TALK STORY

Funny..no really..

POSTED BY: CONNORFLYNN
UPDATED: Tuesday, April 19, 2005 09:25
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 12436
PAGE 1 of 2

Wednesday, April 6, 2005 2:09 AM

CONNORFLYNN


I got this from a friend of mine and figured I'd share with my other friends (fellow browncoats).

-------------------------------------------------

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough there already?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp" instead of a “TH” ?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

And finally... The statistics on sanity are:
That one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you. .



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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 5:11 AM

DIEGO


Quote:
Originally posted by Connorflynn:
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?


I know that I'm stating the obvious here, but I can't let this one lie. There is a chance some folks might be confused on the issue. If there are any folks who don't think evolution occurred, please don't take this as a reason to raise your hackles. Think of it as clearing up some terminology so that we're all speaking the same language.

That one is easy. Humans didn't evolve from any living group of apes. Everything alive today has evolved from earlier life. Even so called "living fossils" like coelacanths are not really the same as their ancestors. The problem with the term "apes" is that it is a general term but people apply it in different ways and this causes confusion. Humans, chimps, gorillas, orangutans, and gibbons are all descended from a common ancestor and are all apes. One group of apes was the last common ancestor of humans and chimpanzees. And this is typically what people are thinking of when they say "people evolved from apes". It would be truly ridiculous for anyone to ever suggest that any living species could evolve from any other species living at the same time.

I assume this was just another part of the silly joke in the post, but this is actually a point that confuses some people.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 5:22 AM

EMBERS


Diego: I was just reading along and debating;
should I point out that no one ever said humans evolved from apes?
It is just a joke...
but didn't anyone hear their teachers when they said 'humans & apes evolved from a common ancestor'

But here, you have already done it!
And what does it say about us, that we can't just let the joke stand?

Connorflynn: I did like all the other ones though!

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 5:24 AM

SOULOFSERENITY

The Man They Call Soul...


Okay, that is funny! And waaaaay to true.

______________________

But if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 5:53 AM

DIEGO


Yeah, I knew it was only a joke, but there ARE people who get confused on this issue. And misunderstandings like that are a pet peeve of mine. Occasionally I have to take my pet peeves out for a walk or they get cranky. My apologies for stating the obvious and being all-together far too serious.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 8:06 AM

RAT


Quote:
Originally posted by embers:
...didn't anyone hear their teachers when they said 'humans & apes evolved from a common ancestor'...


I find it odd that your teacher would present a theory as being fact.

-Ratboy

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 8:21 AM

THATWEIRDGIRL


Quote:
Originally posted by Connorflynn:
And finally... The statistics on sanity are:
That one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you. .


corollary: If you are friends with TWG, then you are sane.


Rat, I'm guessing the teacher said somehting like, "Scientist theorize humans and apes share a common ancestor." I know mine said that.

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 8:41 AM

CALLMEATH


Quote:
Originally posted by thatweirdgirl:



If you are friends with TWG, then you are sane.




In that case TWG, wanna be my friend?

I know this post was just a joke, but since some of you seem to know so much about evolution theory, perhaps someone can answer a questionof mine. How did symbiotic relationships evolve? I mean really, how did the whole bees pollinating floweres thing come to pass?
By the way Connerflynn, funny post.

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 8:46 AM

MONTANAGIRL


I'm embarrassed to say that I have actually done most of those things. I better go be friends with twg so I'll at least LOOK sane.

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 9:11 AM

RAT


Quote:
Originally posted by CALLMEATH:
How did symbiotic relationships evolve? I mean really, how did the whole bees pollinating floweres thing come to pass?


It's almost like someone planned it that way!

-Ratboy

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 9:58 AM

CALLMEATH


Quote:
Originally posted by Rat:
Quote:
Originally posted by CALLMEATH:
How did symbiotic relationships evolve? I mean really, how did the whole bees pollinating floweres thing come to pass?


It's almost like someone planned it that way!

-Ratboy


Exactly my point.

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 10:20 AM

RAT


Quote:
Originally posted by CALLMEATH:
Exactly my point.


Just reinforcing it for anybody who missed it!

-Ratboy

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 10:58 AM

STATIC


Here's an interesting point to ponder. . .


