The Bravest Thing (part 2) By Nailani Williams

Disclaimer: No Copyright Infringement intended so Joss put down the Sword of Truth!

Summary: Taking place after the BDM. Jayne and Zoe, pairing. Jayne’s secret personal grief from his past ends up pushing him closer to Zoe than he could ever imagine.

Rating: PG-13 (as of now)

A/N: This is non-canon pairing of Jayne\Zoe, there’s no sex in this part but there might be soon of course all NC-17 parts will be marked. Did I mention this is my first fanfic in this ‘verse?

Enjoy the read and of course all feed back is appreciated! ~

Jayne:

“I don’t know,” I said, quietly.

I felt guilty that Zoe reached out to me and I hadn’t even bothered to reach out to her about Wash. I stood there looking at her speechlessly for five whole minutes, scared shitless.

“”I know you’re upset about something, Jayne; is it Book? I know we all miss him and,” Zoe was talking and I was seeing her mouth move. The sound of her voice not registering over my noisy thoughts.

“It ain’t Book,” I said as gruffly as I could manage I went back to washing the plates. I wanted her to drop it. I wanted her to leave me alone. I had just set it into my mind to abscond off this boat before she tried to reach out. Damn Mal and Inara’s libidos! They’d been at it all day you’d think they’d take a break for supper! At least then I could be locked in my bunk untill we came to port.

“If you’re unhappy about your last take…” she began and I turned to her angrily.

“Look, of all the people I can talk about my problems with, why would I talk to you? You have your on load on, so why do you want mine?” I yelled and she backed away. If it was Kaylee, or even Crazy, they would have hightailed it out of there, but this was Zoe and I knew from the moment the words left my mouth I was in for it.

“Well maybe because you’re…family, Jayne! Maybe it’s because I give a Gorram! Maybe it’s because when I look into your eyes…I see my pain there and,” she stopped tears in her eyes making me feel like the lowest piece of go se in the verse. “and maybe I thought…felt for once, I wasn’t alone in this.”

“Zoe,” I sighed, gently pulling her towards me, she tried to pull away but I wrapped her in my arms and held her tightly. We stayed that way for long minutes. My mind debating, weighing my options. Should I tell her? She did call me family.

“The bravest thing you can ever do, Jayne, is trust,” I heard the Shepard’s voice as clear as day.

“Come with me.” I finally decided. I pulled her with me, down the stairs and to my bunk.

~

Zoe:

I found myself hand in hand standing outside of Jayne’s bunk and suddenly I was worried he misunderstood what type of comfort I was offering. We stepped into his bunk and he sat me down on his bed. I vaguely recognized that he bed was made and his blanket was neatly tucked in…hospital corners. I was about to speak when he went under is bed and got out his large duffel bag. Mal and I always assumed he had just guns in it. Then I had a sudden thought… if his morose behavior was about one of his guns breaking I’m going to shoot him.

Jayne dug in his bag and pulled out a green metal lock box. It was reasonably sized, big enough to put a few books in and papers. He took a key out of his back pocket and opened it. He took a deep breath and sat down next to me. He looked at me and placed the box on my lap. I opened it so I could see what was inside and I found captures and still photographs. All of a very young Jayne with a woman and a child. A child with his eyes.

“My women…” he closed his eyes, fighting back his pain. “My wife, Vera, and my little girl…Ruby.”

I sat there shocked, I picked up one of the moving captures, looking at him before I turned it on. He nodded and I turned on the capture. It began to play.

A little girl around four years old in a pink and white frilly dress was on a swing. Smiling, her mother was gently pushing her as she squealed in delight, “Higher, Higher!”

“Wow, look at you,” I heard Young Jayne say as he filmed her. “Your flying bao bei.”

“Can I touch the sky, Daddy?” she asked. Looking down at him her face was half eclipsed by the sun. Her curly sandy blonde hair flowing in the wind.

