the worst movie you've ever seen by RionaEire

Beir bua agus beannacht

I've always wanted to see Sheena, I should see if we can get it on Netflix.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Monday, January 16, 2012 2:09 PM

the movie is not the Series. Only the facts have been changed, to irritate the innocent; the names of the actors and characters remain the same

I've given up on lots of movies (usually @my, or someone else's, home), but I can't rank those (eg can't say Harry Potter II was worse than I, as I gave up half-way through, once I realized that, notwithstanding better reviews, I still couldn't care less about any of the characters). Rarely do I give up on a movie au cinema (after all, I paid for it, & it's distracting to other patrons, who also paid for it); I sat through all of Phantom Menace, which has to challenge for the title of second worst movie I've ever seen

The worst, by a clear margin, is My Dinner with Andre . I actually walked out a few minutes before the end credits rolled (after sitting through an hour & 3/4 in which nobody had said anything memorable, or done anything @all), but don't feel I missed a thing, as I was able to tell my girlfriend (who stayed) how it ended:

Select to view spoiler:

with a pull-back camera move showing the restaurant had closed while they were talking

(concealed out of an overabundance of concern that some wanker might complain I spoiled for them the worst movie I'd ever seen [which came out almost a third of a century ago {but they still hadn't managed to get to ('though they were looking forward to it)}]. Well Guess What: SPOILING it, to the point where you'd avoid it, would be DOING YOU A FAVOUR! [Not to mention that the so predictable ending is entirely beside the point of the movie {I guess}])

Keep the Shiny Side Up,

YT

YTonTw1tt3r

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Monday, January 16, 2012 2:21 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Penguin:
Battlefield Earth

I think I'd have to go with this.
American Hot Wax was almost as bad.

The laughing Chrisisall

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Monday, January 16, 2012 2:59 PM

DREAMTROVE

"Gee your hair smells terrific." I was very fond of Sheena.

Troll 2? Really? Okay, I can see that. Like Frogtown.

I enjoyed Battlefield earth as well, in the same sort of line.

I thought we were going for so bad its bad here.

Oh, I also kinda like Howard the Duck. In fact, this is the direction I like movies. Movies I can't stand tend to be mainstream hollywood movies. I guess my main question is does anything happen that is interesting, or potentially interest, or is anything set up that might happen that is potentially interesting, the idea content of the film. Ofter hollywood creates films that are an idea void. Usually those films star people as cops and lawyers and/or follow a path watching the degeneration of the life of some pathetic shmuck in a secular city-based reality.

Ooh! This reminds me: About Schmidt! And also Sideways! Those were two of the worst movies I have ever encountered. That said, I think About Schmidt is worse, maybe.

That's what a ship is, you know - it's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs.

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Monday, January 16, 2012 3:04 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

How you can like Howard the Duck is beyond me. But I actually liked About Schmidt, so you're probably thinking the same thing about my taste that I said about yours in regard to Howard. I didn't see Sideways.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Monday, January 16, 2012 3:05 PM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Napoleon Dynamite. What felt like an eternity of nothing happening, while everyone maintained the exact same facial expression and delivered the lifeless dialogue in monotone, making it dull on multiple levels. I badly wanted to walk out, and I wish I had.
My soul cried a little every time I saw a

ing 'vote for pedro' shirt. There's no way that scrap of dull nothing deserved to launch memes.

What reason had proved best ceased to look absurd to the eye, which shows how idle it is to think anything ridiculous except what is wrong.

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Monday, January 16, 2012 3:09 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

Yeah Napoleon Dynamite was awful, I can't for the life of me figure out why it was so popular, its sucked, nothing happened. The only mildly humorous aspect of it was that it reminded me of someone I know so that was worth a smile, but other than that it totally sucked brick and now there's a show about it, go figure.

ETA: I love Highlander 1 3 and 4, there can be only one! But Highlander 2 and Highlander the Source were awful, especially The Source, it had no redeeming qualities aside from that it had Duncan in it.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Monday, January 16, 2012 3:28 PM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Quote:
Originally posted by RionaEire:
The only mildly humorous aspect of it was that it reminded me of someone I know so that was worth a smile

See, and I've heard at least half a dozen people say that they really "related" to the movie because it reminded them, not just of someone, but of themselves. I find that totally unbelievable, because no single one of those people was nearly that irritating, awkward, or head-desk worthy. If that movie was nearly as "relatable" as has been claimed, the pain to my central nervous system upon interaction with the population would overwhelm me and I would go into a vegetative state to escape the lifeless, banal, monotone complaints and rampant stupidity. (And this is coming from someone who really doesn't like the general public, because I've worked with them. The general public often sucks, but they aren't that bad.)

