BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

HAZE

One Cold Winters Day
Tuesday, November 8, 2005

River prepares for her final battle.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1959    RATING: 8    SERIES: FIREFLY

Authors note: A very short story I wrote while day dreaming. No continuity no elaborate back story but thought I would share.

River finished her poem and drank deeply of the tea that sat with her. She savored every flavor every sent every sound. They dressed her in the traditional manner.

The air was frigid; it made her bones ache. The snow crunched underfoot. Her armor was white but less than the snow. Two sky blue feathers jutted out of each shoulder as high as her helm. It wore no expression. On her left hip lay her sword. She rested her hand on its hilt. Slowly she walked out to meet him. There was no hurry.

The wind was gentle but present the same as the sun. She steadied herself against the cold. His armor was the colour of obsidian. Small rivers of red ran across its surface. His helm smiled at her. Slowly he drew his sword. She did the same. They stood in the old familiar stance. Small flakes of snow danced in the air. Needier would move first. But one must.

He moved. The moment, the instant, the cobras strike. He fell to the ground. The white made red. With a tear River wiped the blood from her blade. It would never be used again. In the snow Simon died, her soul went with him.

COMMENTS

Tuesday, November 8, 2005 8:49 AM

AMDOBELL


Why would River slay Simon in battle, even symbolically? Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Tuesday, November 8, 2005 8:55 AM

HAZE


I just had this image in my head of River in white armor standing sword raised against Simon in black. It’s one of those things I wished I could draw. So I drew it in words so to speak. As I said no continuity I was just rendering an image.

Tuesday, November 8, 2005 9:29 AM

HOBANIWASHBURNE


I liked your description of the imagery, it's an interesting idea. For constructive critism, it is a little choppy having so many short sentences. Longer sentences conveying a story, as opposed to short sentences telling single actions. You can use shorter sentences, however I find that works best (I find) for effect only and used sparingly.

I don't mind the idea of River slaying Simon though. Heheee. It's an intersting idea and I could picture the Lucy L. scene of Kill Bill movies. If she was on enough Alliance Crack, she might slay her brother.


Tuesday, November 8, 2005 9:40 AM

HAZE


I have a massive fear of writing in large chunks of text online. I did that once before on another site and got flamed for it. Once bitten twice shy as they say.

Tuesday, November 8, 2005 10:47 AM

HOBANIWASHBURNE


Really? Were they run on sentences? I'm sure there should be a middle ground... but still. Sorry to hear you got flamed. Constructive crit is nice. Having someone be a jerk isn't. Sorry to hear Haze. :(

Tuesday, November 8, 2005 11:18 AM

HAZE


No the sentence structure was exactly the same as presented here and in my other stories. Just longer paragraphs.


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