"You can do it, Simon."

"No I can't. You know I'm not good with mechanics--"

"That's not true. All you need is a pair of hands, and yours surely don't lack any--"

"Gorrammit! Bizui!" Mal slammed his fist down on the table, making the dishes jump up.

Simon and Kaylee winced and went instantly silent while the rest of the crew looked up at the Captain in utter shock. He regarded them grimly before returning to his meal, ignoring everything else. Jayne shrugged one shoulder, Zoe raised her eye-brow and Wash grimaced, not liking the atmosphere at all. Mal was apparently in one of his moods and that didn't bode well.

Inara, who was sitting at the other end of the table pressed her lips together briefly and then continued to eat with her own show of ignorance, not even gracing him with a look. The tension was thick in the air, but none of them dared to inquire. This was obviously between the Captain and Inara and while it was frustrating to witness, they knew they had no right to butt in. Or Mal would become unbearable.

Eventually he pushed himself from the table. "We are to touch down at 2 p.m. Let's stick to the schedule, shall we," he said dryly to no one in particular and turned to leave.

"Cap'n?" Kaylee's tentative voice echoed through the room.

"Not now," he cut her off sharply. Soon he disappeared behind the corner, the sound of his heavy steps dying away gradually.

They stared after him in stunned silence, before Inara rose to her feet. "Excuse me," she nodded at them and followed the path Mal took, leaving the rest anxious and wondering.

Jayne was the first one to speak, as grumpily as ever. "Tzao gao," he drawled. "Every time I think they'll offer us a nice lil' entertainment, they take it back to the private."

"I believe that's none of our business," Zoe cut in, warningly.

"Well I believe--" Jayne started defensively, but Zoe ignored him. She was looking at Kaylee with sympathy.

"Hey," she addressed her softly. The younger woman reluctantly met her eyes. She was visibly upset. "It wasn't your fault. Don't worry. You know him - it'll pass, whatever it is."

"Yeah," Kaylee looked away, apparently not convinced.

Zoe sighed. "Come on," she nodded at Wash, standing up herself. "Someone's gotta steer this thing."

*************************************************

She found him till he managed to reach his bunk. "Mal," she called out.

He ignored her.

The lines of her lips hardening, she sped up and obstructed his way, determined and yet graceful. He stopped, his eyes locking on hers, icily cold. He squared his jaw and waited, his attitude screaming animosity. She composed herself with some visible effort.

"Whatever you have to say to me, do it to my face," she told him harshly. "No need to take it out on your crew."

He rested his hands on his belt holster in his typical captain pose. He looked kinda sexy when he did that, but it wasn't like she'd give him the satisfaction of knowing that, would she. Besides, she was really pissed off. Just who the hell did he think he was?

"Huh," he commented non-commitingly, looking down straight into her eyes, his gaze never wavering. He acted just like his usual cynical self and that always ticked her off efficiently.

She took a step closer, her fingers tightening upon the folds of her long robe. "Look, I've had enough of your moodiness, Captain," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Is it about yesterday? I believe I fulfilled your request. What else do you want? Why are you acting like a total hwoon dahn?"

His lips curved into one of those crooked smiles that infuriated her the most. "Such trivial phrase in the lips of the respectable Companion? I ain't believe this," he drawled.

"Don't change the subject, Mal," she hissed, exasperated. It was unacceptable how fast he was able to make her lose her temper.

"Wouldn't dream of it," he assured, regarding her cooly.

Her brows lowered. "Isn't your ego ever quite satisfied?' she muttered angrily. "I have made no appointments for today. That was what you wanted, wasn't it? The control? Fine then. You have it today. Better relish in it while you still can," with that she turned on her heels and strode away, keeping the hem of her robe lifted slightly, fingers clenched in frustration.

" 'Nara," he called after her.

She stopped. She hated herself for it, but the pull of his voice was irresistible. She still hasn't faced him though; she waited, her chest heaving in anticipation. She felt him near her slowly and stop directly behind her, the heat of his body causing her own skin to warm up.

"What makes you think my moodiness's got anythin' to do with you, Ambassador?" he asked in a low voice, his breath tickling the back of her neck. She closed her eyes as delicious anticipation tingled across her skin. His proximity was dizzying.

She summoned all of her willpower to get herself together. This was not the way it was supposed to be. They haven't even touched yet--

She faced him sharply, her eyes determined. "Call it a woman's intuition," she said harshly.

