The Circular Irony Part 4 by Nailani Williams

Disclaimer: No Copyright Infringement intended so Joss put down the Sword of Infinite Truths!

Summary: After the BDM. Zayne, M/I, S/K, R/OC pairing. Taking place after the events of “The Bravest Thing” and “The Welcoming Committee”. When Mal gets a job on Persephone he realizes he’s transporting a new generation of Browncoats, who have their own special person straight out of the Alliance Academy. Meanwhile Zoe and Jayne work out their working relationship and River gets a new creep-a-fying boyfriend.

Rating: PG-13

A/N: Lookit! Another chapter! I’m on a roll. ~

Simon:

I had a headache, partly because of River, mainly because of Mal. How stupid was he to just sign on to a job without learning who he was dealing with. I was pretty much waiting for him to show his face at supper tonight so I could tell him just how stupid I felt he was when Inara came in made her feelings known. After that my anger vanished. It must’ve been some kind of money to get him to blindly except like that. And the infirmary was still short on supplies. If we could save lives and restock the infirmary at the same time it was a good thing. I would just have to be extra careful with River.

Inara glowed at supper, literally, I saw her glowing… like there was a halo over her that no one else could see. I always found Inara to be exceptionally beautiful like all Companions were, but tonight there was something different about her and I gave myself a headache trying figure it out.

I went to the little drawer inside the examining table and pulled out two tablets of acetaminophen, for my headache. I choked when I saw Kaylee in the doorway her arms folded across her chest, one eyebrow raised. I knew I had to apologize for my behavior this morning. I tried early , but she gave me the cold shoulder.

“Hey,” I said, when I got my breath back. She sashayed into the room quietly and my heart sped up. I wondered just how angry she was at me warily. She stopped when she was in front of me. We stared at each other wordlessly.

“I’m not speaking to that hot head until he apologizes,” I heard in a whisper, but her mouth didn’t move. I jumped back from her so far I slammed into my cabinet behind me. I was glad the glass was tempered or I would have hurt myself.

“Wo de ma, Simon are you okay?” Kaylee said, going towards me I held my hand out keeping her at bay. I heard her thought, just now! I heard her thought!

“He looks pale as a ghost.” I heard her thought again. “Simon, bao bei, are you okay?” she asked me and I placed my hands on her upper arms.

“I think,” I shook my head. “Kaylee, I need to speak to River, can you get her for me,” I asked and she nodded.

Her big brown eyes became full with tears of worry and my heart broke, “Tell me what’s wrong Simon, you scarin’ me,” she said.

“I’m fine, I just really need to talk to River, please!” I said and then kissed her, reassuringly. “I’m sorry about this morning, you were right, I wasn’t considering River’s feelings,” I said when we broke apart.

“You were being stubborn is all, and a meanie,” she said, but I heard. “I love you, I love you, Simon, please tell me what’s wrong.”

I put my fingers against my temples and groaned, my headache was becoming worse. “I’ll get River, now,” Kaylee said nearly running out of the infirmary. I collapsed on the examination table. I found the wrapper from the pills I took and checked the expiration date of the painkillers and the dosage. I had to be hallucinating. I’m not a reader, that kind of thing doesn’t get passed down to males in my family. “Simon,” River said in my mind.

“Impossible,” I said. And she walked into the room.

“Not impossible, you boob, why did you hear me just now?” she asked and I shook my head and closed my eyes.

“Try to hear my thoughts,” she asked me and I tried, but I didn’t hear anything , but the sound of her breathing.

“I can’t,” I said and she nodded. “You can,” she said.

“No really, mei mei, I can’t,” I swung my legs over the side of the table.

“I wonder why it’s happening now,” River pondered her hands on my knees. I shook my head.

“I don’t care River, I just want it to stop,” I sighed my body suddenly felt exhausted like I was being drained by some invisible force.

Kaylee:

I left Simon alone with River because it was the right thing to do. Simon was skittish about sharing his feelings especially if it had something to do with River. I waited for them to finish in the infirmary. Tinkering with a new piece of equipment I was going to install in Serenity’s engine at the supper table. I was fighting against my better judgment to eavesdrop on River and Simon, but it was impossible to eavesdrop on a reader! It wasn’t fair, him pushing me away an all. We’re supposed to be a team. It hurt my feelings and made me rather honrary.