Did you know that 75.4% of all statistics are made up on the spot?

==================================================
http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com/

Evil, Lecherous Hump

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 11:54 AM

THRAWN


Quote:
Originally posted by Rat:
Quote:
Originally posted by CALLMEATH:
How did symbiotic relationships evolve? I mean really, how did the whole bees pollinating floweres thing come to pass?


It's almost like someone planned it that way!

-Ratboy


I have a difficult time with the "I can't, off the top of my head, come up with an explanation for something, so it has to be God" line of argument. Look at how many other things originally assumed to be the province of religion/God have been proved to have a completely natural explanation once we got far enough to understand what it was - sunlight, the glowing of the moon, lightning, rain, etc.

"There's a big glowing ball in the sky, and I can't think of any reason for that, so it has to be God!"

"Bees and flowers coexist really nicely, and I can't think of any reason for that, so it has to be God!"

Besides which, I've read several articles and books on evolution specifically dealing with symbiotic relationships. They aren't as improbable as you'd think. Say, for instance, that flowers start off pollinating by the wind. Bees come along, and like to eat flowerparts. They happen to pick up the pollen along the way. Eventually (and I do mean *eventually* - evolution even on this small of a scale takes many, many years) the characteristics for pollenating by wind disappear, because they no longer make a difference. The flower is then dependant upon the bee.

There are similar explanations for the human eye, the system that causes blood to clot, and many other things that people often point to and say "that had to be God's will!"

Now, just to be clear, I'm not denying that there could be a God, and if nothing else you can always just say that God invented the processes of evolution, or induced the mutations that turned out to be beneficial, etc. I just don't see anything in this process that presupposes a God must exist, and I find that whole line of reasoning a bit...naive.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 12:00 PM

NWUKSTEVE


Quote:
Originally posted by Rat:
Quote:
Originally posted by embers:
...didn't anyone hear their teachers when they said 'humans & apes evolved from a common ancestor'...
I find it odd that your teacher would present a theory as being fact.
The "theory" of evolution is so widely accepted, and so clearly the best explanation of the natural world, that I don't find it odd at all that a teacher would say such a thing. To suggest that every statement on evolution should somehow be qualified is to misunderstand the usage of the word "theory" in science.

---
"Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder." - Homer Simpson

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 12:06 PM

STARRBABY


Whoa. This thread got waaaaaay too serious. I swear it started out funny . . . .I swear!

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 12:06 PM

NWUKSTEVE


Quote:
Originally posted by Thrawn:
I have a difficult time with the "I can't, off the top of my head, come up with an explanation for something, so it has to be God" line of argument.
Do I detect somebody who's been Richard Dawkins? Sounds like you're talking about what he calls an "argument from personal incredulity" (may not have gotten the quote exactly right but you get the idea).

And can I just say: Richard Dawkins rocks! I know it's not the sort of thing that is usually said of Scientists, but maybe it should be.

---
"Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder." - Homer Simpson

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 12:10 PM

NWUKSTEVE


Quote:
Originally posted by Starrbaby:
Whoa. This thread got waaaaaay too serious. I swear it started out funny
You're right, I'll try to make amends...

Why is there only one Monopolies Commision?

Why is dyslexia so hard to spell?

---
"Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder." - Homer Simpson

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 12:14 PM

SIMONWHO


You mock evolution, you will inevitably get people to explain why you're wrong. This brings out other people who will explain why they're wrong. Etc, etc, etc, and then three people are crying in the corner.

Mind you, I had several people at my school seriously argue that there couldn't have been a big bang because the planets would be shaped like fragments, not big round objects.

Anyone who wants to know answers to all the interesting questions posed about evolution, go read The Blind Watchmaker by Richard Dawkins. Or the Bible. Doesn't bother me.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 1:10 PM

RAT


Clearly there is no convincing you, and I,m not
changing my mind, so...


However, I would like to leave you with this thought...I have a difficult time with the "I don't want to admit that there's someone better then me! So I'll make something up off the top of my head." argument!

-Ratboy

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 2:00 PM

DIEGO


Quote:
Originally posted by CALLMEATH:
I know this post was just a joke, but since some of you seem to know so much about evolution theory, perhaps someone can answer a questionof mine. How did symbiotic relationships evolve? I mean really, how did the whole bees pollinating floweres thing come to pass?


