~ The Bravest Thing Part 4 by Nailani Williams

Disclaimer: No Copyright Infringement intended so Joss put down the Sword of Truth!

Summary: Taking place after the BDM. Jayne and Zoe, pairing. Jayne’s secret personal grief from his past ends up pushing him closer to Zoe than he could ever imagine.

Rating: NC-17

A/N: Thank you all who have read and responded to my fic, it warms my heart that you like it! Keep feeding the feedback monster she‘s greedy! LOL! Please, forgive any mistakes I have no Beta.

:)Lani ~

Jayne:

I would have admit having Zoe to confide in was better than dealing with my pain alone. She reminded me of a hotter, more female version of Book. When I need her she was there quick to give me advice.

We were now only a day out from Bernadette. I was still having the dreams, I knew they’d pass. They always did, but this year was a little harder than the other’s. I couldn’t understand why. Maybe it was because of Miranda. Seeing those people lay down and die, it made me wonder if they suffered. Like Ruby, like Vera…I still wondered if Ruby knew I was coming for her. If she knew before she died that I was trying to save her.

I asked Zoe this after everyone retired for the evening, we were sitting in the dining area. I was sitting at the head of the table, she was sitting to my right, she took my hand.

“Of course she did, Jayne, from the captures I guessed that you were her biggest hero,” she said and I shook my head.

“I failed her…and you know what I thought after…I should have never settled down. I should have never taken a wife, let alone have any children! What the hell was I thinking Zoe?!” I said and she squeezed my hand.

“I’m thinking…that you loved this women with all of your heart, enough that you were willing to give up your lifestyle for her,” I just snorted at that.

“I gave it up enough to get her and our children dead!” I said, pulling away form her hand. Zoe backed off a bit and sat back in her chair.

“When I lost Wash, I thought, why did I follow Mal? Now, my husband’s dead and for what? It was the most selfish moment in my life. I didn’t care about the truth of Miranda. I didn’t care about River or Simon. And I hated Mal so deeply that--” she broke off wiping her tears. “I wished he was dead instead of Wash,” she finished and cried. I went to her side of the dining table and hugged her. “What kind of friend wishes another friend dead?”

“You were not in the right mind Zoe, you can’t blame yourself for those thoughts. I mean… do you wish Mal dead now?” I asked her and she shook her head vehemently. “Then it’s okay. Anger is just another part of grieving.” She looked up at me and sniffling. I wiped her tears from her cheeks with my thumbs.

“What part are you on Jayne?” she asked me and I hunched my shoulders.

“Well, my grief is less like grief and more like the seven deadly sins. I went through wrath, laziness, lust, gluttony, I think I’m more into greed now, cause my love of a big pay off is all I got left,” I sighed and she kissed my cheek.

“It ain’t all you got,” she whispered. “You have us.”

My mind took me on a downward turn. Zoe’s scent was surrounding me. She smelled like fresh jasmine. Her lips were so beautiful and I really wanted to kiss her.

Then my mind flashed back to that day.

“Jayne!” Vera gasping for air, lying in a pool of her blood. Her’s and our unborn son’s. I collected her in my arms and went downstairs. I had to find the town’s doc. We made it to the front porch before she screamed my name again. “Jayne stop! I ain’t gonna make it.”

“No, please V, hold on!” I cried. Holding her to me as I collapsed to my knees, I laid her down gently. “Please, just hold, I’ll get the Doc!” I got up.

“No, Jayne don’t leave me,“ she cried and I went to her again. “Kiss me, Jayne!” she said and I did and she slipped away. And I swore then I’d never replace that last kiss from her with anyone else’s.

So instead I touched Zoe’s mouth with my thumb. She closed her eyes and sighed as I outlined her mouth. Then we both snapped out of it and broke apart. She sat up as I rose to my feet.

“I‘m okay now,” I said and she nodded. “Thanks for the talk.”

“Good night Jayne,” she said. And I nodded.

Zoe:

Guilt kept me awake. I felt like a cheating whore of a wife and I wondered if that was what Wash was thinking of me from the great beyond. Jayne almost kissed me and I was disappointed he didn’t.

I still felt Jayne’s caress of my bottom lip, I still smelled the cedar spice spice sent of his soap; I still felt the strength of his muscular arms around me. It was so different from Wash; my body thrilled for this new feeling Jayne evoked in me and I instantly wanted harder than I’ve ever wanted in a long, long time.

It had been nearly seven months since Wash died, and I blamed my hormones for these feelings I was having for Jayne. It was too soon right? Then I realized, even cheating wives have flesh blood husbands who’re still alive in their beds at night. They don’t go to sleep in an empty bed full of ghost and memories of what once was.

Wash wasn’t coming back, I cried at the thought, but my tears weren’t as hard and as long as nights before and when I was done with tear, I slept and dreamed of Wash like I did every night. We were on the bridge on Serenity…at Mr. Universe.

“You’re not a whore of a wife,” Wash laughed. “I’d never think that of you, bao bei, you know that!” He said. He was sitting at his pilot’s chair still horribly impaled on the River’s spike. Bleeding his life’s blood on to the floor. He was always in my dreams like this and it always turned my stomach.

“You always come to me this way Hoban!’ I said, breathlessly turning from him.

“You only remember me this way, babe,” he patted his pike. “if you choose the remember me here with this unfortunate accessory well then,” he hunched his shoulders to the best of his abilities. I turned back to him with sorrowful eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered and he laughed.

“As mush as I loved to have this thing out of me at least it beats the mustache and colorful shirt I had on when I first met you,” He joked and I laughed wiping my tears. “There she is,” he said, smiling. “There’s my girl.”

“I miss you honey,” I said. “I miss you so much.”

“but..” he said and the scenery around us actually changed for the first time. We were in our bunk, in our bed, spooning, one of his hands was on my breast, the other was on my thigh. He was kissing my neck.

I smiled and moaned, “But I miss,” I laughed when he playfully bit my ear. I felt his hand traveling to my mound, his finger quickly slipped past my fold and found the bundle of nerves hidden there. I arched into his hand as he stroked me.

“You miss being with a man, it’s okay, Zo. I didn’t think you’d join a nunnery if I died. You’re too beautiful for that,” he said.

“I feel like I’m betraying you. Like I’m giving away what belongs to you,’ I said and he kissed me as his fingers penetrated me. I gasped in his mouth, this was an old dance between us.

“It doesn’t belong to me anymore, honey,” he whispered in my ear. “It’s yours to do with as you wish.” he said and he moved his fingers inside me. In and out, I moved with him, my body on the precipice of release.

“Even if it’s Jayne?” I gasped out and he laughed. I blinked and he was standing besides our bed looking at me. Someone’s hands were still working inside of me. I turned my head to see my mystery lover and it was Jayne. He kissed me as I looked into his eyes and came.

“As long as you are happy my love,” Wash whispered in my ear.

Just before I woke in the morning, I that small moment between wakefulness and sleep. I could have sworn I felt Wash’s kiss on the forehead. ~

Post A/N: I don’t know how Wash made a special guess appearance in this part. The scene originally started out with Jayne in Zoe’s dream but, Wash has to be the most insistant muse in my head tonight, LOL! I didn’t know this he was going to be in this part until he start talking to me and making me laugh. I hope he made you laugh and feel good too! Enjoy it, because the next part is going to be angstilicious.