The corners of his mouth twitched, his head tilting to one side. "Hate to break it to you, gōng zhu," he drawled in this smug, infuriating manner of his. "But my world don't revolve 'round ya."

She did expect that kind of an answer from him; still, her heart broke just a little bit more. "Is that a fact. Then I guess you won't mind my decision at all," she said it. She really did. But looking into his eyes, his beautiful, hurtful eyes, she had to.

This was nerve-wrecking and mentally exhausting, what they had. This cat and mouse game they played. Always getting hurt in the process and always coming back for more. Dealing with him him was like an emotional rollercoaster, one step forward and two steps back. She wasn't sure if she was strong enough to bear it, day after day. She was so sick and tired of constant worrying about him, that something was going to happen to him. He was so many times close to death, she lost the count. But she could never forget how she felt then, like her heart was breaking into thousands of little pieces, like her world was collapsing, like she was walking on thin ice that could break any minute now. Waiting for him to open his eyes, this was more than she could take. Still, she did. Everytime she did, and she prayed.

But right now, she was on the edge of insanity. More and more often he would become jealous of her every client, his need for control taking the better of him, their nearly every conversation turning into an argument. It didn't used to be like this... Till the feelings came into party.

And now, the whole crew were suffering. The atmosphere was unbearable and they didn't deserve it. She had to leave. This was too suffocating, too soul wrecking, too painful. Everytime she saw him, everytime he looked at her - it was too much.

She had to leave.

They held each other's gazes firmly; it was only seconds, but felt like eternity. He knew exactly what she implied. Had been expecting it any day now, any second, been fearing it, been praying for it. Her presence on Serenity was like the sweetest, most sophisticated torture of all he could imagine. She was killing him, with everything she did; with the way she walked, they way she smiled, the way she got angry with him. She was a wild spirit, strong and independent. Just like him. Since the moment he laid his eyes on her he knew she would be the death of him. And despite that, he got in to deeper and deeper, till there was no going back. Till this precise moment.

The moment he knew she was going to rip out his gorram heart and crash it under her heel.

"You might wanna be more elaborate on that one," he inquired, hurting himself even as he did. He didn't care though. He was already gone too far.

She stared at him, unblinking. "I suggest you start looking for a new tenant, Captain," she said in a clear voice.

He closed his eyes briefly. This really was happening. She was leaving, for good.

She was leaving.

Still, as he looked back into her dark eyes, his were as cold and emotionless as they could ever get. "Well that don't present a problem, now do it. Can always find ourselves a new whore."

She took it just like he thought she would - unblinking. She even smiled, kind of a smug, self-satisfied smile that sent him stumbling over the verge of despair. Still, he offered her one of his in return. Fading gradually as she wordlessly turned and walked away.

*************************************************

The crew were shocked and upset when Mal announced Inara was leaving. Of course, he didn't stay long enough after that. He couldn't bear witnessing Kaylee's reaction, especially. He himself was hurting enough already.

But Kaylee saw this in entirely different light. She followed him, restraining tears, her face shrunk in pain.

"Cap'n!"

He turned with reluctance. "Yeah," he acknowledged curtly.

She stopped a few feet from him, her eyes full of reproach. "Why is she leavin', Cap'n?" she asked miserably.

His gaze never wavered. "It was her decision," he answered in a detached voice.

Kaylee shook her head, apparently not buying it. "But she loves Serenity, Cap'n. This had to be about somethin' else! Did you say somethin' that made her leave?" she asked bluntly.

Mal's eyes narrowed, the muscle in his jaw twitching. Kaylee knew what that meant, but the words were out. Period.

"I don't think 's got anythin' to do with Serenity's mechanics, lil' Kaylee," he said harshly. "Get back to work," with that he turned, intending to leave, but she obstructed his way. She stepped in close, raising her face to look directly into his eyes, her own stubborn and insistent. She was the only one to dare do that of all of his crew. He admired it in her usually, but right now, he was just too mad.

"I said, get back to work. Dong ma?" he commanded in the tone that bore no defiance.

Her features hardened. "Don't let her go, Cap'n," she muttered, regarding him desperately. "You don't want her to do that. I know you don't."

"Enough!" he said through the clenched teeth. "Get back to work or you'll be leavin' with her."

Kaylee frowned, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. This was more than he could take. He moved her aside with his arm and rushed forward, never glancing back.