Yes, it was a funny post. I didn't mean to cause the topic to shift, and I'll avoid taking the thread in the direction of evolution/special creation debate. But I will respond to CALLMEATH's question because it's a perfectly reasonable request.

Symbioses between different species? The pathway probably varies with each situation. I speak with little knowledge on this area of evolutionary biology, but I think our best evidence pertaining to insect pollination of flowers comes from looking at living species which seem to be similar to the earliest fossils (i.e. magnolids). It seems likely that there were several stages and host shifts early on. I'll look and see if I can find anything in the literature for you, and maybe we could talk off-list if you'd like.

I know much more about phylogenetics (the reconstruction of "family trees" of life), and it is through phylogenies that we have a lot more power to look at the evolution of symbioses. Often you you can look at a symbiont (whether a parasite, commensalist, or mutualist) as lving "on" the host/other symbiote. In this way, if they tend to be tightly tied together you can see if the branching patterns are congruent between the different family trees. Often there is a clean pattern of identical speciation in symbionts. Exceptions often lead to inferences of host-shifts and the evolution of new symbioses. It's really very cool. Leaf-cutter ants and their domesticated fungus are one of my favorite examples. But there are many, many more.

It also sounds like you'd really be interested in the research on yucca moths. This is where a very tight mutualism evolved. The yucca provides a home for the moth larvae, and the moths pollinate the yucca. But a few species of yucca moth have evolved "cheating" where they take resources from the yucca without giving anything in return.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 2:33 PM

EMBERS


Quote:
Originally posted by CALLMEATH:
how did the whole bees pollinating floweres thing come to pass?

well, one possibility is that plants which could not find a way to get pollen from the stamen to the pistill died out pretty quickly.

But those plants that attracted bees, and exploited their activity for effective pollentation, thrived.

Hense the symbiotic relationship.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 4:13 PM

FINN MAC CUMHAL


Quote:
Originally posted by Thrawn:
Now, just to be clear, I'm not denying that there could be a God, and if nothing else you can always just say that God invented the processes of evolution, or induced the mutations that turned out to be beneficial, etc. I just don't see anything in this process that presupposes a God must exist, and I find that whole line of reasoning a bit...naive.
Why do you find it naïve? Good science is impartial to the existence of god, not hostile to it.

-------------
Qui desiderat pacem praeparet bellum.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 4:21 PM

THRAWN


Quote:
Originally posted by Finn mac Cumhal:
Quote:
Originally posted by Thrawn:
Now, just to be clear, I'm not denying that there could be a God, and if nothing else you can always just say that God invented the processes of evolution, or induced the mutations that turned out to be beneficial, etc. I just don't see anything in this process that presupposes a God must exist, and I find that whole line of reasoning a bit...naive.
Why do you find it naïve? Good science is impartial to the existence of god, not hostile to it.

-------------
Qui desiderat pacem praeparet bellum.


You misunderstood me...we actually agree. My point was that good science is impartial to the existance of God; I said I find the argument by personal incredulity naive.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 5:01 PM

FINN MAC CUMHAL


Okay. Just curious.

-------------
Qui desiderat pacem praeparet bellum.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 6:36 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL


So I only have two friends? CallMeAth and MG. Don't we need at last one more to make this true?


I have it on good authority, the fridge faerie told me, that food does spontaneously appear in the fridge if I check it frequently.

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 8:50 PM

VETERAN

Don't squat with your spurs on.


Quote:
Rat wrote:
Wednesday, April 06, 2005 08:06
Quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by embers:
...didn't anyone hear their teachers when they said 'humans & apes evolved from a common ancestor'...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I find it odd that your teacher would present a theory as being fact.

-Ratboy


Well, gravity is just a theory, but it's presented as fact all the time and nobody thinks it odd.

Most paleontolgists will tell you that evolution is fact, Natural Selection is the theory.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 8:51 PM

RAT


Quote:
Originally posted by thatweirdgirl:
So I only have two friends? CallMeAth and MG. Don't we need at last one more to make this true?


