BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

SPACEFULLOFOBJECTS

Choices of Serenity - Part 2
Monday, August 14, 2006

Jobe tells his story, Jayne finds himself drawn to the job and can't stop thinking about it, and the crew if forced to make a difficult decision.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1688    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

Alright folks, this part's a bit angsty, but needed to be wrote. Thanks to Engineangel for the great help she gave me. For those of you who didn't read the first part click here: 'Choices of Serenity-Part 1' In addition, there's a bit about Jayne's past that’s you can find If you read ItsaWash, who's best work In my humble opinion starts here: 'The Way of Jayne'

In any case I hope you enjoy part two, and do me a favor, like It or not, leave me a bit of feedback. Thanks.

Choices of Serenity - Part 2 Most people in the Verse tried to make their way through life honestly, through sweat and tears as was the custom for many in the spirit of Earth That Was. Not so with Jobe Dyer. Jobe was a Grifter, and a very good one at that. Moving from planet to planet, he set up deals and scams designed to bring him wealth that never seemed to be enough. With each job that would come, he'd tell himself his next one would be his last, his need for riches outweighing his conscience over and over again. He would have continued in this confused, conflicted state, were it not for the chance meeting with his future love in a saloon on Boros. The moment their eyes met, he felt the curse begin to leave him, her beautiful face promising to cure him of his disease.

Jobe was on Boros to sell counterfeit information to a Mr. Hubert; information that would allow Mr. Hubert’s less-than-legitimate business to operate underneath the prying eyes of the Alliance. Jobe knew the information was useless, but in his eyes, Mr. Hubert was nothing more than another victim of his glorious schemes. Besides, he had already received part of the payment up front. There was no reason not to continue with this seemingly easy job.

Sitting alone at a small table in a saloon, Jobe pondered his upcoming meeting with his next victim. Raising his arm, he motioned to a waitress that he was ready to order. He watched as she turned and began to make her way to his table.

Even in the darkness of the establishment, he felt himself captivated by her natural beauty. She had long blonde hair and blue eyes that melted the hardness of his heart. He found himself staring at her, his mind leaving the script he’d prepared for Mr. Hubert. For the first time, Jobe Dyer found himself unable to scheme, unable to look at the person in front of him as anything but right and true; a prize worth adoring, not hurting.

“I’m Natalie. What can I get for you sir?” She asked him. Her voice struck him on the lips, causing him to stutter.

“G…Gin,” He responded, his eyes following every move of her hand, then sweeping up to gaze at the rest of her. Her face...it captivated him. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She slew him wholly and completely as she cast him a smile and turned to walk away.

***

Mr. Hubert arrived. Jobe struggled to regain his cool, sleazy composure as he stood to greet the other man. In short order, the balance of credits were passed in exchange for a data card filled with fraudulent Alliance codes and wave files.

“Mr. Dyer, I am glad we have done this business,” Mr. Hubert stated, a sly grin on his face. “This information you have provided me is good and will help my business grow.”

“The best money can buy,” Jobe replied, his lying tongue slithering back into place.

“And if this information brings me trouble, Mr Dyer,” The scroundrel cautioned. “I can promise there will be trouble for you.” He continued as he and his comrades turned to leave.

Jobe cast a half smile back to him. As soon as the men left, his mind immediately refocused on the treasure that was bringing him his drink.

“I’ve not seen you here before, Mr...” Natalie said with a questioning look.

“Dyer, Jobe Dyer,” He responded his eyes fixed on the serene beauty she portrayed. "Please call me Jobe."

Jobe returned to the bar every night after that, ordering a drink, food, whatever he could just to capture a few precious moments with his new found inamorata. As their relationship grew, Jobe realized his life on the grift needed to end. Forgetting his latest scam, he poured all his energies into Natalie and the wonderful newness she brought to his life. Casting his former life behind, Jobe took his new bride and what wealth he had left to settle on Newhall. Jobe wasn’t used to manual labor, and he only made enough for he and Natalie to enjoy each other, but for the first time in his life, he felt peace and true love. He rarely thought about his past. His choice was made; he lived his life for her.

