OTHER SCIENCE FICTION SERIES

Neil Armstrong admits NASA faked Apollo 11 'moon' landing

POSTED BY: PIRATENEWS
UPDATED: Wednesday, November 16, 2011 18:35
SHORT URL: http://bit.ly/uSiWro
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Sunday, November 13, 2011 12:43 PM

PIRATENEWS

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!




UPDATE: Neil Armstrong assassinated, NASA has zero photos of him on the 'moon', NASA lost all video and data tapes from Apollo
http://fireflyfans.net/mthread.aspx?bid=18&tid=52856&mid=90874
1


Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked

LEBANON, OHIO—Apollo 11 mission commander and famed astronaut Neil Armstrong shocked reporters at a press conference Monday, announcing he had been convinced that his historic first step on the moon was part of an elaborate hoax orchestrated by the United States government.

According to Armstrong, he was forced to reconsider every single detail of the monumental journey after watching a few persuasive YouTube videos, and reading several blog posts on conspiracy scientist John Lee's website, www.PirateNews.org/hollywood.html .

"It only took a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate denier of mankind's so-called 'greatest technological achievement' for me to realize I had been living a lie, " said a visibly emotional Armstrong, addressing reporters at his home. "It has become painfully clear to me that on July 20, 1969, the Lunar Module under the control of my crew did not in fact travel 250,000 miles over eight days, touch down on the moon, and perform various experiments, ushering in a new era for humanity. Instead, the entire thing was filmed on a soundstage, most likely in New Mexico."

"This is the only logical interpretation of the numerous inconsistencies in the grainy, 40-year-old footage," Armstrong added. The long-lost videotape was recently discovered in an abandoned McDonalds restaurant, then digitally Photoshopped by a NASA contractor.

Amstrong was swayed by PirateNews' use of bolding and capital letters to highlight NASA's many blatant fallacies.

Although Armstrong said he "could have sworn" he felt the effects of zero gravity while soaring out of the Earth's atmosphere and through space, he now believed his memory must be flawed. He also admitted feeling "ashamed" that he had failed to notice the rippling of the Masonic and American flags he and Col. Buzz Aldrin planted on the surface, blaming his lack of awareness on the bulkiness of the spacesuit and his excitement about traveling to the "moon."

"That rippling is not possible in the vacuum of space," Lt. Armstrong said. "It must have been the wind from an air-conditioning duct that I didn't recognize because you can't hear a damn thing inside those helmets. We were just happy to avoid the draft."

"This is all just common sense, people," he added. "It's the moon. You can't land on the fucking moon."

In a symbolic display of his newfound skepticism, Armstrong then grabbed a collection of moon rocks he had kept as souvenirs and dramatically dumped them into a trash can. "I might as well after recent FBI SWAT raid on one of my 'moon' rock customers...FTP" Armstrong replied.

One of the main arguments posited on Lee's website—that America could not, in 1969, have realistically possessed the technological capabilities needed to put a man on the moon—was reportedly one of the first things to cause the legendary astronaut a pang of doubt. Despite having spent thousands of hours training for the historic mission under the guidance of the world's top scientists, technicians, and pilots, Armstrong said he knew the conspiracy theories were true after learning that website author Lee was "quite the engineering student. Too bad he's dumb at maths. That's why he became a journalist. He even attended the launch of Apollo 17 from Cape Kennedy. Heck, NASA didn't even let me do that...something about missing moon rocks."

"Yes, at the time I thought those thousands of NASA and CIA employees were working round the clock for the same incredible goal of the Military Industrial Complex during the Vietnam Wars, but if anyone would know what was really going on, it would be John Lee," Armstrong said of the 50-year-young photojournalism/engineering student, Pentagon whistleblower and former U.S. Air Force nuclear bomb soldier in charge of controlled demolition of active U.S. military bases using nukes in highly populated areas. "He knows a lot more about faked moon landings than I ever could. He's been researching the subject on the Internet for years. Actually, he scares me a little bit."

"Lee's even featured on History Channel alot more than I am. Literally years," he added.

Addressing another inconsistency brought to light by Pirate News, Armstrong explained he was probably so focused on not crashing the lunar module again that he failed to notice that one of the moon rocks visible in footage of the landing appears to have the letter 'C' stamped on it. An emotional Armstrong said that the only possible explanation for this detail was that the rock actually came from NASA's prop department.

"They forgot to turn it over," Armstrong said, removing his eyeglasses to wipe away tears. "Those lying bastards at NASA went through all the trouble to fake the moon landing, but they forgot to turn over one little prop rock. And now the whole damn thing's blowing up in their faces."