*************************************************

Serenity touched down on Osiris smoothly and Mal and Jayne managed to unload the cargo just in time the purchaser arrived. He wanted to bargain though which Mal wasn't in the mood for at all. This naturally resulted in a fight Jayne was all along for and would surely end up pretty badly for both sides if Zoe didn't break it up soon enough. She suggested the price that satisfied the client and wasn't that much offensive for the captain either and they returned inside just in time to see the rest of the crew gathered around Inara, saying their goodbyes.

She was leaving and that was a fact.

Mal's jaw clenched. He redirected his stride in order to avoid the farewell, but Zoe grasped his arm and forced him to stay, giving him a suggestive glare. He sighed and complied, but walked away a few steps to lean against the railing, crossing his arms over his chest, eyeing the little crowd grimly.

Inara hugged everyone and eventually neared Kaylee; the girl was sobbing and she clung to the Companion as they embraced, hiding her face in Inara's neck, her small body trembling. Mal looked away, gritting his teeth. He couldn't stand to see that; he felt like the biggest ass on earth. It was partly true what he told Kaylee - that it was Inara's decision to leave, but he knew he was the main cause. And though his rational mind was screaming that the two of them would be better off if they went their separate ways, his heart knew otherwise. He was losing her. Quickly and inevitably, and much too early. There were so many things unsaid between them, so many questions, so many what ifs.

But as her eyes met his over Kaylee's shoulder, he knew one thing for sure: he loved her. Miserably, madly and hopelessly, he loved her. More than anything before in his life.

He held her gaze firmly, his eyes speaking volumes. Staystaystaystaystaystaysatystaystaystaystaystaystaystay

Still, his lips remained unmoving.

He barely noticed as Zoe tactfully led everyone else out, leaving the two of them alone. They stood opposite each other wordlessly, their eyes interlocked, but their bodies refusing to move. Eventually Inara broke the eye-contact and climbed the stairs, going one more time inside her shuttle in order to check if she packed everything. He followed her, halting in the entrance, leaning his arm against the edge of the wall.

He watched her as she moved around, furiously thinking of the words he could say now. There didn't seem to be such. There didn't seem to be anything for him to say to her now. He would only fuck it up even worse.

He opened his mouth, when the working of the engine outside told him her transport shuttle arrived. She heard it as well and she gazed in that direction briefly, before her eyes drifted to his. Once again, they looked at each other. They had come to talk with their eyes a lot when the words weren't enough. But right now, it was only pain that was left. This, and the overwhelming knowledge of what they were losing.

This didn't have to be this way. And yet it did.

Two men came to take her luggage and announce the shuttle was to take off as soon as Inara was ready. Then they left and once again, he was left alone with her.

Her eyes traveled over his features slowly, as if memorizing them, before sliding to the small cut on his cheek. "The client wasn't satisified with the cargo?" she asked softly.

Mal's lips quirked in a smile. "We had a misunderstanding," he answered, nodding.

She shook her head a little, incredulous. "It never goes smoothly, does it?" she commented.

"So it seems," he shrugged.

The silence returned and Inara felt her throat tighten with emotion. Leaving him was the last thing she wanted to do. And the only rational thing to do. So why did it hurt so much...?

He cleared his throat slightly. Using all of his willpower he dragged his eyes away from her face and let them slide over the place. "It looks much bigger now that your stuff's out," he commented, feeling like an idiot. The transport shuttle was waiting. They didn't have time for a small talk.

She followed his gaze. "Yeah," she said, a touch of fondness to her voice.

He exhaled, straightening. Before he knew it the words were out, in a slightly rough voice that sounded strange even to his own ears. "You don't have to leave, you know."

Shocked, she looked back into his eyes.

"Shen me?" she asked.

"You don't have to leave," he repeated, an insistence that wasn't there before forming in his eyes. She had to swallow back the lump of emotion. It was too late to hesitate now.

"Yes, I do," she murmured.

He exhaled again, frustration eating at him. He wanted to do so many things at once: storm out, pull her close and kiss her into submission, chat about other stuff, something meaningless, just to prolong their time together.

"Why?" he asked as if he didn't know himself. Words just seemed to slip out on their own, leaving him helpless to defy.

She looked away and down, her dark eye-lashes fluttering against her soft cheeks. "You--" she paused, suddenly shy. All of her Companion training went to hell. It was both terrifying and thrilling. Because only he made her feel like this. "You know why," she finished quietly.

"Tell me."

She raised her eyes back to his, suddenly frustrated. "Because," she said, harsher than she intended. "Because half an hour ago, you could've died--"

"I can die every day," he cut in impulsively.

