Things You'll Never Hear on or about Serenity by Kozure

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Things You'll Never Hear on or about Serenity

POSTED BY: KOZURE
UPDATED: Thursday, March 16, 2006 10:41
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 10062
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Wednesday, July 21, 2004 9:12 AM

[Inspired by a thread I saw in another forum - things that you'd never hear the characters of Firefly or the various people involved in its production say...]

Joss Whedon: "Ah screw it. Let's just make a half-assed, predictable show that'll appeal to the network execs and have tonnes of marketable merchandise."

Mal: "Why sure, I'd love to sign on for the Alliance Navy. Can I turn in some of my former war buddies while I'm at it?"

Zoe: "I don't think I should go on that mission to save the Captain. I might break a nail or something."

Jayne: "Awwww... sure I'll trade Vera in for the Alliance gun amnesty... No, no... I couldn't take the cash reward - knowing that the 'Verse is safer is reward enough."

Kaylee: "Serenity? Piece of gos-se, if you ask me."

Wash: "Guys. Let's get serious here, please. Don't you think this shirt is too loud?"

River: "I'm sick about talking about the future in obscure, oblique references. Doesn't anyone want to take me back to the medlab for some needles or something?"

Simon: "Sure, River, let's get you back to that Academy place."

Lots of other characters to speak for... just because someone has already said something, doesn't mean you can't use that character again.

Kozure the Kamikaze Highlander

Proud Citizen of Canada-That-Was

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004 9:34 AM

SGTGUMP

Crow - "Here's my blade baby!"

"You just blew my mind." - Kramer

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004 9:35 AM

SGTGUMP

Crow - "Here's my blade baby!"

"You just blew my mind." - Kramer

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004 9:47 AM

BRITCHICK

Niska: "No problem, just give me the money back and we'll call it quits"

Like fireflyfans.net?
Help keep the site running.. Why not donate?
see links on homepage

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004 9:57 AM

EXAMPLE

"Women > Men" - Early

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004 10:04 AM

TIGER

Mal: "Ya know, I don't really need all this space. With the money from selling Serenity I could get a nice studio on Persephone. No maintenance, no Reavers... why the hassle of owning your own ship?"

---------------------------------------------
...The beauty of things was born before eyes and sufficient to itself; the heart-breaking beauty
Will remain when there is no heart to break for it.

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004 12:53 PM

MANWITHPEZ

Important people don't do field work.

Patience: "Sure, I'll pay for anything when I don't have to."

Book: "God who? You know, if Jesus had had better arch support than sandals provide, they wouldn't have caught him. And, the real reason the Alliance patched me up was..."

Inara: "Okay, I admit it...I'm a space whore!"

Wash: "Zoe, I don't like you anymore. So leave! I can find any number of women just as hot and available as you."

Simon: "Kaylee! I love you and I want to jump your mechanic BONES!"

Kaylee: "Book! I'm pregnant and you're the father!"

Zoe: "Does this gun make my ass look too big?"

Jayne: "In fact, I won't be in my bunk. I'll be in the corner reading War and Peace. That, and the Bible. Right after I sell the rest of these Girl Scout Cookies and give the money to charity."

Mal: "Mind if I say Grace? As soon as were done with dinner, I want everyone to stop listening to everything I'm saying, and argue with me at every turn. I like it. Inara, I love you, but I wish I could make it work out with Saffron. Maybe I can find her after we make this drop off for the Alliance..."

And other, more inane things.

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

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Thursday, July 22, 2004 4:52 AM

KOZURE

Badger: "This poor woman needs dental care. Give her 1000 credits to get her back on her feet and see that she gets to a homeless shelter."

Harken: "Oh, sure, Captain Reynolds. You can keep that salvage. Thanks for the help with the crazy Reaver guy. In fact, let me clear that Cortex flag for you."

Torturer: "Mr. Niska, I can't do that. That would be in violation of every moral principle I hold."

Gabriel Tam: "Son, you do what you want in life. The journey is what's important... and mind your sister, you hear?"

Patron: "Wow. Maybe we shouldn't be kidnapping people and marrying our sisters out here in the bush. Funny, there's a nice little town just over the hills yonder. Let's go join civilized society."

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Thursday, July 22, 2004 5:15 AM

KATI

Blue Hand # 1: I love you.

Blue Hand # 2: I love you too, leave this crazy thing alone - just let us both have fun together, my blue-handed lover!

Time for some thrilling heroics.

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Thursday, July 22, 2004 5:30 AM

CAPTAINHARBATKIN

Jayne: Got anything non-lethal? A stungun, or maybe some pepper spray? I wouldn't want to really HURT anyone.

Kaylee: Sure, Jayne, I been lusting after Vera since you let me hold her. I'll throw in a Taser and you give me 2000 rounds of ammo and some shooting lessons. NOTHING is as thrilling as shooting at live targets...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Inara: I've decided to become a nun... But before I do, Jayne, I'll be in your bunk...

