River vs. Yoda (And Others) by 13

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I sadly don't know who all of those are. Or don't know enough about them, But here's my breakdown:
River would be pretty ruttin' scary with a lightsaber in her hand; she has close to the abilities of a Jedi. But Yoda is a Master and can flood his body with Force so he isn't worn down. I don't know. Almost any other matchup, I'd say River hands down, but this one I'm not sure of.
Chewie would kill any member of the crew. I'm sorry. I have to give Wookies credit for their stength and their brains.
I think Wash could fly a lot better than a giant pterodactyl...
Capt Jack would kick Wing's pigu, no problem. Heck, Elizabeth would kick Wing's pigu!
Serenity and the bitty cannon might get the jump on Voldemort, but I don't know about that. I think River would have a better chance than the whole ship; harder to hit with some spell.

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 7:24 AM

Sorry, but Yoda would win. It'd be tough, but he's small and amazingly quick, and he has the Force. Of course, that depends on whether they both have lightsabers or not. I don't know... I still think Yoda would win.

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 8:06 AM

CYBERSNARK

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Capt Jack would kick Wing's pigu, no problem. Heck, Elizabeth would kick Wing's pigu!

The Commodore could. . . Well, too close to call.

(It's lke the antithesis of AvP. Whoever loses, we win.)

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 8:23 AM

GED

Yoda would win.

__________________________________________________
This above all, — to thine ownself be true.
http://www.myspace.com/artv

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 8:30 AM

MSG

ok the laugh I just got from envisioning Jayne and Chewie fighting was fantastic!!!! I can just see it now...fur flying, crewie yowling, Jayne shrieking!!!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 8:44 AM

Jayne and Chewie are a lot alike. If they were figthing, the fur definitely would fly. Probably from both the Wookie and the Man Ape Gone Wrong Thing.

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 10:03 AM

ADAMWANKENOBI

I think it would be a draw between River and Yoda. River basically has the Force since she could tell which move Yoda would do next. And Yoda could do the same.

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 11:32 AM

But Yoda can move things with the Force, like in Ep. 3 when he and the Emperor practically threw the entire senate building at each other. Can River do that?

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 11:38 AM

DESKTOPHIPPIE

I really can't believe I'm responding to this topic but ...

Mal vs the Cylons. He's been burned by his experiences with YoSafBridge, so I can't see him getting seduced by Six.

*slinks away in geeky shame*

Desktop Hippie

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 12:19 PM

SHINYYUKARI

Godzilla could buurn The Alliance!

As for Book vs. Giles...hm...tough call. Book is effective with shooting kneecaps but has he ever beaten a vampire near senseless with a flaming baseball bat?!

"Well next time you be the bait!"~Andy Hurley
"Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere."~Wash
Browncoats are the coolest fans I've ever seen.

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 12:55 PM

BIGWOLF18

Quote:

river vs. yoda

river would kick yodas ass.

Quote:

Jayne vs. Chewie

chewie would tear jayne apart.

Quote:

Zoe vs. the Potentials

sorry don't know who the potencials are but zoe can kick most things up the pigu.

Quote:

Mal vs. the Cylons

mal wouldent stand a chance agaisnt the new cylons, but the old toaster men, well it could go either way.

Quote:

Wash vs. a giant pterodactyl

oh well, wash could outfly that thing anyday, he is a leaf on the wind you know!

Quote:

Kaylee vs. High School Willow

kaylee would win, willow just runs from vampires whereas kaylee has all that expeiriance with heavy wrenches.

Quote:

Simon vs. the Daleks

simon can't hold his own in a converation with kaylee, wats he gonna do against daleks, wave his diploma at them?

Quote:

The Alliance vs. Godzilla

godzilla, hands down, wats a sonic rifel gonna do against a 300ft nuke-lizard.

Quote:

The Independents vs. Dr. Robotnik

who's doc.robotnic? anyway the browncoats would win, the loss at serenity was just about numbers.

Quote:

The Operative vs. Cloud Strife

again, dont know who cloud strif is, but the oprative is pretty bad-ass.

Quote:

Book vs. Giles

book would kick him in the ass. no question.

Quote:

Serenity w/'the bitty cannon' vs. Voldemort

serenity with the bitty cannon would lose because anyone who read the newest harry potter book would know that voldemort has 4 horcruxes left and can't be killed unless you destroy them all, thats why he did not die on the night that he used advara kedavra on harry when it rebounded off of the magic instilled by the love of harrys dieing mother. DUH!!!

wolf hangs his head in nerdy shame.

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98% OF TEENS HAVE SMOKED POT, IF YOU ARE ONE ON THE 2% THAT HASENT, COPY THIS INTO YOUR SIGNATURE.

