My own little world: prisoner of expectations by SignyM

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My own little world: prisoner of expectations

POSTED BY: SIGNYM
UPDATED: Thursday, June 2, 2011 18:47
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Sunday, May 22, 2011 5:49 AM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.

My DD and I occasionally have deep talks, and I was explaining to her that is is NORMAL and USEFUL to be worried at times, that's it's not possible to be happy all of the time. So I started musing on happiness, and came back to some Happy Hour observations of my younger fellow workers. As I observed that end of the table, it seemed to me that they're actors in a beer commercial. Their conversation didn't merit all THAT much laughter, they spent a lot of time preening about how cool they were and taking pictures of the event, which wound up looking just like... stills from a beer commercial.

It seems to me that their version of "happiness" is synthetically telegenic. It's as if they feel that if they LOOK happy, if they reproduce all of the sounds and sights of the commercials they view and they have pictures to prove it, they must BE happy.

But underlying this pursuit of happiness... no matter how synthetic or genuine it might be... is the fundamental assumption that happiness is the goal. Happiness is cool. Happiness all the time is a reasonable expectation. And if you are unhappy, you are somehow faulty. There is something wrong with you.

I think happiness - like sex- is a marketing tool. That happiness button has gotten pushed so many times, it's become even less than meaningless, it's become a burdensome and unrealistic expectation.

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Lest reality intrude on that infomercial world, there is the phenomenon of the "filter bubble".

What is a "filter bubble" you might ask?

It is the software used by facebook, google, bing, other searches, and a thousand online vendors to bring you what IT thinks you want to or should see. If I were to sit at this computer and you were to sit at yours and we would both google search the same term, we would NOT come up with the same results. Because even if you are not logged in, facebook (google, bing etc.) checks your location, type of computer, software being used etc. to craft the results for you. There is no such thing as a common set of facts.
http://www.ted.com/talks/eli_pariser_beware_online_filter_bubbles.html

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It's almost as if the means we have to communicate wind up instead imposing alien expectations, and isolating us from reality and from each other.

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Sunday, May 22, 2011 9:17 AM

BYTEMITE

I agree with this. And there was something almost poignant about a thread with this subject matter having no comments on it, almost making it self-demonstrating.

Somehow that seemed too depressing. So, response.

Perhaps that's ironic. But perhaps also true happiness is in meaningful connection, which is more and more being discouraged in various ways.

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Sunday, May 22, 2011 9:24 AM

FREMDFIRMA

Oh it's quite profound, and meaningful, and I'd really, really LIKE to comment to it - but right now my cogitation isn't going exactly according to the gorramn plan...

I think, kinda, that I wanted to say something about how when much younger I saw this and decided that my actions would be... *mine*, without regard so much to the whims of society, the law, and all those phony little fences we raise between ourselves, but... the words slip through my aching fingers like sand.

I feel ya, I do, just not quiiiite up to coherent philosophy just yet, k ?

-F

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Sunday, May 22, 2011 11:58 AM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.

Frem hon, right now your job is to get well.

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Sunday, May 22, 2011 8:27 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

Hi Signe, how old is your girl? Yeah, part of being human is having a range of emotions, it is normal and natural to not be happy all of the time, when sad or hard things happen we struggle and sometimes grieve and this is all the natural order of things.

Because I know a lot about emotional pain through my experiences in my body/in life I feel that I'm able to draw happiness out of the everyday things that I love and be greatful for all the lovely and wonderful things in the world. Sounds kind of weird I know, but there are so many wonderful things to enjoy and even when I feel hideous and awful I can push forward by looking towards those wonderful things in life.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Wednesday, May 25, 2011 4:16 AM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.

Riona, I try not to give out TOO much info about her.

It sounds like you have found something genuine for yourself. I'm glad of that.

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Wednesday, May 25, 2011 7:08 AM

THEHAPPYTRADER

I feel I'm pretty happy most of the time. Sure things could be better, but also worse and I try not to overthink what I can't change anyway.

I also like to give myself something nice to look forward to every time I set off to do something. I always tell myself "today is going to be great because ________" The blank could be something work related, or something that happens after work (this week I bought some chocolate ice cream that's waiting at home, yum yum!) or whatever, but the point is I give myself a simple motivator to finish the day and I almost always end my days happy.

Maybe my brain chemistry is set up for happy or maybe I'm just a simple guy, I dunno. But whatever it is it seems to be working for me and I don't generally worry about what's not broken.

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Wednesday, May 25, 2011 7:27 AM

KANEMAN

no-one is happy all the time, but I don't see anything wrong with the pursuit of happiness....as for your co-workers "yucking" it up at happy hour...why not? If they were not happy being at a bar after a long day, or couldn't be, then I think they should have gone home. The one time to be happy some days IS during happy hour. I was not aware about the filter... I thought it goes by web hits. I'll have to check that out.

...and this just proves you are miserable. Is your DD hot? I'll make her happy... I know old guys that pay $260 for a blow job....think about that 10 minutes for $260....business is good. She only has to wear black and spit......Well, it's true.

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Thursday, June 2, 2011 5:50 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

Hi Signe, that's fair. I hope you guys are having a nice week.

Kaneman, I never want to see you talk about Signe's daughter that way again, you are hideous, disgusting andvulgar. There are plenty of people for you and Marilyn to rut with, don't bring it here like that please.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Thursday, June 2, 2011 6:47 PM

CANTTAKESKY

Quote:
Originally posted by SignyM:
I think happiness - like sex- is a marketing tool.

Yep. Romance, even more so.

They are all distractions to keep people from producing real change in this world.

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