Jayne was hoping…badly…hoping that just maybe… But as Jayne turned himself back around, seeing nothing behind him but the same walls occupying the same exact space as before, he knew his anxious hopes were in vain. She wasn’t going to be there. She wasn’t looking for him. And the flowers were still there, laying dutifully where Jayne had left them…in their place, saying their apologies through softened petals that longed for her caress. Was this is it? Was this what he had been missing out on all this time of not getting all lovey dovey? Lust and sex…bangin’…hittin’ the sheets…everyone knew they walked hand in hand with one another. Lust was nothing but chemical reactors sending pulses through your body, tempting you into doing something that could bring enough erotic satisfaction to drive a person mad from the euphoria. Lust was nothing more than a drug, an aphrodisiac meant to blind, capture, and leave you begging for more. And Jayne knew his aphrodisiac was Sonja…only this aphrodisiac was more potent than anything that numskull Simon could’ve prescribed. With Sonja, it was encompassing…as if Jayne was seeing the world around him through a spectrum of bright lights all pointing back to her. Maybe Inara was right after all. He couldn’t give her what she needed because what Sonja needed was someone who was going to be honest and true to her, someone who could speak words and have them soothe every square inch of her broken heart. River had said it. Sonja wasn’t mad. She just hurt. Coming to the door to his quarters, Jayne stood for a second, putting his hand on the knob. He couldn’t get them straight, all his thoughts. They were running rampant and all he could do was let them. What use was there now? Turning the knob finally, Jayne put his foot in to take the step down when he saw her, out of the corner of his eye. At first, he didn’t even want to look up, figuring that his mind was playing horrible, nasty tricks on him but as he saw the figure coming closer, Jayne finally looked up. Pushing the door all the way open to his quarters, Jayne heard the ladder release as he watched Sonja glide towards him, his coat in her one hand, the two flowers in the other. “I wanted to return your coat…and I…I found…these.” Sonja said, putting the flowers to her nose and taking in their gentle aroma. Jayne smiled warmly at her, his heart skipping beats left and right. God, he was so glad to see her, so glad that she wasn’t still fumin’ at him. “Kaylee…she saw em’ outside…I kinda thought they was purty…never been the flower kind of guy…but they was alright.” Jayne said then. “I think they’re beautiful. Thank you.” Sonja said to him softly. Jayne opened his mouth and then very slowly, said to her, “Ni zhen piao liang.” It was too much…all of it. Holding his coat out to him, Sonja’s luminous brown eyes started filling with tears that held mounds of hurt and sadness. And she had too long been washing herself in them, trying to forget, trying to move on and piece her life back together. Taking a deep breath in, Jayne…he didn’t care then. He really didn’t. He was willing to take the chance. Stepping up close to her, Jayne put his arms around her, pulling her near. He wanted so badly to save her, to rescue her from that place that hwoon dahn had thrown her into. Fragile, Inara’s voice echoed through him…like delicate crystal that needed safekeeping. Holding her close, Jayne breathed in heavily the perfumes from her hair and felt her body go limp from struggling with all the demons hiding inside. He didn’t want to let her go. Burying her head in his chest, Jayne felt Sonja’s tears hit his shirt pitifully, He wanted to try…to try and give her whatever she needed. Pulling back some, Jayne took his finger and wiped the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Ni bie ku le.” Through her tears, Sonja looked up at him. And as their eyes locked, Jayne could see it…all of it…every ounce of greed that had ever made him starry eyed, every ounce of selfishness he had ever happily bestowed upon himself…gone. He could’ve floated off Serenity with her right ten and there and never have looked back….that would’ve been just dandy with him. Just so long as Sonja was with him and he could protect her. Looking up to where the bridge was, Jayne had an idea then. If it was good enough for Mal (lord knows that man was darker than night itself), then it was good enough for her to. Gently, Jayne took Sonja’s hand in his and said, “Here…I’ve got something to show ya.” “What?” she asked