"That's what I'm talking about!" she answered sharply, desperate now. "I'm sick of this! I'm sick of worrying about you! Sick off wondering if you'd go down in the next fight, if the next bullet would be your undoing--" her voice cracked and she pushed her hair away from her face groggily, trying to pull herself together. It was unacceptable, the way she was behaving right now.

He took a step towards her. " 'Nara..." he muttered.

"No," she said firmly, averting. Needing to see her eyes more than anything else he caught her chin roughly, forcing her to look at him. "Mal, I said--"

"'S my boat," he cut in. "And while you're still here, I'm in charge," he moved closer, invading her personal space bluntly. She swallowed, her throat tightening, her cheeks warming. Sweet recognition tingled down her spine as he towered above her, so close she could feel his breath on her skin. He lowered his face and her pulse went racing, throbbing in her ears madly. "You know what I am sick of? Of the mere thought of not seein' your face any more," he muttered against her lips, his voice dropping a hoarse notch. She closed her eyes, her conscious thought slipping away. He was just so...

"Don't go," he breathed. He leaned forward, nuzzling into her hair, closing his eyes. His hands grasped her upper arms, fingers curling around them possessively. His warm lips grazed her ear. "Don't go," he repeated, more insistently now.

She sighed, her knees weakening, threatening to give out from under her. She turned her face into his, their noses touching lightly. "Why are you doing this to me?" she asked unsteadily, her voice barely above the whisper. "Why now? My shuttle's waiting--"

"Tell 'em to leave," he cut in.

"Mal--"

" 'Nara," he interrupted her firmly. "Tell 'em to leave."

She forced herself to step back from his arms, even as her body right away screamed for his touch. "I'll do this and then what? We go back to the way it was? With you calling me a whore me pretending it doesn't hurt me?" she asked desperately.

He took a step towards her. "You know I never meant it," he said in a low voice.

"But you did!" she muttered. "You always do! We just keep hurting each other--"

"I don't care," he said. He reached up, cupping the side of her face in his rough palm. His thumb traced her skin softly and she leaned into his touch, her lips parting, wave of excitement washing over her. Suddenly, it felt like there wasn't enough air to breathe. He stepped closer and their lips met, their eyes hooding as soon as they made contact.

Kissing him felt better than she had ever imagined. Better than anything ever before. Felt like freedom, felt like heaven, felt like flying.

Like coming home.

Her lips parted under his and she exhaled into his mouth, her head tilting backwards, her hands fisting in his shirt involutarily as she pulled him closer. He smoothed his hands down her back, taking a firm hold of her hips, keeping her pressed up against him. The kiss which started out gentle now turned more desperate as the need for each other burnt through them maddeningly. All of their pent-up frustration, all of the pain and jealousy, all of the things they wanted to say, but didn't know the words, all of it came together into that one kiss. Her arms closed around his neck and she clung to him, needing him, craving him, yearning for him. Only him. Since the day she met him, there was no one else.

His dominant personality, his slightly hoarse voice, the intensive way he looked at her. His determination, his cynism, his self-confidence. The way he turned into a son-of-a-bitch every time they got close. All of him.

She loved him.

She pulled away, gasping for air, stepping away as far as she could.

She was a Companion. Companions didn't fall in love.

" 'Nara--" he started towards her, confused.

"Don't," she rasped.

She was a Companion. Companions didn't fall in love.

"Whassematter?" he asked, trying to catch her eyes which she was stubbornly averting.

"We can't-- I have to go," she started past him hurriedly, but he grasped her arm, turning her around to face him. "Mal--"

"I'm not lettin' you go," he cut in in a low, determined voice. "You're stayin'."

"No, I'm not!" she pulled free again. "Nothing's gonna change, Mal! We're no good for each other, don't you understand? I'm not going to quit my job! Whatever you might have to say about it, I'm a Companion! And I can't focus on my job when--" she paused, looking away.

"When what," he stepped closer, hopeful.

She looked back at him, desperate. "Please don't make it harder than it already is," she begged quietly.

"I am makin' it hard?" he pointed out, exasperated. "What about you? You march in here, turn me into a lovesick fool and now you're leavin'? I ain't believe this!"

She stared at him, breathing heavily.

"What did you just say?" she muttered.

His features hardened. "What you heard."

"Mal..."

"I'm askin' you the last time: stay," he said slowly.

She was looking at him with wide, glistening eyes, her full lips still swollen from his kiss. She was all he could see. All he could not live without. But then she turned and wordlessly walked away.