Fine, I'll join the group...Kwin-gwe-je deh, now we need four more!

-Ratboy

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 8:53 PM

VETERAN

Don't squat with your spurs on.


Quote:
Originally posted by Static:
Here's an interesting point to ponder. . .


Did you know that 75.4% of all statistics are made up on the spot?

==================================================
http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com/

Evil, Lecherous Hump


Or as Mark Twain said, there's lies, damn lies, and then there's statistics.

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Friday, April 8, 2005 6:25 PM

CALLMEATH


I feel bad for CONNORFLYNN. He just wanted to amuse us.

I often wonder if people 1000 years from now will still be clinging to "modern science" the way people seem to feel the devout cling to religion. Not that I think science will die out, it's just that it's always changing. We always like to think that the current belief of "truth" is, in fact, just that. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Don't forget, it was mathematically proven that the sun revolved around the earth. Also, it was proven that a man could not possibly run a mile in less than 4 minutes. And how many different ages have you heard for the universe, all of which were based on solid, scientific facts?

Just don't be suprised when something you believed as God-writ () turns out to be bunk, and everyone is calling YOU naive.

That being said, I believe that the evolution theory is probably correct. I would , however, like to see a proven case of macroevolution before I join the club completely.

And I'm curious why so many who are into science seem to hate religion and look down on those who practice it. If science is impartial to God, as Finn Mac Cumhaul says, then it shouldn't bother them at all. If not, then can't you just shake your head and ignore it? I certainly don't hate science.


"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Friday, April 8, 2005 6:28 PM

CALLMEATH


Sorry for keeping the whole evolution/creation argument going, but he hurt my feelings. "Naive". Next thing you know he'll be telling me there's no Santa.

Also, feel free to reply; Thrawn or anyone else, but I'm letting it die. This will be sure to turn into a hopeless debate, much like the one's near election day. And frankly, I just don't care enough. I'm gonna go chill with TWG. Much easier on the brain.

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Friday, April 8, 2005 7:24 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL


Quote:
Originally posted by CALLMEATH:
Next thing you know he'll be telling me there's no Santa...I'm gonna go chill with TWG. Much easier on the brain.



WHAT?!?! There is a Santa Claus. There is an Easter Bunny... a tooth fairy ... faeries ... leprechauns ... brownies ... sprites ... merpeople ... dragons ... jackalope...They are all real!

They are real, I say!!!!

I'm gald to have you Ath. Sit down and we'll hang out....or you can join the gang at the Black Diamond Ski Resort, we just goof off and make up stories. You're welcome to join us.

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

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Saturday, April 9, 2005 5:34 PM

CALLMEATH


Weird Girl, I would love to join you at the ski lodge. Where's it at? Can I make snowmen? Mine tend to lean towards the Calvin & Hobbes variety. Two heads, grisly deaths and the like. Also, I'm glad you called me Ath. That was kinda the point of the name.

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Saturday, April 9, 2005 5:43 PM

RAT


Quote:
Originally posted by CALLMEATH:
Weird Girl, I would love to join you at the ski lodge. Where's it at?


I just "Bumped' it.

-Ratboy

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Saturday, April 9, 2005 5:54 PM

MONTANAGIRL


Quote:
Originally posted by CALLMEATH:
Can I make snowmen? Mine tend to lean towards the Calvin & Hobbes variety. Two heads, grisly deaths and the like.

Excellent, those are the best kind! Come on over. (Although we're currently in the hot tub, but I could be persuaded to go make snowmen. Maybe.)

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo

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Saturday, April 9, 2005 6:01 PM

KAYSKY


Quote:
Originally posted by Connorflynn:

And finally... The statistics on sanity are:
That one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you. .


Crap. It's me. Damn it, now I have to find some new best friends. One of which who isn't okay.

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Saturday, April 9, 2005 6:19 PM

LISTER


Jokes are no longer allowed on this message board, but thanks for trying.

Why are 7/11's open 24/7/365 but have big locks on the doors?

Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?


etc., etc. And just for future reference, DO NOT TRY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS!!!!!!!

Run to the Tower, and call out the Magus
If he has caused this, we'll tear out his pages
Throw him in shackles, AND REMOVE HIS HANDS!
- Red Horse Rainbow, CLUTCH

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Saturday, April 9, 2005 6:33 PM

MONTANAGIRL


And why is there braille on the drive up ATM?

