Who do you want to be? by christhecynic

TALK STORY

Who do you want to be?

POSTED BY: CHRISTHECYNIC
UPDATED: Saturday, March 5, 2005 09:47
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Saturday, March 5, 2005 6:32 AM

There is a thread out there that asks what character are you like, and which character do you want to be like. I have to thank the author of that thread, thank you, because it made me realize that I want to be who I am. That wasn’t always the case.

So, who do you want to be like? I don’t mean in terms of Firefly characters, but you can certainly use them for examples if it helps, I mean in terms of personality.

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As for me, I’ve always known that I was most like River, so when the question was asked in the other thread I said River, but then when I thought of who I wanted to be like I came up with River. I envy the other characters, but I don’t want to be them.

I envy Mal for his ability to stand by his morals even though he lost his faith.
I envy Zoe for her strength.
I envy Wash for the way he can remain humorous so often, and the fact that even though he is afraid he is willing to die for people he cares about.
I envy Book for his faith.
I envy Kaylee for her ability to maintain her innocence.
I envy Jayne for reasons I am unable to explain
I envy Simon for the way he was willing to drop everything and be totally selfless to protect one he loved.
I envy Inara for her grace.

I envy all of them and wish I had what they had, but I do not want to be them. I want to be who I am with my own problems and strengths, I want to keep my fractured personality because it makes me who I am. I want to be someone who doesn’t connect with others and is always on the outside if it means I get to keep who I am.

I want to be who I am, in spite of my problems, and gain qualities I envy the usual way, pain, suffering, effort, and failure. I don’t want them given to me as part of my personality because that would change who I am.

I want to know if I just said, “who I am,” too much.

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The other thread is here:
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=11&t=8887

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You might notice that the thing about me that is unlike River is how much I talk.

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Saturday, March 5, 2005 7:21 AM

INDIGO

I'm thinking that you don't sound much like a cynic at all! You *do* sound like a person who has alot of insight.

I too might admire qualities in others, and perhaps see if I can find them and nuture them within myself -- but I wouldn't change all the hard work of life, because it's *my own* and I'm both proud and frankly astonished that I made it this far.

"What would become of our souls,
if they lacked the bread of earthly reality to nourish them,
the wine of created beauty to intoxicate them,
the discipline of human struggle to make them strong?" --Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I used to be confused, now I'm just not sure.

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Saturday, March 5, 2005 9:47 AM

CHRISTHECYNIC

Quote:
Originally posted by Indigo:
I'm thinking that you don't sound much like a cynic at all!

chris the cynic is just a name. I only bother to capitalize it half the time. Usually I introduce myself with the disclaimer that the name doesn’t really describe me at all but I am accustomed to it and like the way it sounds, and perhaps I did that here too. However, I first came here long ago, before the show was cancelled, and I never bothered to reintroduce myself to the new crowd.

It’s good to be back by the way.

Quote:
You *do* sound like a person who has alot of insight.

Thank you for that, it’s always nice to hear good things about me. Makes me feel like I have value.

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