He watched her go, sick feeling beginning to coil in the pit of his stomach. She made up her mind.

She left.

He felt like shredding the whole place into pieces, like going out and killing something, like sinking to the floor and burying his face in his hands in black despair. But all he did was stare after her.

She descended the ramp, not even glancing back.

She left.

Seconds later the sound of engine set to working told him she was really gone. Gone from his life, and not to come back.

Ever.

And then her slender figure appeared on the ramp, dragging her luggage behind her.

His head snapped up, eyes fixing on her face. "What--" he started and paused, not daring to get his hopes up.

She left her luggage downstairs and climbed up, stopping directly in front of him. "I told them to leave," she said simply, her eyes boring into his.

Joy that came after hearing her say that nearly choked him. Wordlessly, he pulled her towards him and kissed her, deeply, desperately and thoroughly. Claiming her mouth, her heart; claiming her as his.

They stumbled back towards the bed, clothes being discarded in the process, hands shaking as they finally made contact with bare skin. He collapsed backwards onto the bed, pulling her on top of him, their lips never disconnecting. She propped herself up on her hands on either side of his head and deliberately slowed down the kiss, pulling away slightly and then leaning back in from different angles, nibbling on his lower lip, teasing him till he couldn't take it any longer. His hands pushed back her long hair and then cupped her face, forcing her mouth harder on his, their tongues entangling fiercely. She moaned, a breathy, needy sound that drove him completely out of his mind. He rolled them over, getting on top, pinning her wrists above her head, finally pulling back to admire her.

Breathing heavily, he let his eyes wander over the details of her body, along the graceful line of her neck, lush curve of her breasts, flat confine of her stomach. She trembled under his scrutiny, her cheeks flushed, her lips parted, free of lipstick now. He must've wiped it off with his kiss. Her hair was mussed, too, her wild curls in disarray, framing her face like a fine painting.

"Měi lí," he muttered, his voice holding a reverent note.

"Mal--"

He cut her off with his lips on hers.

She had been well-trained in that field. Trained as to how to act, how to sound, how to draw the pleasure out so the client would remember it for the rest of his life. But now, with him, she couldn't remember one thing; she couldn't remember her own name. His hands took away her ability to think straight, his lips made her oblivious to anything else except for his touch, the weight of his body against her, his ragged breath in her ear.

She'd had many lovers before. She'd tried various positions, various methods, she'd made sure her every moan sounded real, and that she'd discovered all the tender spots on her client's body. Made sure she went through every point of the schedule, but making it look like it was all impulsive. And she had never failed, never left a client dissatisfied.

But now, with Mal, it was all about intuition. She forgot altogether if she was following the tips. Her hands caressed every part of him she could reach, running through his hair, stroking down his broad back, over his biceps, the curve of his ass, across his scarred chest. She was clutching at his shoulders as he entered her, and when they kept still for a few seconds afterwards, gasping for air, with her trying to adjust to his size. It all felt like the first time, not even with each other, but ever. At once they couldn't find a rhythm, too impatient and desperate, too greedy. Finally, they were with each other in the way they've wanted to be forever, and it was too beautiful and too fragile, and they held onto each other with shaking hands. Shin of perspiration covered their bodies, their heavy breathing echoing through the room as they moved together, fingers entwined and eyes interlocked, never daring to look away.

He hid his face in her neck, slurring endearments against her skin. He wanted to do so many things at once; he wanted to stay still and feel her liquid heat consume him, he wanted to make love to her, slowly and sweetly, wanted to take her fast and rough, to taste skin and sweat and her sex. Anyhow, he wanted her to forget every other man she'd ever had, ruin her for every other man, make her his. Only his.

"Do you feel me?" he muttered into her ear, running his palm down her side, grasping her knee and hooking it around his hips. It changed the angle slightly and she sucked in an unsteady breath, arching against him.

"I feel you," she choked out, cradling his head in her hands, seeking out his lips.

Minutes later, when they were lying in the mass of entangled limbs, lazy and boneless and happy, he whispered in her ear: wo ai ni.

For the first time, she regretted she hadn't stepped on board of the transport shuttle.

Because now, she should be leaving more than ever.

*************************************************

Translations from Chinese:

bizui - shut up

tzao gao - damn it

hwoon dahn - jerk

gōng zhu - princess

dong ma - understand?

shen me - excuse me?

měi lí - beautiful

wo ai ni - I love you