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 12:56 PM

yeah, yoda would win, also I saw somewhere that someone edited the fight scene River v.s. reavers so that she had lightsabers, let me see if I can find it

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 12:59 PM

here it is:

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 1:20 PM

Okaaay...Wash has beaten the pterodactyl, and now has to face the Hydra!

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

'Shiny moments aren't a destination any of us get to, and stay put forever. They're unknowable, brief flashes in time. That's what makes them shiny.' -GorramReevers

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 1:25 PM

good for him

anyone watched that video yet?

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 1:27 PM

I did. Jedi River makes me smile.

Now, for the toughest fight of all:

Jubal Early vs. CIVIL WAR Jubal Early
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'It's Braedan. With an A.'

'Shiny moments aren't a destination any of us get to, and stay put forever. They're unknowable, brief flashes in time. That's what makes them shiny.' -GorramReevers

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 1:40 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by 13:
I did. Jedi River makes me smile.

Now, for the toughest fight of all:

Jubal Early vs. CIVIL WAR Jubal Early
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'It's Braedan. With an A.'

'Shiny moments aren't a destination any of us get to, and stay put forever. They're unknowable, brief flashes in time. That's what makes them shiny.' -GorramReevers

you mean Nathan Fillion's ancestor?

also, spell-check doesn't recognise fillion as a word

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Saturday, July 1, 2006 1:46 PM

Yes. Damn fine soldier, from what I've read.

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

'Shiny moments aren't a destination any of us get to, and stay put forever. They're unknowable, brief flashes in time. That's what makes them shiny.' -GorramReevers

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 4:22 AM

BIGWOLF18

wash vs. the hydra, hmm, hard but i think wash might win against the non-flying hydra, he could pull a crazy ivan right on his head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
98% OF TEENS HAVE SMOKED POT, IF YOU ARE ONE ON THE 2% THAT HASENT, COPY THIS INTO YOUR SIGNATURE.

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 4:44 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

That lightsaber thing was pretty bad-ass, but it made my eyes hurt a little. It's such a darkly-lit scene, the lights flying around are just... dizzy making. Plus it looks a little jerky, but I tend to have that problem with youtube.

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 6:29 AM

BIGWOLF18

wait till it loads then it stops being jerky

couldnt really see the vid, too dark, but thank anyway.

anyone thought about

mal vs. capt' kirk

or

zoe vs. xena?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
98% OF TEENS HAVE SMOKED POT, IF YOU ARE ONE ON THE 2% THAT HASENT, COPY THIS INTO YOUR SIGNATURE.

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 6:51 AM

DIRTWEED

Quote:
Originally posted by bigwolf18:

anyone thought about

mal vs. capt' kirk

or

zoe vs. xena?

I'd have to go with Mal and Xena winning those.

Zoe is tough, but no Xena....thank goodness.

Dirtweed

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 7:07 AM

I'm afraid I can't think of anything

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 7:30 AM

ERIC

What about Jayne vs. Chewie in a chess match...

...something about that's just downright unsettlin'

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 7:44 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Quote:
Originally posted by bigwolf18:
wait till it loads then it stops being jerky

No, it really doesn't. It did load and it still looked... strange.

I like Xena and everything, but while she was flipping around and doin her battle cry Zoe would just shoot her. If it actually got to hand to hand, though, Xena might win, but Zoe would make her work damn hard for it.

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 7:48 AM

How about Kaylee vs. Han Solo AND Chewie in repairing a ship? Toughie. Han and Chewie kept that piece of junk Millenium Falcon flying, so they obviously know what's going on in that department.

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 8:00 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I'm actually conceptualizing a cross-over story that involves Kaylee being the only one with enough intuition and skill to fix up the Falcon, so I guess you know where I stand on that.

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 8:04 AM

That sounds cool. I love Star Wars... and Firefly. That's right up my alley.

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

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Sunday, July 2, 2006 8:08 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Yes, I was very very into Star Wars before Phantom Menace came out and ruined it for me. I think it's about the only crossover I could really write convincingly. 'Course it won't be canon since Han made the Kessel Run fine in his smuggling days and didn't end up on Persephone, but hey, are crossovers ever canon?
Anyway, we'll see how I do. Right now it's still just a plot bunny hopping 'round the brainpan.
I might need to re-read the Han Solo Trilogy to get everything right. It's been a few years.

