Funny..no really.. by Connorflynn

TALK STORY

Funny..no really..

POSTED BY: CONNORFLYNN
UPDATED: Tuesday, April 19, 2005 09:25
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VIEWED: 12451
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Monday, April 11, 2005 5:10 AM

SANMI77

i dont get it that has nothing to do with the end time

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Monday, April 11, 2005 5:45 AM

RAT

Just watch the end of the movie!

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Monday, April 11, 2005 5:46 AM

SANMI77

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Monday, April 11, 2005 4:37 PM

MALICIOUS

I LOVE Dave Barry. He is seriously funny. (Hey! That was an oxy,moron!) He may or may not have written these. They sound like him, but--it's the internet, you know?

FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness,"

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. (NOTE: This does not apply to Mal-icious. Her half-birthday is May 19th. End NOTE.)

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

FINAL Thought for the day:

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Now.....there, doesn't that just touch your heart?

Mal-licious

I think I will add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

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Monday, April 11, 2005 4:51 PM

LISSA

Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

brilliant:) just brilliant.

~lissa, spwhore

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Monday, April 11, 2005 4:53 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL

Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness,"

I'm not quite sure where I fall...oh wait, I'm the insane 1 out of 4.

Quote:

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

That is the RULE of my life!

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005 4:18 AM

CYBERSNARK

Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Speaking as a man, I prefer to quote song lyrics:

All princes start as frogs,
And all gentlemen as dogs.
Just wait 'til it's plain to see
What we're growing up to be.
Some frogs will still be frogs,
Some dogs will still be dogs,
But some boys can become men,
Just don't kiss us 'til then.
--Superchic(k), "Princes & Frogs"

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

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Monday, April 18, 2005 1:10 PM

EBONEZER

Why are there handicap parking spaces in front of bowling alleys, ice skating rings, and water parks?

And only in America will someone go to McDonnalds and order a BigMac, large fries, a slice of pie, a cookie, and a diet coke.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yeabig/

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Monday, April 18, 2005 3:15 PM

JADEHAND

Wow, My heart is touched. Those are pretty good. The stomping sounds like fun : )

For Cybersnark: more lyrics 'bout frogs!
From Marillion- Script for a Jester's Tear:

The fool escaped from paradise will look over his shoulder and cry
Sit and chew on daffodils and struggle to answer why?
As you grow up and leave the playground
Where you kissed your prince and found your frog
Remember the jester that showed you tears, the script for tears

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005 4:41 AM

CYBERSNARK

Ask and ye shall receive.

All princes start as frogs,
And all gentlemen as dogs.
Just wait 'til it's plain to see
What we're growing up to be.
'Cause some frogs will still be frogs,
And some dogs will still be dogs.
Some boys could become men,
Just don't kiss us 'til then.

You hate men is what you say,
And I understand how you feel that way.
All girls dream of a fairy tale,
But what you've got's like a used car salesman,
Trying to conceal what's wrong,
Behind a smile and a song.
And I'm not saying that boys are not like that.

But I think you should know
That some of us will grow,
Because:

All princes start as frogs,
And all gentlemen as dogs.
Just wait 'til it's plain to see
What we're growing up to be.
'Cause some frogs will still be frogs,
And some dogs will still be dogs.
But some boys will become men,
Just don't kiss us 'til then.

You found him is what you say,
And we all want you to feel that way.
The frog you've got seems cute enough to kiss,
And maybe frogs seem like that's all there is.
But just because you haven't found your prince yet
Doesn't mean you're still not a princess.
And what if if your prince comes riding in
While you're kissin' a frog --what's he gonna think then?
So look into his eyes,
Are you a princess or a fly?

All princes start as frogs,
And all gentlemen as dogs.
Just wait 'til its plain to see
What we're growing up to be.
'Cause some frogs will still be frogs,
And some dogs will still be dogs.
But some boys will become men,
Just don't kiss us 'til then. --"Princes & Frogs" Superchic(k)

(Lyrics transcribed while listening to an InuYasha AMV, 'cause the gibbering monkey who put it on LyricsSearchEngine.com can't type.)

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005 8:14 AM

JADEHAND

InuYasha? Where have I heard that before? Are they on the Digital Devil Saga Soundtrack?
anyway here's the complete lyric for Script for a Jester's Tear:

Script for a Jester's Tear
Lyrics: Dick
Music: Dick/Kelly/Pointer/Rothery/Trewavas
So here I am once more in the playground of the broken hearts
One more experience, one more entry in a diary, self-penned
Yet another emotional suicide overdosed on sentiment and pride
Too late to say I love you, too late to re-stage the play
Abandoning the relics in my playground of yesterday
I'm losing on the swings, I'm losing on the roundabouts
I'm losing on the swings, I'm losing on the roundabouts
Too much, too soon, too far to go, too late to play, the game is over
The game is over

So here I am once more in the playground of the broken heart
I'm losing on the swings, losing on the roundabouts, the game is over, over
Yet another emotional suicide overdosed on sentiment and pride
I'm losing on the swings, losing on the roundabouts, the game is over
Too late to say I love you, too late to re-stage the play
The game is over

I act the role in classic style of a martyr carved with twisted smile
To bleed the lyric for this song to write the rites to right my wrongs
An epitaph to a broken dream to exorcise this silent scream
A scream that's borne from sorrow

I never did write that love song, the words just never seemed to flow
Now sad in reflection did I gaze through perfection
And examine the shadows on the other side of the morning
And examine the shadows on the other side of mourning
Promised wedding now a wake

The fool escaped from paradise will look over his shoulder and cry
Sit and chew on daffodils and struggle to answer why?
As you grow up and leave the playground
Where you kissed your prince and found your frog
Remember the jester that showed you tears, the script for tears

So I'll hold our peace forever when you wear your bridal gown
In the silence of my shame the mute that sang the sirens' song
Has gone solo in the game, I've gone solo in the game
But the game is over
Can you still say you love me

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005 8:41 AM

CALLMEATH

Quote:
Originally posted by ebonezer:

And only in America will someone go to McDonnalds and order a BigMac, large fries, a slice of pie, a cookie, and a diet coke.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yeabig/

Hey, some of my friends actually prefer diet coke.

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005 8:46 AM

DIETCOKE

I would vouch for always ordering a diet coke, but not a big mac and fries! It just tastes better.

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005 9:07 AM

MANWITHPEZ

Important people don't do field work.

And, since this is the Funny...no really... thread allow me to add something completely out of left field.

From Calvin and Hobbes:

"Who was the first person to drink milk? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say 'I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze 'em.'"

Of course, I'm paraphrasing, but the original is not far off.

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005 9:23 AM

DIETCOKE

And on that note, who is the first person decided that garlic would really taste good if it was cooked first? Or how about making beer? We know that the Egyptians drank beer while building the pyramids.

Okay, still doesn't compare to the where milk comes from thing.....the more I think about it, the more I just don't want to think about it.

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005 9:25 AM

MANWITHPEZ

Important people don't do field work.

You should see that particular strip...Hobbes's reaction to what Calvin has just said is awesome!

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

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