Simon Says.... Little conversations Simon has with each of the crew. Mal’s the captain, so his goes first.

Again, I have no narrative style, so these are written like little screenplays. Feel free to edit, critique, to your heart’s content.

Scene opens: Kaylee is twirling in the cargo bay in a very cute sundress, with River’s rapt attention. Two bags sit at her feet. Kaylee: And there was another one just like it in blue, but I just thought the pink was just, well, so much pinker! (Simon comes over, admires Kaylee, smiles): It’s beautiful. It..it suits you.... (Kaylee beams) (River laughs): I wish I could get something. Kaylee: Oh! There was something perfect for you! It was this tiny little stringy number with a bias cut... (River is thrilled...Simon, not so much) River: Not like this? (Gestures and a kind of doll hodge-podge from hell outfit she happens to be wearing) Kaylee: (Confused) No honey, not like that at all. River: Good! I hate this! I hate all my clothes. Kaylee: Let’s go! Simon: (Steps forward, a little suddenly) No! Kaylee/ River (Both taken aback) Simon: It...it’s not safe. You can’t go out there. Kaylee: (smiling) Oh, don’t worry about that none. We’re weeks away from any real outposts and there aren’t... Simon (cuts her off, a little harshly): Kaylee. I really have to insist on this. Kaylee: Well I could.. Simon: I said no. That’s final. It’s not safe, she’s not going. River, come on, it’s time for your medications. (Leads River away) River: (Sad but compliant) Liar liar pants on fire. Kaylee (looks heartbroken) (Mal enters) Mal: You buy a new evaporator coil and you’re happy and you buy some new dresses and you’re sad? There’s something wrong with you and I love it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Later, Mal walking through stores and stalls of a bazaar, not really looking at anything in particular. Spots Simon talking with a vendor, who’s holding a fancy looking watch. Vendor walks to the back of the store, Mal approaches Simon.

Mal: So! Simon (Startled, then ashamed): Oh, oh.....hello. Mal: So let me get this straight. This planet isn’t safe enough for your sister to go by a two-bit frock with Kaylee, but it’s fine for a gent like yourself to trot out and buy a new watch. Explain that to me. Simon: (Recovers, gets a little haughty) My personal affairs are none of your business. Mal: Well my mechanic is hiding under the engine like somebody shot her dog. I can’t help but think that has something to do with you. Simon: (embarrassed) That wasn’t my intention. Mal: It never is, is it? So, you just go on and buy your little do-hickey or whatever it is you core folk just have to have this season. Don’t know who you’re trying to impress but it’s my duty to tell you it sure as hell ain’t working. (Turns to go) Vendor returns, holding the watch and a small hand held computer. Vendor: Sorry about that, but I just had to check it out. You understand we don’t see many real Phantoms out this ways. It’s a shame, I can’t give you anything close to what it’s worth. You’d get a lot more for it farther in towards the core. It’d be worth the trip. Simon: (Looks like he wants to crawl under the nearest rock) Mal (Pivots back towards Simon) That’s yours? (Simon nods sheepishly) Mal: You’re..(points at Simon)... selling that (points at the watch) To him? (Points to the vendor) Simon: (nods) Vendor: (Peels off a large stack of bills and hands it to Simon, smiling.) Pleasure doin’ business with ya. Mal: You want to tell me just what the hell is going on? Simon: I needed money and I didn’t need that. Mal: You? Needed money? What, you didn’t have enough to wipe your ass with? Simon: (Embarrassed, rambling a bit) I had to move some fairly large sums of money around to get River out. I cleared out all of my discretionary accounts. Larger withdrawals from core holdings would have aroused suspicion, so I never touched that. After Persephone, there was still enough to get us hidden away somewhere, but I figured I’d be able to find work when I got us settled....I didn’t figure…(makes vague “all this” gesture) Mal: Well this is embarrassing. Simon (incredulous) Yes. I noticed. Mal: Not for you, idiot, for me. You think I like folks hearing I can’t pay my crew? Simon: What? Mal: And you were going to let me just think you were a dandified {prick} buying a new bit of frippary? Simon: You already think I’m a dandified {prick}. Mal: You couldn’t ask me for a fair wage? I’m that scary to you? Seriously, tell me what it is and I’ll do it more. I need the rest of the crew to stop asking for {shit}. Simon: Our agreement…I..I didn’t think.. Mal: You don’t think much for a top three percent do you? Simon: I… everything is just easier with money. I never had to think about anything like this. My apartment was always serviced, there was always food in the kitchen, my clothes were always clean….And now, not only did I not notice my sister no longer fits the clothes from her closet at home, I don’t even have enough money left to buy her a sundress. Mal: So, instead of telling her you couldn’t buy it… Simon: No, I told her, she knows.. Mal: Then why the hell are you sneaking about selling the ugliest watch I’ve ever seen? Simon: (Avoids his eyes) Mal: (Gets it) Kaylee. Simon: And my humiliation is complete. Thank you. Mal: (Sighs) You’re welcome, I hate not seeing something through to the end…. Well, she already knows you’re a stuffy know-it-all clean-freak. Adding penniless to your list of attributes probably won’t hurt her opinion of you. Simon: (Winces) Mal: Or, you could sell off all your clothes bit by bit and end up well-moneyed and naked, which, come to think of it, she might prefer. Vendor: (Overhears and interjects) If you’re ever looking to part with the fancy fits, they’d move a might faster than the watch. I can’t pay quite what their worth, but I could make it worth your while. Simon: (Touches jacket lapel) But I need clothes. Vendor: Well there’s clothes, and then there’s CLOTHES. That jacket alone is probably worth 10 shirts. Simon: (Thinking… dead serious) How about 5 shirts and 5 dresses? Vendor: (Confused, but nods) Whatever suits your pleasure. Mal: See, thinking isn‘t so bad. (To Vendor) Just out of curiosity, how much is the watch really worth? Vendor: The new Phantoms? Retail they go for about 75 thousand credits. Mal: (Confused, angry) WHAT? That piece of shiny is worth more than my ship??? Simon: Not to me. Not anymore.