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Monday, July 3, 2006 3:19 AM

CAUSAL

Jayne vs. Chewie
At range, Jayne (sniper rifle). Close up, Chewie (tear a man's arm off).
Zoe vs. the Potentials
Who?
Mal vs. the Cylons
Turn around and go for full burn!
Wash vs. a giant pterodactyl
In Serenity, Wash (give it some engine blast). Not in Serenity, Pterodactyl (beak and claws, people).
Kaylee vs. High School Willow
Kaylee, with a wrench.
Simon vs. the Daleks
To-wubba-who?
The Alliance vs. Godzilla
The Alliance. Geez.
The Independents vs. Dr. Robotnik
Dr. Roboto? What?
The Operative vs. Cloud Strife
Could you go for a moreobscure villain?
Book vs. Giles
Puh. Lease. Book. Any old way.
Serenity w/'the bitty cannon' vs. Voldemort
Isn't he...oh, forget it, I have no clue who that is. But Serenity, just 'cause.

________________________________________________________________________
I wish I had a magical wish-granting plank.

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Monday, July 3, 2006 4:29 AM

MSG

LOL - causal I love you, but have you been living in a cave???
Voldemort= villain of Harry Potter
Potentials =all the potential slayers that were activated in the last Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Daleks= evil trashcan looking robots on Dr. Who

I love your answers though... and just for my 2 cents..Voldemort would kill Serenity with a vague hand gesture, so let's not go there!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Monday, July 3, 2006 5:58 AM

CAUSAL

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
LOL - causal I love you, but have you been living in a cave???
Voldemort= villain of Harry Potter
Potentials =all the potential slayers that were activated in the last Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Daleks= evil trashcan looking robots on Dr. Who

I love your answers though... and just for my 2 cents..Voldemort would kill Serenity with a vague hand gesture, so let's not go there!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

Actually, I have been living in a cave: the cave of simultaneous undergrad and graduate education. There's one excuse.

Another: I am really not a big fan of Buffy--I checked out at the end of season one, so never got to the final episode.

Another: the fantasy/magic-y genre peaked with Tolkien, IMHO, so I haven't really read much else. Plus, I'm a stubborn ass: the more people tell me I just have to read the Potter books, the more I hate that spectacles-wearing pipsqueak.

Another: I'm extremely discriminating with Sci-fi, and Dr. Who just wasn't my bag.

But hey, I'm glad that you love me (hugs and kisses back at ya), and that I brought you some amusement. Spoon!

________________________________________________________________________
I wish I had a magical wish-granting plank.

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Monday, July 3, 2006 6:03 AM

MSG

Ok so you'll read the Tick, but you won't read Harry Potter ( which by the way is no more sci fi than Tolkien) LOL don't read the first book try the second and just forget all you have heard and read it as an enjoying moment and see...you don't have to it's just so wonderful!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Monday, July 3, 2006 2:18 PM

Nobody has any clue who Cloud Strife is? Nobody knows of the maniacal Dr. Robotnik?

I feel like a such a geek.

Alright, next installment of obscure fights:

Mal vs. Roland Deschain
Jayne vs. Chaingang Bunkowski and Cujo
River vs. The Tommyknockers
Wash vs. the Spider Gremlin
Book vs. Kurt Barlow
The Operative vs. Link

and, the main event...

Zoe vs. Henri 'Papillon' Charriere

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

'Shiny moments aren't a destination any of us get to, and stay put forever. They're unknowable, brief flashes in time. That's what makes them shiny.' -GorramReevers

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Monday, July 3, 2006 2:25 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by 13:
Nobody knows of the maniacal Dr. Robotnik?

I know who he is

Quote:

I feel like a such a geek.

I'm a nerd, I win

Quote:

The Operative vs. Link

Link any day

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Monday, July 3, 2006 2:26 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by jedinerd7:
That sounds cool. I love Star Wars... and Firefly. That's right up my alley.

me too

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Monday, July 3, 2006 2:28 PM

I need a Dark Tower fan to settle Roland vs. Mal.

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

'Shiny moments aren't a destination any of us get to, and stay put forever. They're unknowable, brief flashes in time. That's what makes them shiny.' -GorramReevers

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Monday, July 3, 2006 3:23 PM

CYBERSNARK

The sudden yet inevitable Andromeda crossover:

Mal versus Dylan.
Sadly, Dylan would win, since Dylan always wins.

(Plus, as Jayne said, beating up Mal ain't that hard.

)
(Realistiically, Dylan would still win, thanks to his genetically engineered strength [his mother was a Heavy-G Worlder].)

Wash (in Serenity) versus Beka (in the Eureka Maru).
It'd be close (thanks to Beka's genengineered faster-than-human reflexes), but Wash would likely win. The Maru's faster, with better tech, but Serenity can do the full-throttle Crazy Ivan.