What reason had proved best ceased to look absurd to the eye, which shows how idle it is to think anything ridiculous except what is wrong.

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Monday, January 16, 2012 3:33 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

Napoleon himself is a lot like my stepdad's son. I don't know why people related to the film personally in large numbers, that is interesting. I only know the one person who the film reminds me of and it certainly doesn't remind me of myself.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Monday, January 16, 2012 4:07 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)

Ishtar. Actually, it's the worst movie I've NEVER seen. I've actually TRIED to watch this one, three different times. I'm out within the first 20 minutes, because the film is so horrifically bad that it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up in embarrassment. I'm embarrassed for the actors, AND I'm embarrassed by the possibility that somebody might actually catch me trying to watch "Ishtar". I can't do it. Cannot pull it off.

Compared to this turd, Howard the Duck is an epic masterpiece, Xanadu a classic.

There are bad movies I kind of love. Showgirls is high on this pantheon, Waterworld not far behind ( I call it "Fishtar", but that's not fair, because I've actually been able to finish Waterworld! )

Sheena wasn't the worst thing ever. What was that Tawny Kitaen one after Bachelor Party? The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak? Never could get through that one, either. But at least Tawny was naked in a lot of it, so that automatically makes it ten million times better than Ishtar.

Loved About Schmidt and Sideways; can't wait for The Descendants to come to DVD. Love Napoleon Dynamite, too. Very different, very offbeat, and very "clean".

"Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservatives." - John Stuart Mill

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Monday, January 16, 2012 4:20 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

Okay, I totally love Waterworld, it is one of my favorites, not even in a love-to-hate kind of way, in an honest "I adore this movie" way.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Monday, January 16, 2012 4:26 PM

ISROUSRO

Natural Born Killers.
I just pushed all the wrong buttons fir me.

passoniatetly indifferent

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Monday, January 16, 2012 5:23 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Kwicko:
Ishtar. Actually, it's the worst movie I've NEVER seen. I've actually TRIED to watch this one, three different times. I'm out within the first 20 minutes

Yeah, bad means NO interest whatsoever.
I hate Highlander 2, yet I actually sat through 2 different versions, so I can't say it's the worst ever.
I made it through Ishtar, but never again.
I *kinda* made it through Battlefield Earth, but only a generous amount of Romulan Ale made it possible. So actually, I really didn't see the whole thing. That's for the better IMO.

And I walked out of American Hot Wax 1/2 hour into it.
I made it through Forbidden Zone

in 1980 mainly because peeps in the local theatre were tokin' heavily, and a solid contact high confused me.

The laughing Chrisisall

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Monday, January 16, 2012 5:28 PM

PIRATENEWS

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

I nomiate ZARDOZ for your Consideration.

Idiocracy in the 1970s. But it did have boobies, something every movie should have.

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Monday, January 16, 2012 5:41 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by piratenews:
I nomiate ZARDOZ for your Consideration.

Frack you John, man, that was classic 70's head-trip groovy!!! Drop a lude, do some buds & lighten up on Lucy in the Sky-inspired masterpieces, DUDE!!!

The laughing Chrisisall

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Monday, January 16, 2012 9:12 PM

the movie is not the Series. Only the facts have been changed, to irritate the innocent; the names of the actors and characters remain the same

Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
Quote:
Originally posted by piratenews:
I nomiate ZARDOZ for your Consideration.
Frack you John, man, that was classic 70's head-trip groovy!!! Drop a lude, do some buds & lighten up on Lucy in the Sky-inspired masterpieces, DUDE!!!

Roger that, Chris. I mean, the '70s were the bad-taste (drug-addled, now you mention it) decade; standards were different (ie a lot lower) then. As it is spoken in "a Child's Garden of Grass",

Quote:
There's a spot, inside your head, that tells you when something is good. And grass . . . exPANDS this spot

Although I also have to "Admit it...", just as PirateNews's poster proclaims

Keep the Shiny Side Up,

YT

YTonTw1tt3r

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 1:19 AM

MUTT999

Speed 2

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:01 AM

Twilight.

I've seen probably 1000+ movies in the theater in my lifetime, and Twilight is the only one I've walked out on.

www.stillflying.net: "Here's how it might have been..."

