The Bravest Thing Part 5 by Nailani Williams

Disclaimer: No Copyright Infringement intended so Joss put down the Sword of Truth!

Summary: Taking place after the BDM. Jayne and Zoe, pairing. Jayne’s secret personal grief from his past ends up pushing him closer to Zoe than he could ever imagine.

Rating: PG-13

A/N: Thank you all who have read and responded to my fic, it warms my heart that you like it! Keep feeding the feedback monster she’s greedy! LOL! Please, forgive any mistakes I have no Beta.

Warning: This part is very, very angsty…

Thank you for reading! ~

Jayne:

I was having that gorram dream again. I was digging, screaming for Ruby to hold on, that Daddy was coming for her. It seemed like I dug for her forever, the sun rose and set and rose and set again; and I was no closer to her. Finally, I just stopped. It was the first time, in ten years of having this dream, that I stopped digging. I fell to my knees and cried.

“I’m sorry, baby, I can’t… I can’t, anymore,” I cried. I cried so hard my throat ached, like I was screaming more than crying. I suddenly felt her hand on my back.

“Why are you crying, Daddy?” she whispered in my ear. I looked up and I was on our porch. Ruby was standing there in her Sunday’s best, a little mint green chiffon dress with bows on it. She had a green bows tying back all that curly unruly hair she inherited from her mama. I immediately pulled her into my arms and held her, crying.

“So you finally stopped, Jay,” Vera said sitting there on the porch; also dressed in her Sunday’s best a white frilly lacey number that I loved. She was sitting in the rocker my mama gave her and she was holding a baby. I went to her still holding Ruby in my arms and sat down on the bench in front of her. Ruby was holding me just as tightly as I was.

“I didn’t mean to, I just couldn’t, I’m so tired, baby,” I said not bothering wiping away the tears that were falling from my eyes.

“You should be tired, all that trying to change something, that you can’t change, I waited for you J. I’ve been waiting so long for you to stop blaming yourself,” she sighed. “I want you to meet someone,” she smiled at the bundle in her arms.

“Ruby why don’t you help daddy come see your brother,” she said and Ruby excitedly broke apart from me and hopped off my lap. Vera gently placed the tiny bundle in her arms and Ruby very carefully walked the two feet back to me, I took my son from her arms. I looked down at him and he was beautiful, a perfect little newborn baby he had brown hair like his daddy. He was so tiny.

“He so small,” I sobbed.

“He’s fine,” Vera assured me as my son yawned and then opened his eyes, he had my blue eyes.

“What’s his name?” I asked and she smiled at me again.

“You know I couldn’t name our son without you,” she giggled as if I was the silliest thing planetside.

“Andrew,” I named him and she reached for my hand.

“Perfect,” she said and I took her hand. “Ruby, meet your brother, Andrew!”

“Drew!” Ruby clapped her hands.

Vera stood up and suddenly Ruby was gone and so was Baby Andrew. We were in our living room alone and it was night.

“What?” I said, confused and she kissed me.

“It’s okay the kids are upstairs asleep. I needed to talk to you alone and I don’t have much time, to set you straight,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry, V., You didn’t deserve to die that way. I should have given you a better life. I should have gave little Andrew a chance to be born. Everyday I think, if I had just killed my ex-partner when I made off with his money, it’d been better for us.” I sighed and she shook her head.

“You think I care about that here? You think I’m here, damning you for marrying me and giving two beautiful kids? Wo de tien ah, Jayne you are a thick one,” she shook her head at me. She took both my hands and knelt in front of me. We’ve been with you everyday since the day we died. We’ve watched over you and kept you safe in times you weren’t. I loved you everyday I was with you in life and everyday after.” she said and I cried.

“I knew you’d make your way here, bao bei. When you left me I was able to say goodbye, I held you as you went and I knew you were okay,” I admitted. “It ain’t you I’m digging for every night!”

“What do you want to know? If she suffered? If she cried out for you and me? Was she scared?” Vera asked me and I nodded.

“Yes, but only for a small while, because when I left you, I went and got her and then she was fine, Jayne!” she said and I cried as she wrapped me in her arms.

“Did she hate me for not saving her?” I cried and Vera rocked me.

“Bao bei, she loved you always, even in that moment. You’re her daddy and that will never change, not ever,” she ran her fingers over the back of my scalp. It was something only she did.

“It’s way past time you moved on, Jayne,” she whispered kissing my temple.

“I haven’t been able to kiss anyone since that last kiss you gave me,” I whispered.

She was laughing again, and I realized I missed her laugh, “You didn’t have to do that, J. Kiss and love whomever you want, I’ll be here to kiss you and love you in your dreams forever. I ain’t jealous of no girlie that comes your way because I know I had your heart first and forever,” she squeezed me in her arms.

“I love you, V. Always,” I said and she smiled.

“I know,” she kissed me again and I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the softness of her lips. When I opened my eyes again, I was awake.