First Entry.

Dear inannimate object. Kaylee gave ‘you’ to me today, because she says I should have someplace to write stuff down. I dont think it helped that I used the last one she gave me for mathematical equations, that when folded in to models of the first thirteen elements spelled out ‘Serenity’. I did that during one of my less lucid periods. Hopefully, I can fill this one with more intellectually ambiguous material, to satisfy her when she takes a peek in three months, two day, and five hours.

River Tam.

Memories

its not in the spirit of the holiday to lie and cheat and steal. if you do they come for you they come with hands of blue. made me a stone so I swallowed a bug annoyed Simon doesn’t mind now. its not relevant it dosnt matter this isn’t home anymore. wont stop, wont ever stop they just keep coming back. its time to go Daddys coming soon. colors, colors, all the beautiful colors are dancing on my brain agian. i can win this, its only a symbol doesnt mean what you think. eleven. prime number.  doesn’t matter now. Simon thinks Im crazy Im not. my head just doesnt work right sometimes. Im smart. I could be normal if I tried. but I can’t can’t make me bird’s in a cage, doesnt mean she can sing. you can’t make her. her. him. she. he. it. it. politically correct asexual reference to a object or subject. no manholes, itholes. holes. thought to exist in the fabric of space/time by many fractions, despite evidence to the contrary.  have to go, Kaylee’s calling me for Dinner. -River.

Yesterday.

Dear Inanimate Object. Simon upped my meds again, so today I apear to be rather lucid and functioning within average levels during the current twenty four hour cycle. I seem to be missing much of yesterday. Kaylee says I was painting, except I was painting on the floor. and the walls. and the furniture. all I remember is trying to get it out before I forgot. Poor Simon. At least the kitchen looks all kinds of shiny now. I believe I find the mix of black, yellow, and scarlet red, to be rather astheticly attractive to the eye, although Cap. don’t agree. don’t matter none. Its just paint. River Tam.

Dear ‘Diary’. today we had another stop over, this one on Triumph, to secure what supplies and fuel we could. Once again, Simon and Captain insisted that we stay out of sight. While I can intellectually agree with the logic of this decision, it does not relieve the negative feelings I have toward being trapped on Serenity. After we fuelled and collect our various crew members, we left around supper time. Protein Powder with Soy Sauce. somewhat problematic, but managable. After supper, Inara decided to teach Kaylee and I a new card game, (I let Kaylee win) Jayne sharpened his knives, Zoe, Captain, and Simon looked on while preforming various chores while Serenity powered on through the black. another day in our Families life.

with peace come problems but with lose come new growth in lights there are shadows but not all shadows are secrets.

River Tam.

Nightmares. turn the doorknob. go on he says. nothing can hurt you here. I can’t. I won’t. no one can make me. nightmares reside in there. huanting images creeping near lurking in the shadows. words that tumble out of my mouth no stopping them now. two by two with hands of blue closerclosertheycomenostoppingthemnowwhodedemasomeonepleasenostophelpno!

Simon shakes me awake. there back.

The Morning. Simons been trying to get me to talk about last night, but he can’t make me. can’t make me remember. I’m scared if I do I’ll never stop. Serenity is still powering her way to our next job. I’m going to go hide from Simon. -River Tam

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