It took only two years for their love to multiply. At first sight of newborn Shae, Jobe realized just how deep the love he shared with Natalie was. The little girl was loved and cherished and a gift to them both. With each year that passed, Jobe became more and more devoted to his Natalie and Shae.

Jobe thought often about his past. Those thoughts chased him like dogs down a dark alley. His new life with his family was his only source of comfort he had. When the thoughts came, he slew them with the love that had changed his life.

Some dogs won’t die.

Thirteen years, and it seemed as if Jobe had managed to dodge his past, living an ambiguous life with his young family on Newhall. He turned down promotions and anything that would bring attention to himself or his family, knowing that there were many people in the Verse who had been victim to one of his scams, and that any one of them would have done anything to see him swing in the wind. Jobe gladly paid the price to keep his family safe.

For eleven of those thirteen years, he’d been the most important man in one little girl's life. He was content in his life, his work, and his family, wanting nothing more. He’d never divulged the life he had led before, and although Natalie always knew there was more to her husband’s past than he told, she never pressed him for more, loving him as he was. It didn’t matter to her anymore; he was there, devoted, and loving to her and their young child.

***

One evening, returning from a hard day in the mines, Jobe entered his house to find it strangely silent. Shae wasn’t at the door to greet him, nor was there any smell of the Natalie’s cooking, something he’d grown so accustomed to in all their years together. Concern and curiosty overtook him as he made his way to the back of their home. Cautiously, he made his way to the living area near the kitchen.

Horror engulfed him as he entered, seeing a group of men sitting on his furniture, his Natalie and Shae bound on the floor, tears running down their faces. Jobe made an immediate thrust towards his loved ones, but was held back by two strong men.

“Not so fast Jobe Dyer…we got us some dealin’ to do,” One of the men said, rising from the couch. “Looks like I hold all that’s precious…to you…so it’d be best if you didn’t try anything stupid!”

Jobe struggled in the grasp of his keepers. “WHO ARE YOU!?! What do you WANT!?” He screamed at them.

“Ah Jobe…you don’t remember? Thirteen, fourteen years ago, I think, you scammed our boss and brought a world of trouble on him, ” The man continued. “Mr. Hubert’s revenge is slow, but sure. He always gets payment.”

“I don’t know what the Qing Ri you’re talking about mister…please let them go,” Jobe pleaded. “I’ll give you anything, take anything here…sir…take me! But please let them go!”

“Mr. Hubert has charged you thirteen years of interest for the debt you owe him, and you don’t appear to be able to pay.” The man laughed. “I expect when we’re done here, you’ll have experienced more loss than Mr. Hubert.”

“Please!” Jobe pleaded again, as he watched the man take his bride by the back of the neck, pulling her up to her knees. “Mister…PLEASE…what ever I did to Mr. Hubert, she isn’t a part of it! Take me…” The man pulled Natalie’s head up her face covered in terror and tears. Pulling a gun from his side, he put it up against the terrified woman’s head.

pia liang de xiao jie.” The man said looking at Natalie. “Last words to her Jobe?”

“PLEASE…NO!!!! I’ll do anything! Don’t hurt her!” Jobe pleaded again.

“Ah…Jobe…I don’t mean to hurt her none…I’m gonna kill her!” The man sneared back. “No words then?” Click. The man pulled the trigger. The bullet entered the side of Jobe’s precious wife’s head, exploding as it exited the other side. Her lifeless body fell to the floor next to young Shae, who shook uncontrollably trying hard to reach for her daddy.

Jobe struggled again to get away from his captors, flailing hard, trying to reach his now dead wife and precious daughter. “WHY!?!?” he sobbed. “She didn’t do anything to you…why’d you have to kill her!?”

