Part 1

From Bad to Worse: by RiverIsMyGoddess <---companion piece to this

~

“You did what?” Wash's shocked voice came out much louder then he'd been expecting. Zoe gave him a sharp look which clearly meant 'be quiet'. He continued with his voice much lower. “You can't ban Inara from a planet, or the ship. It won't even work.”

“No, it might not work. At least she'll tread lightly.”

“Or she'll go to Mal and demand an explanation.” Wash's amazement was evident as he pulled down his side of the bed sheets. They were in their bunk getting ready for bed and Zoe hadn't mentioned anything until Wash had wondered out loud why Inara hadn't joined everyone for dinner. “Or Mal will wonder where she was and go to her. You can't keep those two apart for very long.”

~

“Missed you at dinner.” Mal's footsteps had warned Inara of his presence so his words hadn't surprised her and she was able to respond with the right amount of annoyance in her voice.

“Still not knocking I see.” She was avoiding looking at him, curiosity about his home was almost too much for her.

“It just slows me down.”

“Yes and wouldn't that be a shame.” She snapped back sarcastically.

“So are you feeling okay?” His voice was genuinely concerned and it startled her.

“Yes, yes I'm fine.” A silence hung oppressively over them, and both prayed silently the other would speak. Both dying to remain in each other's presence.

“It's my home ya know.” Mal hadn't wanted to talk to anyone about it until just now. Part of him hoped that if he told Inara about it, he wouldn't be hurting about Claire. “Shadow, we're docked not 3 kilometers from my Momma's Ranch.”

She wasn't used to talking to Mal this way, she was much more comfortable when they were flippant. “Have you seen them yet?”

“No, she uhm... she died during the war. Killed actually. Hazard of havin' a successful business during a war. Shadow was a browncoat world, it took a real beating during... well the Alliance sure did know how to win a war, right?” The silence hung between them again.

“I'm so sorry.” Inara said honestly. A pang of regret pulled in her chest as she remembered their first encounter 'I supported unification'. Her life in the black had taught her that might have been a mistake.

“Yeah, she was... well she was an amazing woman.” Inara was about to ask more about Mal's life growing up, but when she looked up he looked like he wanted to ask a question. “Hey 'Nara, I know we usually don't do this sort of thing, but...” He leaned his head on the back of the bench and let out a deep sigh. “Can I just sit here, just hide from a few things in here for a while?”

Inara chest warmed against her will and she placed a hand on Mal's. “That would be fine. It's a compliment really, a Companion always wants her space to feel inviting and relaxing.” Mal's hand withdrew from beneath Inara's suddenly and he sat up quickly.

“On second thought I've got... some uhm... captainy things to do.” Mal walked out off the shuttle without another word, leaving a hurt and bewildered Inara to regret the mention of her job in regards to her relationship with Mal.

~

“What time are we suppose to be there sir?” Zoe was strapping on her hip belt as she and Mal prepared for their meeting.

“10:30, I want to get there early. Hopefully have some free time later, some folks I wouldn't mind casually running into.” Mal chuckles to himself, obviously more cheerful then after his brief visit planetside yesterday.

“Going to brag about being a Captain to all your ranchin' buddies?” Zoe asked, she had a wide smile on her face. Pleased her best friend had gotten out of his sulking mood so quickly. “All set sir.”

“All except,” Mal glances around the cargo bay for his mercenary. “where's Jayne?”

~

Jayne was standing in his bunk, razor in hand, face already lathered up. But he wasn't bringing the blade to his course hair, instead he was staring into the mirror studying his own reflection.

'I took a bullet, for this?' Jayne felt sure he had heard the voice and actually turned quickly who had spoken. When he saw no one he turned back to face the mirror and instead of his own reflection he saw was the mudder from Canton “Meadows?” He asked out loud. He blinked and it was gone, he was looking at himself again.

'Honestly, had I known you weren't a hero I wouldn't have died to save you!'

“I didn't ask for you to do that Meadows.” Jayne insisted loudly to the empty room surrounding him.

'This is just pathetic, my life as a mudder was worth more than this.' The phantom voice answered back. Jayne put down the blade suddenly and rested his hands on the edge of the sink. Looking into his reflection critically. 'Your not wasting your own life anymore Jayne, your wasting MY borrowed life' Jayne dropped his head in shame.

“It should have been me,” he muttered softly. “It should have been me!” he repeated, but his voice was no longer hushed, and then he repeated in a loud yell. “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!” He turned suddenly and stumbled awkwardly over a large pile of dirty clothes collecting on the floor. He banged his fist on the cold steel beneath him. “It should have been me,” he whispered mournfully. Jayne wasn't sure how long he had been laying on the floor, aching over the wasteful martyrdom of a disillusioned young man before a loud clanging sounded on the entrance above.

“You coming?” Mal's muffled voiced echoed through Jayne's bunk.

“I'll be up in a minute, don't get your tight pants in a twist.” Jayne shot back, throwing as much malice into his voice as possible. He couldn't be doing this, he needed to be strong, he had to pull it together. He quickly wiped the foamy cream off of his face w/ a damp cloth, grabbed his guns and started up the ladder.

~

“What do you mean you don't need us anymore? You still need cargo taken to Three Hills don't you?” Mal's indignant question had been directed towards a Mr. Ying, a short dark haired man with a long beard looped in three beads as it draped across his chest.

“I'm sorry Mr. Reynolds but I was told you were a discrete man who does what it takes to get a job done. I offered good money on those conditions, then the moment you step into town posted warnings go up all over town about your arrival and dangerous status. I will not trust you with my cargo!” Mr. Ying's voice had grown progressively louder and he shouted his last sentence. Mal opens his mouth as if to protest and Ying yelled “Bu ci er bie c i ke”

“Bi dei bu liang chan l i bai.” Mal shouted angrily as he and walked out the door quickly. Leaving both Zoe and Jayne slightly perplexed and it took a moment for them to catch up to him.

“What was that feng dian chao ling ran ren going on about?” Jayne asked as he jogged up to Mal.

“I really don't know, but I'm going to find out as soon as...” His words were cut off by his first mate holding a piece of paper up to his face bearing Mal's mug shot.

“Any idea who could have done this sir?” Zoe asked already knowing the answer.

“I am going to kill that little bi a o zi.”

~

Chinese Translations:

Bu ci er bie c i ke - leave without goodbye this moment

Bi dei bu liang chan l i bai - have a harmful long day

feng dian chao ling ran ren - crazy overage man

I'm going to kill that bi a o zi - whore

Part 3