LONG TIME NO BLOG

Friday, January 5, 2007 1:32:47 AM

Happy new year, all.

Well, I haven't written an entry here in a few years, but I'm in need of a semi-anonymous outlet, and heck, I already have a username here. It's more than a bit gripe-y, so feel free not to read if whinging offends. It all just reminds me how great Firefly was, and how much I miss being able to watch it every week. I own the dvds, but it's different than setting aside that weekly tv time.

Basically, I'm having post-holiday 'holy crap I have a lot to do' anxiety. At the moment, it's mostly focused on France. Sigh. I think I've been living in England too long - I seem to have developed some sort of automatic negative reaction to France. Anyhoo, I have to arrange a trip there to see some manuscripts at the Bibliotheque National. Alas (somewhat amazingly for someone who moved across the atlantic sight-unseen) I have a hard time with change and/or new experiences. What if I get lost in Paris? Can't find a hotel? A place to eat? What if I can't manage the entrance interview with the librarian. I can only read French - I certainly can't speak or understand it. What if I can't figure out how to pay for an underground ticket? A bus ticket? What if I get stuck there forever? I'm struggling to organize a trip to Oxford to have a look at some stuff there - how will I manage france!

Sigh. This on top of the fact that I was in a bit of a slump pre-Christmas, and need to pull myself out of it if I expect to get a PhD before my visa expires in two years. And I can't seem to convince anyone how little I do everyday. They just say 'oh, I'm sure its fine'. ITS NOT FINE. After which I'll be totally unemployable anyway. I swear, every time I read the careers department booklet it depresses me. Want to be a librarian? More school. Work in a museum? Voulunteer for a few years, and then you have a chance at maybe getting an underpaid job if you are really really lucky and the gods are feeling gracious. Professorship? - oh, sorry, you went to Cambridge where there is no chance for meaningful teaching experience, go away. Publishing? unpaid internship, again with the gods. YAY!!

Ok. I'm done. Sorry. Just my history of slight anxiety catching up with me. MY CBT techniques should kick in any time now.