“Go get River, Kaylee,” I grumbled. “Look my head is falling off my shoulders, don’t worry about it, just go get River! Well next time you want trim you can go ask River! Maybe she’ll give you a swift kick to the man parts!”

I knew I was being mean, but I was worried. I had never seen Simon act so strangely and he was of strange sorts… so that was saying much about just how strangely he was acting. He nearly cracked his cabinet in two jumping away from me like I had the plague or something! I put down my tools in a loud sigh. How long were they going to be in there! I thought helplessly.

River:

I was looking into Simon’s mind. Before it was filled with neutral muted colors of rational thought and information, and a bright spark of love for Kaylee that just seemed to get brighter and brighter. Now his mind was like a kalediscope that was growing bigger and bigger. Doors that were once closed where now very much open, doors that were once locked. A pair of hands closing the doors…familiar hands….

“Blue hands!” I screamed and jerked back.

“What?” Simon said, I looked up at him.

“Blue hands, they got to you Simon. They played in your mind, closed you off. Turned downed your colors,” I whispered as he took my hands. “You’ve always had this power.”

“River, listen to me,” he touched my face, crouching down as he sometimes did to get us eye level.

“You can not tell anyone about this, no one can know, not even Kaylee,” he said. He was sure he could fight what was happening to him. He thought it would go away.

“It won’t go away Simon, you’ll hear them, you’ll hear everyone, all the time, until it drives you mad,” I explained in earnest. My heart was racing. Simon turned away from me. We sat in silence for a moment and then…

“Aren’t we glad you decided to go off your meds, at least now we won’t have to buy more for me.” I heard his thought as if he yelled at me.

“No!” I yelled grabbing his arm,. “You can’t self medicate this away!”

“River let go of my arm, I’m a doctor I’ll be fine,” he assured me.

“You won’t be fit for doctoring anyone up if they are hurt if you take the meds!” I said and Simon nodded.

“That’s why I won’t take the meds unless it gets unbearable. Mei-mei you have to trust me in this.”

“You should trust the others, they’re our family now, Kaylee…she loves you so much, I can feel it.”

“River if the crew thought I was going to lose it you think they’ll continue to let me play doctor on this ship?” he said and I sighed.

“If you don’t tell them and something happens Kaylee would never forgive you,” I explained and Simon nodded.

“I’m a doctor River, this ship is the only place I can be a doctor, I can’t give that up and I can‘t allow them to lose faith in my abilities,” he said and turned away from me again. He was going to be stubborn about this.

“I hope for our sake that you come to your senses,” I sighed and left back to the cockpit. Then I heard him in my mind, "If you see Kaylee tell her you were checking me out for an ear infection."

Simon:

I was physically sick to my stomach. I was trying to figure out when my father had time to do it. When did he have time to have Core scientist fool around with my mind. I could imagine what his voice must’ve sounded like as he took me in to them.

“Make sure you lock that poison out of his mind, but remember he’s a bright boy. I don’t want his bulb dimmed by this procedure.”

I didn’t know whether I wanted to laugh or cry. My father always thought he was God. And now, I was stuck with this… “gift”. The poison was back and it was preparing to take away everything I’ve worked hard for to gain. The one ability I treasured the most was my ability to heal. How could a crazy person heal someone? But River was right. I couldn’t self medicate and work on the crew in an emergency. It was unethical and it would put their lives in danger.

I would just have to stop being a doctor once this gift comes full force.

I went into the galley where Kaylee was sitting fixing an engine part. I thought about telling her immediately when I looked into her worried eyes, but I knew if I told her that look would never go away and I couldn’t bare to have her pity me.

“I’m sorry,” I said sitting besides her and she threw herself into my arms. I wrapped my arms around her holding her close.

“Are you okay, Simon? Tell me the truth…” she asked and I smiled at the circular irony of it all. When I came on Serenity I was lying about who River really was, now I was lying about who I was really becoming.

“I’m fine, I have a little ear infection that’s all,” I lied and she sighed in relief. “That’s why I fell in to the cabinet, I…lost my balance, I’m fine really,” I kissed her forehead and then she kissed my lips gently. I stroked my thumb over her cheek and then down to her lower lip. She was a beautiful young woman, and she deserved far more that what I was giving her. “I love you, Kaylee.”

“I love you so much!” she said and we held each other there until late in the evening and I didn’t hear her thoughts.