Jayne: Inara, I'm PROUD of the honor you do me, but, well, I wouldn't feel right about it. I promised I'd be a virgin when I got married. It'd KILL Mom if I broke my sacred word of honor... Just THINKING about it makes me feel so USED...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

River: Blue Sun is hiring! I have a an interview Monday for a secretarial job.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their
clothing - and if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Thursday, July 22, 2004 5:56 AM

RAWDEAL

Quote:
Originally posted by manwithpez:

Kaylee: "Book! I'm pregnant and you're the father!"

Cant stop laughing, must breathe.....

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 6:07 PM

PIRATENEWS

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

Wash: That sounds like something out of science fiction.
Zoe: My other husband was in The Matrix, Dear.

FIREFLY SERENITY PILOT MUSIC VIDEO (VERSION 2)
Tangerine Dream - Thief Soundtrack: Confrontation
http://radio.indymedia.org/news/2006/03/8912.php

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 6:20 PM

MATTCOZ

Reaver: Oh don't worry, I'm a vegetarian.

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 6:35 PM

BROWNCOATSANDINISTA

The Operative "When Injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty! Revolution!"

Kaylee "Sex is the Devil!"

Deadly and Unpredictable Pyromaniac Migit "Where's my Fire Extinguisher? Has anyone seen my confounded Fire Extinguisher?"

If anyone gets nosy...Shoot em.
Shoot em sir?
Politely.

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 6:42 PM

MATTCOZ

Simon: want a strawberry?
Kaylee: no

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 6:44 PM

JUSTSHINY

Reaver: I can't eat anything with a face.

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 7:21 PM

MATTCOZ

Select to view spoiler:

Wash or Book:

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 8:00 PM

CHRISPV

Reaver 1: I do so enjoy Mozart, don't you Reginald?

Reaver 2: Yes indeed. What say we have a spot of tea before we massacre that helpless township?

Reaver 1: Smashing!

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal, Fox!

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 8:07 PM

MATTCOZ

Select to view spoiler:

Book(as blue ghost): Use the force, Mal.

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 10:26 PM

THESOAPBOXER

Joss: You know what? The fans seem to really like this character. I think I'll let him live.

_____________________________________________
Could you please just make it stranger? Just stranger. Odder. Could be weirder. More bizarre. How about uncanny?
~Joss Whedon

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 10:46 PM

SINGATE

Simon: River just dropped the biggest log I've ever seen and plugged up the toilet.

_________________________________________________

We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006 12:11 AM

TOWELIE

Blue Hand #1: We finally caught up to you
Miss Tam...

River: Help me... the voices...

Blue Hand #2: Here's your bag. You left it at
the academy. Have a nice time.

Men of Honour - No...No it's not...

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006 1:58 AM

DESKTOPHIPPIE

Quote:

Reaver: Oh don't worry, I'm a vegetarian.

Does that mean the rest of them are humanitarians?

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006 2:26 AM

AUSSAY

Mal: (unsarcastically) Well, that job went smoothly

River: I am a psychic super weapon developed by the Alliance and, as a result of their experimentation, I am mentally unstable and dellusional. In essence I am a great danger to you all. I am telling you this directly and not through small hints in my babbling or through constant confrontations with various nasty men who are after me.

Wash: I'll be back for series two!

Simon: Oh my God! They killed River!!
Kaylee: You bastards!!

"Shake your head boy, your eyes are stuck"

www.fireflyfans.net
http://www.browncoatsriseagain.com/

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006 11:24 AM

ZZETTA13

Simon:" River, I've about had it.Wish I'd had a gorram brother."

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006 11:30 AM

TOWELIE

Simon: Time for the red specs again...
God I looked hot.

Men of Honour - No...No it's not...

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006 11:54 AM

Summer: I have finally come to take you away from this crap-hill Verse 13!
13: BAM!!

I think a little chaos is in order.

BAM!!

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006 12:19 PM

FITZ

Inara: (boarding her shuttle) who, who's there?

(muffled voice, clumsiness)

Jayne: gorram it

Inara: what are u doin in my underwear draw?

Jayne: I jus wanted to try on the pretties...

Men of Honour - coming soon to a Blue Sun Room near you...

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006 12:54 PM

LUPINADDAMS

Firefly Season 2 Planning Conference

Joss - Well, I just have to get Sarah Michelle Geller in Firefly somehow...

Tim Minear - Yeah! And I could get Kaye from Wonderfalls in too. Jaye and Jayne! Think of the hilarious possibilities!

Joss - Of course I'd have to give them both bumpy latex foreheads.

Tim - Yep. Time the evil aliens-in-disguise plot came out of hiding.

Joss - And a space plague kills all the horses.