Turning his attention to the task at hand, he struggled again, this time towards young Shae as she lay next to her dead mother. “Shae… xin gan, it’s gonna be alright,” He said, trying to comfort her.

“Alright Jobe?” The man questioned, a grin still on his face. “You think a dead wife is payment enough for your scamming of Mr. Hubert?”

“NO! PLEASE…SIR…LET HER GO! TAKE ME INSTEAD!” Jobe was sobbing again, terrified at the possibilities that may come next.

“Ah…Jobe…No sense in killin’ and innocent child like her. She worth a lot more alive.”

Blackness took Jobe Dyer as one of his handlers struck him at the base of the skull.

***

“That’s it…that’s the story,” Jobe plodded through the sobbing.

Silence filled the cargo bay of Serenity. Not a word came from Mal, Inara, or Shepherd Book.

Book spoke first. “But you’ve found her Jobe. There is reason to rejoice. She’s alive.”

“Alive yes, and sold to slavery,” Jobe continued to sob. “I knew my past would catch up to me sometime. She's only eleven years old, why'd they have to take her, why couldn't they have just taken me, and left them both alone,” He continued through tears.

Placing his hand on Jobe chin, Book raised it and looked into his eyes. “Your past is past Jobe. You have a daughter who needs to be rescued, that needs to be your sole focus. And ours.” He continued looking up at Mal and Inara.

Inara stood behind Jobe, massaging his shoulders and patting his back.

Breaking his silence, Mal interjected, “Where is she now, Jobe?”

“Santo…She’s there…I’ve only managed to get bits and pieces of where she’s been,” He continued. “I don’t know why they left me alive, but they did.”

“They want you to come after her Jobe,” Book interjected. “Men like this revel in the pain of others, but only to make it last as long as possible. They want you to come after her, then they’ll kill you.”

“Puts a whole new spin on this one Shepherd,” Mal pondered. “We can’t do this without Jayne. I hope he’ll come back.”

“Jayne will be back Mal, I told you he can’t leave.” Inara interjected.

“Jobe, we need to talk about payment.” Mal stated.

Jobe stared silently.

“Jobe, the job, we need to talk about payment.” Mal restated.

Jobe reached into his pocket and took out a picture of his daughter. Holding it in his hands, he began to sob again.

“She’s beautiful Jobe.” Inara gazed at the picture of the young child.

“I…I…don’t have much,” Jobe answered. “I barely had enough to give my Natalie a proper burial.”

“And so how were you planning on financing this little rescue?” Mal continued.

“I’ll work aboard Serenity, do anything…for the rest of my life…Just help me get my daughter back…Please!” Job sobbed.

“Let me get this straight, Mr Dyer. You want me to put my crew in harms way, and all you got is your useless self to offer!” Mal stated, visibly upset. “Get off my GORRAM ship, I’m done with people takin’ advantage of me. Do I look dai ruo mu ji? You must be ni men dou shi sha gua if you think your sad story is gonna put this ship in the air on some damn fool mission to save your daughter. Hell Jobe, its your own fault she’s there in the first place!”

“I’m sorry, I was hoping you would be compassionate of me.” Jobe said through tears as he rose to exit.

“MAL!” Inara barked.

“Think this one through Mal. Despite our new friend’s shortcomings in life, he wishes us to help them make them right!” Book counseled. “There must be a way we can help him and his daughter.”

“I’m sorry. I seem to be fresh out of compassion right now,” Mal continued. “If our friend can find some way to bring some coin to this boat, I’ll listen. We’ll do the job, and then get paid.”

Jobe turned and walked towards the ramp, sobbing and holding the picture of his little Shae in his hands. Jayne caught him as he was coming up the ramp, back to Serenity.

The sideswipe caused the picture in Jobe’s hand to fall to the floor. Jayne bent over and picked it up. His thoughts immediately transferred back to his childhood and his twin sister Timmie as he looked on the face in the picture. He gazed at it, remembering the love he shared with her, the image burning into his mind.