Wash versus Harper.
In a "funny little guy" competition. They'd probably get along great. Whoever loses, we all win.

River versus (Purple) Trance.
No fight. Only two possibilities: Either Trance would spend the crossover worrying about whether or not River's gonna reveal her Secret, or they'd both get along great, with River instantly understanding both sides of Trance's personality (the SPOILER, and the fun-loving little girl). If it did turn into a fight, it'd likely be a draw; Trance can see the future: every possibility laid over each other. Different mechanism, but basically the same edge River has. Plus Trance (in my alternaverse) still has her prehensile tail.

River versus Andromeda.
Again, no fight, but I know River would be fascinated by the tripartite AI --a single mind, but three (possibly overlapping) consciousnesses. They could trade notes on being ships.

River versus Rommie.
Hand to hand. . . too close to call. Rommie's android speed and agility would be enough to level the playing field.

Shepherd Book versus Rev Bem.
If they ever fought, I doubt Book's fighting skills have prepared him to fight a super-strong, acid-spitting, razor-clawed alien. More likely they'd just sit around the table having fascinating discussions on faith and the nature of redemption.

Jayne versus Tyr.
Tyr. No contest. Tyr is stronger, smarter, and more brutal.

Jayne versus Dylan (battle of wits).
Draw. They're both dumb as rocks.

Kaylee versus Harper.
Not a fight, but a race to see who could tear apart and reassemble a broken engine. Kaylee's intuitionis impressive, but Harper's a four-digit IQ supergenius. OTOH, he'd spend most of the time hitting on Kaylee instead of actually working. . .

Zoe versus Rommie.
Rommie. Even if her ship-body isn't involved, the android still has faster-than-human reflexes, flawless marksmanship skills, and super strength and agility.

Inara and Simon don't really have analogues, though Tyr would instantly identify Inara as the true head of Serenity. As much as Mal struts around and gives orders, she holds the true power; the Alpha female of her Pride. He'd be his typical charming self, all poetic and gallant. which would inevitably lead to:

Mal versus Tyr.
Tough call. Tyr's a much better fighter, but we've seen how much punishment Mal can take.

He'd likely also get along with Simon --it seems unexpected, but if there's one thing Tyr does sympathize with, it's the drive to protect one's family. Of course, he'd yell at Simon over his failures with Kaylee, since the other thing any Nietzschean understands is the imperative to reproduce (failure to do so is tantamount to suicide by stupidity).

All of this, of course, is just stage-dressing for the real fight:

Reavers versus Magog.

Advantage Magog. There are more of them, with higher technology, and they can turn the Reavers into breeding stock.

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

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Monday, July 3, 2006 3:27 PM

Ah...Andromeda...? Never a fan.

Alright, last fight I'll put down.

Captain Jack Sparrow vs. Mal.

TO THE DEATH!!!!

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

'Shiny moments aren't a destination any of us get to, and stay put forever. They're unknowable, brief flashes in time. That's what makes them shiny.' -GorramReevers

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Monday, July 3, 2006 3:28 PM

I have one now

River vs. Maximum Ride

(the main character in the book series of the same name)

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Monday, July 3, 2006 4:50 PM

Hmm... Capt. Sparrow vs. Mal... hmm

I'd have to say Mal, but it'd be close. The way I figure it, Mal beat the Operative, who had a sword, just like Jack. Also, I read somewhere that the creators of PotC said Jack was probably the worst swordfighter out of all of them... Capt.'s Norrington, Barbossa and Will Turner. So.

Let's go with old guys now:
Old Obi-Wan (with OR without lightsaber... you decide) vs. Shepherd Book

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

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Monday, July 3, 2006 5:00 PM

anyone here read Maximum Ride?

it has a girl in it who can read minds

and Obi-Wan would win, because he could Force shove book out the airlock

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Monday, July 3, 2006 5:02 PM

Maximum Ride... is that about the people that have wings? If so, I've heard of it. I almost read it... but that doesn't really count. But if it is about people with wings, well... River doesn't have wings, does she? And wings are cool.

Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

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Monday, July 3, 2006 5:05 PM

it's really good, you should read it, and I personaly think that the kids in it are real

and yes, it's about ppl with wings

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Monday, July 3, 2006 5:32 PM

DUG

River vs Yoda?

According to Lucas, River wins. Hands down.

After all, she's got the higher ground on him. And according to Lucas that beats the force any day. That seemed to be the message of episode III, and it means that abso-freaking-lutely anyone can beat Yoda as long as they have a step ladder.

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Monday, July 3, 2006 5:43 PM

ACK! sebulba!

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Monday, July 3, 2006 6:03 PM