"You are what you do."
Andrew Vacchs

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006 1:23 PM

MATTCOZ

Quote:
Originally posted by LupinAddams:
Tim Minear - Yeah! And I could get Kaye from Wonderfalls in too.

She would of course be Kaylee's competition for Simon.

Kaylee: But it's my snake and I want it back!

Quote:
Originally posted by LupinAddams:
Joss - And a space plague kills all the horses.

Ooh, a splague!

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006 2:48 PM

GIXXER

Well, well, Jayne Cobb, as I live and breathe. I haven't seen you in an age. Remember how we used to play together as children? My father was Steward of your father's estate. Shame the priesthood didn't work out, still the money came in useful. Had me some fun with that. I guess I owe you an apology for that business with your sister. Still, no hard feelings, eh?

I heard you eventually hooked up with Liz, but after she passed away you took to soldier of fortunin'. Wish I'd done the same. That Lydia is a bloody nightmare.

(Normal service temporarily restored...)

*Clickwhizz* Blammmmm!

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Thursday, March 16, 2006 6:08 AM

OTMA

Group of Reavers - "Amadeus, AmaDEus . . . Amadeus! Amadeus, AmaDEus . . . Amadeus! Amadeus, AmaDEus . . .oh oh Amadeus!"

Jayne - "Cobb. Jayne Cobb."

River - "I'd like to thank the Academy . . ."

Joss - "I'd like to thank the Academy . . ."

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Thursday, March 16, 2006 6:25 AM

DEEPGIRL187

Quote:
Originally posted by thesoapboxer:
Joss: You know what? The fans seem to really like this character. I think I'll let him live.

_____________________________________________
Could you please just make it stranger? Just stranger. Odder. Could be weirder. More bizarre. How about uncanny?
~Joss Whedon

THANK YOU!!! All bodily functions ceased after they killed Wash.

Mal: You know, whore is such an awful, ugly word. Inara, I apologize profusely for ever saying it.

Petaline: Oh, I could never take care of the baby in my state. Here, bring him up to be arrogant and chauvinistic, and while you're at it, take over the whorehouse too.

At last.
We can retire and give up
this life of crime.

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Thursday, March 16, 2006 7:15 AM

CEDRIC

Quote:
Originally posted by otma:

River - "I'd like to thank the Academy . . ."

Joss - "I'd like to thank the Academy . . ."

Those are the funniest lines in this thread. Mine suck in comparison:

MAL: Make it so, Number One.

KAYLEE: She canna take much more o' this, Captain.

INARA: Well, the real reason I left Sihnon is that I'm pregnant with the Operative's baby . . .

"Some things stay with you, 'til the day you die."
On the Drift: Music Inspired by Firefly and Serenity, now on sale at
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/bedlambards/from/celtic

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Thursday, March 16, 2006 7:26 AM

RAE

Jayne: Grenades? We don't need no stinkin' grenades..

Rae

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Thursday, March 16, 2006 10:23 AM

CHARLENE

Quote:
Originally posted by Towelie:
Blue Hand #1: We finally caught up to you
Miss Tam...

River: Help me... the voices...

Blue Hand #2: Here's your bag. You left it at
the academy. Have a nice time.

HAHA, HI-larious!

"I'd like to thank the academie!" also funny as hell!

the Wash one: "I'll be back for series two" also had me rolling on the floor (I like sarcasm)

OK, now I'll give it a try

Joss Whedon (deadly serious): Thank you for cancelling my shows, it was about time that bullshit came to an end!

Joss Whedon (RE: deadly serious): President Bush is about the most intelligent person in the world, I wish I could be like him. He is my HERO!

Jayne to Mal: I am gay, take me sir, take me hard!

Kaylee to Jayne: Jayne, I thought I made it clear that I wanted you to paint over those awful flowers you draw at my door!

Jayne to Kaylee: I love you!

Wash to Zoe: I'd like to have a threesome with you and Mal...

--------------------------------------------------

I am 94% Like River Tam

The Fugitive. You are clever and dangerous, which is a nasty combination.
The fact you are crazy too just adds to your charm.
They did bad things to you, but you know their secrets.
They will regret how they made you.

--------------------------------------------------

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Thursday, March 16, 2006 10:41 AM

PINBALLWIZARD

Joss: Hmm, okay, at the end of the third movie I'll reveal that the Alliance is actually a puppet government run by aliens...

Mal: I know how we'll beat the aliens! We'll hook up the warp drive to the teleporter and create a plot device!

Book: Hey, I'm back! There were life-giving worms in the dirt you buried me in!

Wash: Me too! Sorry about the death thing, baby. Wana have kids?

Zoe: Sorry, I'm a lesbian now. And my partner's a witch.

Mr. Universe: I, however, am still dead somehow. Probably because nobody likes me.

No, I am not insane, I am crazy. Thank you for asking.

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