BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

JAZMYN

The secrets of the tenth crew member chapter 9
Monday, March 21, 2005

jazz knows all there secrets but they dont know her's


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1646    RATING:     SERIES: FIREFLY

“And well after that you know the rest” she said looking at Jayne. “But I can feel your deepest secrets, every feeling, every emotion I know everything about all of you. Everything thing every secret every desire” she said looking at Jayne then to Simon and Kaylee “like you Kaylee” as soon as she said she looked at Simon and he went bright red. “Every year on the 1st of January your folks had this huge party that was the one thing you looked forward to every year” she said with a brief giggle in her head. “And then 5 years ago you met a guy called Rhys and a hay loft that night was a night you would never forget” jazz said looking at Kaylee and gave her a weak smile. Mal and Jayne were slowly walking towards jazz on the ledge. “And you mal” she said turning her head sharply to look at mal he stoped dead in he’s tracks. “The battle of serenity was not your fault, not your fault that those men died you tried to forget but you couldn’t you even called this ship serenity in honour of the men and women that died.” She looked at mal and she smiled at him. “Zoë you want so much to hear baby footsteps running on the floor you want to nurse a baby you want to be a mother. And you wash you are worried that if you and Zoë have a baby then your relationship will change and you are also worried that something bad will happen to a baby on this ship” she looked at Zoë and wash who were now holding hands she smiled at this another heavenly smile that made jayne melt inside. “Shepard you are worried about this crew that you can’t change us but you have helped us bye just being here.” She looked at Shepard who was smiling slightly. “Simon your deepest secret is that you will never have your sister back again but don’t worry your sister is still your sister. River your most deepest desire is to be normal you would trade your life to be normal, well so would I . “Jayne your pain screams to me you still feel that it was your fault that your sister died.” She looked at jayne again this time her eyes didn’t burn thought him they soothed him. “I can feel every emotion running through your bodies through your minds, even right now, but now I will show you my story and I will show the end of the story.” Jayne looked at her with a hint of concern in he’s eyes. “Make me forget, catch me when I fall” she said to jayne and jumped. “Ahhhhh!!!!” Kaylee screamed.

COMMENTS

Tuesday, March 22, 2005 12:42 AM

FREDIKAYLLOW


Better to read, but don't forget fullstops while their talking as well when their not.
For Example:
"Simon your deepest secret is that you will never have your sister back again but don't worry your sister is still your sister."
Should be something like:
"Simon, your deepest secret is that you will never have your sister back again. But don't worry, your sister is still you sister."
Also don't forget that all names should have capital letters.

Other than that, it was really good. I'm not sure what happened in the end but I really liked hearing what they were all thinking at the time- what with Wash and Zoe's baby trouble and Mal's guilt about Serenity Valley. It's all very sweet.
Hope you take my comments on board and keep up the good work.

no power in the verse
xoxox-fredikayllow-xoxox


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