Jobe snatched the picture from Jaynes grasp. “Give me that!” He barked through his tears as he continued down the ramp.

Jayne walked up to Mal, a look of dumbfoundedness on his face. “Uh…what’d he want? He told me in the bar he had a job for us.”

“Mal…you need to think about this,” Book pleaded. “There is a young soul that needs rescuing.”

“I could help finance it Mal. It wouldn’t be much, but I could maybe purchase the parts Kaylee needs to repair Serenity,” Inara added.

“What’s all the fuss about?” Jayne blurted. “Ya’ll are actin’ crazy. You gonna let a perfectly good job walk right off this ship?”

“He can’t pay Jayne, doesn’t have any money. I expect you’d take the most issue with that if we took a job like that anyway,” Mal said.

“Gorram right…a guy can’t pay, ain’t worth much for us to help,” Jayne continued. “What was the job anyway?”

“The man is pleading with us to help him get his daughter back. She was taken from him as payment for a debt,” Book explained.

“You mean the little girl in that picture he was holding?” Jayne asked curiously.

“Yes, Jayne, that beautiful little child, who is right now paying a debt for her father’s past,” Inara replied.

“That picture was his daughter?” Jayne continued, his questioning becoming more methodical.

“Listen! He can’t pay. That’s it! This ain’t a charity boat. We do the job. We get paid. Paid being the operative word there,” Mal snapped back.

***

Jayne couldn’t get the image out of his head; the little girl, the resemblence to his sister. She was in need. It didn’t matter to him how she had ended up in the predicament she was in; he knew she was helpless.

Ain’t right a guy losin’ his young’n, the spectin’ someone to clean up his mess for im’ Jayne thought, his mind still fixed on the image that looked so much like his sister. Gotta sleep, I’ll look for another boat tomorrow.

The image kept rolling through his mind; his sister, the little girl in trouble. He couldn’t find sleep. Jayne tossed and turned in his bed, hoping for slumber to come. It did, but his dreams were filled with images of the girl, his sister, pain, and suffering. He awoke, his pillow soaked with sweat. We gotta rescue her, he thought to himself, laying on his back, his eyes wide open.

“Mal…Mal…wake up Mal…” Jayne had entered the captain’s quarters unannounced. “Mal!”

guai guai long de dong…Jayne!” Mal exclaimed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Mal, we gotta save that girl!” Jayne stated in a concerned tone.

“Jayne, the man can’t pay, which means you don’t get paid, Serenity doesn’t get fixed, and on our next landing, we crash.”

“Mal, I can’t get the image out of my head. "I’m all befuddled and stuff. We gotta save that girl!” Jayne pleaded.

“Jayne, go to bed! The man can’t pay, and I’m not gonna risk this ship or my crew on a charity mission,” Mal snapped back, turning away from Jayne.

Exiting Mal’s quarters, Jayne stopped in the passageway and pondered the burning feeling he had to rescue the little girl. Shepherd Book…he’ll be able to help me convince Mal.

***

“Hey Shepherd…sorry to wake ya. I gotta talk to ya, bad…I can’t sleep, ” Jayne whisperd to Book as he shook him awake in his bunk.

“Jayne?..what’s wrong?..” Book questioned as he sat up to sit on the edge of his bunk.

“It’s the girl Shepherd…she’s in my head…I can’t sleep…we gotta help her,” Jayne whimpered.

The Shepherd’s face turned compassionate. He could see Jayne was hurting deeply. “I’ll try to talk to the captain again, but he seems pretty set on not taking on this job. I’m curious Jayne, why so much interest? You were ready to walk off this boat because the last job didn’t pay enough.”

“Did you see that little girl’s face Shep?” Jayne exclaimed. “I can’t go to sleep. Everytime I close my eyes, she’s right there. I don’t care that her gorram father lost her. We gotta save her!”

“Jayne, I’ll bring it up again to Mal tomorrow. He will see the goodness in this act,” Book continued. “Go try to get some sleep. You astound me, Jayne, at your concern for this young child.”