curiously. “Jus’ wait.” Jayne replied. Laying the coat and the flowers down on the ground, Sonja wiped her tears and then anxiously followed Jayne, her hand still locked in his. Reaching the end of the corridor, Jayne walked up the stairs and pulled the door separating the bridge from the rest of the ship, back. Turning around, he grabbed Sonja’s hand and gestured for her to walk in with him. “Mal…he comes up here sometimes…says it’s good for his mind,” Jayne said, pointing to his own forehead. “Helps em’ think better, I guess…me? I jus try and not do much thinkin’…don’t make no sense to be all dwellin’ on somethin’ till it makes ya sick, that’s what I say.” Sonja nodded. “Sometimes, Jayne, that’s the best one can do is not dwell.” Her eyes took in the sight before her and for a moment, there was nothing but reverant silence between them, a tender silence that Jayne actually found himself okay with. Once, silence like that would’ve been a nuisance to him but now it was nothing more than natural. “What do you think, Jayne…if you weren’t here on Serenity…what you would be doing instead?” Sonja asked then, her eyes still preoccupied by what they were registering in the night sky. No one had ever asked him that. Hell, he had never given it much thought. He just did what he had to, that’s how Jayne saw it…survival is all. What was there to ponder about that? Putting his hand behind his neck, Jayne tilted his head to one side and shrugged. “Don’t know…lootin’…robbin’…ain’t never known nuthin else…after awhile…it kind of jus’ gets inbred.” he answered her truthfully. Suddenly, Sonja turned to him, her eyes serious. “You ever feel bad? For things you’ve done?” came her question. “There’s things…things I’ve done…yeah,” Jayne nodded solemnly. “Things I ain’t proud to say I’ve done.” He didn’t know how she did it, how she worked her magic on him to where he felt no apprehension with her, no suspicions, and no worries about her snickering at him and chastising him. He was simple. Jayne could admit it. But he wasn’t dumb and he knew how everyone took him. It was like as if every time Sonja asked him a question, it was always like she took his answer to be the most important thing that rolled off his tongue. “Regret is never good.” Sonja said to him. “Like tomorrow…” She stopped then, trying to get her words right, searching for what she needed to say. “When Serenity reaches Lanai…and I have to leave.” She continued. “I’ll have regrets.” Jayne waved a hand casually at her. He had been wanting to avoid the topic…because he had been thinking it to…her leaving…and not seeing her anymore. “Aw, Serenity’ll jus’ be a fast memory to ya…you won’t even…” Jayne began but Sonja quickly cut him off. “Will you have them too…regrets?” She asked, her eyes pleading something that Jayne couldn’t decipher. Ugh! He had never been any good at reading women! Half the time he couldn’t even tell what was going on with his damn self lest it was being hungry or feeling overjoyed at knowing a job was going to go as planned. What was Sonja trying to get at? “Regrets bout’ what, Sonja?” Jayne replied. “About me.” “About you?” “Yes.” “Girl, I could never have any regrets with ya.” Jayne said simply. “A man would have to be a loon to have any regrets over ya.” “And when we land and I’m gone…I’ll have my regrets…for me not being close enough to you.” Sonja said. Carefully, Jayne ran her words through his brain again…oh God, what if he read them wrong and she didn’t mean it the way he was interpretiting them? Slowly, Jayne said back to her, “I…I…don’t wanna…do nuthin…to you’s all…nuthin…like…like,” Just get it out for cryin’ out loud! Jayne told himself. “Like that night…when…we was sittin’ together.” Putting his head down solemnly, Jayne said lowly, “I don’t want ya mad at me...and not like me…for touchin’ ya….,” Sonja walked over to him then, standing directly in front of him. Jayne didn’t think he had ever laid eyes on a more beautiful creature than she. She saw him, everything he was inside, reaching everywhere that had been locked…and he wanted it, wanted to have her know him, to feel for him. Putting her hands to stroke his cheek, her fingers running over his prickly hairs on his chin, Sonja whispered to him, “You’re the only man I’ve met whom I didn’t think was lying to me.” Her eyes, oh how they went on forever and a day and Jayne found himself losing himself to her, falling deep and deeper into a beautiful canyon that was beyond his control. Slowly then, Sonja leaned into him, her