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 6:11 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Quote:
Originally posted by GWEK:
Twilight.

I've seen probably 1000+ movies in the theater in my lifetime, and Twilight is the only one I've walked out on.

www.stillflying.net: "Here's how it might have been..."

Never saw that, because it was the worst book I ever attempted to read. Well, one of them. Didn't figure the film could be much better.

What reason had proved best ceased to look absurd to the eye, which shows how idle it is to think anything ridiculous except what is wrong.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 6:39 AM

LWAVES

Twilight - Was kind of curious just to see what the fuss was about. I didn't pay to see it so that's some consolation. Even Dakota Fanning (an actress I admire) couldn't get me to watch the sequels.

Napolean Dynamite - A mate persuaded me to watch this saying he'd heard how great it was. He loved it, I didn't. I still say he owes me my two hours back.

Transformers 2 - I can't work out why I ever decided to watch this. I must have been doped up. I thought the first only had mildly entertaining value.

I could list Highlander 2 and Indy 4 but both of those have a couple of slightly redeeming features that keep them out of the dregs.

"The greatest invention ever is not the wheel. It's the second wheel." - Rich Hall

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 7:00 AM

To the folk who are dissing Napoleon Dynamite: Consider giving it a second chance. I'm not saying that it's great (it's definitely not), but the pacing and tone is so... unusual... that I think it takes at least a second viewing to appreciate it. First time I saw it, I hated it, then through the years I saw various scenes from time to time when it was on cable or whatever. I eventually gave it a second chance, and while I didn't love it, I could appreciate some of the offbeat humor a little more.

First time, though: train wreck.

On the Transformers movies: I have the same feeling when I watch any of them. Trying to hold on to the plot is like trying to grab a giant fistful of sand. With the first two in particular, I found that I was literally forgetting what was going on as I was watching the movie. Still, some of the scenery is pretty. To paraphrase an insightful critic from a few years back: Michael Bay doesn't direct movies. Michael Bay directs MOMENTS.

www.stillflying.net: "Here's how it might have been..."

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 8:31 AM

THESOMNAMBULIST

Worst film I've ever seen is Requiem for a Dream.

It's not a bad film in the conventional sense and y'know in parts it has good music, camera work, and even a story in there...
However it's so melodramatic and simplistic it's like a soap opera on red bull!
It's frikkin ridiculous!
A more redundant and asinine piece of codswallop I have yet to see.
At least some bad films are bad to the point of enjoyment, Requiem for a Dream is just bollocks!

Cartoons - http://cirqusartsandmusic.blogspot.com

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 8:56 AM

PENGUIN

I had forgotten about the other Highlander movies because THEY DON'T EXIST.

There can be only one...

King of the Mythical Land that is Iowa

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 9:05 AM

OPPYH

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:

Never saw that, because it was the worst book I ever attempted to read. Well, one of them. Didn't figure the film could be much better.

I read someplace that the author Stephanie Meyer was a true Buffy fan, and no doubt got a lot of her inspiration from the series.
Which makes it doubly bad that she is now a gajillionare because she is from a literary standpoint a no-talent hack.

----------------------------------------------------------------

70's TV FOREVER

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 9:59 AM

What kind of scale are we talking about? Ive seen some truely awful low budget stuff as festivals - but I have trouble holding them to the same standard as a huge multi-mega-millions flick like the Transformers garbage that is so very popular.

"Goram it kid, let's frak this thing and go home! Engage!"

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 10:02 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by RionaEire:
Okay, I totally love Waterworld, it is one of my favorites, not even in a love-to-hate kind of way, in an honest "I adore this movie" way.

That's one of those flicks where the reality doesn't fit with the common narrative. People claim it was a massive flop that no one liked - and neither is true. It did make money, it got decent reviews, and many people enjoyed it.

But it's an easy punching bag, so it's often a go-to pick for people who can't think of anything else.

"Goram it kid, let's frak this thing and go home! Engage!"

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 10:26 AM

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Quote:
Originally posted by OPPYH:
I read someplace that the author Stephanie Meyer was a true Buffy fan, and no doubt got a lot of her inspiration from the series

I remember thinking that the plot sounded a lot like Buffy. I read some of it and thought it seemed a bit like Buffy without a scrap of girl power in it, and that it was terribly written. I've had a couple people accuse me of just disliking that it "stole" things from Buffy, but the fact is that I just don't like it. I think it's bad and I don't understand the success and fanatics it seems to enjoy. There are a lot of things like that, though, unfortunately.