***

Simon got up early, still entranced by his excursion with Kaylee and his sister the the previous night. There wasn’t much to make for breakfast, and he wasn’t the best cook, but he was able to cut up some apples and pears they’d been able to aquire in town.

He and the women had gotten home late and had no idea of the goings on that had occurred in the ship the previous night. Taking a seat at the table, Simon pondered his sister and his life on the ship. I don’t know how much longer we’re gonna be able to run, he said to himself, placing his face in his hands. His pain growing more each day, knowing that at some point he would be forever split from his precious Kaylee, whom he’d not yet been able to express his true feelings.

“Simon, what’s wrong?” Kaylee asked as she entered the room, her day brightened at the thought of her and Simon sharing a few moments together without any distractions.

“Kaylee…I can’t help but wonder how long River and I are going to be able to stay. We bring so much trouble to everyone,” Simon’s face had grown visibly pained. “River likes it here so much, we don't have our family anymore. You all are the only family we really have now.”

“Aww…Simon, I told you yesterday, Mal ain’t gonna make you and River leave Serenity. It wouldn’t be the same here anymore,” She said, her face smiling as she placed her hands on the side of his head, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“Arrgh, G’mornin’ space pirates!” Wash blurted, walking into the room scratching his butt. “Been in the clutches of a warrior woman all night. She’s a fiesty one me maties…Arrgh.”

“Knock it off, Wash,” Zoe smiled, following her sappy mate. “I’m hungry…” She continued, slapping Wash on the seat of his goofy pants.

Serenity was coming alive. Kaylee cast a sullen look at Simon, disappointed that their alone time together had been cut so short. One by one, the dining area, once occupied by only Simon and Kaylee, was becoming filled. Gracefully, Inara entered and took a seat just down the table from Simon and Kaylee. River bounded in, rested and happy, taking a seat next to Kaylee.

“Mornin’ Shepherd!” Kaylee exclaimed, smiling as Book entered very awake, returning from his morning meditations.

“Good morning everyone,” Book smiled back, nodding his head in Kaylee’s direction. “Does anyone know if Mal has woken yet?”

“Right here, Shepherd,” Mal’s voice came from behind, causing everyone to turn and stare back at their captain, rubbing his eyes as he entered the room. “Wow, looks like everyone’s up; where’s Jayne?” He questioned, wondering if Jayne had finally grown weary of life on Serenity. “He must have had a lot to drink last night, cause he woke me up tryin’ to get me to go after that girl for no reward. I think he’s gone ge ge about her,” He continued taking a seat at the table.

“He came to me too, Mal,” Book remarked looking at the crew. “He’s pretty shook up. I’ve never seen Jayne act like this.”

“I think he had too much to drink,” Mal laughed. “Jayne ain’t the type to do much of anything unless there’s a payday at the end of it, and based on our new friend’s coffers, there ain’t a payday at the end of that job either.”

“What are you all talking about?” Simon inquired looking at Mal.

“We had an offer for a job last night, while you all were off in the city. It was a good and decent job, but the fellow who was offering it to us wasn’t able to offer any payment, so Mal refused,” Inara informed.

“And Jayne…how does Jayne fit into all of this?” Wash asked with a smile on his face. “I gotta hear more!”

“Jayne saw a picture of the girl and it brought back a deep memory for him. Now he wants us to go after the girl and rescue her,” Book continued. “I happen to agree. The request was brought to this ship for a reason, and this ship is the one to see it through.”

As Book was speaking, Jayne stumbled into the dining area, obviously short on sleep. “Did ya talk to him Shepherd Book, are we gonna get 'er? I only got me a couple of minutes of gorram sleep last night due to the fact that 'er face was doin’ a dance on my mind. We gotta save 'er Mal. I ain’t gonna be right if we don’t!” Jayne continued as his body spilled into an empty seat at the table.

