however small, would likely know how to take a lot of damage.

Also, guys: cavemen = REAVERS!

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

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Sunday, January 22, 2006 6:21 PM

VISITINGMYINTENTIONS


Quote:

Originally posted by Cybersnark:
Cavemen are not stupid. They're uncivilized, true, but not stupid. Stupid cavemen tend to quickly become dead cavemen.



Good thing to point out. On the other hand,
Quote:

Also, guys: cavemen = REAVERS!

strikes me as entirely inaccurate. Cavemen are normal men (pretty much) with primitive technology, while Reavers are insanely aggressive men who fly spaceships.

But cavemen would win against non-Reaver astronauts. A caveman's daily life is dependent on his ability to defend him and his with minimal technology, and this wariness has been bred into him from childhood. An astronaut, while perhaps a veteran, does not expect daily attacks from wild animals or men outside of actual warfare, and the man of today generally expects weapons to be involved in a serious fight. Also, cavemen are sturdy. Living before the poor nutrition that arose in settled agricultural societies, they are not inferior to astronauts just because they don't get daily vitamin pills.

And anyhow, as someone pointed out, how could Spike be wrong??

"it has some sweet character deaths -- I mean moments!" - Joss Whedon

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Andy Hallet has left the building...
Fri, June 14, 2013 11:34 - 7 posts
Connor's hair...I should have appreciated it more
Fri, June 14, 2013 01:34 - 9 posts
So, that's finally it for Angel on TNT ?
Tue, August 21, 2012 01:09 - 1 posts
David Boreanaz' ho Rachel Uchitel had starring role in 9/11 Coverup
Tue, May 29, 2012 21:41 - 4 posts
Angel: "Give me a stake!" Cordy: "What? It's 8 in the morning."
Fri, March 9, 2012 12:33 - 2 posts
Vincent Kartheiser on the big screen - In Time
Mon, September 12, 2011 12:10 - 1 posts
Summer Glau on Angel
Sun, August 21, 2011 03:40 - 15 posts

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