arms wrapping around his back, her lips meeting his. “I don’t want to have any regrets, Jayne.” She whispered to him. * * * * * They had hovered so near to one another now for the past few days, so close but so far, unable to break through each other’s walls, unable to reach in that happy middle. But as Jayne laid himself next to Sonja in his bunk, her body waiting for him, all he could feel was nervousness, straight, whacked out nervousness like he was doing this for the first time and was unsure about what to do or say next. Putting his hands to her neck, Jayne ran them over her perfectly round breasts and down, wanting to miss nothing, wanting to make her feel so shiny. Reaching in between her legs, Jayne’s heart skipped a beat, as he watched Sonja’s face to make sure it was okay, that he had her utmost permission and that she wouldn’t be afraid of him, of what he was going to do, of how he was going to make her feel. Leaning in, Jayne placed a sweet, multilayered kiss to her lips as his fingers pushed their way inside her…oh God, she was warm and wet…the moistness all on his fingers as he worked them in and out, hearing her slight breaths in his ear. Everywhere, Sonja kissed him in return, his neck, cheeks, behind his ear, she was returning everything and more, wanting him as he wanted her. “Jayne,” she said softly to him as he she placed a long one on his lips that were pulsating with every emotion his body had ever known. “I think I could be in love with you.” Soaring, high above everything, never touching down, whirling and never coming to a stop, that’s what Jayne felt from hearing her words. They rippled through him eagerly, giving him a warm glow throughout, as he laid himself on top of her. He wanted to go slow. He didn’t want to rush it, not with her, not with Sonja…she was too good for that, for that wham-bam-thank-you-mam sort of deal… And as he pushed himself into her wanting, Jayne found she was warm and throbbing, her muscles constricting and releasing around his erection. Sonja’s hands grabbed on his rear as Jayne felt her wrap her lovely legs around him, pulling him in even more as he thrusted deep and slowly, taking in her sweet breaths. Worlds colliding, coming undone, right there on Serenity that very night…two people in need of something so very bad…shelter from the storm…a saving grace that was lighting both on fire…. Rocking back and forth gently, Sonja moved her hips in sync with Jayne’s slow thrusting, feeling him hit all the right spots every time she lifted up to him…no regrets…no pain…just each other…. Deeper…their breaths coming faster… Two people needing something so very bad…all loneliness escaping them… Sonja…her moans…washing through him…washing him clean…sweet lullabys in Jayne’s ear that he could listen to all night…. Faster and in more in sync…together….in harmony….reaching for comfort and safety…and peace… Bodies intertwining…hearts together…breaths into one another… And as Jayne climaxed inside her, he let himself go, hearing Sonja moan….he had done this so many times before…but it had never felt like this…no, never like this… Looking down at her, Jayne shuddered, feeling his body trembling from the outlet, sweat forming on his brow. He held her close, laying his head on her shoulder. She was shaking too, trying to get her breaths, trying to come back down to earth…her body throbbing down below from the orgasms she had been brought to. She didn’t want to let him go. She wanted to be stay like that with him forever and feel the safety of never being afraid again. They had each other. And that was just fine. No sad goodbyes…just shelter from the rain.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Chinese/English translation within text: Ni zhen piao liang – you are beautiful Ni bie ku le – no more crying

Wanna read how it all began? Take a look at Questions of the Heart parts 1-4 and see how Jayne and Sonja first started....

There's still another part coming so stay tuned!!

ItsaWash- You're too kind and all of your comments have propelled me to where this is now...I am indebited to your friendship and your creative juices that leave mine eating the dust!!!

Amdobell- You've read every one of these installments...your input has been great and I always look forward to reading them...thanks..

Bellona-You're enthusiasm is infectious...you have made me feel as if I have a fan and is looking forward to reading more...thanks a bunch!

To everyone: Thanks for taking the time to look it over...

Cheers! NipNip