“We’re still talking about this, Shepherd?” Mal snapped. “The job doesn’t pay. I’m not going to risk the lives of this crew just because Jayne saw a picture of a pretty little girl.”

“MAL!” Inara snapped. “I’m at a loss to explain Jayne’s reactions, but you’re just being cold. That man lost his child. It doesn’t matter how he lost her, he did, and he came to us for help!” She continued ranting. “You are the captain on Serenity. You decide where we go and what jobs get taken and the Shepherd is right… Jobe was brought to us for a reason!”

“Jobe?” Wash inquired. “Who is this Jobe?”

“He’s a guy who wants us to do a job for no pay!” Mal snapped back.

“Mal, the purpose is noble,” Book counseled. “Jobe Dyer came to us for a reason, and while it doesn’t make sense for him to make the request he did, we might regret turning our back on him.”

“Uh…shouldn’t we go back to the whole No Pay thing? Wash questioned. "Doesn’t sound too smart if you ask me.”

“No, you are correct. Taking any job for no pay is not very smart, but that doesn’t mean it’s not right.” Book continued speaking to the whole crew as one. “All each of us can do is decide; do we do the smart thing or the right thing?”

Heads bowed low as each crewmember pondered their own position on Books words. A silence fell on the room.

The silence was broken as Jayne took the opportunity to speak. “I ain’t got no serene-ness right now 'bout this. That little girl’s face captivated me like none other. There ain’t no explain’n it. She needs rescue’in and I aim to be the one to do it. Now, I know it ain’t like me to be speakin’ this way but, I gotta do this, gotta save her.”

Expressionless faces began to arise around the table, all turning towards Mal, who sat silent, emotion beginning to break across his face.

Scanning his crew he spoke the words they were all waiting to hear. "So, I guess we go."

Translations-

Qing Ri – Blue Sun

pia liang de xiao jie – Beautiful young lady

xin gan – sweetheart

dai ruo mu ji – Dumb as a wooden chicken

ni men dou shi sha gua - idiots, all of you!

guai guai long de dong - What the hell?!

ge ge – Older Brother

COMMENTS

Monday, August 14, 2006 4:35 PM

ENGINEANGEL


Ah yes, the time has come for another spacie fic!! Yay!! Welkies and thank you for letting me beta, was so shiny :)

"She had long blonde hair and blue eyes that melted the hardness of his heart." ~~ beautiful line.

"“The best money can buy,” Jobe replied, his lying tongue slithering back into place." ~~ woo...*shivers* love love love that line "lying tongue slithering back into place"

"Forgetting his latest scam, he poured all his energies into Natalie and the wonderful newness she brought to his life." ~~ aww, love the wonderful newness :)

"Jobe wasn’t used to manual labor, and he only made enough for he and Natalie to enjoy each other, but for the first time in his life, he felt peace and true love. He rarely thought about his past. His choice was made; he lived his life for her." ~~ a perfect description of pure true love, filling his life with everything he ever needed or wanted.

"“PLEASE…NO!!!! I’ll do anything! Don’t hurt her!” Jobe pleaded again.

“Ah…Jobe…I don’t mean to hurt her none…I’m gonna kill her!” The man sneared back. “No words then?” Click. The man pulled the trigger. The bullet entered the side of Jobe’s precious wife’s head, exploding as it exited the other side. Her lifeless body fell to the floor next to young Shae, who shook uncontrollably trying hard to reach for her daddy." ~~ *shudders* omgomgomg, you make people feel so much for your characters. those men...i want them pummeled right now very badly...

again, great characterization, especially with book. you know book to a tee!! I also love how you showed the inner jayne. he really is a multi leveled guy, and underneath his hard outer shell is a softee at heart. and i love the wash, man. ARG SPACE PIRATES. lol.

I seriously can't chose an absolute favorite line. The drama, the whole story, was great! WONDERFUL ending. love that you added a bit at the end to close it all up for this chapter. :) magnific! *huggles* this is so totally a ten spacie. can't wait for the next one!! squeeeeeeeeee :D

Monday, August 14, 2006 4:49 PM

LEIASKY


I very much like how you write Book. I don't write him well at all and so admire anyone who can!