Although Armstrong initially questioned why the U.S. would attempt such an elaborate cover-up, he cited one overarching explanation provided by Lee: that it was a Communist ploy to merge with the Soviet Union and fulfill the Illuminati's plan to unify the world's banks and control the dissemination of information.

"It's something to do with a New World Order. Just ask John Lee," Armstrong said. "He'll answer any questions you have, after he gets Alex Jones to stop censoring his website and banning his email account."

To conclude the press conference, Armstrong showed reporters footage of his first steps on the moon to demonstrate that the most daming evidence was "right under our noses." Speeding up the tape and replaying the graceful moonwalk several times in a row, Armstrong explained that the iconic images of humanity's triumphant dance with the cosmos was actually just a film of him walking backwards, slowed down, and played in reverse.

"What other explanation could there be?" Armstrong asked. "It's all right here. Everything is all right here if you'd just open your damn eyes and see!"

Added Armstrong, "I suppose it really was one small step for man, one giant lie for mankind."

See also:

Astronaut Suspects NASA Using Him To Test Space's Effects On Fat People

China Launches First Willing Manned Mission Into Space

Space Shuttle Astronaut Admits Seeing Stars, Promptly Explodes In Outer Space

http://www.theonion.com/articles/conspiracy-theorist-convinces-neil-ar
mstrong-moon,2796
/














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Monday, November 14, 2011 3:45 AM

DREAMTROVE



I thought of you when I saw this on the Onion. Wasn't this like a while ago?


That's what a ship is, you know - it's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2011 10:17 PM

PIRATENEWS

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!


Quote:

Originally posted by dreamtrove:

I thought of you when I saw this on the Onion. Wasn't this like a while ago?



The old website is long gone.

This update is brand new, exclusively on FFF.

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011 2:34 AM

TWO

The Joss Whedon script for Serenity, where Wash lives, is Serenity-190pages.pdf at www.mediafire.com/folder/1uwh75oa407q8/Firefly


Quote:

Originally posted by piratenews:
The old website is long gone.

This update is brand new, exclusively on FFF.

The real reason the USA never returned to the moon is documented in Apollo 18 (2011) www.imdb.com/title/tt1772240/ and Dark of the Moon (2011) www.imdb.com/title/tt1399103/



The Onion has the complete story www.theonion.com/articles/conspiracy-theorist-convinces-neil-armstrong
-moon,2796
/
Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked

The Joss Whedon script for "Serenity," where Wash lives, is
Serenity-190pages.pdf at www.mediafire.com/two

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011 7:19 AM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by dreamtrove:

I thought of you when I saw this on the Onion. Wasn't this like a while ago?



http://www.theonion.com/articles/conspiracy-theorist-convinces-neil-ar
mstrong-moon,2796
/

Note the distinct absence of any reference to John Lee or PirateNews - how sad must it be when you have to re-write parody articles to make yourself the butt of the joke?

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011 9:58 AM

STORYMARK


Wow, and here I thought PN couldn't be any more raving, batshit crazy.

I stand corrected.

"Goram it kid, let's frak this thing and go home! Engage!"

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011 10:20 AM

TWO

The Joss Whedon script for Serenity, where Wash lives, is Serenity-190pages.pdf at www.mediafire.com/folder/1uwh75oa407q8/Firefly


"The universe is probably littered with the one-planet graves of cultures which made the sensible economic decision that there's no good reason to go into space--each discovered, studied, and remembered by the ones who made the irrational decision."
http://xkcd.com/893/


The Joss Whedon script for "Serenity," where Wash lives, is
Serenity-190pages.pdf at www.mediafire.com/two

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011 5:46 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Funny thing is, PN reposts this same satire article every year or so. I'm convinced he thinks it's an ACTUAL news story, and has no idea what The Onion really is. He's also posted other articles from them as "fact", so it's pretty clear he's not quite there.

"Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservatives." - John Stuart Mill

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011 6:35 PM

TWO

The Joss Whedon script for Serenity, where Wash lives, is Serenity-190pages.pdf at www.mediafire.com/folder/1uwh75oa407q8/Firefly


Quote:

Originally posted by Kwicko:
Funny thing is, PN reposts this same satire article every year or so. I'm convinced he thinks it's an ACTUAL news story. . .

There is a good reason for PirateNews to repeat the wacky story because today, of all days, space legend John Glenn and Apollo 11 crew Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins were awarded Congressional Gold Medals, the nation's highest civilian honor. The presentation ceremony came more than two years after President Obama signed legislation to award the medals to the NASA legends. It was passed by Congress in 2009, the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing.

The Joss Whedon script for "Serenity," where Wash lives, is
Serenity-190pages.pdf at www.mediafire.com/two

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