“You can do anything you want, bao bei,” Young Jayne said and then the capture focused on the face of his wife. Her hair was the color of fresh hay and her eyes were a dark blue. “Isn’t that right, V?”

She rolled her eyes at Jayne, “Of course it is…would I say different?”

“Well, I s’pose not?” Young Jayne grumbled chagrined. She smiled and ran up to him. “So, what are you going to tell your son we he asks you if he can touch the sky?” she giggled, probably at Jayne’s expression.

“We’re gonna have to wait until we have a son,” he said and she rolled her eyes again.

“It’s only about seven months from now, you better start thinking on it,” she smiled big and nodded touching her flat stomach.

“What?” he said and then dropped the capture. Everything went black.

I was crying and I didn’t even notice. I turned to Jayne and he was trembling from the force in which he was holding himself together.

“I never saw my son…they were killed way before the seven months were over,” He said over the lump in his throat. I looked into his eyes.

“What happened?” I asked and he took another shuddering breath.

“I was stupid, I had a partner who I cheated way before I decided to setttle down with V. I retired from the business, intent on living my life the right way. That partner came looking for me. I wasn’t home, he had bought off one of my so called friends to divert me from getting home before…” he broke off as the tears broke through his wall. He cried for a long minute and I let him. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders.

“He killed your wife and child? “ I said stunned.

“He raped and killed my wife…He buried my child,” he said. And I stilled and cold chill went through my body.

“Wo de tien ah, Jayne, she wasn‘t still alive when she was put in the ground, was she?” I whispered appalled.

“When I came home, there was a note on her bedroom door with the coordinates to where he buried her. I digged and digged and digged until the sun rose,” he cried and I shook my head.

“That shiong-muh duh duang-ren hwoon dan!” I cussed.

“I found out a year after, when I killed him, that he gave me the wrong coordinates on purpose,” he said he voice was cold. I ran my fingers through his soft hair. I realized then his arms were around my waist and his head was on my chest. And he was holding me as tight as he could without hurting me.

“What happened the friend he paid off?” I asked and Jayne pulled away.

“Don’t know,” he said going under his bunk and grabbing a decent size bottle of booze. “Went looking for him, right after. That ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng, disappeared from the verse.” he opened the booze took a swig and passed it to me. I took a swig relishing how the liquid burned my throat and chest.

“You seemed fine before Miranda, you never told anyone about this?” I asked and he hunched his shoulders.

He sighed, “Now‘s about the time they got killed. Last year, around now, I told Book and he read some scripture to me especially for my Ruby and he prayed for them for me.” He took a few more swigs of booze. “You know… when I told him bout it he asked me did I make my former partner suffer ‘fore I killed him, I said yes and he told me I did well. That‘s when I knew he wasn’t just a good Shepard, but a dangerous man.”

“Book was a man of mysterie, but he had a wonderful heart,” I took a few more swigs of booze after him. I felt dizzy so I rested my head on his lap, he put his fingers in my hair playing with my curls. Normally I’d have broke away and retreated to my bunk. But normally I was a married woman and no other man had rights to smooth my locks, but Wash.

“How did you survive it, Jayne?” I whispered and he grunted.

“I didn’t, for a while I tried drinking myself to death, then came the whoring and gambling. I wasn’t until my mother came n’ got me, and brought me to my childhood home did I finally deal with their deaths and mourn. I had to live for them, so I could get their revenge and because they wouldn’t have wanted me to die like that.” He swallowed some more booze.

“After I lost Wash I thought it doesn’t get any worse than this. That my pain will never end.,” I sighed and he squeezed my shoulder.

“It never ends, Zoe, it lessens, but it’s always there. I lost my wife and children over ten years ago and I still feel as if it happened yesterday, but at least today I can get up and move on. Cause I know that one day, I wanna look at those captures and remember how they were when they were alive and not how they looked when they died,” Jayne said and I nodded and closed my eyes.

For the first time in six months I was able to finally sleep. There with my head resting on the lap of the one person who truly understood my pain. Who would have thought that, that person would be Jayne?

~