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo

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Saturday, April 9, 2005 7:43 PM

RAT


Quote:
Originally posted by Lister:
Why are 7/11's open 24/7/365 but have big locks on the doors?


What you should ask, is why is it still called "7/11"!

Quote:
Originally posted by montanagirl:
And why is there braille on the drive up ATM?


I know, I'v always wondered about that!



And why is it, that if the world just happened, why then do the Sun and the Moon(Two vastly different celestial bodies(one orbits us, we orbit the other)) take up the same amount of sky?

-Ratboy

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Saturday, April 9, 2005 9:02 PM

SANMI77


Ok let me explain someting to you people GOD DOSE EXIST. Plain and simple. see people created the darwin theroy because they were cowerds they couldnt let go of not tusting and then they wanted proof well there is proof lets see they found the ark the dead sea scrolls they found the tobmsof the people if the bible they found the tobm of jesus excedera excedera any way god has a system sowe could take care of our selves it just a big dam ciycle forreproduction and nature. Secondly why do people cry at church(i know this dosent have anything to do with the subject)or at the passion of the christ when the people are athest the answer is your spirit is crying in commpassion for our lor and yes I said our lord.
so your answer is there is a god.

atleast thers something in the world

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Saturday, April 9, 2005 10:13 PM

RAT


Quote:
Originally posted by sanmi77:
Ok let me explain someting to you people GOD DOSE EXIST.


Ain't it great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Ratboy

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Saturday, April 9, 2005 10:16 PM

SANMI77


AMEN

sanmi

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Sunday, April 10, 2005 12:36 AM

NWUKSTEVE


Quote:
Originally posted by sanmi77:
people created the darwin theroy because they were cowerds they couldnt let go of not tusting and then they wanted proof
This is funny in so many ways, but also an indication that trying to have a rational debate with Creationists is pretty futile. So I give up.

Ob joke: Why do people say alarms go off when they go on?

---
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

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Sunday, April 10, 2005 10:44 AM

MONTANAGIRL


You don't get ON a plane, you get IN a plane.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo

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Sunday, April 10, 2005 1:41 PM

CYBERSNARK


Why is it that when you're driving along looking for an address, you have to turn down the car radio?

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

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Sunday, April 10, 2005 2:11 PM

CALLMEATH


Quote:
Originally posted by montanagirl:

Excellent, those are the best kind! Come on over. (Although we're currently in the hot tub, but I could be persuaded to go make snowmen. Maybe.)

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo


Naaah, the snow'll be there a while. Just let me go get my trunks.

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Sunday, April 10, 2005 9:22 PM

SANMI77


most people dont trust in god because they blame him for there problems well its no gods fault its either yours (youre the one who commited the sin not god) and If someone else did something to you and you wonder why he didnt do something about it well you have to remember he gave us free will and with that he cant just come when we need help you need to tell him you need his help and he will come running as for the for the people who need proof well just look at whats happening right now proficies are comeing true most people say the end time is comeing and like a beliver I truly belive them (for all you that dont know what the End Time is its when god comes and takes the true belivers up to hevan in a flash and the ant-christ rules for seven year were in that tyime horrible natrual disasters will happen like one great earthquake will distroy california and big floods and well our cities will become waseland they will be nothing but run down falling apart buildings there will be looting and the crime rate will will go up 100 percent and within that time some of us will come to belive in christ and have to bring a heack of a lot of people to christ or elese at the end of the time when the devel is kiked backed in to hell he will take the rest of the non belivers with him then this world will be eliminated he will create a new world a new hevan on earth and he will bring the belivers with him jesus will have a thousand year rain then he will distroy the devel for good) I know it sounds farfeched but the bible dosent lie. they have made a movie about the end time called the Left behin with kirk camren.

atleas Im something in the world

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Sunday, April 10, 2005 9:44 PM

RAT


Have you seen Time Changer??

-Ratboy

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Monday, April 11, 2005 1:44 AM

SANMI77


no why whats it about

atleast im something in the world

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Monday, April 11, 2005 5:07 AM

RAT

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