There must be some reason Jayne is concerned for some young child considering he was ready to jump ship because of the lack of paying jobs. Doesn't seem like him to care about anyone.

My little shipper heart loved the little bits with Simon reflecting on Kaylee and I hope you continue to develop that in coming chapters.

Definitely looking forward to reading more.

Monday, August 14, 2006 4:50 PM

ITSAWASH


You talk like a man who understands love and loss. I'm giving you full props for it, for how well you give Mr. Dyer a life, backstory worth believing in. I know it's not always easy to bring somebody other than the faithful BDH's into fic, but you've done it in spades here, all in the space of the first few paras, and it continues thru the whole gorram chapter, making me care about the man, his kin, and what's happening to them. "For the first time, Jobe Dyer found himself unable to scheme, unable to look at the person in front of him as anything but right and true; a prize worth adoring, not hurting."

Spacie, this line here is just phenomenal, what you have Jobe experiencing from the first moment his love speaks to him "...Her voice struck him on the lips, causing him to stutter." and "... She slew him wholly and completely as she cast him a smile and turned to walk away." Dude, it's all oh-so-lovely, poetry in print.

How do you come up with such words as these? "“The best money can buy,” Jobe replied, his lying tongue slithering back into place." Creepy goodness, just right for making us understand motivation.

Excellent word: inamorata.

"It took only two years for their love to multiply." What a perfect way to bring about the birth of their daughter.

Thoughts of his past,"...chased him like dogs down a dark alley." And the next line, starkly placed on its own: "Some dogs won’t die." Great lines, man.

"..any one of them would have done anything to see him swing in the wind." *shivers at the fearfulness of living like that.* And then right after this part, you bring the house down on him and his. Foreshadowing, textbook foreshadowing, and I LIKE it.

And then you did it. You brought horror into the world of the little family you made us smile at, become friends with. You did it like Stephen King does it, and it started right here, "…please let them go,” Jobe pleaded. “I’ll give you anything, take anything here…sir…take me! But please let them go!”" Perfectly portrayed, the man reduced to abject fear and misery. I know you had to do it, it's gonna help Serenity's crew shine, builds up to that, I'm sure, but jeeze, Spacie. It's gorram tough to read it. Which just means you're one great writer. And listen: I know how you sweated on this part, how it ripped holes in you, because I remember how I felt when I wrote torture in a recent fic of mine. *hugs* You did right by this thing, though. Never doubt it.

The transition from the tale of terror to the crew listening to Jobe talk, was very well done. Seamless. And once again, your Book shines supreme. Nobody writes him like you do.

“Jobe, we need to talk about payment.” Mal stated.
Jobe stared silently.
“Jobe, the job, we need to talk about payment.” Mal restated.
Now see, THIS is SO Mal, our captain keeping his family fed, doing what needs to be done, and he's gonna catch unholy grief over it because the cause here is a just one.

Thankee sai, for the tribute of adding Timmie; and Jayne's love for her to your amazing storyline, Spacie. I'm touched and appreciate it no-end.

This line here ROCKS: "“Jayne, the man can’t pay, which means you don’t get paid, Serenity doesn’t get fixed, and on our next landing, we crash.”" Dude, Mal is SO cool, and he would SO say this line.

Shades of Pirate Steve in this Wash-goodness, and I'm LOVING it! "“Arrgh, G’mornin’ space pirates!” Wash blurted, walking into the room scratching his butt. “Been in the clutches of a warrior woman all night. She’s a fiesty one me maties…Arrgh.”" Scratching his butt, LOL and...well, everything he said, LOL.

The whole scene of the crew at home in the morning on Serenity was sweetly done.

The girl's face was "doin’ a dance on my mind. " Love this line, pure good Jayne.