Quote:
Originally posted by GWEK:
To the folk who are dissing Napoleon Dynamite: Consider giving it a second chance.

Well, let me think abou... No.

Quote:
I'm not saying that it's great (it's definitely not), but the pacing and tone is so... unusual...

Sometimes unusual means interesting, or that something has some depth to it, but in this case unusual just means dead dull. I get what you're trying to say, but... No. Like you, I've run across scenes on cable, and they invariably make me want to gouge my eyes out. It's bad. It's grating. And it's already time that I can't ever get back, so there is no way it gets more time from me.

I actually haven't seen most of the other films listed. I must be doing something right in my movie selection most of the time.

What reason had proved best ceased to look absurd to the eye, which shows how idle it is to think anything ridiculous except what is wrong.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 10:34 AM

Quote:
I read someplace that the author Stephanie Meyer was a true Buffy fan, and no doubt got a lot of her inspiration from the series

I think this may be misremembered, as she's gone on record saying she wrote the books without seeing/reading any other vampire stories.

From an interview with her posted on Amazon.com:

Quote:
"Q: Were you a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Angel? What are you watching now that those shows are off the air?

A: I have never seen an entire episode of Buffy or Angel. While I was writing Twilight, I let my older sister read along chapter by chapter. She's a huge Buffy fan and she kept trying to get me to watch, but I was afraid it would mess up my vision of the vampire world so I never did."

Her sister was a fan, not her.

"Goram it kid, let's frak this thing and go home! Engage!"

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 10:47 AM

PIZMOBEACH

... fully loaded, safety off...

Quote:
Originally posted by GWEK:
Twilight.

I've seen probably 1000+ movies in the theater in my lifetime, and Twilight is the only one I've walked out on.

Dang it Gwek! Now you've made me curious...

I'd like to suggest a secondary B Thread:
"Movies you've had on your DVR the longest that you've never been able to finish."

The Postman - I think it's been on there for over a year and I'm only a little over half way.

Scifi movie music + Firefly dialogue clips, 24 hours a day - http://www.scifiradio.com

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 10:59 AM

Satisfy your curiosity if you must. At least you'll be doing it on DVD or cable rather than paying full theatrical price.

www.stillflying.net: "Here's how it might have been..."

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 12:50 PM

I thought Twilight was crap, but I can't really believe anyone who has been watching movies their whole life could really find it the worst ever. Simply on a technical level, it is a very polished film, and better made than a lot of what is released. The only way to say its the worst ever is if someone has an axe to grind.

Or, to put it another way - if it hadn't been so popular, I doubt anyone would hate it so passionately. But that's not about the quality of the film, and more a reaction to the fanbase - which is how the above claim reads to me.

"Goram it kid, let's frak this thing and go home! Engage!"

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 2:15 PM

OPPYH

Quote:
Originally posted by Storymark:

I think this may be misremembered, as she's gone on record saying she wrote the books without seeing/reading any other vampire stories.

Woops, your right. I was thinking of Charaline Harris author of the True Blood books.

----------------------------------------------------------------

70's TV FOREVER

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 2:29 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

Yeah Speed 2 was lame, I had a hard time following it, but it wasn't my worst and I can't really add it to my worst list.

I actually liked Indi 4, to me aliens seemed like a natural next step after immortal knights and the Holy Grail. It wasn't as good as one and three, but I thought it was better than two.

The worst movie I never finished was Epic Movie, we actually walked out of the theater and asked for our money back, I've never had to do that before.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 2:45 PM

BYTEMITE

Quote:
Howard the Duck: Jennifer made me watch this with her when we were in high school, she loved it when she was little so she wanted to show it to me, it was purely awful/stupid, made no sense etc. I don't know how they got Lea Thompson to be in it.

Ha! You're sure she's your friend? That one's kinda infamous. Not to mention what parent in their right mind would let a little kid watch that one?

Hmm, I generally don't go to see the really bad movies. Titanic and Pearl Harbor were really annoying. I saw Snakes on a Plane, kind of enjoyed it, but it wasn't as much as the snark-fest as I was hoping. I'm sure I've seen some completely insipid movies, I think I've even walked out of a movie for being brainless and boring, but I don't remember which.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 2:50 PM

BYTEMITE

Phoenix: As for Napoleon Dynamite, you really almost have to have lived in a town like that to really get the feel of that movie and understand why it was made. The humour is SUPPOSED to be completely dry, just as how nothing happens in the town. It's very subtle.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 2:55 PM

DREAMTROVE

Quote:
Originally posted by MUTT999:
Speed 2

lol

Forgot about that one.

That's what a ship is, you know - it's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:55 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Storymark:
I thought Twilight was crap, but I can't really believe anyone who has been watching movies their whole life could really find it the worst ever. Simply on a technical level, it is a very polished film, and better made than a lot of what is released. The only way to say its the worst ever is if someone has an axe to grind.

Or, to put it another way - if it hadn't been so popular, I doubt anyone would hate it so passionately. But that's not about the quality of the film, and more a reaction to the fanbase - which is how the above claim reads to me.

Thank you for deigning to explain my opinion to me, Storymark.

Please believe me when I say that my opinion has nothing to do with the fanbase or popularity of TWILIGHT. It has to do with the fact that I found it so boring that I left the theater. You may feel it was a polished movie. I did not. I felt the acting was terrible, the script was weak, the set design, and even costuming was bad. I was so bored by the movie that I got so far as to examine the make-up and hair and found THAT wanting. From my point of view, there was no aspect of the movie that was not lacking.

Does that make it the worse movie ever made? No, certainly not. But I will say it was the "worse movie I've ever seen," and stand by that opinion because I judge movies on a sliding scale. As I said, I've seen probably a thousand movies in the theater--and 5-10 times that at home. If I rent a made-for-TV or direct-to-DVD flick, my expectations are lower, and I judge it for what it is.

If, however, a movie is good enough to be one of the relative handful to make it to the big screen? That kicks up my standards. Yes, Twilight is, empirically, a better movie than, say, Pinata: Survival Island (in which an evil, posessed pinata hunts and kills frat boys and sorority chicks). But based on relative budgets, expectations, etc, those thousand movies have to perform better than the 5000-10,000 for me.

You may disagree, which is certainly your right. Everyone judges art differently.

As for the idea that I must have "an axe to grind" in order to say it's the worst movie I've ever seen... No. Not at all. I like vampire fic and although I hadn't read the novels, I would have been happy to have another franchise to enjoy. (In fact, the commercials for the most recent movie almost make me want to re-visit the series.) Simply put, in 41 years, there has only been one movie that I've seen that has so bored me that I left the theater. That puts it in a neighborhood all its own, and it's not a good one.

www.stillflying.net: "Here's how it might have been..."

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 3:56 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

Jennifer's parents policy was that she could watch whatever she wanted, they never said no and she was allowed to watch whatever they were watching. Even so she turned out pretty good, didn't rut until she was 19, was never violent, didn't/doesn't have a very dirty mouth, etc. I certainly wouldn't advocate using her parents' strategy for movie viewing, but she seems to have turned out fine. But yeah, Howard is disgusting.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 4:07 PM

TRAVELER

Watch "Zeta One" and tell me it is not the worst.

http://www.imdb.com/mymovies/list?l=28764731
Traveler

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 4:44 PM

Beir bua agus beannacht

My dad just called me to tell me that he just watched the worst movie he's ever seen. Bad Movie Police 1: Galexy of the Dinosaurs. Anyone seen it? It sounds like it was made badly intentionally. If I saw it I'd probably laugh through the whole thing and love to hate it instead of just hating it. He said he'd save it for me.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 4:50 PM

Zeta One...that looks to be horrendous, yes, but still, hot girls, so no way is it "The worst."
Worst implies no interest whatsoever IMO.
Like, 'Blair Witch' disinterest.

The laughing Chrisisall

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 4:52 PM

TRAVELER

If I want to see hot girls I'll watch a porn movie.

http://www.imdb.com/mymovies/list?l=28764731
Traveler

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:00 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by traveler:
If I want to see hot girls I'll watch a porn movie.

Shame on you!

I just watch that Lt. Ellis clip you posted earlier!

Seriously, really bad is like a vacuum- ZERO interest. Even offensively bad provokes SOME interest, positive or negative.

The laughing Chrisisall

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:11 PM

TRAVELER

A fifteen minute strip poker game with no winner. That is the highlight of Zeta One. No plot. No dialog. No acting. At least Barbarella was silly camp with some humour. This had nothing.

http://www.imdb.com/mymovies/list?l=28764731
Traveler

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:20 PM