And more, right toward the end:"The silence was broken as Jayne took the opportunity to speak. “I ain’t got no serene-ness right now 'bout this. That little girl’s face captivated me like none other. There ain’t no explain’n it. She needs rescue’in and I aim to be the one to do it. Now, I know it ain’t like me to be speakin’ this way but, I gotta do this, gotta save her.”"

Thank BUDDHA, Mal gave in. He had to, simply had to, and I'm so glad he gave in.

Time for some more thrilling heroics, methinks, Spacie! Get to writing, will ya? I'll be chewing my fingernails till I get the next installment of a fic as splendid and riveting as this is.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 2:54 AM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


I don't know if this was intentional or not, but the name Jobe (Job) is very much fitting to his plight, methinks.

Jobe losing his wife and daughter = karma for his misdeeds, it gets everyone in the end.

I also like that you incorporated Timmie from Washie's fic here. Very good homage to an excellent writer.

I like this story a great deal. That being said, I have some honest criticism:

I really dislike Jayne's voice in this chapter. I do realize that you have some development to do with the whole Timmie thing, and the little girl, so it may make sense to me when those parts get posted, but for the moment I was not happy with any of his dialogue.

Simon telling Kaylee that he would cease to exist without her seems very much out of character, especially being pre-BDM. I don't recall him professing his undying love for her even in the reaver scene (all he said was that he regretted not having sex, nothing about love or anything), so that part really bothered me.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 2:55 AM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


I did mean to add that I, like Washie, liked the bit of Steve the Pirate that came out in Wash's morning dialogue.

Another thing I noticed was the use of the word 'slew' twice very close together in the early parts of the fic. Just seemed to jump out at me, is all.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 3:45 AM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


I found something else that I forgot to commend you on:

“No, you are correct. Taking any job for no pay is not very smart, but that doesn’t mean it’s not right.” Book continued speaking to the whole crew as one. “All each of us can do is decide; do we do the smart thing or the right thing?”

Very good reference to Jayne's line from the BDM after discovering the secret of Miranda, well done there.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 5:55 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Oh...things are getting really interesting now;)

Definitely loving this series, and the background you are giving the OCs, spacefullofobjects! Gotta admit though...while the death of Natalie Dyer is sad, it is rather fitting karmic payback for Job's past actions:(

Really loving Mal in this series though. Definitely could see this scenario as something they would have done in an episode had the series been given a chance to thrive. Mal presented with a job that should scream "done deal" but rejects it out of hand cuz he's reached the end of his rope concerning the issue of constantly putting his ship and crew in danger for weak tea payoffs. You definitely have Mal on the ball here; he's being practical about the fact that being a Good Samaritan is wonderful, but it doesn't put food in the gallery or keep Serenity flying. Though I am glad Mal eventually accepted his crew pleas;)

However, I do have some criticism to share here. I have to agree with RiverIsMyGoddess, in that the portrayals of both Jayne and Simon were rather OOC in this chapter. Simon was channelling a future self (his comments to Kaylee definitely seem something he would say sometime after the BDM, when in a funk over the troubles his and River's presence bring to Serenity), and Jayne was seriously too compassionate and emotional for the stage in his character development where this story would be happening. Yeah...using Washie's background, Jayne's got Timmie's death (if I recall rightly) haunting him, so I would have expected him to be more set against doing the job once he knew the facts taht Mal was. He would certain have haunted dreams and go to Book for counsel...but he would hide his desire to rescue Jobe's daughter for selfless reasons under the guise of stealing the slavers' stuff to sell later or keep for their own usage. At least, I think that. I could be wrong;)

BEB

Friday, October 6, 2006 10:58 PM

AMDOBELL


While there is so much to love about this fic, and I do, I really don't like the way you make Mal the bad guy. And Jayne of all people going all righteous because the picture of the girl looks like his sister is a nice touch if a mite overplayed. I loved your Simon moments especially his discomfort over all the trouble he and River have brought down on ship and crew and Kaylee's sweet response. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me


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